Although a lot of us are working 24/7.....can we have a forum tonight to chat about anything BUT caregiving? Tell a joke,reminisce about our misspent youth,talk about what we cooked for dinner,make fun of Kim and Kanye's stupid baby name?????
I declare HAPPY HOUR!
She is the worlds cutest BRAT!
ZIPLOC BAGS - male, because they hold everything in, but you can always see right through them.
SHOE - male, because it is usually unpolished, with its
tongue hanging out.
COPIER - female, because once turned off, it takes a
while to warm up.
TIRE - male, because it goes bald and often is over
inflated.
HOT AIR BALLOON - male, because to get it to go
anywhere you have to light a fire under it ... and, of
course, there's the hot air part.
SPONGES - female, because they are soft and
squeezable and retain water.
SUBWAY - male, because it uses the same old lines to
pick people up.
HOURGLASS - female, because over time, the weight
shifts to the bottom.
HAMMER - male, because it hasn't evolved much over
the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around
REMOTE CONTROL - female ! .... Ha! You thought I'd
say male. But consider, it gives men pleasure, he'd
be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the
right buttons to push, he keeps trying.
A man told his doctor, "I don't think my wife's hearing is as good as it used to be. What should I do?"
The doctor replied, "Try this test first. When your wife is at the sink doing dishes, stand fifteen feet behind her and ask her a question. If she doesn't respond, keep moving closer, asking the question until she hears you."
He went home and saw his wife preparing dinner. Standing fifteen feet behind her he said, "What's for dinner, honey?"
Hearing no reply, he moved up to ten feet behind her and repeated the question.
Still no reply, so he moved to five feet.
Finally he stood directly behind her and said, "Honey, what's for dinner tonight?"
She turned around and yelled in his face, "For the fourth time, I SAID CHICKEN, you deaf old goat!
Can (90+ heat) + (70+ humidity) + (hot flash) = spontaneous combustion?
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An elderly couple died in an unfortunate accident, but found themselves suddenly in heaven. They met Saint Peter, who began giving them a tour.
"Here is your oceanside condo, over there are the tennis courts. The swimming pool is that way, and you'll find four golf courses. If you need any refreshments, just stop by any of the many bars located throughout the area and an angel will be glad to mix your favorite cocktail."
"Jeez Gertrude," the old man hissed when Saint Peter walked off, "we could have been here ten years ago if you hadn't forced me to stop smoking, and made us eat all that oat bran, wheat germ, and low-fat food!"
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So here's to living for today, loving life today, and eating Haagen-Dazs in this heat wave! I live in Chicago and our hot weather is, thankfully, supposed to be breaking tonight.
Saw this on FB and it made me giggle...cuz the little girl in me that used to love to play in the tub is still there...and after half a bottle of wine the grown up me would SO do this!
"Taking a bath while drunk is fun. It makes me feel like I'm a pirate sailing the high seas. And nobody f***s with pirates....
...NObody."
"Broawk!!" it screams. "Don't do it!!!! Trust me, you'll NEVER live it down!!!"
That baby was adorable!! Think Daddy's got a star in the making!
Asssand - Go Pats!
My contribution to Friday Funnies:
Three old women are talking about their aches, pains and bodily dysfunctions.
One seventy-five year old woman says, "I have this problem. I wake up every morning at seven and it takes me twenty minutes to pee."
An eighty year old woman says, "My case is worse. I get up at eight and I sit there and grunt and groan for half an hour before I finally have a bowel movement."
The ninety year old woman says, "At seven I pee like a horse, at eight I crap like a cow."
"So what's your problem?" asked the others.
"I don't wake up until nine."
A snapshot of our futures? Lol, just hope we got some nice caregivers. (((HUGS)))
Happy Friday, guys, hope everyone has a great weekend.
"My degree of sarcasm depends upon your degree of stupidity."
"Remember when we were young and couldn't wait to grow up so we could do whatever we wanted whenever we wanted? How's that workin' for ya?"
"Singing along with a song you don't know? Don't worry...the 15 seconds you DO know is coming up,and when it does you're gonna OWN that s**t!"
The last one is so me...I do that all the time!