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I’ve been on the forum for awhile. What I have learned here was a great help getting me through this. Quick rundow:


I’m 63 yr old guy, last living kid


Been managing money, medical, the whole sinking ship for 5 years from 3 states away.


Mom with health/mobility issues


Dad with dementia which started increasing rapidly in the last few weeks.


Been dealing with all the nightmares, worries and problems so familiar to us all


Last week the big crisis, mom fell, head injury, Em room, then to hosp for testing and observation.


She was found by my cousin, a nurse, who just happen to stop by from out of state.  There was blood all over the floor and her bed.  Mom and dad were just going to tough it out.  I JUST NEED TO REST A LITTLE.  I had just been on the phone with mom an hour before she fell.


Jumped in car, 10 hour drive, had to get friends and neighbors to watch Dad till I got here.


Been running my ass off since, begging and paying people to watch Dad,


got mom in wonderful facility Tuesday


Took Dad to have lunch with mom today. Put another bed and his stuff in the room while they were eating.


When I left she was dozing in bed and dad asleep in his chair.


We are playing the JUST TILL MOM GETS BETTER game for now. I know I’ve still got some rough stuff ahead but this is huge!  The staff in this place is amazing.


I cannot describe my relief.


Thanks to all you folks for listening to my tales of woe the last couple years.

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Merry Christmas Windy!
Big relief!
Sorry about Mom's fall, but safer now.
I like it when the couple get to stay together.
(9)
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Windyridge, Congratulations on your great news! I'm so happy that you have gotten so much accomplished. I've been there and it was like the weight of the world was lifted from my shoulders. I could finally get a good night's sleep without constant worry and anxiety. I'm sorry that your mom was injured, but, it sounds like she's recovering and in a good place. I hope that it's good fit and things work out splendidly.
(11)
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Thanks for sharing - it is good to hear when people are able to get the help they ned. That is so huge - and to be to accomplish it so quickly is impressive. You must be exhausted, but so relieved!!!! My Mom moved into AL yesterday. It was much less dramatic, but even so as the staff there swept in to help (they are great) it was like a huge burden lifted.
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Dear Windyridge,

Good for you. I'm so glad you got your mom and dad settled into a good place. It is a relief. I hope you can start to take some time for yourself now.
(7)
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Wow Windy, I'm sorry for your poor mom but thrilled for you!! We can only hope they both decide they like the place and astonish you by asking to stay!!
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Windy; I'm SO glad that your mom is pretty okay! And glad that your parents are now under watchful eyes. Believe, there will still be plenty to do!
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This sounds like a really promising new start, and a very good catch by your cousin! Fingers crossed your parents will quickly find that in truth there's a lot to be said for being somewhere hassle free and safe - and with a much happier son :)
(9)
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This will be dads first night. The staff is really great and I think they can handle him. He’s really just in the moment now and you can divert him fairly well. 

They are eating like starving lumberjacks! I see mom on a diet pretty soon. But they haven’t had real food in years and were living on cereal and little Debbie’s. The micro was getting too hard for them.

And the staff has them sitting with 2 sweet little demented ladies. The conversations between these gals and my dad are something to behold.

Thank you all for the kind words. I’m back in the house now with a nice beverage and the heat turned down from 80 to 68. Heaven.
(11)
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Windy, I’m so happy for you and your parents. Yes, I think with the regular real meals and new friends, they will like this place. They’ll still miss home but hopefully these new friends can overcome their homesickness. Kudos to you and your cousin!
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Windy, I am so happy for you and your mom and dad. And I love the story about them talking to the little demented ladies. We could all write books about our adventures in caregiving, right? Enjoy your adult beverage and the sub-tropical temperature in the house tonight. Please keep us posted on how you and your folks are doing - it's a bright spot for us!
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Windy, I'm tearing up over your descrption of your parents, and your new calm. Love you and so hope this works out!
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I can't add anything that hasn't already been eloquently shared, so I'll just say, "Congratulations on a major success, and job well done!" And, now it's time for some relaxing time for Windy.

Thanks for sharing your success. It's always so good to read something positive here.
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Windy, I saw the title of this post and was hoping it was you. I knew the time was coming and it sounds like the precipitating event could have been much worse. Hope your mum and dad settle in well. Sounds like dad has found his niche already. Enjoy the relief. There is lots of work ahead yet. ((((((hugs))))))
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Windy, what great news about the assisted living, I know for a couple of years you have been trying to direct your parents toward such a place but was greeted with no.

Like many of us had said in the past, including you, we usually have to wait for a medical emergency before we can get our love ones into continuing care.

I remember my Dad enjoying the meals at Assisted Living, he would never want to move out :) And being around people of his own age group. All these new "ears" to hear his stories. I kept wondering if he and his apartment neighbor [also with memory issues] would be introducing themselves on a daily basis :P
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This place is private pay and very nice. You won’t see Nancy Reagan here but I’ve seen some pretty big rocks on the fingers of some of these gals. And it ain’t cheap. You don’t even want to know.

For my simple country folks it’s like they’re on a cruise ship. Bingo, DJs, ornament decorating, music groups, exercise class, you’ve all seen this stuff.

But this is the topper. My folks had a sip of bubbly once about 1968. I get to the “Fancy Dining Room” tonight and join them for dinner. Mom says “We we’re all having cocktail hour earlier”.

Like double WTH!! She goes on about having two kinds of wine, the second was not bad it was kinda pink. I ask Dad if he had wine. He couldn’t remember but mom said he did.

Wow! Wild Friday not on the elder cruise ship.

And they have somehow transformed from hillbilly’s to the duke and duchess of Windsor.  These are folks who ate out at captain d’s or maybe once a year at Pizza Hut.  Now.......Here’s mom: “I think they just opened a can for this soup.  These French fries are clearly just the frozen junk.  What is this desert supposed to be”. 

As I watch them eat every thing but the legs off the table.  Wonderful stuff.

And thanks again for the nice comments. Y’all are the best.
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Wonderful! So happy for you and your parents. They are lucky to have such a loving son.
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It’s amazing, isn’t it - how they ( your folks, my folks, lots of folks) dig in to staying in their house when it’s long past viable.

Dirty surroundings, dirty laundry, unkept yard, crap food in the cupboard, spoiled food in the fridge.

But as my dad said “the only way lm leaving is in a body bag”
He almost got his wish.

Instead he had The Crisis and spent his last 16 months in Independent Living - with my mom - a young pretty caregiver waiting on him hand and foot, a housekeeper cleaning the apartment every week, meals in the dining room where bow-tied waiters handed him the leather bound menu and listed the daily specials. Weight-room, sauna, heated pool, barbershop, coffee shop, putting greens...

Daddy was well taken care of - rested and relaxed for the first time in years. Said they should have moved earlier... Huh. Ya think???

I’ll never get it...
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OMG Buddy, that's Incredible News!!! While I am sorry your Mom has suffered a medical emergency, you always knew that this is what it would take to get them settled into AL. Now you can take that great sigh of relief, and get on with all of the many things it's going to take to keep them there, safe and secure.

I hope and pray they continue to settle in nicely, and that they enjoy living there TOGETHER!!! That is the wonderful part, that they are together, and now you will feel secure that they are in the best place possible, now and in the future. I am so Happy for you!!!

I suspect that you will be making their new place homey, so they are comfortable and happy in their new surroundings. Will you have to sell the family home? While this is the first step, I know that there are still many steps you are going to need to do to keep them happy, but for now,

Congratulations Buddy, you finally did it!!! I know you must feel incredible relief! This is the Best new I've heard in a long long time!

Merry Christmas!! What a gift! You deserve the Peace that this will bring you as the constant worry you've been under is no good for your own health. God bless you Windy, your such a great Son for staying on top of this, and for taking such great care of your folks for so long. I a so stoked for you!!!
(7)
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Things still moving along. Folks eating their brains out and chatting with demented sweet ladies at meals. No one even looked up when I left them at lunch.

Starting to sort through the ungodly mess of a house. Cleaned out fridge before it became radioactive on me. Lord give me strength.
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Windy - You did great! The hardest part is over. Stay strong and know that we are fully pulling for you and sending you lots of love and light.
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Windyridge, just a suggestion about the house for right now. Buy some timers to put on some of the inside lights. I found the light sensors ones work best, thus if there is a power outage, no need to worry about resetting the timers. And put in very low watt bulbs in those lamps.

I have those at my house. In one upstairs front bedroom, the light is on all night, so it looks like someone is awake and into the early mornings.

Or set up things like the young boy did in "Home Alone" :)
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Thanks FF. I’ve already stuck a few LED bulbs around in some lamps. About half the bulbs in the house were burned out. The LEDs use about 6 Watts. I’ll just leave them on, no timers to worry about.

My phone has been ringing as word has gotten out about my folks. More neighbors than I realized had been watching out for them. A neighbor at the foot of the driveway is a state trooper. He’s 100 yards away and is keeping an eye on things. His son does mowing and landscaping. He will do the grass this summer.

My folks have a 5 acre farmette in the midst of suburbia. My dad was the local handyman, tomato, cider producer and beekeeper. The neighbors all loved him. Did I mention the strawberries? Dad didn’t care much for them but he’d put out 100 plants and supply the neighborhood and grandkids. Dad used to send me huge tomatoes in the mail to Michigan.

Time the check the laundry. Got moms undies going.
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I didn't know your father kept bees. Have the hives been winterized?
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FF, good reminder about the lights. I forget to do that when Dad goes into rehab, then can't find my timers, forget about it again, find the timers, forget to set them.....by that time Dad's ready to come home.

Windy, I don't know if you'll want to do this, but notifying their HO insurance carrier might be a good, if not expensive idea. Vacant houses are more costly to insure.

And don't forget to drain the pipes!
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That was long ago GA. Like 15 years past. Even before the dementia began, extracting honey and bee keeping is lots of work. My dad starting slipping about 5-6 years ago. I began to notice botched fix it jobs around the place. He was a skilled craftsman for about 100 years. Very meticulous. It all slowly faded away. He’s just now started to have a little trouble getting dressed.
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I’m all over it GA. Water main will be turned off, hot water tank off, heat set very low, and all food out of house.

I still need to get some LED flood  bulbs for outside. Not even going to mess with timers. LEDs use very little power and last for years.

And yes, will deal with insurance on the house.  Good tip. And also the car.  I probably won’t have time to sell it on this trip and I haven’t found the title yet.   But I should be able to get a cheaper base/liability rate till it’s sold.
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One option available for security is a fake led tv simulator. You place it so it shines its light on a wall and it looks like the tv is on. Not expensive, it comes with a programmable timer, and it really looks like someone is in the house. Search on LED TV Simulator.
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My brother also compares my Mom's new AL to a cruise ship. Every morning there is an activity schedule posted on the door. She's still very new there (only 2 days) so I am curious how involved she gets.
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I figured you'd take care of the water and similar house issues, but just thought I'd raise the issue. With so many drastic changes, it's easy to forget about something, which I do even with multiple "to do" lists.

I remembered during our first storm this year that I don't even know whether Dad's outside faucet has any shutoff valve. But he's still got water, so I'm assuming it didn't freeze, as I also assume if it did he'd have low water pressure.
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CHD
Great tip. TV simulator. I gotta check that out!

Wow . So you got a newbie also. I’m amazed so far how my guys are doing. I’m stepping back quickly. I putz around their room while they eat, stop in the dining room for just a few minutes then take off. They have to figure this out. I’ll be gone in a few days.

But they are kept so busy, fed, nap, lunch, bingo.....Hell. It would wear me out! My dad keeps trying to tip all the staff.
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