A Caregiver's Life
She silently sits at the kitchen table.Her need for discussion nearly disabled.
Now crossword puzzles are all she knows.& she burns them up like a ninja-pro.
From morning till night, there's barely a word.But I talk to her, as though I've been heard.
It's maddening when there's no reply.and I want to hide, so I can cry.
I want to mourn the Mom That I used to know.But there is no time! I'm a One-Girl show.
I'm angry & sad I can no longer reach her. This woman was my Mom, my Heart, & my Teacher.
Despite her presence, I miss her dearly& we continue daily, monthly, & yearly.
The last ten years are a haze & a blur.The roles are reversed & now it's all about her.
I miss my Mom. Her support & her caring. I miss her love, interaction and sharing.
Who is this person that shares my home?There's a body here, but I know I'm alone.
I feel like I'm drowning1-2-3...I'm treading water in a tempest sea.
My heart is pounding within my chest.But I want to save MomSo I do my best.
But what if my best isn't enough?So I put on my 'brave', & try to be tough.
But I feel like others can see right through& I 'fake' my strength and resilliance too.
I place one foot in front of the other. I continue to care because it's my Mother.
Who will I be when this comes to an end?When I'm all alone, just a Mom-less friend?
Im not so sure that I'll even be sane.After years & years of circling this drain.
I wish it was over, but until that day...I'll keep on going with a debt to repay.
All those years that SHE cared for ME. And I feel she deserves the same courtesy.
So I put my arms around her & kiss her on the cheek.I 'man-up' to the task, even though I am weak.
I close my eyes and try to remember the mom I had, even last December.
It's such a long 'goodbye' year after year. Her smile & laugh have been replaced by fear.
She knows that her memory is not the same, When she tries to recall a face and a name.
She tells me stories from decades pastBut the details are jumbled and never last.
What can I say? What can I do? Just continue to love, until it's all through.
I'm not a saint or a hero, although I'd like to be. But I can tell you this,,.at the end of the day... Mom, would do the same for me.
One person can’t do it alone.
You matter.
If you die, you mom will end up in a nursing home anyway.
However , I do agree with MG8522.
Thank you for sharing ❤️