I realize that this is a trivial caregiver issue. But as a caregiver, I've been getting a bit sad lately that I can't ever wear my nicer clothes at home because they'll inevitably get stained and ruined fast. I'm not talking about designer clothing, sometimes I just want to look presentable to myself. Sometimes I want to feel uplifted and wear something pretty at home. But wearing jeans and sweats and T-shirts and and tennis shoes seems to have become my daily drab uniform. I'm so tired of looking as run down as I feel.
Besides the usual caregiver self-care routine of enough sleep, good nutrition, exercise, occasional outings for fun - how do you manage to look okay to yourself while you're actively caregiving? Is it even possible?
Should I lower my expectations about this, too?
Thanks in advance for your thoughts about this.
I've always been really self critical and now that I'm in my sixties I'm really trying to be more gentle with myself. Yeah, it's all not as firm as it once was but that's life. I used to never leave the house without full makeup on. What a burden that was.
Take care of your health. That's the most important thing. The looks thing? Ah well.................
I made up a saying I’ll share now: ‘ being practically dressed for the situation/event/weather is sexy’. Why not! Isn’t it??
Years ago I also described my look as ‘frazzled chic’, which has stuck and has become my signature style for sure.
And I do love painted toenails! That’s my big fun grooming pleasure. Don’t always have lovely painted toenails but getting a pedicure and looking down at the results gives me a boost. Happy toes.
Cheers, everybody!
At Costco I notice others not dressed that nicely although recently there was a mother there with her two sons and husband and she was beautifully dressed so there are exceptions.
Sincerely,
LostinPlace
Oh & maybe reduce a few straggly grey hairs & lose a kilo...
Do you think my hopes are reasonable?
Then maybe everyone will say "Maybe she's born with it, maybe it's Maybelline."
I bought some blush the other day thinking the same. Instead I resembled a clown.
But hey, hope in a bottle..........or a eyeliner lip crayon. Can't fault one for trying.
Blush.. oh.. I once bought this gorgeous cream blush. Strongly pigmented so just need a VERY little dab & then rub in it well...
I went to work one time, rushed in past my boss (an old boss I call The Snake) & heard her snicker. Yep. I had forgot to blend it 😪
I hate it too when the colour looks great IN THE STORE but like a clown or Barbie later..
I've had my makeup done at make up counters in the past and I've always come home and washed it off immediately. I wear very little makeup and they always layer different colors on different areas of my face. I guess it's called contouring.
Not for me!
I'll just keep dabbing my blush on. Lightly.
I hope your eyeliner and lip crayon perk you up. :)
I tried just a little and it did help . I never used eyebrow pencil before . I tried a few times to practice before using it for my son’s wedding . I’m glad I did , it looked very natural in the photos. I looked less tired and haggard than photos without any makeup . All I used was a light foundation , alittle mascara and alittle eyebrow pencil . I might have used alittle blush too , and slight lip color. But I think having visible eyebrows in the photos is what really helped the most.
Been left looking like Groucho Marx a few times 😩
My daughter taught me to shape better via youtube videos & to dye them myself using men's beard dye. 5mins on & wash off & the one box lasts like a year. So much cheaper! Yes, time for a brow re-do tomorrow. Thankyou ladies!! I am feeling refreshed already!
Neighbor stopped in a bit ago , and after he texted me. Said I don't want you to think I'm a creepy neighbor, but dam , what ever you're doing keep doing it.
I think it's cleaning 2 homes, water a zillion plants and worked a lot on my posture after I ruptured a disk.
Maybe stress is good for me. I've always been a bit backwards. 😆
I found some A-line shift dresses (cotton knit with POCKETS sewn in the side seams) on sale with a catalog order company. They were inexpensive enough that I ordered several in a variety of prints and colors. They are machine wash and dry. The prints help hide stains so I don't worry about getting them dirty and ruining them working around the house. They feel cooler in this hot weather and are very comfy.
I feel less haglike and more girlie when I put on one of those, add some tinted moisturizer to my face, a dab of lip gloss and a spritz of rosewater from a local healthfood store. I put my comfortable but cute sandals on and I feel fresh, feminine and it gives me a boost. Not much effort involved, but makes a big difference in how I feel.
Buying an inexpensive face mask at the drug store, or hair mask and taking a few extra minutes to do once in a while before my shower when I have the time helps me feel a little pampered, too, and makes a small improvement. I opted for a simple easy care haircut , so it looks okay without much time or fussing involved. My hair is collarbone length so I have a few pretty clips to put it back or up somedays. Leave in conditioner helps cut out a step in the shower and helps the appearance of my hair.
I suppose I have lowered my expectations somewhat. It is a different stage of life with different demands. We just have to do the best we can with different priorities. I am more focused now on how something makes me FEEL rather than how I LOOK. A cooling rose spray, or a dab of lavender oil or jasmine makes me feel pretty and lifts my spirits, so then the resulting smile makes me look better, too! (((Hugs)))
🌸🌼🌻
To be honest, the questions we get here are questions that, for the most part have no answers.
"What will happen to my loved one"
"What will the end look like"
"When will the end come"
"I am so exhausted and have no help"
and it goes on in a like manner--I find a 100 different ways to say "You cannot know" and "Not everything can be fixed".
I understand that caregivers live in an almost perpetual anxious state waiting for the next shoe to drop and trying to preplan what to do about that shoe when it does.
Honestly I am about at the end of trying to have any answers at all. There just seems not to be any other than "You didn't break it. It isn't fixable. And you can't do a thing about it."
Someone needs to hold the line on answering to AI.
Your list of questions look a lot like AI questions.
"What will happen to my loved one"
"What will the end look like"
"When will the end come"
These questions differ greatly from a real person wanting a real connection.
It is a waste of our time and experience.
We know you.
We need to hear from real persons, known to the posters on the forum.
If you need to cut back, do that, yes!
If someone cannot be an 'expert' at avoiding a fake AI poster, go by your gut and your experience. No need to identify or discuss the intruder, just ignore.
By the time I post this, AI will have edited my post.
Please stay with us, only as long as you are able.
I completely gave up on humanity. I couldn't even ask a question because I didn't think anyone would care enough to answer.
I want you to do what is best for you!! Even though I would miss the hell outta you!!
I've tried to cut back, and only answer questions that mean something to me. When I answer a question about, why does my mom treat me so badly, or whatever, it helps remind me why I can't go back to the person I was and actually helps me, if not more that the OP. But that's,Where I am in life right now.
I love your stories, and I love the person you are.
I won't tell you to stay , like I said I want what's best for you, but I will say, please check in from time to time, if you do decide to leave.
My update:
So hello fellow exhausted and depressed caregivers who need respite but can't arrange it. You'all warned me that my health would suffer without respite - and it has.
Just thought I'd mention that what I thought was just extreme caregiver burnout was recently diagnosed by a neurologist as Fibromyalgia - which I hadn't even realized is a bona fide medical thing. The cause of Fibromyalgia isn't exactly known, but stress and lack of sleep and depression are considered to be factors to cause it. Luckily, Fibromyalgia isn't a deadly disease, but once it starts it's a chronic condition that can flare up from lack of sleep and stress.
So in case you are wondering if you might have Fibromyalgia here are the most common symptoms:
-extreme fatigue that doesn't go away
-trouble sleeping
-pain in muscles and joints that moves around
-brain fog
-headaches/migraines
More associated symptoms:
-depression
-IBS - problems with gut function
-women get it more often than men
-excessive heavy lifting and/or physical activity
It's possible to have Fibromyalgia and caregiver burnout at the same time. :-)
Let us know more about it as you learn more, and how to treat it, and through out your journey
I suspect keep your stress level down is one of the many things they say, to do, maybe now you have an excuse to make sure you don't over stress.
Best of luck