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Been there tried that and my mother didn't want to be told that she had rules concerning me and my family.
Well the war is on and guess what it is over a cooler, she gave me a cooler that used to belong to her it plugs in the car and keeps everything cold. Well we had it packed and she came out and said rather snide "take care of my cooler" I said like I would destroy it, anyway you gave the cooler to me and she said "No i didn't" so my husband yanked it out of the car and I said to her" you always take things back", so true. So then she changed her mind and said take it and I said its a cooler not a life, she's pissed because I'm going and not her.
You know after all the things I have done especially in the last month to arrange things to make it easier for her I still don't get appreciated.
She was so smilely for the aid that came today, it made me sick. I really want to cry, now she will make my husband out to be the mean guy she always does that.
My Dad told me to tell her before I left that she better be nice while I am gone, or he will leave the house. I told him I have ladies coming to take care of him so he will have company everyday. Venting Judy
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Dear freebirein,

I wish it was that easy. I have had that talk with my mother many of times. Some parents will always be dictators. It is nice that your mom understood and abides by your rules. My mom won't.

Judy, I know exactly what you mean. My mom does that shit too. Yesterday our fight was over salt and pepper shakers. I bought her a set and she liked mine better. Accused me again of getting something nicer for myself than for her. Her whole side of the house is identical to mine, except for her sofa. She has the same tables, the same rug, the same decorations. Then she tells everyone she picked it out. She says I got my good taste from her so she is allowed to say that. Tonite, I went and got her the preciious salt and pepper shakers and told her that I would give the other ones to my daughter. She said she was keeping both.

I think she is absolutely childlike. It takes everything out of me just to talk to her. She is mean as hell.
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Hey Judy,

Have a very good time. I love you,

Marylynne
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OK, here is another thing that I found out yesterday - I took my mom to the doctor (a new one in this area) and he was going over her medications. She is on a anti depressent/anti anxiety drug. He asked if she still needed that one - I very quietly looked at him and said "yes" - he shook his head, understanding what I meant. Later during the conversation with the doctor that drug came up again. The doctor asked my mother what that drug did for her, she admitted that she did need it becuase during the move here she had gone off of it for 5 days and ended up jumping down my throat. She has been a very independant lady all of her life and now all of a sudden she is very dependant on me - that has to be depressing for her. I think that one of the things that make parents act jealous when you go somewhere or do something that they are not doing is that they can't any more. Most of the time they probably don't feel like it but wish they did again. They are going to get depressed - I know I would. The time that my mother did jump down my throat it was because I was late coming home from a diving trip - she used to love going out on boats - now she can't but that doesn't stop her from wanting to. I know I probanly sound like a bleeding heart - I'm really not - for a month before my mom got here every time I had to do something out of the ordinary to prepare for her coming I became angry - still am sometimes when I can't do what I want because of something that I have to do for her. I am self employeed and my offcie is in my home - I have probably had 10 billable hours since the first of the month and am starting to worry about paying the bills next month - today is my birthday and I was going to go dive (my one hobby) but can't because I need to stay home and work due to the time I have not been able to because of doctor's visit's, etc. I won't even go into the interruptions during the day. So - I'm really not trying to be a bleeding heart - I do totally understand - believe me. If you can, you should try talking to your parents doctor though about an anti depressant medication - it does help.
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Freebirdinfl,

Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you Happy Birthday Freebirdinfl, Happy Birthday to you!!!!!!!!!

Hey girls have been off computer for a while. I have the degeneritive disc deise (SP). Have been having promble with left side of head, and arm. Went to my nuro sugen (SP). He sent me for about my 5th MRI. Where he had to put the two disc from the crops in my neck, the one at the top that is mine has started to bulg. I am too young to be this damb old, and too old to have some of the thoughts I have. LOL.

I love our new lady, freebirdinfl. I just started talking to these ladies also not too very long ago. It really does help to find that someone else is there even if it is to get something off your chest. As you can tell my spelling is not the best, forgive me, never have gotten that very well. That is why they have spell check. LOL

Mother and I have had a sit down and we both agree something is not right and we have to fix it. She has agreed to be tested for dementcea (SP). She wants me to get the Power of Attorney for her ready and living will. She does not realize the presure she puts on me when she always tells me I am all she has. She has been telling me this sence I was five years old.

freebirdinfl, my mother brought me breakfest in bed until I was married and out the house. Over compisation for an alcoholic father I guess. I was the youngest of 3. My oldest brother died when I was 16, he was 32. My other brother is 56 and I wounder a good bit why the other one was taken instead of the one that is here. I know that is a very cold statement but trust me he has earned it.

My mother was my best friend for most of my life. She has been living with me for eight years now. It has not been easy girlfriend. She tries to raise my 12 year old for me sometimes, because we don't always agree. I do understand her loosing her freedome, because my back has stopped me from doing so many things that I love. My most favorite thing is to garden!!!!! I have to do a little, a lay down and then can do a little more. I hate it. And I don't like that word. You know the Hate word. But I do.

Sorry to end on sour note but have been at computer far to long, I can feel it. I have missed you girls so much. I tell everyone about you!!!

Love you all,
Susan Myers
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Susan,

thanks for the birthday greeting - I agree that talking to others in the same situation helps - we can all use it at times

Sorry about your back - sounds pretty painful but you sure sound like you have a great attitude and that is what keeps us all going - my motto "you can either laugh or cry and crying isn't going to do any good" - so you might as well make thebest of it. It also sounds like you and your mom have a pretty good relationship for the most part. I agree it's not gonna be easy but hey, my mom raised me alone from the time I was 8 months old so I'm sure it wasn't easy for her either - I guess we just have to keep reminding ourselves of that.
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Well who says you have to cellebrate your birthday on your birthday. You just have to adjust around some things sometimes.

And about that crying, all it does is gives me a headach which I already have.

My mother always told me to go by the K.I.S.S. pholosiphy...

Keep
It
Simpile
Stupide

I keep working on it!!! Our life is what we make of it. I have always told my girls this. I wake up in the morning and say okay God cover my mouth when need be. That is alot.

You will be just fine, I just know it!

Love
Susan
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taking off in a few minutes thought I would sya bye and catch up on the 20th. dad is trying to make me feel sorry for him says i'm going to be gone to long. I said its once a year and vacation is usually one week.
No thank you yet for setting up help to come in.
I love all of you and I will think of you often wish you were going to be there.
susan hope you feel some relief
freebird happy birthday!
oxoxoxo Judy
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HAVE A GREAT TIME! TRY NOT TO THINK TO MUCH OF HOME BABY, YOU WILL DO THAT ENOUGH WHEN YOU GET BACK.

LOVE YA!!!!! @->- Suppose to be a rose, don't know.
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Freebird, respectfully, i think you did the right thing, but, everyone is different, and i have had my mom with me for going on 8 years now. At first, we had a lovely time together. went places, had fun, together. then her health began to decline. and far worse, her mind started going. In the beginning, did not feel the need to tell her about boundaries, and by the time i knew they were needed, she had already become obnoxious, nosy, and controlling. As time has progressed, along with her alzheimers, she has become more and more so. I hate to say it, but, after having your mom for only 2 weeks, i dont feel that you yet know how confining and how controlling these old women can be, altho, by having to give up something you love, you will soon become resentful to the point of screaming out loud, or doing as we do. come to this website and vent to us. give it time.
Marylynne, i am there honey, i know what you mean about them being absolutely mean and childish. my mom has a closet full of very nice clothes. she wanted me to help her organize it today. while in the process, i found 4 outfits that still had the price tags on them. i stupidly said, why these have never been worn. you should start wearing these things. her response was: You never take me any place nice to wear new clothes.....yep, knew it was my fault somehow. Then my nephew came in for a while and i was sitting in the living room talking to him, and my mom. She said to my nephew, She never talks to me unless there is someone here and she can make a show of it. grrrrrrrrrr I just said, i run out of words some times. we cannot talk about the same stuff all the time, and as i dont go much of anywhere, i do not know a thing to say that is new. more guilt trips. Susan, good to see you back. Free bird, happy birthday luv donna
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Dear Donna,

You told freebird just what I wanted to tell her. It is all nice and dandy in the beginning. I know what she must think of all my rude comments about my mom. My mom and I were best friends. She was my rock when I was young and as a teenager and young adult. She always had a selfish streak and was never independent. Always depended on my dad. Then my dad handed her off to me.

My aunt gave me a good talking to the other night when I was crying, about how I did this to myself. But, it didn't come about that way. After my dad had his stroke, my mom was lost, she didn't drive and didn't know how to take care of the finances. I took things over little by little. First it was the mail, then it was the bookkeeping and so on.... I thought I was doing the right thing and didn't realize that one day it would take over my whole life. She is mean and vindictive now and I can't stand her. It took 20 years of me thinking that I was doing the right thing to realize I was doing the wrong thing.

I remember talking just like freebird. I hope it does not change for her. Her mother seems more able to be told how things are going to go. My mother you can't tell her anything. It is her way or the highway. Or anything that goes wrong in her life is somehow my fault. I never did figure that out. She told me the other day that she had a good daughter, but I had the best mother ever. I wanted to puke. Mothers would not put their kids through this. Mothers would want to see their kids have a life, outside of them.

My mother never watched my kids, after my dad had a stroke and I would never ask her too. But, how did I get this job, when she wouldn't do anything for me?

Just lucky I guess, huh Donna?

Hope you and Don had a good time the other night.

Love,
Marylynne
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Hi Girls,
I am dead tired here but want to wish you all well and wanted to read the postings. My sister has spent more time with us and she is reverting back to her old ways. She is acting as if she is completely okay, but she isn't. She is acting better then she was though. Donna, negative people only have negative things to say and like to blame, criticize etc every change they get. I know you fell into that trap and hate it, I don't like it when I should of seen it coming too. But, heck we can't always be prepared. Judy, your parents will only see things and feel things from their perspective, remember this. You deserve this break and do not let them manipulate you into feeling bad. Enjoy yourself!!!
Welcome here freebird. Happy Birthday. Sorry, you did not get to spend it like you wanted. I agree with Shdy (donna) I think it is too soon for you to know how it can get. I do think you are out to a good start by talking and communicating and setting boundaries. You have already started feeling resentful, this is only the beginning...and it comes with the territory. Good Luck. There is always a place here to vent etc...
Marylynne, your mother is competitive with you. She is a spoiled and self centered, just like my mom. They do not deserve us. I also think she likes to upset you. But if you say one little thing off color or off putting to her she is so hurt.
Susan good hearing from you.
Cathy, you have good memories with your dad. It's hard to see them age and be sick. All we want is our big strong dad back. It does hurt. I hope he will be able to go home with you in the near future. Take care sweetie.

Going to bed here...night..
Hugs
Cindi
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hi everyone, another day for the books. I was sitting at my computer playing agame, and my mom came in and said, i want to go out to the storage bldg, and go thru some of that stuff out there. I said, You cant do that. she said, i can too and i am going to. so, on that note, i got up, and went out with her and started doing what she said she was going to do. Shes still dead set and determined that i am going to have a garage sale and get rid of a bunch of stuff we dont use or need. while i was out there sweating up a storm in the bldg, she said, well, that kitchen floor needs to be mopped, guess i will try to do that when i get back in the house. I said no, i will do it. so, went thru a bunch of crap, threw 4 large bags of junk in the dumpster against her wishes of course, and brought 2 bags to the garage for the sale. yuk. then came and mopped the floor. all of this before 10 am. Then she said that i was hateful with her, never had a kind word for her at all. I WONDER WHY? i was upset, hot, tired, just plain irritated with the entire thing. Now she is going to get really upset, because i am going to go out for a while tonight. i got every one's dinner fixed, kitchen cleaned, and now it is my turn to have a break. She has lost her glasses and is looking all over the house for them, and even in my room, where i know they could not be, but turning everything upside down looking. geeeez. Maybe she is right, maybe i dont want to talk to her. she is driving me nuts. I told her to get ready and in the morning she could go to church with me, and she said no,,, i dont feel like it. how does she know how she is going to feel tomorrow? she could wear some of her new clothes. haha. cindi,,, it is ok to call me shady, lots of my friends do, i have been online with this name since 97, and play canasta in a league, and i have met many of my league mates, and all of them call me shady. Marylynne, you probably should be whipped for giving her the wrong shakers. what were you thinking? Good gosh girl. you knew she wanted better ones than you have. what the heck difference do the danged shakers make any way? and now that you bring it up, my mom would only watch 2 of my kids at a time when they were small. (i had 4) so thre was never a time that i was totally kidfree for a long while. Said they made her too nervous. Now the tables turned and she makes them nervous lol. Cathy you are lucky to have had a sweet kind dad, i never did. I hope the memories keep you going, and he gets better quick. gonna go do my hair, luv to all, donna
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Hi Marylynn - I don't think bad of you at all, I truely sympathize - I also agree with your aunt - I guess my situation is a little different - kind of been there/done that. When I was growing up my mother raised me alone and even though I know that she loved me and did the best she could she was still pretty hard to get along with even then. After I grew up I spent 10 years in a very abusive marriage. It has taken some time but I have come a long way since then - now I realize that I do not deserve to be abused by any one in any way - so I guess I have my eyes open and am able to see the signs of things that can become a problem. You need to vent and get your feelings out - I would never think bad of you for that - i wish you the best and do hope that maybe you can start taking some control back - if your mother just will not allow that then at least try not to let her eat away at you so much (I know easier said than done) but the last thing that you want her to do is make you an angry person too.

On a lighter note - I did my birthday dives today and had a great time and guess what - I am going again tomorrow. I came home and told my mom that I would not be here in the morning because I was going diving again - I could tell that she was not too happy but she did not say any thing - we'll see what happens :)
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Been helping sister find somewhere to live. She has been over my house every night 4 nights in a row for dinner. I need some breathing space. Had to go out at 9pm to get my mom her pain pills when I was dead tired. I was so mad. But she needs them. Told my husband that I am not going to do another thing for anyone. Him included. I need a break really bad. Have not had my day away last week. Money is an issue. Gonna need to take some time in the evening when husband is home...but not the same better then nothing. I can feel the stress and tension building. Don't wanna do a beaver dam thing for anyone.
Helping sister and taking care of parents is getting to me.

Night everyone...be well
Cindi
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Hey, I am taking care of my Mom now after Dad died and her health got worse. She is a tyrant and I am having trouble maintaining control and order in my own home. Many of the things you all have written about such as being made to feel guilty if you do anything for yourself or if you have had enough and speak up for yourself are going on here too. We had a real blow up the other day and I have been staying to myself as much as possible, but Mom still didn't get the point about not yelling and screaming at people to do what she wants instead of asking nicely and being patient if it is not an emergency and someone is busy. I consider these to be good manners to treat others with respect. If you can't use your manners for family, why bother with strangers just for appearances. For Christ's sake, people do not think it is o.k. for a 3 yr old to scream until they get what they want, so why do old people think they have a right to do it?

Any way, I am starting a group at Yahoo Groups called Parenting Your Parents. If you are interested, you can join by going here
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/PARENTINGYOURPARENTS
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Good Mornin' everyone. It must be 3 ish and I can't sleep. I keep hearing a clock ticking in my head. I haven't had/taken the time to check in on everyone for what seems like weeks. Doesn't sound as though much has changed for many of us. Welcome freebirdinfl. Where exactly are you as I live in Gainesville?

As you may or not recall, I had a "discussion" with my sister about her lack of help with our mother. It was agreed that she would take Mom everyother weekend and apologized for leaving me with all of it. Well, that lasted one time. Mom went to her house for the first scheduled weekend and it was like waiting for the other shoe to drop. Before she left she kept asking why she was being sent away. If she wasn't wanted maybe she should move. OK, but where would she go? Her weekend went quietly and when sis brought her home, it was to stories of how well they got along and had a great time together. Then I knew I was screwed. Her next weekend was to be July 4th. Guess who didn't go.

July 4th is sis' husband's birthday and there was a party planned. Our niece had invited us, my husband and I, to her house for a get-together to show off her new house and have a cookout. Niece thought Mom would be with sis. Niece invited first and I really was looking forward to going and meeting a new baby and seeing her new place in peace. I sent reminders to sis and children regarding caretaking arrangments for mom. Mom went with me to niece's house because she didn't want to be left at sis's. Sis is perfectly all right with this because she didn't have to take care of her again. Can you see who isn't all right? Sis always has an excuse called her life is more important.

My twin grandsons turned two this week so everyone was at our house on Saturday. Great party, food, pictures, played games and listened to Mother get into everyone elses stuff. She started with announcing that someone should start the grill since it was obvious that the hostess wasn't going to do it. That would be me. We had two hours until food for the grill would be ready. Round 1:"We will take care of it Mother. Well it sure doesn't look that way to your guests." Round 2: Sis's husband is a smoker
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Hi everyone - happy Monday morning

Monion2one - I am in Panama City, moved down from Montana last year and am loving it - no regrets - beats the heck out of 8 months of winter

Hey everyone - I just had an idea - with all of the talk of having to get away and new groups starting - how about a once a year caregiver getaway - take a week as a group and go on a cruise or something - I am quite sure that there would be alot of guilt passed around but I am sure that the world would not stop turning for anyone - might just to everyone alot of good - parents included

Georgia
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I think that is a great idea, Georgia...Just don't know if some would attend seeing just getting a day off is a BIG thing. But, hey I am all for it!
Had a mini blowout with Mother today. Told her I need a break, feeling overwhelmed and I wasn't going to do anything else for anyone. She took it out of context of course..anyways..lots of stress here especially with sister in the picture and helping her find a place..etc. Maybe Wednesday I can sneak away at night leave parents with husband. He can serve my dad some dinner and give him his bedtime meds...(I will leave them out). I am drained between mother, father, sister and who knows who else. I think we all have a condition...it's called how can I help you??? Or..you want me to do what?...sure, would you like fries with that???...maybe I just have to stop trying to save and help the world.

A bit of introspection into myself.
Have a good Monday....
Cindi
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My mom is Alzheimers and is a handfull and screaming and demanding. I won't go into all the details. She was also very frustrated and depressed. My sister and her husband and my family were driving/flying back and forth to Florida to try and help my dad. Three of us at a time were having difficulty taking care of her. She wouldn't listen to us, and wouldn't allow us to wash her hair or anything. We tried Home Health Care, but my mom would not allow them to help her either and finally they cancelled the services. Things were getting worse and my dad was in denial. He was also hospitalized several times for heart problems and stress from my mom. Besides being worried about my dad's health, I was so afraid that my mom was going to walk away or be hit by a car or set the house on fire. After my mom fell, the doctor put her in a nursing home. She's now on medicine, doing well, enjoys people, she's active, says she likes her new home and only has a few bouts of her temper flareups. The nursing home is really nice and they have a great staff. NOW my dad wants to take her home. My mom's Alzheimers has progressed in a physical way...she's in a wheelchair now and sometimes urinates on herself. My parents home is not set up for a wheelchair and they live on a busy street. My father is in poor health. He seems to think that the "family" is going to take turns coming and taking care of my mom. He's even trying to convince my sister to move to Florida. My sister just had a baby and jobs being what they are her husband is afraid to give his up. My mom's doctors, the Alzheimers support groups and such that know us have all said "don't bring her home it could be dangerous for everyone." If my mom moves back home the situation is bad for her, and bad for my dad who could have a heart attack. I know my mom would not want us killing ourselves and would want to be back in the nursing home were she was doing so much better. I had to put my foot down and tell my dad that I do not support his decision and if he brings mom home I will not be helping. It may seem mean, but my mom needs 24 hour care that we can't provide.
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Hello everyone. I just subscribed to this website and have been reading most of the letters or comments. I too take care of an elderly parent who is my mother. I have responsible for her since I was 21, at that time my father died of cancer. I am now 54. It was hard in the beginning because I wanted to do my own thing. We had plenty of fights but always together. Now she has early stages of dementia and cancer. I was angry when I noticed first signs of dementia, not at her but at the disease. She wasn't my mom anymore. then we found out she has cancer. I was the one that broke down and she took it better than me. I too have nobody to help me with her since I am an only child. Have three grown children and 5 grandkids. My mother can drive me crazy but I guess what helps me is my medical training. When it starts to be too much for me, I treat her like I would a patient, with respect. Please don't get me wrong. I am not saying that everybody else don't respect their parents. Believe me, I've been there and done that. It is very hard to work and to know that your parent is alone and don't know if everything is ok. My children would check on her but still it would bother me. Now I am at home and that stress is gone. She can and will drive me nuts with her complaining and her demands but I see it different now. Who knows how much longer I will have her and I want to enjoy her company even if it drives me bonkers. From what I have read, it seems that some of you have it worse than me with taking care of two parents. May God give you a lot of patience and courage to continue doing it. I only have one parent but she is a handful and it affects all of us. I know that later on I will be writing about how crazy the day has been.
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Welcome bweber and plychata,

By my count there are three of us in Florida. Traveling for a getaway once a year soounds wonderful. Panama City isn't that far off from Gainesville. bweber where are you located? It is so hard to get a day but the fantasy of a week is wonderful. There would be hell to pay for us all if we could manage to do it though. It would be good for us too.

I called sis and told her to come get Mom yesterday. Mom cried when she left and said she felt shanghaid (sp). B4 she turned around good everything was in the car and I shut the door. When she came back this morning, Mom asked if we had enjoyed her being gone, and I told her of course, we even brought in the dog and pony show. Mean, I know. My husband and I took the opportunity to have a battle royal when she left. It seems I have been a little less than pleasant of late. Gee......... Don't know how much more drama I can stand: crazy woman or dead man walking. What a choice.
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Hello Everyone, and welcome and greetings to all the new people,

Sorry I have been gone sooo long. Marylynne house was not the only house hit by lightning. We lost our phone service last thursday. We just got it back an hour ago.
I have missed so much. I hope you have all had a good day.

We had a very stressful weekend. Dad fell at rehab on saturday, he was ok. Later that night he yanked his catheter out, balloon and all, how we don't know. He had tramua as you can imagine. We were in the ER for 5 hours. I went home and waited by my cell phone for the next crazy call. Dad wants to come home, but I can't care for him the way he is.

Cindi, I am very worried about you. Go hide somewhere in the house. Even if it is for a few minutes. Just to catch your breath. Let sister prepare meals if she is giong to be there. Let her care for parents too.

I hope the move is going well for marylynne. I also hope Judy is having a great time.

I too am in florida, St. Augustine. I NEED A CRUISE, WHEN DO WE LEAVE?

Hope you all have a peaceful night.
Hugs, Cathy
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soso sorry to hear of your dads disaster, cathy. Cindi, sounds like you need a break. and not at mc donalds either.. i am ready for the cruise...can you imagine the collective no nos we would get from our darling mothers?
I have decided not to take any kind of medicine from now on. I do not want to live to be a burden to my sons. I have been thinking of it a lot, and God tried to take her 5 years ago, but modern medicine brought her back. Is this a blessing? or is it a terrible disservice???? this horrible hateful mean old witch was a lot nicer then. i loved her then. unlike now, when i can hardly stand the sight of her. her nosiness, her meanness. today she said, who is going to write my obituary? i said so what difference does it make? you are not dead. she said well, i want someone with some sense to write it. I said, well, i think i can handle it. She said, you are not smart enough. grrrrrrr so that is exactly how she feels about me. she said well, what songs would you have played at my funeral. It just hit me to say something stupid since i am so damned dumb, I said, i think "Stand me up beside the Jukebox would be a nice selection. Of course she has never heard the song, but at least it made me smile. Funny how we take pleasure in such idiotic things. sometimes i think i am about as nutty as she is.
another day with this nosy old heifer. nothing new. just same old crap day after day after day. hope you all are faring better. luv, donna
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Hey, everybody. I had a better day today with Mom. Seems that part of my problem was a misunderstanding this time. I have lupus and was ill the other day. In our house are Me, Hubby, 18 yr old son, My daughter moved back just before Mom moved in a month and a half ago, she is 22. We have a friend of my sons, also 18, he had a terrible home situation and Mom. I was laying in bed sleeping and my daughter came and etold me that Mom said to ask me what I was going to get up and cook for supper. With this many adults in the house, not to mention plenty of ham and bologna in the fridge so no one would go hungry, this flew all over me.

After 2 days of fighting, I found out that my daughter didn't pass the message as it had been worded. I guess she didn't want to make supper, either. Since Mom had been driving me nuts anyway, I was too quick to jump onto her. But if she hadn't been, then maybe, I wouldn't have been at the explosion stage. I feel guilty, but I'm keeping it to myself, don't want to give her anything to use for pulling my chain.

I have been working hard around the house and running errands and with the physical stress, just call me Puff cause my ass is a draggin'.
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I hear u, my ass is dragging too. My youngest daughter lives upstairs with her family and my son just moved in too, he is also 22. I'm dragging not because of mom but because of my granddaughters. Besides taking care of mom, I guess I'm expected to be a live-in babysitter. It doesn't matter how many times I explain that I can't have the kids all the time downstairs, it falls on deaf ears. I love my granddaughters but with taking care of mom and them too, it is draining. Then they wonder why I am such a bitch.
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Plychata, I guess people think women aren't supposed to have any reaction to stress. Men on the other hand? I remember when my husband was working, if he over slept, that was my fault and then he would be all stressed out if he couldn't find a pair of socks just by looking in the general vicinity of the dresser. I would just reach over and lay my hand on them and say, "Here", and his world would be all better. It never seemed to sink in if I suggested that he do like I had the kids do and lay out his clothes the night before.

If I can't find socks, I just figure, hey, it's a sandals day. LOL After he retired, he became more self sufficient, but now Mom needs help finding something every five seconds. LOL
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Men can be babies at times, especially when they are sick. I have no husband or any man in my life at this time, but when I did, oh boy. I feel lucky that there is no one in my life right now. Having to deal with mom and everybody else, I couldn't take it. Today we went to see the Doctor and he felt comfortable that mom isn't having pain or discomfort. By the way he talked, I felt that all he wanted to do was to give mom some comfort from her cancer, which is great. But he didn't give her a scan or anything else. So that leads me to think that he has made up his mind that mom's cancer is still there and could be terminal. Now I have to take her to the family dr so he can give her something for her dementia. Even if it is mild, I am still concerned and if this time he doesn't do anything, I'll just have to look for another dr. I know damn well that he can give her some medication and he knows that too. Well, I guess here goes another fight with good ole doc.
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Good Morning Everyone,
just read the postings welcome to the newcomers. Sure, seems like we all have our share of burdens and heartaches. I know I have mine. Since a week ago everything has been about my sister. We are trying to help her find a place to live. Had a family meeting with brother, sister and mom. Then brother spoke to sister's ex fiancee by phone. Brother negotiating financial matters with her ex. He is going to help her financially for six months, thank god. Then she is on her own. She has never been on her own plus we believe she suffers from mental illness so Mom is worried, so am I. Been taking care of parents in between helping sister. Tired. Finally took a few hours away last night to be alone. Was good getting away but also gives me time to feel my feelings and I was sad thinking about my life and my family's life. When I was young I was hopeful for life to come and wondered...now I know what has come to pass and I wonder why and how things turned out like this. Especially concerning my son's drug abuse/death, and my sister's mental illness. She is very pretty, and slim and was dynamic earlier on. To see what life can do...scary. Sorry, to sound so down. I work on staying positive no matter what life gives me...but can't help going there sometimes.
Drove my sister, mother and father into Los Angeles to visit a priest and friend. We had hoped he could talk to my sister, and he did. Need to call him to see what transpired. We all went to Chinatown to have dimsum (lunch, dumplings served by carts). We enjoyed it and being with Father Joseph.
Well, today mom has a hair appt/coloring. Sister wants to come over this evening. She has been here every evening for a week. It does get tiresome cause even though I go to bed she is still here (she has her own key). I can't blame her for not wanting to go back to ex's house (where she still resides). Nothing good left there. I do feel overwhelmed by it all.
Hope Judy is having a ball with family. Donna, your mother is lucky and undeserving of you. Marylynne, how is the house move going? How are you doing? Minion, good that you got mom out for a bit..sorry you had an arguement with husband but hopefully some good communication and resolution came out of it. Welcome Phy and scorpia. Cahty, gosh things are just not letting up are they? Poor Dad. He keeps falling down. Cathy, he just can't come home at this rate. He needs the constant care. Oh girls, I feel and pray for all of us. Take good care of yourselves in between the lines and spaces and time.

Hugs
Cindi
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Cindi, have been so lost without you, judy, marylynne and cathy, Good to have newcomers tho, welcome plychata and lascorpia. Minion, sounds like mom is not really happy to go to sisters house and sister doesnt want her, kind of leaves you being the caregiver forever and ever....so sorry. mom is more than nuts the last couple of days. but, i just ignore it. I was going to change the sheets on her bed today, and found that she had 4 sheets on the mattreess. I said why do you need so many sheets? she said, i just didnt know they were there. duhhhh. i didnt put them there, so she had to be the one who did it. but, didnt argue, just took em all off and put in washer. cindi my heart goes out to u. Marylynne, thinking of you and hope judy is having a ball. love to all, donna
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