Caregiving for a narcissistic mother. Do we do it out of love or out of years of guilt and programming?

Lea, I’m seriously considering the job approach. I’ve mentioned this in the past and DH thought it was a bad idea and that I should just say no if I don’t want to see her. See, that’s where he has a blind spot. It’s not really possible for him to understand the CPTSD I have from her, and how normal communications are extremely difficult if not impossible.

I’m going to talk to him about it again though because he’s been aware that I’m struggling again. BTW, he also thinks the hired companion will never happen “because she doesn’t want it”, he sees her as antisocial- which he relates to. And in part he is right, she has become antisocial. But as I remind him she is not an Aspie, she doesn’t want to be left alone to do her own thing. I’m gonna have to figure this out.

Also getting her moved away from my front door is what keeps me up at 2AM, but because of the early bad decisions on my part when this started I can’t do anything now. I’m stuck until a doctor declares her incompetent.

Thank you for letting me vent, it really helps to blow off steam.

EP: Listen, your DH tends to see things in black & white. We live in the gray areas with our NMs. We have to be creative in order to prevent them from usurping our LIVES. DH doesn't have to 'agree' with your approach to 'getting a job'........it just has to work for YOU. Since he's always been so supportive to you, he'll agree to go along with it, esp when he sees that it brings you RELIEF from the constant barrage of sh*t from NM. You deserve a break today, and that's not just a song from McDonalds. We have to go to extremes sometimes in order to allow ourselves to LIVE a life w/o being expected to be the entertainment committee to these women.

They don't comprehend the 'word no' like normal people do. They push and prod and poke and hound until we're out of our MINDS with grief. So that's why the lies have to come into play. To save our own sanity! We are allowed to do that. Regardless of what anyone thinks about it.

If I've learned nothing else over the decades, I've learned SURVIVAL TECHNIQUES!

As far as the 'hired companion' goes, who cares if it works out or not? If NM gets lonely enough and cannot rely on your OR on DH for her entertainment, THEN she will start considering other alternatives. Up until now, she hasn't had to. So why should she? NMs will suck their family members dry until there's nothing left, THEN and only THEN will they move on to their next victim.

You can offer her a list (on paper) of things she can join or sign up for to amuse herself. Silver Sneakers should be back up & running soon, senior centers, daycare type places (I could just hear the pushback now!). Is she computer literate? Have her sign up for online dating with Ourtime.com!!!!!!!!! That could potentially keep her occupied for HOURS every day! You can't suggest normal things like needlework or reading.........NMs need to feel like they're the center of ATTENTION. What better than a DATING site where she gets messages from MEN! Could open a can of worms, but hey, you'll cross that bridge when you get to it!!!

EP,

Keep working on setting boundaries! Even one!

Telling them NO is soooooo hard.

As Lea said, you will get push back and grief, but stand your ground!

How do you eat an elephant??
ONE BITE AT A TIME!!😘

Yeah, I'm going to start using therapeutic lies to get breaks. I've been thinking about the need for boundaries and what that means when you have an elderly narc parent that develops dementia. It's a much bigger challenge than just dealing with a narc parent that you can walk away from, who doesn't need legit help.

My mom has an obsession with the weather and gets weirdly depressed if it's not perfect. She's always been that way, but now it's worse because she really is stuck inside, isolated and declining. She texted me asking me to come over "since DH is watching football". He wasn't, she had her days mixed up. I was making dinner and I suddenly felt sorry for her. I knew she liked what I was making so I called her and invited her down, and she came.

She was extra out of sorts. TBH she seemed high on her opiates to me, because she was extra chatty but her thoughts weren't flowing as well as normal (which is bad to begin with). She stayed a couple hours. After she left I spent the rest of the night thinking- my biggest problem right now is I can't just leave her alone.

She has legit issues, and high risk behavior that require daily monitoring of some kind. I'm literally stuck right now in that grey area where she is NOT independent by any means but not yet incompetent so I can not place her in memory care. She would never go willingly.

She is too far gone for things like joining a gym (silver sneakers) or the local senior center where people do not have dementia. I know that isolation is also very unhealthy. This remains an ongoing challenge.

Good for you, Piper! Do what you need to do to retain sanity.

Piper,
I know what you mean! My NM clearly cannot live alone due to her health and dementia, but at the same point, she is not sick enough for a NH and she is not gone enough for a MC. It is like living in "NO MAN'S LAND!" It sucks!!

Good for you. I have found power in taking my power back. Not having power over my NM, but having power within myself. If that makes sense?!...God please don't let me lose my power!

EP, I'm not sure that what I'm going to say here is useful or kind, but it is true.

Your mother has the "right" to fail. Withdrawing your support from her, as in going back to work, taking a long trip or somesuch, will either force a readjustment in her causual reliance on you or will cause something like a fall.

What concerms me is the fact that you are looking for everyone's approval: hers in general and DH's in how you handle her.

Do you ever say "this is what I'm going to do" because it is the right thing?

Good point Barb ,

I have used this quote often, but I see now how it applies to my NM as well.
"What you except, you teach. "

Shell & EP,

There are "Age in place " facilities. My Aunt started in Assisted living(like an apartment with helpful staff) and then we had to move her into memory care which is simply a different wing.
The next step will be hospice in the 3rd wing.
The real trick is convincing them to go!

Thank you Xray. However, my mother doesn't have any money and neither do I. My sig-other & I live with her. We are saving our money to buy a house, so that I can sell the family home and use that money for a AL. There are no Medicaid ALs in our area and as long as she owns a home and is seen as fit (mentally & physically complete) then she won't qualify for Medicaid!

Plus, she refuses to move. I figure when the time comes when I am able to move out then she will have to move because she will be afraid of my brother moving in with her! Long story short, my brother believes that this house is his. He is entitled to it...not my mother...not me...but him! His name is not on the deed and he never paid one bill on this house and yet, he really believes that it is his house. He has told me numerous times that when my mother dies that he is kicking my SO and me out not realizing that he has no legal grounds. He has also told me that I can not sell the house without his permission and I would have to give him half of the money made from the sale. Like I would ever ask him to sell My Parents house, little long give him any money from the sale. He is a narcissist...just like my NM!!! They are two peas in a pod!!!

Shell,

Have you had this discussion with your Mom?

Since she still has her faculties, she needs to have her wishes in writing!

Sounds as though she will need the proceeds from her home to live on. And your brother will have to suck it!

I understand how painful this is for you! Removing my Aunt from her home of 43 years was the hardest thing I have ever had to do!! It's been 15 months and I am still feeling sick over it, however, in her case, it was the only decent thing to do.

Although she is safe, sound and relatively happy, it gives me little solace. But I know it's what was best for this sweet little woman that I adore!

I know when the time is right, you'll find a way to do what's best for your Mom!!

God bless!!

"What concerms me is the fact that you are looking for everyone's approval: hers in general and DH's in how you handle her.

Do you ever say "this is what I'm going to do" because it is the right thing?"

Actually Barb I don't think I am looking for anyone's approval. I don't care all that much about what my mom thinks of me, and with DH I consult with him because I'm looking for guidance and because he is also in this situation with me.

And trying to do the right thing is what has driven this entire situation. Moving her here was me trying to do the right thing. I wasn't doing it for approval. I believed that she needed help.

Clearly I made a mistake and it backfired big time, and things need to change, but washing my hands of my mother after I've moved her here and she is legit ill doesn't feel like the right thing to do.

Trying to manage things until she is ready for memory care seems like the right thing to do. I don't like it, but I have to take responsibility for the fact that I moved her here. My mistake and now it's mine to deal with until memory care.

"So, Mom, I think we've come to a crossroads here where you need more help and social time than DH and I are capable of providing you with. I see two choices. One is to move to an environment like a senior apartment with meals and activities and the other is a hired companion/driver who can get you out more. Which do you think we should investigate first?"

Can you have that conversation with her?

Piper, I have been down this road with my mom, although she was not a narcissist. She was furious! How dare I refuse to leave work to attend to her "emergiencies" 3 days running? (Hour drive each way).

Nope, not doing it anymore mom. And neither is brother, because he's gonna give himself a heart attack over this stuff. Nope, not entertaining these emergencies any longer. You need more assistance than even a loving family is set up to give.

She got over her anger and we shopped for communities. The key was that I didn't feel that she was in anyvway my responsibility. How could my MOTHER be MY responsibility?

Barb.....children of narcissists have been groomed our whole lives to feel responsible for our parent. It's what we were put on the earth to do. We're here to feel their pain, to fix it, to manage it, to listen to the gory details of it, to dwell on it and to question our every decision about it. And to know, without a doubt, that every decision we do make is "wrong". Which is why we seek opinions and guidance from our husband's or other trusted loved ones about how to proceed with decisions about the care and management of these narcs. Because we're always wrong, and we know we will be reminded of that by our parent repeatedly, we need extra confirmation that what we're doing sounds solid. We're always on shaky ground. Nothing is simple or normal for us, as it is for children of non narcissistic mothers, so our dilemmas are different. We don't expect others to fully comprehend the scope of the head games we struggle with or the feeling we're never doing enough to make the parent happy. I thank God for the guidance and patience my DH has with me about dealing with my mother on a daily basis. I think I'd be in the Looney bin a long time already without him. Oftentimes he has another approach to deal with her chronic B.S. that I wouldn't have even thought of because I wasn't indoctrinated to think that way.

It's a tangled web we weave, trying to walk that fine line between doing the right thing for our mothers and keeping our own health and well being a priority at the same time.

Here is something I found. It may be something you already know, but I found it interesting!


10 things not do narcissistic

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/narcissism-demystified/201907/10-things-not-do-narcissists

Barb, I do need to have another conversation with my mom about her 100% reliance on me & DH for her socialization, and let her know that I can not fill that entire void for her. I'm going to suggest hiring a companion, in the best possible way I can think of -- like driver/companion, helper. But I'm going to make the main point of the conversation what I can NOT do. I'll try to balance it with what I am willing to do and have been doing, and I'll list those things too because it's still a lot, and she won't be able to come back at me like she's some poor ignored old lady.

I'm also 95% sure I'm going to tell her I took a job working from home that I can do on the internet. I came up with the perfect job that will be believable by her and even my siblings when she tells them. I have no guilt about doing this, because in my mother's mind, and even in my siblings minds I have all the free time in the world FOR HER.

The only thing stopping me from having the conversation now is Covid. I don't want to suggest having people come in until she gets the vaccine. I'm hoping the FL gov will get it's act together on this because so far it's been a disaster. It's still going to be some time before she can get it just due to availability. But I am going to let her know that "I'm applying for a job to do from home, I hope I get it".

I'm glad that your mother, even with dementia was able to eventually reason with you and willingly let you help her with placement. When you explained how the emergency trips were too hard for you and your brother, she didn't want you two to be burdened or at risk. That is how it should be. When you talk about her it is always with respect and love, and the proof that she was a good mother is she raised you to be confident in yourself and your relationship with her.

Piper, your post was so timely. I've just had my mother make such a fuss about making a simple phone call to the medical centre. She's been going on and on about it for days, trying to rope me in to doing it for her. I've resisted and told her she needs to take responsibility for these things. I went off for my precious daily dose of me time, but she interrupted that to say she couldn't see the phone numbers. I told her I was busy at the time, so she stormed off (no respector of boundaries). I did not chase after her but went back to my me time, now spoilt. Sorry to vent, but I completely understand your frustration and exhaustion at always being the first port of call to fix everything.

Lea- Yep. Everything you said. The damage these narcs do is extreme.

I never heard of CPTSD until 2 summers ago when I got diagnosed with it. I never considered that I could have PTSD because I've never been in combat or an extreme event like a violent crime or something along those lines, but CPTSD is, well, complex. It was explained to me this is more common in chronic abuse situations like the kind we experienced as children of narcissists. My psychiatrist also talked to me about this and it was a part of why I tried antidepressants. He explained it will help with that subconscious part- like when you get a physical reaction prior to a visit with NM.

I'm seriously considering giving Lexapro another try. My first attempt I think maybe I quit too soon due to side effects, mainly it made me lethargic. Anyway- going to call my doctor and see what he thinks.

Anyone else using meds to help? If so any recommendations?

Chris, I totally get it!! Don't ever apologize for venting, it is absolutely necessary!! When they act like how your mother just acted it can get such a rise out of us, it's crazy! BUT- you stood your ground so good for you! Let her pout! That poor me act when you know she can make the phone call is classic manipulation. So is the fit afterwards.

You should take EXTRA long me time today. Chris here is a way to not have your me time spoiled right now-- visualize the upcoming move and how that will give you back so much more control of your life! You will soon be getting YOUR life back, and won't be subject to her narc manipulation and negativity right in your face in your home. Think about how nice that is going to be. You will be able to visit with your son when he comes home without the drama and having to leave the house just to spend time with him.

Hang in there girl. Ignore her pouting. Better days are coming very soon.

Thanks Piper, I needed that support. It’s been a tough day.

Piper: I never heard of CPTSD until now. I did, however, get diagnosed with PTSD back in 2000 after I hired someone to steal my adoption records & found my birth family. (The adoption records are sealed in NY state and there is no legal way to unearth birth certificates of adoptees, we have NO rights). Anyway, I was quite shaken and couldn't eat/sleep/function for quite some time, my whole life was thrown upside down. I had the startle reflex so strong I had to wear earplugs in the house b/c if I even heard a cabinet door close, I'd JUMP thru the roof with anxiety. The doctor prescribed Paxil and it helped tremendously; like a light switch was flipped off inside my hyper sensitive brain.


I get a physical & emotional reaction to visits/phone calls with my mother almost every time; always before, and sometimes afterwards. Just last night, she was acting out something fierce and I wound up having to say Goodnight, I have to go now.........she was vile. So this morning I feel like I've been run over by a Mack truck. I'm sure I have fibromyalgia too. I have all the symptoms which I've always chalked off to other things, or me being 'weak' or some such nonsense. The complexities of suffering with NMs for many decades DOES take its toll on a person. Whoever thinks otherwise doesn't have an NM to deal with.

Chris: I hear you about your mother 'going on for days & days' about making a simple phone call. I could have written that MYSELF about my own mother. It's the back-door hinting, the covert piece of the puzzle that I HATE so much; the refusal to come right out and ASK for something.........that's the passive/aggressive side of things. I've lived with that sh*t my whole life. Even now with her in MC and me being the only one to deal with her outside of the place. She 'desperately needs' things, just won't write them down, so she can't remember what they are. Yet goes on and on and ON about what she 'so desperately needs' all the time, then says 'why didn't you bring me what I desperately need?" BECAUSE YOU DIDN"T TELL ME WHAT YOU SO DESPERATELY NEEDED. One time, I was SO agitated, I went to Wal Mart. I was like a whirling dervish. I ran my cart down all the toiletry aisles and bought like $150 worth of EVERYTHING I could possibly think of that she could have 'so desperately needed.' Not only did she complain it was 'too much', but that I had neglected to buy the ONE thing she REALLY needed but forgot to mention.
They don't want us to have "Me time". I get plenty of me time b/c she's in MC, but the mental chatter that goes on inside my head cuts dramatically DOWN on the me time b/c she spoils everything. It's their GOAL to spoil everything. #Truth.

Sending you a big hug of understanding and empathy, my friend. I get it.

EP, as youbsay, I didn't have a Narc Mom. But I WAS married to a certified NPD for 24 years.

I found Zoloft helped me tremendously through the last couple of years of that marriage, when according to him, his affairs, our teenages' acting out and/or depression, basically EVERYTHING was my fault.

I learned to stopped trying to please and stopped taking responsibility for his actions.

It didn't solve all my problems. But it helped a lot.

Lea, thanks for your support. It is so helpful when others have had exactly the same experiences - I know that with the fuss about the phone call that I'm not going crazy or imagining things. That mental chatter you say you have in your head - I understand that too. It's when your thoughts overwhelm you. I use CBT to try and deal with that, plus some meditation exercises from my CBT course. It turns out my mother managed to make that phone call after all, so she is all smiles now, while I am left still mentally dealing with the latest outburst. I could cry.

Chris: Cognitive dissonance: us questioning OURSELVES over what these women are doing rather than realizing it's THEM doing crazy stuff! Right?

Barb: my condolences over a 24 year marriage to a narcissistic man. You have way way wayyyyyyy more intestinal fortitude than I do. All I've ever done is try to figure a way OUT of the relationship with my NM, honestly. These people are impossible to live with/deal with/have relationships with. They won't allow it. My step daughter just divorced a NPD man; what he did to her last year was THE most horrible thing I have ever heard a husband do to the mother of his child. He threw her out on the street with no clothes, no money, no car, nothing. Because she had the nerve to accuse him of blatantly flirting with a woman during a military ball they attended. He took their 3 y/o DD and drove her 150 miles away to his mother's house so my step DD could not even see her for months! He changed the locks on the house after kicking her onto the street. She managed to stay with him for about 2 years before filing.

Shell, great article! I particularly like this:

4. Don’t minimize their outrageous behavior.
Narcissists’ self-absorbed behavior and need for attention can take up all the emotional oxygen in the room. Over time, people around narcissists may become inured and fail to recognize how unhealthy narcissistic behavior can be.
Let's be clear: Deceiving, manipulating, and humiliating others is unhealthy and wrong. At times it may be best to let narcissists’ immature or provocative behaviors pass without comment, but that doesn’t mean you should fail to note, at least to yourself, how dysfunctional it is.

I think we DO 'fail to note' how horrible & dysfunctional their behaviors ARE. We chalk it off, we question OURSELVES a lot of the times. Like I mentioned to Chris in the first line of my comment here. Narcs are GREAT at getting us to do that! UGH

Lea,
I found this article early this morning and thought "what should or should not do to handle a NM?" Am I feeding into my NM and not realizing it? Am I giving her weapons (so to speak) and not know it? The answer to these questions are 'Yes!!!'

I thought hum, I had to find a way to defend (protect) myself, but how? When you can't win no matter what you do?? By not feeding into them! By knowing in your own mind that you are NOT the cause of the dysfunction...by not giving them anything they can't use against you...by being & doing You!!!

Lea, your right! I think we do "fail at recognizing how horrible & dysfunction their behavior is", but more importantly, we fail to see the "Real Damage" they cause us!

Yes Shell. Truthfully, I think the best way to deal with an NM is by having as little contact as possible. They have entirely too many tricks up their sleeves, so no matter what we do or don't do, they're going to make our lives intolerable. The answer? Stay AWAY from them. Limit your contact to the rattlesnake or it will bite you.

Xray,
To answer your question! No, I have not talked to my mother about my plans. First off, she only has half of her faculties and secondly, if I told her that I am moving out and selling the family home she would say, "ok, whatever you think is best." Then turn right around and find ways to cost me money as well as get back at me! Her backlashes are horrific!! It is best (I think) for her not know what my plan is. As soon as most of my stuff is out of the house, then I can tell her that she has two choices:1) stay at the house by herself and my brother can take my place. I will have my name taken off her POAs!! He can take her to the store and pay her bills and the house bills, which he won't! He will use her money for his friends and drugs and she knows this! He will also move in here with his loser homeless friend!! Or she can move into a AL and I will continue to pay her bills (whatever they may be) and I will stay on as her POAs and see over her care!
I realize that this may seem harsh; however, she would love for all of us to continue to live like this and I Can Not do it anymore! Plus, I know she does not want my brother living in this house and take care of her because deep down she knows he is just like her...that scares her, but it is the only way I will be able to get her out of this house and regain my life back!!!

Sorry it took me time to get back to you!


Chriscat,
I am just sorry that you're having a bad day!( Do something extra nice for yourself!💗


Piper,
I get what your saying about that you tried to do the right thing and it blew up in your face and now you feel you need to make things right! I get it! Because I came back home with the intention of doing the right thing and it blew up in my face. You and I just want to do the right thing...not because our mothers deserve it, but because we recognize that we made a mistake and we see our NM (no matter how horrible they were to us) as human beings!! We are the ones that have to live with ourselves. l can't help but to think of the old saying, "The road to h3ll is paved with good intentions." Well, we are paving the road together!!


Side note: I run things by my SO to see what he thinks when it comes to my NM! I have found that he can see my blind spots! Plus, it reassures me that I am not crazy and that I am doing the right thing!!!!

Hugs to all those of you who need one today!💜❤💙🧡💛

Shell,

You are smart not to tell your mom!

Why give her ammunition to attack you with?

She can find out about it when the time is right for you to share the info.

If you tell her now it would only create anxiety for each of you.

NHWM,
Thank you! That was my thought...why rock the boat right now, besides she is in really bad health and I don't know whats going to happen in a week, month or in 6 months so why stir the pot when she could be on hospice or dead in the next 3 months. She is sleeping more and more every week and doing less and less!

It is best to make plans for moving out and at the same time, make plans just-in-case if she should pass!

Shell: GOOD! Never ever tell your mother your plans! Like it affirms in that article you linked to...........they just use all the info as ammunition against us. I try to tell my NM as little as possible. And every time I tell her ANYTHING, I live to regret it. Every time. Even when DH was in the hospital for the 2nd time, BIG MISTAKE telling her. She was blowing up my phone with all this 'concern' while saying HIS problem was making HER sick! Really? How bout you STFU? But really, it was my fault for telling her b/c I KNOW better. UGH.

Leave it to your golden child brother to become a narc himself, then decide the family home is HIS and all that nonsense. It never ceases to amaze me the delusions of grandeur these narcs have!!

Nothing you say sounds 'harsh' either............these are things we HAVE TO DO with the NMs just to survive! Anyone thinking these are 'harsh measures' have no idea what 'harsh' really means! WE are the ones who have been dealing with harsh behaviors for decades! Pffft.

Tonight I turned my phone to vibrate; I'm making & taking NO CALLS after last night's debacle with my NM. Enough is enough. I need rest as I've had a very bad headache all day long that will not let up. I am going to have to email the neurologist to see if he wants me to increase my migraine meds again. Just last week I had an aura again, for the first time in 11 months. That's not a good sign, just an omen that things WILL get worse with the headaches before they get better, so a med dose change is likely warranted.

Lea,
I will be praying for you. I used to have migraine heads when I was younger. They started at age 10 yrs old! All I can say is "I feel for you!" I stop having them in my mid 20's. I found that if I ate white American Cheese or white Cheddar Cheese it would set off a migraine. I also learned that stress would set them off! I started doing meditation and kicking a bag around!!

You really want to hear something crazy!? I have texts messages from a burner number stating that "I need to get out of my brother's house." I came back with "this is my parents house. (Name) has no right to this house." I asked who it was, but they wouldn't tell me. They went on to tell me that my brother (Name) is letting my mother and I live there, but as soon as she dies he will be kicking my SO and me out! I told this person "He has no legal grounds!" They came back with that my brother is telling people his name is on the Deed. But my mother had the house Quit Deed to me and my brother's name was not and is not on the house!!! But he really believes that his name is on the Deed.


Here is another crazy thing about my narc brother! In 1999 my mother's mother wanted to move here and she wanted to buy a house. She had a CD worth 5000 dollars, but no credit. So my NM found a house and talked my brother into using his credit and in turn, when my grandmother died he would get the house. All he had to do was sign some paperwork and pay my grandmother a 100 dollars a month to help her out. So he did this until December 2000 when my grandmother died. He got the house!!! I needed a place to live and my mother told me that I couldn't come home and she would like it if I moved in with NB because he was scared to live alone! So, I moved in with a written agreement that I pay 125 dollars a month. Well one night, I came home and my NB tells me that "IT IS MY RESPONSIBILITY TO MAKE THE HOUSE PAYMENT AND TO PAY ALL THE BILLS!!!" Thats right!! The house is in his name but I have to pay all the bills and have NO SAY on what goes on!!! Well I told him what he could do and where to go! I left the house and went to my parent's house and told my NM what he said! She was in shock!!!! She called him asking him where in the h3ll did he get that idea from. She told him that it was not my responsibility for paying the house pmts or the rest of the bills. This went on for 30 mins. Finally, she told him to sign the house over to me if he wanted me to pay the bills. He said, "NO, THIS IS MY HOUSE!!!" So, she told him that he needed to pay the bills. So everything got straighten out, so we thought! Four days later, I was woken up to a very large black woman wanting to kick my butt!! She was trying to start a fight with me; however, I grabbed my little cell phone and pushed a number which was my best friend at the time. My friend heard everything. I went back to my bedroom and got a baseball bat and hung up with my friend and called my NM. My NB got the woman out of the house and was getting ready to leave when my NM was at the door. My NB told her that I was making everything up. But my NM knew I was not lying! I moved out that day and back home to my parent's house. My NB lost the house about 5 months later due to non-payment! He quit his job after I moved out. He blew through 30,000 dollars (401k) in less than 4 months and "DID NOT MAKE ONE HOUSE PMT." He didn't even have the house for a year. Guess who's fault it is that he lost his house? Mine!! To this day he blames me for losing his house!!!

By the way, my NB never even got into trouble over the whole woman wanting to kick my butt!

Can't make this crap up!!!