Believing caregivers, how do I reconcile that scripture says to put others before me whereas the secular world says put me first?

Rosses: Thank you so much! I finally was able to get a date for my surgery just today after getting on my doctors, who oftentimes you have to wait on but I'd been waiting too long. It will be Dec. 12. Yes, I had to get through some appts that will present a bleed since I have to go on Xeralto.

That is good news Llama! By Christmas you’ll be done with the surgery and God willing successfully and quickly recovering. That will be the best gift, the invaluable gift of health! :)

I know exactly how you feel but your strength and patience will only come from Gods word you have to faith in what your reading I am also a caretaker I at times feel like this is too much but I know that this too shall pass it will not always be The Lord always reminds me that he is with me through this what I call storm. WHY US? When we get through this and we will God will use us to help someone else

The heart of a caregiver is a rare element on earth
They define the true meaning and value of God’s worth

The soul of a caregiver is precious and pure
Their spirits are heavenly, of that I am sure

The selfless compassion and love that they share
Provides relief, joy, and comfort just knowing they’re there

Their efforts often unnoticed, full of strength and emotion
Bring peace to the heavens with angelic devotion

Many nights they are restless, their minds filled with unease
Because they devote their lives to tend to others’ needs

There is none more deserving than one with the caregiver ability
They show peace, love, and mercy and give our loved ones dignity

Caregiver, a special place in heaven is waiting for you
There is a special place inside my heart that is reserved for you, too

Thank you for everything, all of it, and more
I pray someone so kind is there for you when you knock on God’s door


by Ryann Huff

An alternative interpretation of "turn the other cheek"

If cheek is considered to be a metaphor for the way you treat somebody and presumably you are treating them well but get a "slap in the face" not literally but you are offended in some way, such as by having all you have done thrown in your face, then turn the other cheek. Here that would mean treat them differently by for example ignoring and stop helping them.
When you stop helping someone who does not deserve to be helped or who makes no effort to improve, then you can dedicate your time and resources to someone who will benefit.

Quite a different interpretation considering the verse as a whole. "But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also." Mtt. 5:39 I think this speaks more to the issue of revenge.

Smeshque--Oh, how lovely is that!
Rosses--Thank you. I hope to be healed, but will have to see how it goes. I'm scaling back Christmas this year because for one to go through such a long ordeal has left me drained.

Freddy- I would have to say that I do not have that understanding of turn the other cheek. As Cmag wrote, that is quite a different interpretation.
I can only follow my guide. And it is quite contrary to what you have written. I think as a human we would like to believe that to behave that way is acceptable and that we can right ourselves for the wrongs committed against us. But, as a believer that is truly not the case. Vengeance is not ours, the Lord will repay. God is especially going to avenge His Son and His children, we need not even worry about it. But, I encourage you to read the following verses and truly let Him speak to you truth and light.

But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; Matthew 5:44

But I say unto you which hear, Love your enemies, do good to them which hate you,
Bless them that curse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you.
And unto him that smiteth thee on the one cheek offer also the other; and him that taketh away thy cloke forbid not to take thy coat also.
Give to every man that asketh of thee; and of him that taketh away thy goods ask them not again.
And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise.
For if ye love them which love you, what thank have ye? for sinners also love those that love them.
And if ye do good to them which do good to you, what thank have ye? for sinners also do even the same.
Luke 6:27-33

For a long time I’ve been wanting to post something about a subject that comes up quite often here on aging care and in life in general particularly for some of us caregivers. It is related to the concept of turning the other cheek that you brought up Freddy, as turning the other cheek is often believed to result in turning into a “doormat”.

The key though, is that when we turn the other cheek we have a reason; a deep and full of meaning reason! and an ultimate goal, which is to emulate how Jesus showed us true love looks like when put into action!

Being a doormat refers to lacking character, having a weak personality and not having self respect. Opposite to that, when we turn the other cheek and sincerely forgive, forget and move forward, we place ourselves above resentment, anger and bitterness. We release ourselves from negativity and darkness. 

Far from being weak, we become empowered by recognizing and accepting that we all are human beings and failing is in our nature, it is almost the result of our raw instincts, but FORGIVING comes from the highest place of our intelligence, our understanding of life and our spirituality.

When we forgive we are in fact turning the other cheek, and the more meekness and humbleness we display, the stronger we become spiritually.

Jesus turned the other cheek all throughout His life on earth, until the very moment He took His last breath!
Yet, when we think of Jesus the farthest thought in our mind is that He was weak, as He was the opposite of weakness!

Jesus was is and always will be the greatest leader, the best teacher, the greatest expression of love that humankind has ever experienced!

We know Jesus didn’t turn His cheek by ignoring or by not helping those who needed Him and instead helping someone ‘more deserving’ -and who would qualify as more deserving, since we ALL fail?
Even worse, where would we (all of us) be if Jesus said “No, you are not the Christian I hoped you would be. You are not grateful, and the more I show you my love, the more you turn away from me! No, I won’t help you! I’m going to help someone more deserving instead”.

Can you imagine? We ALL would be lost!

Jesus is the shepherd of the sinners, more than the righteous! He looks for those who turn away from Him, as they need Him the most!

Who are we then, to turn away from someone that needs us, just because they are not grateful or nice to us?

I know very well this journey is not easy. I live it myself every day -every single day-. It is the most difficult thing I’ve done in my life, and perhaps one of the most difficult parts of the journey is that It intrinsically requires to consistently turn the other cheek.

But when I look at my loved one, so diminished, so tired, so fed up..so mad! I know behind all of that is a frail person who needs me in every sense, and who counts on me.
When I look at my loved one I know I’m looking at the opportunity that God himself put in my life to become someone a little closer to what He knows I can be.. Because He knows my potential, even if I downplay myself many, many times, letting anger, tiredness and sadness win the battle...but, with His help, never the war!

We ALL are asked to exercise patience, understanding and humbleness.

Because we CAN
Because we SHOULD
Because God’s heart fills up everytime that we choose RIGHT over wrong, or over easy.

There is really no room for confusion when interpreting what turning the other cheek means, as anything else would meant turning our back to someone who needs us.

Lets pray so we all receive the blessing of being able to recognize that sister or brother that needs us, even if hidden under the appearance of rejection or ungratefulness!

Beautifully written Rosses and Amen to all of it. Thank you so much for that.

Withhold not good from them to whom it is due, when it is in the power of thine hand to do it.
Proverbs 3:27

You must take care of yourself. If you don’t then you won’t have it to take care of anyone else. You can’t do this alone. Get help. I think you have to look at taking some time for yourself as being able to truly put your loved one first. Don’t allow satan or anyone else to make you feel guilty because you need respite.

I kept my my mom at home until she died of Alzheimer’s. For a long time I did it all myself. I got really impatient and eventually took it out on her. Then I would feel terrible. I finally reached out for help. I was lucky enough to have 3 wonderful brothers who chipped in with physical help and financial help. I was able to get help with mom. Once I was able to have someone share the work with me I was able to enjoy spending time with my mom again.

That truly is one thing I have learned in this caregiving journey. That when you are in the caregiver position, you don't get to enjoy the LO as you should or would like to. Because you are under a lot of stress and carrying a load. That is why it is so important to have some sort of respite. I have yet to be able to do that. When I was working I was able to enjoy Mom more than when I am here 24/7. The work was in some ways was a respite for me, however, it was still work and more stress. So I have yet to figure out how to get my respite here at home. I ponder if I should go back to work or not for that purpose. I don't know.
But, it will come.
The Lord is my strength and refuge and a very present help.
But, as a caregiver if you have an opportunity for a little respite to revive yourself, so that you can enjoy your Loved ones more, please do it.

Jeremiah 29:11
“For I know the plans I have for you”, declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

“Be shepherds of God’s flock that is under your care, serving as overseers—not because you must, but because you are willing, as God wants you to be; not greedy for money, but eager to serve; not lording it over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock. And when the Chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the crown of glory that will never fade away.” —1 Peter 5:2–4

Smeshque: That's right about not enjoying the LO as you should when you're in your caregiving role. When I was living out of state with my late mother, I tried to fit in as many social events as I could. Still I had others critiquing me, to which I say if you think you can do what I did--to leave my home, my family and my life, then by all means take over. No one did!

momof4girls: I give you BIG KUDOS to take care of your LO with Alzheimer's! That's extremely difficult! Hats off to you, my dear lady!

I am thinking this is a special word for me. Love the ones that hate and use you...yep my two siblings fill the bill there...and i have been setting healthy boundaries with them lately...just to not get drawn into dysfunctional patterns. The scriptures say to be as wise as serpents yet gentle ...innocent ...as doves. Because Love never fails...i pray for more love and not to use the grace He gives me to hurt but to heal. So there is a place to take a stand in love...and not retaliation. There is a moment between lashing back or choosing to just stand strong in the love of the Lord remembering He has forgiven me i can fogive. But...i don't have to lay down and be run over..
i can stand in the Lord Jesus in a quiet confidence that He is my defence, my provider, the ONE who is allowing these trials to burn away the junk in me until He sees only His reflection in my broken heart. Getting better not bitter from the firey trials of learning all i need is Him, He is enough. Takes guts really...and abusers will see it as a weakness when you don't lash back...but God knows how hard it is for us and it pleases His heart I know...so who cares what they think. Care what Jesus thinks more and just be kind why not. Love and prayers to all of you !

Keep in mind that you've got to be able to care for yourself in order to care for others. And, that is something that I believe even Christ, or whomever one believes in, would agree with. Be good to yourself, do what you need to do to maintain your own health, mentally, spiritually and physically. That in turn will allow you to be fully "there" for your LO.

Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God...
Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.
Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another.
1 John 4:7,10,11

“Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the LORD.” 
Psalms 31:24

Joshua 1:3-9
I promise you what I promised Moses: "Wherever you set foot, you will be on land I have given you ... No one will be able to stand against you as long as you live. For I will be with you as I was with Moses. I will not fail you or abandon you. Be strong and courageous, for you are the one who will lead these people to possess all the land I swore to their ancestors I would give them. Be strong and very courageous ... Study this Book of Instruction continually. Meditate on it day and night so you will be sure to obey everything written in it. Only then will you prosper and succeed in all you do. This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."

1 Chronicles 28:20 
David also said to Solomon his son, "Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you until all the work for the service of the temple of the LORD is finished."

Psalm 56:3-4
When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?

LL- 1 Chronicles 28:20, is one of my favorite verses. I wrote in in calligraphy on our living room wall and DH framed it nicely.
When we really started dedicating our lives to God, that verse was very encouraging to both of us.

Dad read it everyday while he lived with us. So maybe it was an encouragement for him, also.

Please pray for a man called Red.
That the Lord would comfort his heart and give him peace of mind. He is heart broken. :(
Thank you.

Smeshque: Prayed for the gentleman named Red. Whatever his needs are, God knows them.

Smeshque: Glad that you loved the verse in Chronicles. That must be quite spectacular on your wall. I've thought of you, your husband and your mother as people who love the Lord with all your hearts always. You're wonderful people.

LL- Thank you for the prayers. He sure needs them. I thank you for your kind words.
It is my only goal in this life to accomplish loving the Lord with all my heart, mind, and soul.

Smeshque: You're welcome.

Scripture is important but it seems like you are struggling with purpose. As a believer you struggle with caregiving but so does non-believers. Caregiving is difficult and to give yourself away is also difficult. Prayer is important but also finding yourself in caregiving is equally important. When I started this journey, I was tortured in my own thoughts of not knowing what to do for me. My life vanished and care giving was my new normal. Acceptance of my fate, trying to prepare for my life after caregiving was over, imagining visiting my son and granddaughter who I never met because of my caregiving duties was apart of my acceptance. So again prayer and scripture is important but application of life decisions are equally important for you to ensure you do not completely lose yourself in this journey that God has you on. Also my mother passed this summer, and I got to visit my son and my granddaughter but I am still having residual effects of my experiences which I am taking time to heal and find my life again, post caregiving. Stay prayed up but also applying some practical life applications from your prayers and accept this journey while giving it to God for guidance and support as to what to do daily, monthly, and yearly. Stay blessed and find your life in caregiving and afterwards. AMEN!!!