My mother has lived with us for 3 years now. She has her own apartment downstairs with a private entrance. She has severe hearing loss and hearing aids do not help much. She has a curvature in her spine, but was fine until she fell over 3 years ago and now does not trust her legs to hold her up. She has all but completely withdrawn from any interaction with the outside world. She will go to the grocery store weekly, but not much of anywhere else. My husband and I ask her continuously to go places with us, but she refuses. She uses her hearing as an excuse. She is afraid of everyone who comes to our house, and will leave the room if anyone comes over. She sets in the dark most times and does not talk to anyone except the dog. I'm an only child. I don't know what to do to help her. Should I try to contact her doctor and talk with them about how she chooses complete isolation?
I wonder what it is with these old girls who can't behave themselves. My mother never worked and it seems to me she didn't develop the social skills to just control herself. I think the workplace discourages bad behavior and you learn in a hurry how to keep a lid on it.
The constant questions and yammer and whining wear any normal person down. Nobody likes being around my mother and she doesn't seem to notice how obnoxious she is. My dad used to tell her to keep still and she'd button up for a while. But he's been gone 11 years now.
It's discouraging and disgusting.
Your situation is very similar to mine in the sense that I too have two brothers and am the youngest. I have both my parents and I cannot literally want to get up in the morning to face the same old crap every day. I too feel hopeless and these people could live on forever, or we may lose our own lives in the process of trying to do good.
Why do we feel like we owe our parents, I have been taking care of mine longer than I lived at home. They were good parents, but when is enough?
Feeling hopeless too.
Love,
Marylynee
Took Dad back to the urologist today and now we have to get an examine from a doctor that the family doc recommends. I told my Dad that we may have to do the surgery after I get back from vacation. He said thats a long time I said well you will have me 100% if we wait until I get back.
Getting ready for a garage sale this week, so the boys will have to take over while I am at the doctors.
They don't realize all the things we have put on the back burners for them.
Maggiesue my mom stopped working to have me that was 45 yrs ago. I think you are right, woman back then let their guard down and only had household skills, oh my mother knows how to be polite to friends and strangers but family brings out the worst.
Susanmeyers sorry to hear about your mom's cancerwe will say a prayer for you and hope that the pain won't be too bad for all of you.
feelinghopeless, just keep writing to us and we will respond and maybe even make you laugh sometimes.
hi marylynne OXOXOX Judy
I will keep you in my prayers and hope things will get better for you. Are you married and have kids? When my mother moved in with me, my husband and I were not married but living together and he had every option to walk out the door but decided to stay. He is such a big help with her but her memory loss is taking its toll on us. She has asked me 2 times since I got home 30 minutes ago where my 8 year old is. I go in my room and shut the door and hide. It is just ugly. Everyone keeps saying that I am doing the right thing and I will be rewarded in Heaven but I don't feel that way because I don't do it out of love I am doing it because I have too. I can't honestly say that if my brothers were taking care of her that I would not do the same to them. I have not gotten along with my mother since my parents got a divorce when I was 12. I just want to enjoy my home with my husband and daughter and not have the stress. I truly believe that how your parents treated you that it doesn't come back to them. Good or bad. All i know is I want to take out long term care insurance on myself so my children never have to take care of me. My mother kicked me out of the house when I was 17 because I got pregnant and she was to concerned with what the neighbors thought about her than what I was going through. There is nothing that my kids could do that I do that to them. I don't have to agree with what they are doing but I do have to be there for them. My advice to anyone that is thinking about having an elderly parent come live with them, think long and hard and look at your options. My mother had no health problems except high blood pressure when she came to live with me but as she got older that is when the problems started. Sorry once again I have rambled on.
Take Care,
Feeling Hopeless in Atlanta
Feeling Hopeless parents are not always right. Boy I found that out a good many of times. You have your right to feel the way you do. No one should ever tell you that you are wrong about your feelings. We all have that right!!! The way I see it this is a place to help releave some of the pain or share some of the good. Which ever we are having that day.
Today, not so good. Could not get out of bed. Yes, I am on depression meds. Go figure. I know her family doctor somewhat well and she asked me one time why mom needed valum, I told her it was so I would not have to board up her door and slide her food in under the door. Thank God she has a since of humar. My 12 year old heard me say that one time and she took a hamer in her grandmother's room so that if I ever really did this she will be able to get out. LOL.
Well Decor426, we went to the apt. to find out what needs to be done. It sound somewhat simple. I am going for a second oppenion(sp) 6/25/08. I just want to make sure before they have to cut her open. You see unlike Feeling Hopeless, I feel as I have been my mother's mother since I was about 5 years old. I two am the youngest, with two older brothers. I lost the oldest when I was 16. Sorry to say the wrong one died. But his death kept me out of the drug sence, so that I guess in someway is a good thing. People tell me that I have a bad habit of always looking on the good side. My husband knows the other side of me. He says that I have a sicker since of humar than he does. Trust me that is bad and sad.
My mother and I were talking one night in her room and again I was hearing the list of her BMS, pains, and what ever she coughs up. I cannot believe that I said this out load, but I did. She had a plastic trash bag next to her in the bed. I said well if you will put that plastic bag over your head and all the pain will go away. Well, at the time she did not figure what I had said out, but boy the next day did I get it. She came out of her room looking somewhat funny at me and said "Did you tell me to put the plastic bag on my head and pull the string?" All I could do was laugh and say mom I am so sorry. I was in a very bad mood. No one is perfect!!!!!
I love you all for being here for me and anyone else that needs to vent!
Susan
And to the new girls, Welcome, you are right we all have a right to our own feelings.
I have been sharing the load of taking care of my Dad for 21 years, after 3 strokes. My mom and dad didn't come to live with me until we all lost our homes in Hurricane Katrina. I actually thought it was going to be easier than running to their house 5 times a day to deal with all sorts of problems, but moving them in was a mistake. Now I bought a house that could be added on to, and added them a separate living space, hoping that it will help me have a little more privacy.
I have a 20 year old daughter and a 12 year old daughter, that both feel like they have been put on the back burner. I was pregnant with my 20 year old when my dad took sick. My mom never worked a day in her life and don't drive, so needless to say, I took over gradually, until I made my life not worth living.
And girls, those who say there is a reward for us in heaven, I want my god damn reward now. FREEDOM! I fear I will never have it. Even though my parents are in their 80's, I fear they will outlive me. As I told my dear friends CINDI, JUDY and DONNA, If god could come down and tell me that some day I will have a life without them, I would do this with compassion. But, I lost my compassion.
I will share something with you that I never even told my husband. I have never cursed the F word in my life. I hate it, I hate when my 20 year old says it. Well today I said it for the first time. I am 46 years old and a goodie two shoes. But it somehow felt liberating. I won't continue to do it, I do have a 12 year old that I am trying to raise right. Didn't do so good on the 20 year old, but what the hell.
You new girls have found the right place to vent. Its like that u got mail movie. I can't wait to get on and read all of your postings.
Love to Donna, Cindi, Judy, Cathy, and all our new friends,
Marylynne
I like how noone thinks that you need to take a shower around here, I just stepped out and was brushing my teeth when Dad was yelling for me. I do try to shower and keep myself presentable. He wanted to ask me what I am doing about his BM issue and the meds the doc wants him to take. I gave him a BM pill this morning and the others I have to wait for the doc to call me.
Do you realize that we still have to tell them where we are going, how long we will be gone and who we will be with I feel like a teenager except I am more tired then when I was a teenager.
Its still early here can't wait to see what today has in store for me, :} Judy
I can remeber when my father had left mom, for his best friends wife. I was married and eight months pregnante with my first daughter. She hears something go bump in the night so she calls me. I live in a town just a little ways down the road. Well, I ask why don't you call 911? She said she would be imbarised if it was nothing. So I get up and my husband at the time said where are you going. I told him (He is a firefighter), he said tell her to call the police. I told him what she had said. So this wonderful (man?) let his 8 month pregnante wife go to the rescue. When I reach her house, I had to laugh, my mother was sitting out side the house in the front yard. She had crawled through her bed room window to get out. I went in the house and check everything out and found that it had to be something like squarls in the attick.
Really, what the hell was I going to do. Here I am a 23 year old pregnant woman.
I am going for the second oppinion today to handle the cancer. Pray that it goes well.
Marylynne, I understand about the freedom you want. I told my husband last night that as long as she is alive I will never be free. But I don't know who I am without her ethier. Wow, that is just sad. I have been her shoulder for 40 years and always the one she has turned to. I'm Damded if I do and Damded if I don't have her. Well, now that I have brought even my self down.
Hope all of you ladies have an awsome day,
Susan Myers
Here is my favorite joke that I have ever come accross...
A lady is walking through mud and rain with a laundry basket on her head and she looks up and says, " God I know you won't put any more on me than you think I can handle, but I sure do wish you did not think so highly of me."!
Have a great day!
Susan
I feel the same way about the special place in heaven for those of us who take care of our parents. Dad's doctor once said that to me and I replied is that a guarantee?! He said well nothing is a guarantee and I thought to myself, exactly.
Just got home 8pm from our 2 night 3 day sojourn. This will be our vacation for this year I believe. We did enjoy ourselves. There was drama and anxiety for me during this trip so wasn't all peace and joy. Took Mother to the ER Saturday am to have an insect bite looked at. They Rx'd her 2 types of antibiotics well by that evening she was complaining of bone pain. Gave her aleve besides her normal pain pill for her back. By 12am Sunday morning she was in severe bone pain. Called my brother to take Mom to ER. Warned him earlier this might happen. Stayed up and helped her dress. He picked her up 1:00am. We had to wake up by 3am to finish getting ready for trip. I was worried about Mother and her pain. Needless to say no sleep for me even though I was home. Told brother he had to take her so I could sleep and prepare to leave. We left at 6am and spoke to brother on phone. He was coming back with her from the hospital. We needed to beat them out the door! Anyways, kept in touch with brother by phone. Called Mother once, who shouted at me and said I don't care about her so why ask how she is doing. So, I didn't call her again just kept in touch with brother. Caregiver told me that mother was in a bad mood with plenty of attitude and basically ignored her and when she did talk it was to complain about me. Thank god she was asleep when we got home. I quickly unpacked and went to my room! This am she knocked on my door and wanted to know if I was taking her to the doctor for followup I said yes. She hasn't yelled or complained or criticize me yet, but it is coming. She was too busy complaining about my dad's caregiver, Maryann. She said Maryann had no compassion toward her and never once asked if she could do anything for her. I told my mom she should of asked her to help and then offer to pay her for it later. My mother has been telling me negative things about Maryann, hoping that I find someone else I think. Thing about Maryann is she is realiable and I can even call her the day of sometimes and she will do it. Downside is that she brings her 1 1/2 year old daughter with her and takes care ofher also while watching over my father. The child is restless and makes my mother nervous. I would hate to giver Maryann up since my dad knows her. She has been caring for my dad for about a year and a half.
Husband had to leave out of town for work. Leaving me here by myself with my dad and Mother...I'm alone with the pirahna!~ She is going to eat me alive. My brother told her a few words in my defense and my birthday is coming up so maybe just maybe she will be gentler...then again aye yie yie
Hang in there girls for one more day things will get better, right?
Love to you all
and welcome new friends to the sisterhood of caregivers!
Cindi
I think I read somewhere once that Mother Teresa also said those words to God!!!
What does that say about us, huh? Yep, WE are Mother Teresa's!!! Yeahhhhhhh for ussssss!!!!
We are SAINTS!
Cindi
Hello to all of my friends and to all of you who have joined us.
Cindi, I am so glad you went on your trip. I'm sure it was stressful, but you were away.
Marylynne, I try not to swear, expecally around my son. It dosen't always work. Being raised by my dad, who has the worst mouth. Anytime I use bad language he tells me that I sound like a truck driver. I just look at him sideways and ask him where I learned it from. We both smile because we know what he is going to say. "You learned it from mom, not me, never" That is always his answer for any trait I have that is like him.
Judy, There has really never been a time in my life when I haven't had to tell my dad where, when, who. It drives me crazy.
Donna, You have made me smile, thank you.
To all of the new ladies here. I am very fortunite to have a father that realizes what he has in me. We have problems like the rest of you, but he is good to me.
Dad is staying in re-hab at least another week. He is weak and tired. I can't take care of him at home yet.
My test came back negative. Good, bad? Not sure how I feel yet. We are still going to try. I know we are crazy!!!!!!!
My foot is not broken, the heal is brused and the back right is sprained. I get to wear a giant boot on my foot. It is hot, heavy, and very uncomfortable. We live in florida, you can only imagine how hot it is.
A man trying to be funny asked me if the other boot was on order!!!!! haha. I look ridiculous. It is also my right foot. So anytime I drive I have to take it of and then put it back on. UGH!!!!!
Husband just looks at me and smiles and shakes his head. Some days I want to know what smarta-- thing he is thinking, then I think if I knew I would hit him with my crutches.
You guys know my motto. Find something to make you smile.
Thank you all for being here
Hugs, Cathy
You made me laugh. I know how you feel about being pregnant. I wanted to have one more, but decided the risk or too great for a 46 year old woman. But, I know how you feel, when you think you're pregnant, you don't want to be. When you aren't you are disappointed. Been there, done that. I usually don't swear and I don't know where this came from. I use to have a friend when I worked that would tell me to say it, that I would feel better. Believe it or not, I did feel better, I don't know why. But, I will not do it again. Good thing no one heard me.
Take advantage of that extra week in rehab. My mom and I would hope everytime they were going to let my dad go, that they would keep him an extra few days. Its like getting back to a routine that you do not want.
I am glad your foot is not broke. Sounds like life is good.
My house was struck by lightning last week, now the cable guy put his foot through my ceiling. UGH!!!!!!
Love,
Marylynne
I, like you, were born for my mother's sanity. The story was, that if she had one more boy, she was going to give me to my aunt to raise until her nerves got better. She had two nervous breakdowns when I was small. Was taught to agree with everything she said and Dad put a car in the driveway when I was 15 so I could take over driving her around.
I also, would not know how to act, without her. I don't like her, I hate her. Don't know how I would act without her either. Bad situation, either way. Longevity on her side of the family. Know that sounds mean, but I find myself wishing them dead, everytime I turn around. Thats why my new house got struck by lighning. GOD's warning.
Love,
Marylynne
My father told mom if I turned out to be another boy he would name me Susan anyway. What a wonderful world we live in? LOL. I understand you completely. Maybe God is trying to make it so you can put an apartment next to the house. God I would love that. We do not agree on how to keep a kitchen or frid at all. If I find bread crums in my butter one more time!!!
My husband says that I will miss the little things when she is gone. Some how I really don't believe that!!!!!
Love Susan
I hate bread crumbs in the butter too! Drives me insane. There are things that my mother does that I wonder if I will miss. I try not to think about because it makes me want to cry. I wish I did not feel so much resentment but I can't help it. I have gained so much weight because instead of standing up for myself I just cram food in my mouth so the words don't come out.... I know God has a plan I just wish I could figure it out. this site has really become an outlet for me. Just knowing that I am not the only one that feels this way is great.
Take care,
Anita in Atlanta
How did you get such an understanding husband. Mine, when we were at home, before the storm, would yell at me every time I had to go do something for them and believe me, that was quite alot. I use to tell him, you will get your turn. Then 18 years later, his mom and dad took ill at the same time. He wound up having to sleep over there to take care of them and all the things I was doing. Only thing was he had 3 other brothers that took turns with him. After the storm, he has became a different person, understanding how I feel. He's the one that helped me with this apartment thing.
I figure if the apartment just gives them a little more to do and stay out of my way a little more. You're right just the littlest things aggravate me. Like her getting ice from the ice maker 10 times a night.
ANITA, GOD, I UNDERSTAND. I too am the daughter who cannot say what I want. When I wanted her to have her own space, I told her that her and my dad needed their own space or I would have a nervous breakdown. Well, she almost gave me one, asking why? What have me and your father done that you want us separate from you? She kept it up and kept it up, till I brought myself to the hospital to get nerve pills. I learned one thing, you can't win, no matter what you say. Every time I think I'm standing up for myself, I wind up feeling like a little kid. What mother and father would not want their own separate place attached to their kids house where they could be looked after. Not, my parents, they want to be up my a--.
The other night my husband and I went to eat, took 45 min., when we came back she had pillows against my windows--I leave the shades half way up. She said she didn't want anyone looking through the windows. I live on a wildlife preserve, I'm sure the birds don't want to see her. She's nuts, and she is making me nuts.
My dad, even though very sick, I can handle better than her. He can't talk due to a stroke, so I play a few games of charades a day to see what he's talking about. Mostly about bowel movements, which aggravates me no end, like Judy and Donna.
I too am so glad to have an outlet for my resentment and hatred toward my parents. If only they didn't get selfish in their old age. They no longer worry about what's good for us, only whats good for them. If I died tomorrow, my brothers say she would just replace me with someone else, and I do believe thats true.
Well I have depressed myself enough for one night, sorry to be so depressing, can't help it, I am really hopeless.
How second opinion went, and Happy Birthday a day early, find something nice to do for yourself.
Love,
Marylynne
Well second opinion went well. Now we wait to find out when she can have the surgery. They will be taking out the tube between the bladder and kidney on her right side and having to replace it. Thank God we do not have to go threw cemo.
My husband and I married 7 years ago. I had lost my husband 3 years earler and he had just lost his about 8 months before we had met. I have lived in Charleston, SC most of my life and had moved to Summerville, SC 8 years ago. When his wife died he had been living in Florida, but had come from around here. So he came home. We met and in 4 weeks we had wedd. His wife had a brain tumor and it took quite a toll on him. My husband was a painter and fell from scafalting in a Charleston downtown bank on to a marble floor. Funny what can bring two people together.
Thank you also for the Birthday wish. Hoping for a body rub! I am easy!!!
Love you all,
Susan
Anita in Atlanta
I use to feel like I was doing this with a good heart, but I don't feel that way any more. Now, I am doing it with such resentment, I don't know if I can every get over it. And, don't take this the wrong way, because twenty years of my life has already passed helping take care of someone. I can't see me being 66 years old, 20 years from now and still doing this. WHERE IS THE FAIRNESS? It is definitely not fair for you and you should be enjoying these years with your new beau.
I hope whatever the outcome for your mother, winds up being the right outcome for you. Use the truck as an excuse not to take her anywhere. I would just flat out refuse to take her out under those circumstances. I have a friend whose son has a brain injury, and poops on himself daily, several times. She won't put depends on him, because he has OCD. She has to wash his poop down the drain of the tub and then wash out his underwear and jeans for days in a wash tub to get the smell out. I don't know how ya'll do it. You are a very special lady and your guy knows that.
Love,
Marylynne
I typed a longgggggggggg posting and it got erased. Poured out my heart and problems. So will shorten it but here goes. Update on me: Mother did not take out her negativism against me going on the trip while she was sick and in the ER 3 times for treatment of cellulitis (spider bite caused it) and the bone pain she has had since. Brother talked to her and think it helped. My grand-daughter's mother tried to take her life twice by slitting wrists. I have spoken to her and her mother and she is seeking proper treatment. I poured my heart out to her as well trying to give her advise, reassurance and everything I have learned on my life journey that might help. Saw my doctor today to go over blood test results. He decreased my cholesterol med (level is too low), increased my thyroid med (level is too low) and Rx'd Keflex for my infected left knee...(fell out of bed in the hotel hitting my artificial knee on my cpap machine and carpet Monday night). I am awaiting approval to see a bariatric specialist at UCLA. My fears are getting surgery (bypass or banding), diabetes worsening and health continue to decline, that my grand-daughter's mom, Jessica will take life leaving her mother/father and me/hubby to take care of them, that my sister is headed the same direction and she will either take her life, or try to take it...that even if she continues living she will not be normal ever again and that I will end up taking care of her too. I also fear not ever having a life free of taking care of people and thus never living my own life. That's it in a nutshell girls.
Thank you for being here sharing your stories, your lives, your tips, frustrations and pain. You all are one of the things that is keeping me more emotionally sane...if I am sane that is..(laughing)
God Bless You All
Cindi
cindi, where are you hon? anita, did you end up keeping your baby? Judy, hope things are going well on your end and you are getting to enjoy your sons for a little bit this summer anyway. Susan you are right. funny the things that bring people to gether. My beau and i were walking out of a convenience store together, never knew him before, and i guess i had a downtrodden look. He looked at me and said, Girl, you look like you need a hug. like the whole world is falling down around you. He then asked me for coffee, and then out to dinner in a few days, and he is just so wonderful so glad i found him. he is understanding and kind hearted. And i love having company to share my misery. lol. love all you girls. donna
Yes, I did keep my daughter she will be 29 in August. i love the story of how you met you man. It sounds like he is something special. Hang on to him! Not only do I take care of my mother but my husband is an alcoholic. My life is just so wonderful! I have lost myself. I don't even know what would make me happy. I dont see any of my friends then when I do i feel guilty. I one day just want to walk out the door and not have to tell anyone where I am going just to go shop, have lunch go for a massage. Life is not a redo, but I have fallen down the rabbit hole and have no way out. i wonder what I am missing if anything? What it would be like to have a marriage that was great.. Well, I am depressing myself so I know I must be depressing everyone else. Hope everyone has a good evening and thanks for sharing your stories and letting me share mine
Anita
In her younger days, my mother would have been the one to go into the attic with a baseball bat to find out what made the noise but the picture of you, whichever one of you it was, finding her after she had crawled out the window was priceless. I would have laughed so hard and that would have made her, mother, so mad. Perfect. Mom always had that take on the world holier than thou attitude. She never needed anyone. My how things have changed.
Had a major blowout with my sister about her never helping out. My son and his wife were trying to figure out how they could help by taking over on some weekends. That was the final straw. They have a set of 2 year old twin boys and a 12 week old daughter. The very idea just threw a switch. I went over to sis's house and started out with, "promise me you will not answer the phone, house or cell, until I am finished." She agreed because she thought something was wrong with Mom. I started the tirade with, "I really don't want to hate you or resent you but here it is." She stopped dead in her tracks and just stared at me. I finally had her attention. I am her baby sister and I couldn't love her any more but this was/is killing me. There is always a crisis within her family that she has to deal with and now I informed her she could add her mother to the list. She asked me what I wanted her to do? This has been my life for 20 years now she said. Well, I told her that she WOULD take Mother to her house every other weekend. PERIOD end of sentence. I had to remind her that she had promised me she wouldn't dump Mom on me again. (She did that when our father was dying. I had the brunt of the caregiving for both of them.) My sis put in for family leave at work the next day. She had to go out of town but she came and got Mom on Sunday night and kept her until Tuesday night. Her next weekend is July 4th and low and behold she has a birthday party scheduled for her husband on July 5th. All the kids are coming into town so Mom has nowhere to stay for her scheduled weekend. Go figure. I will have to send an email to her children to alert them to the conflict with rooming arrangements. Sounds very corny doesn't it? They can beat her over the head with it. She doesn't even realize what she has done yet. When sis came to pick up Mom, she didn't understand why she was going to her house. If she wasn't wanted maybe she should move. I just walked away. I don't know how to explain myself anymore and I am tired of doing it.
When she brought Mom back, everything went great. Mom was in a great mood the whole time she was there. They went and got her hair permed, weeded flowerbeds, ate their favorite foods and had a wonderful time. Liar. How is that possible? Mom is lonesome. I get that. I can't help it though.
Now she is back and she has been as pleasant as can be which makes me wonder how long it will last. I don't want to talk to her or see her but here she is, my 77 year old child that will never grow up and always require tending to: could I have a pain pill, can I have some ice water, why doesn't my phone work, why doesn't my tv remote work, since you are here, could you pick up the paper that fell on the floor, my laundry needs to be done(really, I would have never guessed since I can smell the wet stuff in my room.) and the list just keeps going like the pink bunny.
I invent reasons to leave the house. A simple errand can take all day when necessary. I can run to the grocery store three times a day when pushed to. My husband has a knack for tuning us both out. I wish I could do that. I can't wait for school to start again. I have another 5 weeks.
I missed my therapy appointment on Tuesday. I wrote down the wrong date. Rescheduled it for next week. Told the scheduler I needed the next available time and I didn't care when it was but it better be soon. What a look he gave me. I can laugh at it now. Poor guy. It wasn't his fault. Losing my mind is all. It could be worse I suppose.
I have to rat out my sis to her children now so I will close.
Anita, so sorry to hear that your husband is an alcoholic. My late husband was too, but was a dear, even when drinking, so i could look over it. I dont know what i would have done had he been beligerant. I am so glad that you didnt give up your daughter. I know just what you mean about having to get permission from mommy dearest to go out of the house. I get so sick of that. when i met my guy, was one of those nights when i had to get out for a while, and my mother had said that i was out screwing every "old" man in town. That is the reason i was so blue that time. She says ugly things about me, and never ever wants me to go out of the house unless i take her along with me. And, i dont, and i wont, and she can take that to the bank.
Minion, hooray for u! way to go. get sis to get off her duff for a change. But seems to me it was only a few weeks ago that you were so happy to be out of school and away from those little monsters for a while? lol. Remote controls? omg those will be the death of me. Every time my mother wants the channel changed, i have to go do it, no matter what i am in the middle of, it has to be dropped so i can change the danged channel. Telephones? another mystery to my mom. she hears them ringing, but doesnt answer, because she says it is not for her anyway, and if they want to talk to me, they can call back.washing machines are another mystery. everything that is dirty should be put in the washer at once. my black pants with towels is always a good thing. my life is out of control too. i am out of control. we all are. talk to u all tomorrow.
The phone is another thing, she can't dial the phone, even with the big numbers on it. She woke up several times in the last week, and said the phone was ringing in the middle of the night and no one was answering it. The phone did not ring. She got up one night and flipped the lights on in my husband and I's room and said no one is answering the phone. My husband, just looked at her like she was nuts. She also, got up one night and woke my daughter up and told her that your mother was just in my room beaconing me to come. Where did she go. My daughter told her my, mom is sleeping. Do you think this is a form of dementia, or side effects of long term anxiety meds?
Cindi, I'm saying a special novena for you. You are a very special lady and you take care of yourself with your surgery. You will do fine. This is for your health and well being.
Love to all,
Marylynne
Donna and Marylynne, thank you for your prayers and caring. You are a comfort to me.
Marylynne, your mother switching on the light when you and hubby were in bed is something my mother would have the nerve to do. The remote control and the fan are things she also has trouble with. So far she can handle her phone but I have to erase the messages on her machine. Wonder if this will happen to us too.
Donna, I think it is so romantic how you met your boyfriend. He sounds great! I am a big romantic and have fantasized that situation. I think he is your knight and I am happy for you. Keep him and don't listen or let mom interfere. I hate that she says ugly, hurtful things to you. My Mother has also done that to me in the past sometimes even now but less. That is something she could say. Maybe you could say yeah, mom I take after you!...haha..
Anita, I can empathize with you in regards to you keeping your daughter. I did the same with my son who has now passed away. You had it harder then me cause your mother kicked you out. My Mother didn't, she helped me and for years I never was allowed to forget it. She threw it in my face and hurt me with it whenever it fit her. One day I finally said if I knew you were going to do this I wished you would have thrown us out in the street. I meant it too. We lived with my parents until he was 6 and I married my husband. I was 19 when I had him. I gave up so much to keep him as you well know. It hurts me to the core having lost him. I am so happy for you that you have your blessed daughter. My son also would have be 29. I am sorry about your husband being an alcoholic that must be a hell in itself for you and him. Take care of yourself.
Minion, good for you that you talked to your sister and told her how you feel and what you need. You will have to keep up on her and sometimes feelings won't be so good. I had problems with my sister about this and it affected our relationship. But my sister has major emotional/mental problems that have gotten worse and she denies she has problems and won't seek proper help. So, I have just let that issue go. I take care of both of my parents. My brother does their finances and recently helped when I went out of town with Husband for 3 days and 2 nights. Mind you, I had a caregiver here for my dad. He took care of my mom and her emergency room visits (she had severe cellulitis and bone pain, she still has some bone pain). He came through in a big way for me for once! Can you hire a caregiver? I have one her name is Maryann. My mother did nothing but complain about her. I've had her for a year and a half. I could not survive if I didn't have her. My dad is still easy to care for so it isn't that bad. I pay her 10.00 an hour. That still adds up though. My Mother actually pays for me to have 8 hours a week off (one day) and I sometimes go over that and pay out of pocket. She had a tizzy fit about paying for my weekend away, but brother came to my defense. He said I deserve a few days away. I told her everyone gets a vacation when they have a job. They usually get 2 weeks off! She fights me all the way on this. She only has the money from the sale of her house and ss hers and my dads. They are not rich for sure. She is afraid their money will run out. I told her well right now you have money and for me to continue I need time off. Otherwise I can't do it. Might as well send dad off and her too. As it is I'm still going knucking futz! So hang in there!
Marylynne, again..I worry about you. Like Donna said you are so loving. Sweetie, if it continues to be bad like this, perhaps it is time you start thinking about another way to do this. As I have been told there are other ways to take care of your parents. They could live somewhere else and you tend to some of their needs. You are living in a situation that is making you sick. If this addition thing doesn't work, then it's time...and your parents need to know that. Love to you.
Judy, how are you?
Cathy, thank you for your well wishes about trip it was nice getting away. Take good advantage with dad being away. Happy he is getting better I know how worried you were. Good luck with the baby making, sweetie...(smiles). If you feel it is right then it is for you.
Donna, and Marylynne you have been angels to me.
Love to you all
Cindi