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Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Cuz here's one for you. A very attractive woman was sitting in a bar enjoying an afterwork cocktail with her girlfriends when the local heartthrob walked in. He immediated noticed that the woamn was interested and walked over. before she could apologise for staring he whispered in her ear. "For $20 I will do anything for you no matter how kinky as long as you can write it in three words" She looked longingly at him and slowly withdrew a $20 bill from her purse and wrote her address on a piece of paper with the three words "Clean my house"
The name of the nursing home is ON the pin board next to the cable company...if she is dropping cable...he is going....Here's comes $12,000 a month till he is dead or on Medicaid...Fine! He won't be here, percussive coughing endless yelling and arguing, disgusting behavior and smells and messes and perverted behavior towards me! The End! GO AWAY! DROP DEAD! GET OUT OF MY LIFE FOREVER YOU D**N PERVERT JUST GO INTO A HOME AND GO MEET YOUR MAKER SHUFFLE OFF YOUR MORTAL COIL, GO BE WITH DEAD RELATIVES GO PURCHASE A SMALL LAND HOLD WITH BARN AND CATTLE AND JUST GO!!!!!!!!!
CLEO is O.K. for the mo, maybe I get her a little longer. I don't know, if I don't still get $200.00 a month there goes vet payments. Things are happening all over I guess...Such is life. Will deal with it best I can...
Thanks for all the prayers and good thoughts everyone....Jen
Cuz, thanks for the laughs. Jen I saw a recipe for roasted brussel sprouts that sounded yummy. Just bake with a little olive oil and salt on a cookie sheet until slightly browned. I love roasted beets much better than boiled beets. Been wanting to try the brussel sprouts. Indio and I went for a short ride yesterday, the wind was blowing and it was trying to rain, but still fun. A deer jumped out from behind a tree and both horses thought it was horse eating lion or something.. Jumped and tried to bolt. Was pretty funny. Then this little deer followed us a short ways. I guess she thought it was funny the big horses were scared of her. They were still snorting and side stepping.
Bert, at 80 years old, always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home.
Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, "Notice anything different about me?"
Margaret at age 75, looked him over and replied, "Nope."
Frustrated as all get out, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the new boots.
Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different NOW???"
Margaret looked up and said in her best deadpan response, "Bert, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, and it'll be hanging down again tomorrow."
Furious, Bert yells out, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?"
"Nope. Not a clue", she replied.
"IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!"
Without missing a beat old Margaret replies, "Shoulda bought a hat, Bert. Shoulda bought a hat."
Thank you everyone for your support and comments....Um, he is still here and she is not saying anything more about nursing homes... She said the other day when this came up as major..."I just always thought that when someone goes to nursing home care it is because they have become bed ridden..." My God, does she see herself giving up her room putting in a hospital bed and a hoya lift or what?!
I am so depressed and sort of, distant from everything it hardly connects anymore...
S'funy thing, how so many relatives have expressed over the years that he really should have died by now...no one expected this...surprised he is still hanging in there...
I got some Brussels Sprouts at the store fri cause they were sooo cute, literally dine sized and I keep trying to find a way to make them that I like, she was annoyed I bought them....just now she came in hat in hand and asked if I "Had anything special planned for the Brussels Sprouts...?" "I was gonna try something new..." "Well, I would just steam them or put them in the microwave..." (how nice for you, fine what ever I don't care) " Just leave me a few..."
Seahawks lost, glad I didn't watch.
got a leetle more snow here, about two inches, nothing near the ,mess the East Coast is having!
Jen, how very difficult. My thoughts are with you and your Mom. It is terrivly sad when caregivers get to the point of just not being able to any longer. I am there as well and have started looking for work. Actually have an interview on Tuesday, and my feelings about this are very bittersweet. I hopemI don't lose itnduring the interview. For me it is time, such a long unnecessary battle with my sibs, so much of Mom's money spent to fight the best care my Mom could have possibly had. And for what?! I win in court, and still sibs being completely unrational, still want to fight. I will throw up my white flag when I find work. That is when sibs oh and auntie dearest too, will begin to realize that providing care for my Mom has not been a walk in the park and only appears easy because one of her family has provided for her care.
Cuz... Thank you! The laughter is needed. I never expected to be hit with joke after funny joke today. What a great gift! Panapal... I understand and feel you totally. We have plenty of everything so I've just started throwing things away! LOL...
A woman was having a passionate affair with an Irish inspector from a pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly.
'Quick,' said the woman to the lover, 'into the closet!' and she pushed him in the closet, stark naked.
The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom discovered the man in the closet. 'Who are you?' he asked him.
'I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone,' said the exterminator.
'What are you doing in there?' the husband asked.
'I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths,' the man replied.
'And where are your clothes?' asked the husband.
The man looked down at himself and said, 'Those little bastards! '
An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues:
Man: 'I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two hitch-hiking college girls. We went to a motel where I had sex with each of them three times.'
Priest: 'Are you sorry for your sins?'
Man: 'What sins?'
Priest: 'What kind of a Catholic are you?'
Man: 'I'm Jewish.'
Priest: 'Why are you telling me all this?'
Man: 'I'm 92 years old . . . I'm telling everybody!'
Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, 'Father, my dog is dead. Could ya' be sayin’ a mass for the poor creature?'
Father Patrick replied, 'I'm afraid not. We cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature.'
Muldoon said, 'I'll go right away Father. Do ya' think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?'
Father Patrick exclaimed, 'Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya’ tell me the dog was Catholic?
A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, 'I almost had an affair with another woman.'
The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?'
The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.'
The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box.'
The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box.
He paused for a moment and then started to leave.
The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, 'I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!'
The Irishman replied, 'Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!'
Kuli, Hi there and I am so happy you have your Grandson. I know how hard it is to go through the house and deal with your Dad's stuff and I hope you stay strong.
Good to see you!
Linda! Hoping you are hanging in with your husband's diagnosis. So unjust.
Bobbie! What is going on with you? Me - just working, enjoying my grandson and getting through life. Finally going through everything at the house I shared with dad so I can put it on the market and lower my monthly bills. Think about you and the boat all the time. Please take care of yourself ~ Kuli
Jen - you and your mom are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you can help your mom come to terms with the fact that she has done the best she can but at some point you have to realize it's just too much. God bless you both! Kuli
After a tiring day, a commuter settled down in his seat and closed his eyes. As the train rolled out of the station, the young woman sitting next to him pulled out her cell phone and started talking in a loud voice: "Hi sweetheart. It's Sue. I'm on the train". "Yes, I know it's the six thirty and not the four thirty, but I had a long meeting". "No, honey, not with that Kevin from the accounting office. It was with the boss". "No sweetheart, you're the only one in my life". "Yes, I'm sure, cross my heart!" Fifteen minutes later, she was still talking loudly. When the man sitting next to her had enough, he leaned over and said into the phone, "Sue, hang up the phone and come back to bed." Sue doesn't use her cell phone in public any longer.
A Jewish couple Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Miami, are all excitedabout their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in.
Jacob addresses the man behind the counter:
"Are you the owner?"
The pharmacist answers, "Yes."
Jacob:"We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"
Pharmacist:"Of course, we do."
Jacob:"How about medicine for circulation?"
Pharmacist:"All kinds."
Jacob:"Medicine for rheumatism?"
Pharmacist:"Definitely."
Jacob:"How about suppositories?"
Pharmacist:"You bet!"
Jacob:"Medicine for memory problems, arthritis and Alzheimer's?"
Pharmacist:"Yes, a large variety. The Works."
Jacob:"What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?"
Pharmacist:"Absolutely."
Jacob:"Everything for heartburn and indigestion?"
Pharmacist:"We sure do."
Jacob:"You sell wheelchairs and walkers and canes?"
Pharmacist:"All speeds and sizes."
Jacob: "Adult diapers?"
Pharmacist:"Sure."
Jacob:"We'd like to use this store as our Bridal Registry."
Jen! Boy I hope you and your mom can get G into a good spot. It takes so much at the stage that he is in and professionals can handle it better than we can. You have been through so much and so has your mom. I think about you every day.
DEEF! wow with all of that snow and wind. I hope you can take a minute to let us know how you are doing.
I have been reading everyone and I hope things are going as well as they can for all of us.
I am still not 100% but I am doing better. I didn't really understand this past summer when the doctor said to me: You are very, very ill. I understand it now.
Sorry I have been too sick to take care of business here on this thread. Somedays I don't have a lot of horsepower but I hope to get better soon. love to you all.
Jen you and your mom have both sacrificed too much already. But, it won't do any good to tell your mom that. Sorry to hear about Cleo. Hope things get better soon.
Jen all I can do is send you and Mom a big hug. One way or another things will work out. you and your Mom are strong women so you will find a way. A nursing home sounds as though it is the best option so start the process on Monday. At least once the decision is made there will be an end in sight.
I think things may be coming to a, well shift here... As fear and worry oozes up my arms, and I sit here typing, listening to mom try to get a little rest, her hand over her mouth trying to hold in emotions or comments or worry or keep from having to say things that are followed by major changes...G may be moving into a nursing care facility after seven plus years of un-ending, awful, psychiatric ward visit inducing strain. Mom feels guilty and afraid and even a little resentful but she will never admit to that. His care has become such that she gets little sleep, has had to up her blood pressure medicine twice her diabetes is going whack out of control and she feels just worn the hell out. There are phone books and Senior Care catalogs here on the computer desk with post it notes in it. Last night and the night before...She has been up every four hours to change his Depends and wipe him up as he is no longer able to do this for himself and is now so weak he cannot seem to pull him self up off the side of the bed... Mom feels guilty because he is not technically "bed-ridden" which had been our cut off point for care giving in the home...Oh the folly of thoughts ten years ago and everyone thinking "he'd go first and he wouldn't last long after Grandma dies..." My mom keeps going back and forth on this, till it is three AM and he is yelling at her and she is scraping feces off his back side denying it is there, or on his hands, the bed pads the wall... I told her last night, that even with all the intense emotions and guilt involved, at this point it will come down to his hygiene and health needs and it he is to the point of bed sores and ulceration sores (not yet) then he has moved from home care to Nursing Care. Oh and once he is in a Nursing home which he will have money for for maybe a year...We will be totally broke. She won't think of using Daddies money, not now and certainly not when he is no longer here, so she is spitting the bogeys of poverty, using the Food Bank, homelessness (I ask?) Well, I have been broke all my life, just living at home myself, so what do I know. Once he is gone, I can get the no income options denied me while he was here and his money counted as "Our Money" which it surly was not... So, things are tense and scary and inevitable. I told mom we should sweat the small stuff, it is all we have control over. We can adjust here and there and make things livable as possible but decline in aging, needing nursing care and death are things we do not have control of. My mom is big on control so I know she is feeling really out of whack, like she is well, losing control. She is, none of us got our prayers of him dying peacefully at home answered and she doesn't get to keep Daaadddeeee here under her care at all costs till he does die. My cat is sleeping a lot a lot, probably looking at her last days here too. No money from G $200 big ones a month, means I won't be able to afford her medicals either. Or pay mom back for what she has paid for. Mom just footed the bill for new glasses for me last week at Walmart. Medicaid covered the exam anyhow. I tell myself, A lot of people are poor and indigent, things really are tough all over for many people so this is not some other worldly unknown thing. As Aunt Eller said you have to be hearty...I have got to be as strong as I can and help my mom out where I can literally take it day by day and hour by hour...There is no fighting it or avoiding it or going around it, we just have to go through it. If we end up on the streets (very unlikely) so be it. We'll do what we have to do. Maybe all the food and money we donated over the years to the food banks will come back for us one day. Right now, I just hope to God my mom can get some sleep, we all can catch a break and yes G dies peacefully in his sleep soon, if not here in a nursing home. Granted he won't like the change but he's been there before, and he can watch TV listen to crap music and read magazines anywhere... Why not do it where he gets the best care possible and the result that we ( finally) get time off for good behavior? Jen
I am afraid thats the way the cookie crumbles with brittle diabetics. Fortunately you knew how to deal with it. We had a German Shepherd many years ago who was diabetic and sometimes she would decide not to eat after she had her insulin. We had to squirt sugar water down her throat till she came too. Whenever she came in heat she needed 100s of units then suddenly and unpredictably drop to normal. We eventually had her spayed and the vet wanted nothing to do with the diabetes and loaded her back into the car half conscious. This was in the mid 70s and now things have advanced a lot.
Well Mom's birthday yesterday. She doesn't want to go anywhere or do anything. So just tried to cook her favorite dishes for supper last night. Chicken and broccoli, cornbread, and apple cobbler. I have to be very prompt, because of my step dad's diabetes is so brittle, but last night he took his insulin too early. By the time he sat down to eat he was having an insulin reaction. He is one of those diabetics that when his blood sugar gets too low, he doesn't want to eat. Had to feed him cake icing, and then cut his food up and feed him like a baby. It took about half an hour before he was lucid again.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
A very attractive woman was sitting in a bar enjoying an afterwork cocktail with her girlfriends when the local heartthrob walked in. He immediated noticed that the woamn was interested and walked over. before she could apologise for staring he whispered in her ear. "For $20 I will do anything for you no matter how kinky as long as you can write it in three words" She looked longingly at him and slowly withdrew a $20 bill from her purse and wrote her address on a piece of paper with the three words "Clean my house"
CLEO is O.K. for the mo, maybe I get her a little longer. I don't know, if I don't still get $200.00 a month there goes vet payments. Things are happening all over I guess...Such is life. Will deal with it best I can...
Thanks for all the prayers and good thoughts everyone....Jen
Our horses were so used to deer grazing in the field with them it did not bother them on the trail but COWS that was another story.
Jen I saw a recipe for roasted brussel sprouts that sounded yummy. Just bake with a little olive oil and salt on a cookie sheet until slightly browned. I love roasted beets much better than boiled beets. Been wanting to try the brussel sprouts.
Indio and I went for a short ride yesterday, the wind was blowing and it was trying to rain, but still fun. A deer jumped out from behind a tree and both horses thought it was horse eating lion or something.. Jumped and tried to bolt. Was pretty funny. Then this little deer followed us a short ways. I guess she thought it was funny the big horses were scared of her. They were still snorting and side stepping.
Bert, at 80 years old, always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home.
Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, "Notice anything different about me?"
Margaret at age 75, looked him over and replied, "Nope."
Frustrated as all get out, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the new boots.
Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different NOW???"
Margaret looked up and said in her best deadpan response, "Bert, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, and it'll be hanging down again tomorrow."
Furious, Bert yells out, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?"
"Nope. Not a clue", she replied.
"IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!"
Without missing a beat old Margaret replies, "Shoulda bought a hat, Bert. Shoulda bought a hat."
She said the other day when this came up as major..."I just always thought that when someone goes to nursing home care it is because they have become bed ridden..."
My God, does she see herself giving up her room putting in a hospital bed and a hoya lift or what?!
I am so depressed and sort of, distant from everything it hardly connects anymore...
S'funy thing, how so many relatives have expressed over the years that he really should have died by now...no one expected this...surprised he is still hanging in there...
I got some Brussels Sprouts at the store fri cause they were sooo cute, literally dine sized and I keep trying to find a way to make them that I like, she was annoyed I bought them....just now she came in hat in hand and asked if I "Had anything special planned for the Brussels Sprouts...?" "I was gonna try something new..." "Well, I would just steam them or put them in the microwave..." (how nice for you, fine what ever I don't care) " Just leave me a few..."
Seahawks lost, glad I didn't watch.
got a leetle more snow here, about two inches, nothing near the ,mess the East Coast is having!
Have a good week everyone...Jen
A woman was having a passionate affair with an Irish inspector from a pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly.
'Quick,' said the woman to the lover, 'into the closet!' and she pushed him in the closet, stark naked.
The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom discovered the man in the closet. 'Who are you?' he asked him.
'I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone,' said the exterminator.
'What are you doing in there?' the husband asked.
'I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths,' the man replied.
'And where are your clothes?' asked the husband.
The man looked down at himself and said, 'Those little bastards! '
An elderly man went to his doctor and said, 'Doc, I think I'm getting senile. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up.'
'That's not senility,' replied the doctor. 'Senility is when you forget to zip down.'
An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues:
Man: 'I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two hitch-hiking college girls. We went to a motel where I had sex with each of them three times.'
Priest: 'Are you sorry for your sins?'
Man: 'What sins?'
Priest: 'What kind of a Catholic are you?'
Man: 'I'm Jewish.'
Priest: 'Why are you telling me all this?'
Man: 'I'm 92 years old . . . I'm telling everybody!'
Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, 'Father, my dog is dead. Could ya' be sayin’ a mass for the poor creature?'
Father Patrick replied, 'I'm afraid not. We cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature.'
Muldoon said, 'I'll go right away Father. Do ya' think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?'
Father Patrick exclaimed, 'Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya’ tell me the dog was Catholic?
There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession. Upon entering the confessional, she said, 'Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.'
The priest said, 'Confess your sins and be forgiven.'
The young woman said, 'Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times.'
The priest thought long and hard and then said, 'Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice.'
The young woman asked, 'Will this cleanse me of my sins?'
The priest said, 'No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face.'
The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?'
The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.'
The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box.'
The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box.
He paused for a moment and then started to leave.
The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, 'I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!'
The Irishman replied, 'Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!'
Hi there and I am so happy you have your Grandson.
I know how hard it is to go through the house and deal with your Dad's stuff and I hope you stay strong.
Good to see you!
Linda! Hoping you are hanging in with your husband's diagnosis. So unjust.
Thanks for the funny jokes Cuz!
Jen, How is Cleo today?
lovbob
As the train rolled out of the station, the young woman sitting next to him
pulled out her cell phone and started talking in a loud voice: "Hi sweetheart.
It's Sue. I'm on the train". "Yes, I know it's the six thirty and not the four
thirty,
but I had a long meeting".
"No, honey, not with that Kevin from the accounting office. It was with the
boss".
"No sweetheart, you're the only one in my life".
"Yes, I'm sure, cross my heart!"
Fifteen minutes later, she was still talking loudly.
When the man sitting next to her had enough, he leaned over and said into the
phone,
"Sue, hang up the phone and come back to bed."
Sue doesn't use her cell phone in public any longer.
A Jewish couple Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Miami, are all excitedabout their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss
the wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests
they go in.
Jacob addresses the man behind the counter:
"Are you the owner?"
The pharmacist answers, "Yes."
Jacob:"We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"
Pharmacist:"Of course, we do."
Jacob:"How about medicine for circulation?"
Pharmacist:"All kinds."
Jacob:"Medicine for rheumatism?"
Pharmacist:"Definitely."
Jacob:"How about suppositories?"
Pharmacist:"You bet!"
Jacob:"Medicine for memory problems, arthritis and Alzheimer's?"
Pharmacist:"Yes, a large variety. The Works."
Jacob:"What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?"
Pharmacist:"Absolutely."
Jacob:"Everything for heartburn and indigestion?"
Pharmacist:"We sure do."
Jacob:"You sell wheelchairs and walkers and canes?"
Pharmacist:"All speeds and sizes."
Jacob:
"Adult diapers?"
Pharmacist:"Sure."
Jacob:"We'd like to use this store as our Bridal Registry."
Boy I hope you and your mom can get G into a good spot. It takes so much at the stage that he is in and professionals can handle it better than we can. You have been through so much and so has your mom.
I think about you every day.
DEEF! wow with all of that snow and wind. I hope you can take a minute to let us know how you are doing.
I have been reading everyone and I hope things are going as well as they can for all of us.
I am still not 100% but I am doing better. I didn't really understand this past summer when the doctor said to me: You are very, very ill.
I understand it now.
Cuz! Austin! Meanwhile! Kuli! Veronica! SharynMarie! Juju! Linda! Glad!
Newbies Dee! Singingaway! Galepal! Jiggs!
Sorry I have been too sick to take care of business here on this thread. Somedays I don't have a lot of horsepower but I hope to get better soon.
love to you all.
lovbob
As fear and worry oozes up my arms, and I sit here typing, listening to mom try to get a little rest, her hand over her mouth trying to hold in emotions or comments or worry or keep from having to say things that are followed by major changes...G may be moving into a nursing care facility after seven plus years of un-ending, awful, psychiatric ward visit inducing strain.
Mom feels guilty and afraid and even a little resentful but she will never admit to that. His care has become such that she gets little sleep, has had to up her blood pressure medicine twice her diabetes is going whack out of control and she feels just worn the hell out.
There are phone books and Senior Care catalogs here on the computer desk with post it notes in it.
Last night and the night before...She has been up every four hours to change his Depends and wipe him up as he is no longer able to do this for himself and is now so weak he cannot seem to pull him self up off the side of the bed...
Mom feels guilty because he is not technically "bed-ridden" which had been our cut off point for care giving in the home...Oh the folly of thoughts ten years ago and everyone thinking "he'd go first and he wouldn't last long after Grandma dies..."
My mom keeps going back and forth on this, till it is three AM and he is yelling at her and she is scraping feces off his back side denying it is there, or on his hands, the bed pads the wall...
I told her last night, that even with all the intense emotions and guilt involved, at this point it will come down to his hygiene and health needs and it he is to the point of bed sores and ulceration sores (not yet) then he has moved from home care to Nursing Care.
Oh and once he is in a Nursing home which he will have money for for maybe a year...We will be totally broke. She won't think of using Daddies money, not now and certainly not when he is no longer here, so she is spitting the bogeys of poverty, using the Food Bank, homelessness (I ask?) Well, I have been broke all my life, just living at home myself, so what do I know. Once he is gone, I can get the no income options denied me while he was here and his money counted as "Our Money" which it surly was not...
So, things are tense and scary and inevitable. I told mom we should sweat the small stuff, it is all we have control over. We can adjust here and there and make things livable as possible but decline in aging, needing nursing care and death are things we do not have control of. My mom is big on control so I know she is feeling really out of whack, like she is well, losing control. She is, none of us got our prayers of him dying peacefully at home answered and she doesn't get to keep Daaadddeeee here under her care at all costs till he does die.
My cat is sleeping a lot a lot, probably looking at her last days here too. No money from G $200 big ones a month, means I won't be able to afford her medicals either. Or pay mom back for what she has paid for. Mom just footed the bill for new glasses for me last week at Walmart. Medicaid covered the exam anyhow.
I tell myself, A lot of people are poor and indigent, things really are tough all over for many people so this is not some other worldly unknown thing. As Aunt Eller said you have to be hearty...I have got to be as strong as I can and help my mom out where I can literally take it day by day and hour by hour...There is no fighting it or avoiding it or going around it, we just have to go through it. If we end up on the streets (very unlikely) so be it. We'll do what we have to do. Maybe all the food and money we donated over the years to the food banks will come back for us one day.
Right now, I just hope to God my mom can get some sleep, we all can catch a break and yes G dies peacefully in his sleep soon, if not here in a nursing home. Granted he won't like the change but he's been there before, and he can watch TV listen to crap music and read magazines anywhere... Why not do it where he gets the best care possible and the result that we ( finally) get time off for good behavior?
Jen