Advice on how to deal with live-in mother?

Hi Girls,
Desert Daughter, welcome. I am sorry about your brother. I have to agree with Donna. DO NOT LET THIS WOMAN MOVE IN WITH YOU!!!! You will be miserable for the rest of her life or yours, which ever one goes first. All of us here agree our miserable mothers will out live us, right girls? You still have control at this point, don't lose it. You only live 2 miles away. You can be there in a few minutes if she needs you. Maybe you can put her in an adult day care or senior center to help with filling her time. Once she moves in you will be her slave. Don't do it! I wish I had not done it but I had a weak moment, my Dad was falling a lot and I was backed into a corner. How could I say no when she asked, "can I live with you?" But I curse the day I said yes. I've been bitter about it for the last 3 years. I'm never happy anymore and it's because that old bitch lives in my house. I have no privacy. She knows every move I make like I was a teenager again. I can't stand it!
Think this through long and hard before you make any commitment. Good luck honey.

Marylynne, I wish I had the right answer for you. That woman is making you a basket case. She is ruining your life. It's so easy to say but you need her out of your house for your own sanity. She needs to be in housing for seniors and your Dad needs to be in a home. Maybe it's time you had him evaluated by the state and they will determine that he needs 24 hour care. That happened with my Dad. He was scheduled to be evaluated for adult care and when they found out he had been falling they suggested he go to the hospital to be examined and from there he went to a home. So sad, but he absolutley could not be cared for at home anymore. With him out of the house at least I didn't have to listen to my mother bitching at him all the time. Now she just bitches in general.

Judy, so sorry about your Dad. How is he today? My Dad has MRSA....AGAIN!

Cindi, sweetie, so sorry about all the crap you've been through. You always give such good advice. You are right about the counceling. I need to learn how not to hate her. Maybe my life would be happier.

Donna, I symapthize with you. My mother has to bitch about what everybody else does too. Just mind your own damn business old lady.

Miak, I feel awful about the terrible arguement you had. No one has the right to say such unkind things to you. Try not to let it get to you because you are NOT all those things. You are a good person.

Austin, thanks for your advice. How are things with husband?

Mimi, how you holding up honey?

Maria, how are you today sweetie?

As for me, things are quiet. I'm hoping to talk mom into going to FL to visit her sister. I sure could use a little time to myself. However, my BF (Paul) and I are leaving for Vegas on Oct. 5. It will be so good to get away for a while.

Love you all, hope you are having a good day.

Sha

Donna and Sha,

You both said the right things to Desertdaughter. Donna, you and I, cindi and sha, must be sisters under the skin.

The thing I love about you Donna is that you tell it like it is. You are not afraid to say the things you feel. I guess it makes me feel normal in some way to know others feel and wish ill will on their parent who is making their lives miserable.

I don't know what I would do without you girls. You keep me afloat.

Love,
Marylynne

dear mlv dont you wish you had a big huge chain saw and could chop that part of the house off send it floating down some river some where or up shits creek haha . I wonder do all old people start out this selffish i was late picking my dad up from church 2 sundays ago stopped to help 3 guys that were lost on the harleys (had the big Harley 105 in town that week end) i ws about 10 - 15 minutes late i dont know what he said to those 4 people that were waiting with him but they gave me such bad looks finally the lady in the group said well i guess well cut you some slack because i was doing some thing nice . OH MY GOD i went this sunday to find those people to tell them heres a story for you and see who should get the bad looks. but i couldnt find them so i told the church busy body. haha i told here alot like how i was tied up to the wash lines as a 4 year old every thing lets see how my dad is treated next sunday. oh i had my bp checked almost 170 over 80 something for me this is bad see just beeing in the same space as him is going to kill me. to ddd as long as mother can take care of her self for the most part let her stay where she is . did she every say that you should move with her so she could take care of you? fibro is not easy, or put her in assist living but DONT become here sole care taker. if you think yoour happy attitude will get you through you are wrong the more time with them the more you becaome them mean crabby angry ungratefull but because it goes against you nature it will make you feel like your going CRAZY you will think and do things you wouldnt think possible upto and including killing your self if you with them long enough . as any one here do you have day where you rally think you the crazy one. i do I have questioned my sanity for at least the last 3 years. as for did my mom treat her own bio kids bad no not as bad she never tied them to the bed or made them kill the chickens with her. sick . but here is come that we can all use I was a t the book story on sunday there was a little girl about 18 months there with her mom and the grandmother i looked up from my book and saw the baby looking at me so i waved she got up off all fours and walked straight to me with her arms out stretched as if she knew me all her life. i wanted to cry im crying now as i write this because if that small child saw sometning in me that made her trust and want me to hold her then i must be a good person. im not the trash my parents have made me feel for the last 43 years. so to all of use here maybe its the girl at the grocery store or at the bank who says hi to us or is kind to us we must use these small things as our compass in life and know were a much more than just our parents whipping posts . this life we lead is so hard even if we love and get along with our mothers and fathers. on a bright note i have starting to write my movie it was very sad though when i realized that i dindt have to make any stuff up if i get this movie mad god will i will put all your names on it, i am going to research how to get this done i have talked to a person in hollywood who wants to start makeing his own movies right now he is just a editor for different groups like paramount i wil meet with him when we can arange it. im so sorry that i have only talked about my self when all of you are in the same boat . butjust remember i love all i will send up a prayer for each of you asking god to give you strength and peace have got crontacter comming tomorrow to start fixing the walls i better get started placking up th kitchen . all my love mia

dear mia maria, yes, hon you are a good person, you are not trash. God didnt make no trash, as the old saying goes, so take comfort in that. now what i really wanted to say to you is this: If you have an inside track with this guy in hollywood, please tell him about me, as i have a lollapalooza of a story i could tell him. From the time my mom divorced my dad, til now it has been a nightmare. including my 5 bad marriages. My spoiled to the bone sons. my meanassed mother. my sexually abusing no good stepfather. and as you say, sad, that all this is true and not fiction. sometimes i wonder why my friends say i make them happy because i make them laugh. when inside, i have such pent up horrible feelings that i can share with no one but those of you here, who understand and uphold me in my wickedness. loveyou all , donna

Shadyldy and Mia
God bless you both-admitted the husband to hospital today with probably another infection- he went into our walk in tab without socks and got three more wounds and opened up the area that the two toes were taken off and this morning when the home care nurse came his leg and foot were beet red and the other leg also reddened so another trip to the er and admission once again- I sure hope I don't have to take him for 6 weeks of IV's again. We had just hired a great aide from an agency 3 days a week for 5 hrs- he will probably be in a nursing home soon anyway so might as well spend some of our savings befor they take it all- anyway the aide will probably get another job and we will lose him. I am disheartened but am ashemed of myself you all have it harder than me-enough of my piety party- Mia all church people are not good people-if thet were they would not have judged you by what your Dad said they would have opened there arms up and their hearts -in our church there is so much love and caring I have cried so many times and had others hug me and offer help-that is what good church people do-I am glad you gave it to them verbably. I know fibro is not easy I have it and RA and polymialgia but there are worse things physical pain is one thing what you are going through is pain and you keep giving and giving- I wish I lived near you all I would find the time to help. Take care all caregivers.

welcome desert daughter, please don't feel sorry for your mother and I strongly agree with all the advice that my friends have given. You will be trapped and if your health is poor already she won't help it by living with you. As long as your mom is responsible and can do things for herself so be it. And if that changes then put her somewhere where there are people to watch her.
Dad seems to be getting better we will find out Thursday when they see if they can laser the stones that are in the ureter tube. His BP is low but he is laying down and not moving except to sit in a chair, his appetite is improving so I may have him home sometime soon if things keep on this path.
Marylynne I'm sorry to hear how vicious your mom has been toward you, mine just keeps nagging my dad even in the hospital,today my dad rolled his eyes and said why don't you shut up but she didn't hear because her mouth was running. Sometimes I pray that something will happen to shut her mouth permanently. Getting angry is what she wants remember that.
Marylynne, Cindi, Donna, Maria, Sha,and Austin hang in there remember you are the best of the best. oxoxoxoxo Judy

Good Morning Girls,
Hope you are having a good day. I have this website that I would like to pass on to all of you. There may be something in there that could help you if even only a little. Every little bit helps.
Hope it helps you.
Love,
Sha

Hi everyone
Just got back from hospital -read the riot act to the husband--he has been veggieian in bed since admission- I told him he has to get up and out of bed-if he wants to come back home-I will not have him on bedrest- he can not go back to N.H. for another 6 wks for rehab. The docs don't talk to me since they spend a whole 4 min of their time talking with him and can't get it that he is bi-polar-why is he taking all those pills; and this is the place I gave blood,sweat and tears to for over 25 yrs. It does feel good to be strong-this is still new to me to be this way.

hello every one and the new people also, donna i wish i could talk to you person to peson im sure between yours an my stories it would be one hell of a movie, please help me figure out a way so i can talk to you maybe we could work something out about this movie thing. as for our new sister mc im so sorry you have to go through this my son was in the marines he was hurt in a field trainning excercise so he never went over there but still its hard to not know where our loved ones are, let alone in danger i will say a prayer for you and yours also as for you young daughter this must be so hard for every one our youth is supose to be with out medical issues let alone some thing like this . looks and body image are so importtant at this time. wish i would have appreciated my healthy young body when i had it haha. but most important you have to get to the doc lets make a deal i havent seen a doctor in about 5 years ill make an appointment by end of next week if you do also we will help each other. through this although i have had many bad things happen in my past im the strongest person now i have my sence of humor and i can handle any thing if i couldnt handle things i would be in prison some some kind crime. just kidding but i really can handle alot i like to handle other peoples problems best that way then i dont have to think about mine. hope avery one will have a stress free day tomorrow, right now i have to wash my supper dishs in the bath tub GROSS. even at my lowest point 18 with a newborn and no husband or help of any kind i didnt have to do dishes in the tub. what has my life become. all to take of a selfish old man. oh yea i kinda talked harshly to my husband tonight. he's been having panic attacts about once a day i told him he cant fall apart either he needs to see someone and get on meds or we need to move. im kind mad at him becasue how come he gets to have these attacts and i dont i know it sounds selfish but. what gives him the right to attact he had a great child hood and its for him that we moved here kind feel like im the one who should get to come apart at the seams not him is this normal? thanks for letting me say this i cant say this to any one else . every one loves ly husband and thinks he's the greatest which he is but it doenst make it any more easy. mia

Hey girls,

Austin, sorry your husband hurt himself again. Don't you wish the nursing home thing would come sooner than later. Know it will be hard to lose your savings. My mom has the same problem, thats why she won't put dad in one.

Miak, hang in there. Understand about the thing with the good husband. Everyone always said what a great husband I had for putting up with me and all my antics with my parents. Well, he wasn't doing any thing except putting up with it. He didn't help me with hospital visits, as a matter of fact, he never ever visited my dad when he was in the hospital for months. All he ever did was put up with me, so hard!! If you ask me He got the better end of the stick.

Judy, hope your dad is doing better, I know how much you love him.

Well, I had another fight with mom today. Its getting worse and worse. Night before she asked me to kiss her goodnight. I usually do, but with all the hurtful things she says, can't bring myself to do it. Well, next morning, which was today, she said "we really are not the same as we used to be". I said yes mom, I do not feel the same about you when you are always saying hurtful things to me. And, I said, don't tell me you are not saying hurtful things and that I am making them up, because I am not. And, I do not have a sick mind.... She said do you want us to leave. I said you may have to, but don't think when you go, I am going to run every time you need something and I am not going to sleep by your house if you are sick, those days are over.

I somehow think she got it, I might be wrong. I told her I loved her and my father and I would always get their groceries and medicine, but somehow don't think they will ever leave. She is not strong enough, mind wise, to make that decision. I am hoping God will take this decision out of my hands. Do you think that is too much to ask?

I am so miserable that I do not want to wake up any more. We were shopping today with my daughter after school. My daughter demanded my attention for something, and my mom said "isn't it nice to shop when she isn't with us, she doesn't give us a minute together". I told my mom I am with her all day and my daughter isn't. I told her she hurt my daughter's feelings. I just wish she would get it or a ligtning bolt would hit her and make her nice.

Love,
Marylynne

Has anyone on here ever had to apply to SSA to be a representative payee? or have someone declared incompetent? I believe that I may need to do both, but am nervous about dealing with the government in my county, ywhich is very corrupt.

My Mother is on an anti psychotic and 3 anti depressants and sedatives and you would think that would be proof that she is not competent, but I am not sure what is the best way to proceed.

I was sick last weekend for about 3 days and all three days, she aggravated the crap out of me about doing this and that trying to force me to get up, mostly because she did not like the inconvenience of not having me at her beck and call. She did however have 5 other adults in the house able to take care of any true needs and a healthcare worker who comes to the house daily.

As soon as I got up, she started aggravating me to get her puppy a vet appointment and take it to it. She thinks that the dog has lice, which is an hallucination. The dog does not even have fleas. I told her that I was not going anywhere and that I didn't appreciate her behaving as if her dog problem was more important than my health and that if I were going to continue to take care of her, she was going to have to stop trying to manipulate and control me, because that was what she had been doing trying to manufacture emergency reasons for me to get up.

She told me that she was not going to listen to me and I told her that it was my house and that I would say whatever I felt necessary, so she pretended to go to sleep.

A few hours later, I went out to eat with my husband to get a break from her, because she still kept trying to find stupid things for me to do, to prove that she didn't have to listen to me and to force me to do whatever she wanted done.

While I was gone, she had a discussion with my daughter in which she told her that it was me who had mental problems and that I needed a break from her and they were going to get me to go on a vacation so that she could leave and move in with my daughter.

My daughter is just manipulative enough to let her think she was going along with it and then try to appear innocent to us when she repeated the plan to us. Of course, my husband and I already knew something was up when she made the big swing from being mad at me to offering to pay for us to go on a vacation as well as making it a point to tell her healthcare worker that she and my daughter had decided that my husband and I were depressed.

It didn't exactly work, her healthcare worker told her that if she were us and had a whole house full of adults that wouldn't clean up after themselves, she would be depressed too!!! But the point is Mom is trying to set the stage to prove there is something wrong with me and not her. People who are psychotic, are often paranoid and devious.

I wonder if I set the wheels in motion to have her declared incompetent, if it could backfire on me if she makes unfounded claims against me. She threatens to say that I abuse her as a way to try and manipulate me, which only results in making me angry.

I'm considering biding my time and having her evaluated by doctors in order to make sure there is adequate documentation, before I make any moves, but since she has been violent and is now resorting to scheming, I wonder if I have that option. I have had several EMT's and the hospital social workers and an ER doctor tell me that I should just put her in a home, so I am thinking that I need to start making them document their opinions.

Any input?

Hi everyone, today i finally just took off with my girlfriend and we went to a nearby resort area, and looked at cabins for sale, as my girlfriend is in the market for such. It was not much, but whiled away a day, and we had fun together talking and just being together, as my mom is jealous of my time that she doesnt want me to visit my friend. Anyway, came home to an angry old witch. then to make me more upset, this old woman told my better half while i was gone that i had stolen her home from her, spent all her money and didnt give my sister in law her fair share. screw them both. i have taken care of her for so long now that i have forgotten how long it was. and i deserve everything and more than i get for sure. I HATE HER AGAIN. she needs to be anywhere but near me. Would a pillow over her head help me? haha. j/k on that one, but it is a thought. Marylynne, both of these old witches need to be on some serious sedation. I am thinking
Thorazine maybe. Is there anything i could give her that would make her sleep day and night? that would be a blessing. I am going to set up an appt with the doc to have a talk with him about what to do with her. i can not take it much longer. and if i put her in a nursing home i think the guilty feeling would last ummmmmm maybe 10 minutes or less. NOT. i am very upset, dont know why she talks smack about me when i am not here to defend myself and acts so hurt when i confront her with her shenanigans. it is not fair. no one should have to live their life to please someone else. hope yall s day was better, but, with marylynne, mia, lascorpia, i think it is about the same crap as ever. more put downs, more hurt feelings more hate. glad yall are here. love, donna

shady are you awake? please dont be wake crying

hello why is it we always want to put them on meds or give them drugs to sleep th day away why should they get such pleasure how about us maybe we should takes meds and sleep all day maybe we should live in lala land oh yea like that would ever happen th world as our families know it would crash and BURN so se just put up with the crap until we break down and cry at 2:00 in the morning while we should be sleeping like normal people or yea forgot that too we not normal theres a whole world out there that are truly HAPPY haha donna dont you let her get you down im totally convincied that every thing those old witches do is a bout CONTROL T they conat control there world like where they go or what they eat or when the pee or poo so they control us its all about control the more control they lose the more we pay. you mom cant control where she goes ie( some where fun like you today) so she will sit all the time your gone wishing she was out and not sitting in her sad pathetic life and gets worked up so when you come back home shes all pissed and vinagared and wants to wreck your hour, or day, or week your LIFE so then shes not the only one with a shitty life. we need to take back the control in our lifes we are to old to be leading these lives this is to every one here we need and deserve a nice quite peace filled life. give me the thorazine screw wasting good drugs on them haha. to 84 with all the people around you house im sure that her telling any shes abused will not fly. its all about deflecting things off them on and to some one else, there not with it enough to know there home heaalth care people there besides you. Dont let her make you thing your the one with the problem its her . oh my god i just got the crap scared out of me im typing away and out of the corner of my eye i see thome thing in the window wow what was thati look again out the other window its a racoon walking on the window ledge he wasnt afraid of me i knocked on the window and barked like a dog and it just looked at me like yea lady your not a dog. crazy. i dont know how you would get some one declared incompitent maybe call legal aide they could more help full . well time to try to go to sleep need to figure out how to get my control back . that doesnt involve anything that could get 5-10 and out for good behavior. although see how they get us to even joke that prison would be better. maybe im already in prision we need to do a prision break how about it donna want to be on th run with me maybe ply and no it would be a thelma and louise thing haha try to have a good day sending loving thought and prayers you way and for the families who have loved ones in th military god bless them and keep them safe thank you for producing great people that care about our saftey . love to all miak

Donna, You are hilarious. You always cheer me up and lascorpia is your mom a twin of mine too. My mom is trying to make everyone think that I am the one with the nervous problems when she is the one that is on mega doses of anti anxiety pills. Let me know if you can have them claimed incompetent. Maybe that is a way out.

My mom wants to go get a shot in her back Monday to help out with the pain. It is a shame that I don't want her to feel good because she aggravates me when she feels well.

Is it terrible for me to feel that way. Totally understand wanting them to sleep night and day. Would make me feel better. I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER.

I am saying novenas to the blessed mother for a change of heart in either her or me.

Love,
Marylynne

Lascorpia, talk to your dr. about your mom. He should know the history better than anybody else and go from there. Wish you luck.
Miak, I love that movie, "Thelma and Louise". It would be kind of fun to have an adventure like that but not the ending.
Shady, I understand your anger, you deserve to have fun and a life outside of your mom. My mom doesn't get upset when I leave but she gets nervous, thinking that something bad happened if I take too long. I don't let her get to me when I get home because I deserve a break. I don't feel guilty either. Don't let her get to you. I know, I know. Easier said than done. But you are only hurting yourself with your anger. I wish all of us could get rid of it and just let everything fly by us. I am trying my darnest to do it anyway. I don't want to end up in the hospital because of somebody else.
Marylynne, maybe all of us should go see a counselor or something. We all need it for one thing or another. Like I said before, thank God for my friends. I can cry on their shoulders when I need to. And they cry on mine too. I guess that is why we are so close because we understand each other. Everyone have a good day today. Remember somewhere down the day to stop and smell the roses.
Love, Ply

Hi girls, Well not much different with Dad, they drained the lung again, he couldn't have the stone lasered because of the fluid on the lung. They have to put you under for the laser treatment. Also trying to get him to have a BM what fun.Not getting much sleep I am afraid the hospital will call in the middle of the night again.
Told mother to stop picking on him about how he looks, he's all purple on his arms from all the IV's that they have done and drawing blood. She told me she was talking to herself and he couldn't hear, I said, no he has heard you many times.NAG NAG NAG
You know this is the time to have decent conversations with him because if he passes then we can't talk to him anymore DOES SHE NOT REALIZE THIS. Thats why I am getting so pissed off at her.
Went and had my ultrasound done today for my left side pain. Also checked my mitra valve.
Thinking of all of you oxoxoxoxo Judy

DEC
My prayers are with you for your ultrasound and mitra valve. Your mother sounds like a very selfish women- she is only thinking of herself- it is sad. Our son and his son visited with me and my husband at the hospital tonight-our son's ex is going to take him -our grandson -to a special school states away he is only 12 and is austisic- but he seems allright with it and gave us both hugs -which he does not like to do he is such a nice little boy- we don't see him much anyway and he will be home for the holidays and maybe my life will be calmer-hello- so he can spend time with us. The aide we had hired 3 times a week is waiting to come back to work for us when the husband is discharged from the hospital -probably Mon or Tue.

Hi Everyone,
I have been reading your postings. I wrote a long letter earlier but lost it. Thinking of all of you. Thinking of me too. How did it get to be like this? Got out for 10 hours with husband. Went to a baseball game with husband and 9 friends. Rare very rare. Had a good time and felt free. It was a good liberating feeling but then coming home I realized that all my friends had noone to take care of only I did. I felt bad for myself and thought to myself that they could not understand my plight. When will I be free? Will it really matter, or make a difference?
Will I just take on someone else to take care of?

NIght and hugs
Cindi

Dear Cindi,

Feel the exact same way. Amen

Hi Everyone,
Austin, glad you are getting a few free days from husband. Also glad you have help.
Marylynne, I knew you would know what I am talking about.
Judy, your Mother can't think of anyone outside of herself. She won't get it. She may get it once Father is gone, but who knows. Hope your tests come out okay. Didn't know you had health issues going on too sigh but understandable really. Your poor father going through so much. Lung collapsing etc..kidney stones..geez all too much.
Maria, sounds like you have a good support system. Friends you can kick it around with...feelings etc. I also have friends and they do sympathize, but they can't empathize with me cause they can't possibly know unless they have been here done that. But, it definitely helps to know they are in my corner. Like I said last night I thought to myself how lucky they are they have noone to take care of but themselves. It is quite a responsibility. My one gf said she would not build an addition to have her in-laws move in with them. She has gone done there for a week a few times to take care of them so the burden is easier. She said if she was going to get an addition it would be to make her kitchen bigger. I said well while you are at it you could push out the whole wall and add a room...her response no way.
Donna, doesn't it hurt when you try your damnest to do right by them, doing over yourself, being so responsible and dutiful, diligent etc...and they talk bad about you anyways? As soon as you turn your back. They talk to the nearest person. Really hurts doesn't it? They just can't help themselves. My mother does this to me too. I have questioned her about it in a subtle way before. Makes you wonder why you even take care of them at all. Like what kind of fool are you anyways? Are we angels? Or, gluttons for punishment and abuse? Interesting. I like to think we are angels though. Turning our other cheek no matter how difficult it gets or how ugly they get cause WE know. We know what their life would be like if not for us. Despite the awfulnest they can dish out we still stand by them...that is love. But there is a fine line between love and hate...we must be sure not to get so resentful...
Love to you all...
Cindi

Dear Girls,

My husband's mother is doing quite well in the nursing home. She thinks she is in a hospital and doesn't ask questions when visited. Yet another person who is free of problems. I am quite jealous and feel quite guilty about feeling that way.

I pray to the blessed mother every night for an answer to this problem. If I put my dad in a nursing home, my mother will only get worse. She will not commit herself to a home because their is nothing truly wrong with her health wise, except for bad nerves.

I will be stuck with her for the rest of my life unless there is another way out.

Got 3 dr. appts. this week, but I don't do anything remember

Love,
Marylynne

Marylynne,
Put dad in an assisted living, private care home or nursing home. Put Mom in a senior residential apartment or if she cannot afford it then check out private homes and put her in one of those. I hope you have them there. We do. People run these residential private senior homes. It is a regular home with like 3 or 4 bedrooms. They all have their own rooms. There is nursing care there and meals served and it is like a home environment. You really need to do this for yourself. I hope you are going to counseling too. I believe the counselor would tell you to take care of yourself, first parents second. You would still be overseeing their care and taking care of them just not from your home. You probably could handle that.

Thinking of you
Cindi

marylynne, i agree with cindi, the homes would be the best thing, then you would not have to be with mom all the time. and change your phone number so she cant call you. i am having the same kind of day as usual. just want to blow up. sorry that i am such a bad person. i just never want to talk to her or be around her more than 5 min a day. i cant stand her. i hate her snobby ways. she feels so superior to most everyone. hmmmm? wonder if that may be the reason she has no company? she goes from the front door to the back door and the side windows looking out to see what the neighbors and my son are doing. then reports to me and acts as if she wants me to give her an answer.. i could care less what any of them are doing. i told her today just to quit looking and being so damned nosy. she became quite offended. i marked one up for me. counseling for me? haha, i am already nuts, and you cant cure mental illness. love you all, donna

Dear Cindi and Donna,

Thank you both for supporting me, but there is no private homes here in louisiana. There use to be some before the storm, but is none in my area now. The only way I could possibly get rid of my mother would be if she got mad enough to want to move away and mad enough never to talk to me again. She knows I am the only one who would ever do anything for her. I feel quite guilty at times for hating her so, but she drove me to this over so many years.

I did take the first step today. I called my insurance company and got the name of several counselors. I would like to go to one without my mother knowing about it, but that will be quite impossible, since she doesn't let me out of her site. I know I sound like a child and not an adult, but that is the hold she has had over me all my life. I don't know how to stand up for myself and need to learn that through counseling.

Will let ya'll know when I get an appointment and how it goes. I know I have said this before, but realize now I am in pretty bad shape.

I really am feeling like its not all my mom, its a bit of my husband and my oldest child too, that makes me feel this way. I know they say only you can make yourself feel a certain way, but I have to say that when you are giving and soft hearted as I am, it is quite easy for people to take advantage of you. I started writing all my thoughts on paper just to get them out of my body.

Love and kisses to all of you in the same position as I. I know, oh to well, the feeling of wanting to blow up and feeling like a bad person. I too, never want to talk to her or be around her for more than 5 minutes. My mom, too, acts very superior to every one else and has no company. Where did we get these mothers from?

marylynne

Marylynne,

Hope you had a better day. It is too bad there are no private homes for seniors. I guess it's either your home, your way or the nursing home for you mom then...or having her get a place of her own..actually..cause you did say nothing is really much wrong with her physically. Oh, yes or senior resident apartment. I think seeking counseling is a great idea.

Went to UCLA with husband for a pre-op class...I left depressed. Was down for pretty much the rest of the day. Did go and see a movie with husband. It was good. "The family that preys together." Decided to have the surgery for sure now esp after seeing the movie. Sister has helped out alot with caring for the parents while I go to my appt and to the movie. Still have caregiver come in once a week if I can...but sister does it alot more for me on weekend etc..it is helping alot. Mother didn't like it that I left her with husband this evening while taking sister out to tea..when I got home she snarled on her way to the bathroom "Where the hell have you been?" Target, I said...then I thought to myself what the hell do you care anyways...
Such is life. Not sure how it will go when I have my surgery...probably hellious here.

Hope you all are okay
Hugs
Cindi

hey girls, well its been three weeks tomorrow that Dad has been in the hospital, and they did the laser treatment it was a success, we were holding our breath because he had to be put on a breathing tube for the surgery. That was scarey and they took him off yesterday, he did fine, my heart was racing all day and I couldn't eat or sleep. First thing he said when he saw me was when can I go home.
Donna, I know what you mean about a nosey mother mine looks out the windows in the kitchen and lets me know all that is going on outside. When some people across the street had sold their house my mother was there to report and when they had a moving can there same thing. When we are driving any house with a for sale sign she lets me know I DON"T CARE!!! Try having to take her two times a day for 3 weeks to the hospital with the walker. I love it when they ask her if she needs a wheel chair she scowls and says "NO."
I am so thankful for my cousin who has been there to talk to and wants to help me because she knows my mom won't be any help. She has been through this with her Dad and wants me to make funeral arrangements ahead of time before something happens because it will be alot easier for me.
I also want to say that the lord has answered my prayers and my Dad is blessed so thank him for all the good in your life. I pray though that he would fix my mother, apparently there is no miracle for that!
Love to all of you, Judy

Judy, I was going to suggest about funeral arrangements but felt it wasn't my place. I am glad that your cousin did though. That is what I have done for my mom. It sounds morbid but we do have to think about this. Glad that your Dad is doing better and even if I don't know you or your family personally, I too am relieved that everything turned out fine.

Early this evening, we got a call that one of our friends wasn't doing good at the hospital. We went to see her and she died after 11pm tonight. I feel sad, depressed, angry. Her other 2 children didn't get to see her before she died. One is in Germany with her husband and her only son is in Iraq. Red Cross had already been called. Her son told me that the only thing that he didn't want was to get a call from the Red Cross concerning his mom. And he did. God, embrace this child when he has to go back to Iraq. Keep him under your care and let his mother watch over him too.

Hi girls,
Maria, I'm so very sorry to hear of your friends passing and even more sorry for her son. My prayers are with him. May our Lord keep him safe.
I've been reading everyday and my prayers are with you all as you endure your daily trials.
My son-in-law recently got out of the Marines and was staying with his mother until Sunday when they had a terrible fight and her boyfriend threw him out. In my opinion he had no right to do that...her house, her son, stay out of it. My son-in-law did not have a happy childhood and is bitter towards his mother so I think things came to a head. I found out about it through my daughter and I called him to say he could stay with me, which he has. I love having him but my heart also breaks for him. I'm doing the best I can to make him feel welcome and wanted. He's a good boy. He bought a condo but he doesn't sign papers until next month. So we are all together, me, Mom, Jason, the 2 cats and the snake! God Bless us, one and all!
Love,
Sha