smeshque Posted January 2018
Believing caregivers, how do I reconcile that scripture says to put others before me whereas the secular world says put me first?
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That said, the Bible does not indicate that you run yourself into the ground for every need there is for the same Word states “let your yes mean yes and your No..No.” so there are situations that call for a no...but the only person that can assess that would be you, since you are in this situation.
We should appreciate the need for balance- that we do what we can, but we have limitations- as you had mentioned. Accept your fence and say “no” to those situations that put you and your health at risk.
There are places who are equipped to handle care....sometimes, much better than a sole family member in the home, because they have shifts of staff, proper equipment, on site care, etc. There are also others who can come into the home to help with care. I think we may need to consider if we are actually putting the loved one's needs first and not our own desires to care. And if I'm struggling with feeling overwhelmed, feel guilt for no apparent reason, am incredibly sad or depressed......I'd try to resolve that by being more pragmatic about the reasons why and how I might correct it.
Smes, it could be a lot of reasons or issues involve with your husband not being more involved. I hope you have a breakthrough with whatever bounds are involved with that issue.
My twisted and my mother have both hated my guts and had no boundaries in letting me know it. To this day I cant figure it out and I subconciously ignored what they had been telling me all along.
This caregiving is a tremendous load, its hard to watch a loved one deteriorate no matter what the history. I had to stop back and let God work. It was the only way to keep my sanity. Its okay for us to take a break and nuture ourselves and build on the love out side of lthe person we take care of.
Once we put God first he handles all our cares. Its the same with the stress of care giving I learned I had to stop trying to make everything right, still learning to let go and let God. I see results. Friends and all were telling me I dont let my sister do anything. I have always been the Cinderella. Cooking cleaning, solving every problem trying to make everyone happy and take away their pain. the people who care about me that way are dead and gone. God sent angels to my rescue as I learned the reality that my sister and mother were only about themselves and I was truly being used as the footstool I felt I was.
After an illness my job let me go. I had unemployemnt for a good while. And I found it hard to find a job. I persevered to no avail. My landllord sold her house I had to move back in with my mother. I helped her find this house, fix it up kept it up for years, many years, what ever was need I did. She would curse me as I cleaned and waxed floors, every event I hadto fight as I put up a tree or fixed a big dinner. I thought I was this or that. When prayed not to have to go there because things got really nasty and painful and I didnt burn the bridge but =my pride was hurt to go back into the hell hole. Here with nothing no car no job. I was treated like an outcast. so many natural rights were violated, it was very painful and ugly. My pressure stayed high and the doctors kept threatening to admit me if it didnt go down in hte offfice after a stat med.
But during that time. So many angels came into my life. I did a lot of crying, I mean crying like a baby. and praying it was during that time that I didnt want for anything I needed, I couldnt ask a thing from my mohter or sister. My sister was evening giving her cans to people in thestreet. I would go visit my son and pantry goods I had neatly placed and depended on would be thrown out. I and going on and on I can right a book. Ishare it to say when I realized all I needed was God. Singing Praise and prayers took me a long ways. Sometimes I forget but back then people would say I had a glow even in the mist of all that turmoil. Dont forget you are God's child talk to Him . I read a lot of psalm. One of my favorite pslams is the 28th because the LOrd is my strenght and my shield. I was also told to read the 37th by a lot of people . I have quite a few favorites. I think you read and find the ones that touch your heart .
Putting one's self first means different things to different people. To some, it's means egomanaically demanding that ALL of their needs and wants be fufilled immediately with no concern about how those demands impact others.
This is NOT what we mean on this board when we saw you need to put yourself first.
What we mean is, if you don't consider one's own NEEDS--for food, rest, privacy, a livelihood, socialization, then you become worthless as a caregiver. You run the risk of burning out, becoming seriously ill or dying. The statistics on death amongst caregivers is truly appalling. A dead caregiver does no one any good.
We don't mean ego-centrically putting ones' self first. We mean it in the sense that Maslow, the early 20th century psychologist meant it when he talked about the hierarchy of needs. If you don't take care of yourself, you will be of little good to anyone else.
Getting adequate respite from caregiving is not selfish. It allows you to do a better job.
As an analogy, we rest on the Sabbath. It allows us to perform all of our mundane tasks better during the week. Resting on the Sabbath is not "lazy". It is restorative.
Hillel, a contemporary of Jesus, said " If I am not for myself, who will be? " One has to protect oneself in order to be of service.
It's an interesting topic, isn't it?