Did Hospice rush your loved ones death?

Oh lawdy this is exactly why I get so bloody mad at people who talk about hospices having killed their loved ones.

Hospice - their role is to make the transition from life to death as painless as is possible for the patient. It focuses on providing patients with relief from the symptoms, pain, physical stress, and mental stress of a serious illness. It is not the role of the hospice to keep someone alive by contravening their wishes and adhering to those of the family. So my advice is this

Get an advanced care plan for yourselves now. You can then dictate whatever happens to you and your family wont have to have any input unless you dictate that they can. I have one in place and my children will have absolutely no input into it because I don't want them keeping me alive unnecessarily longer than my natural body has determined. They can have financial poa but not my health - I determine that one. I have very clear views on natural life and natural death and while I accept some meds are necessary to keep me alive on a day to day basis I.E. Diuretics or insulin or warfarin depending on what was wrong with me I do object to having my heart restarted. It is a very personal opinion for all of us and we very often never discuss it. Man up people and discuss it with your loved ones now

Examples of what you may want to include in your advance care plan are:

Anything that is important to you or that you are worried about.

Any details of people that should be asked about your care if you are not able to make a decision for yourself, or the details of any lasting power of attorney.

Anything that concerns you about your health now or in the future.

How you would like to be cared for if it becomes difficult to care for yourself.

What your priorities are in regard to your future care.

Where would you prefer to be cared for if you became very ill or you were at the end of your life?

Anything that is important to you.

Letting people know

It is useful to involve professionals and families in completing an advance care plan and it is useful to give a copy of your wishes to somebody else, such as a close family member. Remember to keep your own copy safe and show it to relevant professionals and family members.

Motherof5, I'm so sorry that you are at this turning point in your mother's illness. When we came to the point of thinking about Hospice/Palliative care, we framed it not as "rushing mom's death", but not "delaying" her death. If your mom is suffering, i think that's a big consideration.

We put my mother on hospice today..she has Alzheimer's and in early stage of 7th..she has high blood pressure,fluid around her brain..after reading this post..I hope I didnot make a wrong decision..concern daughter..

Ty Nasmir.

Momlover, keeping someone off Hospice won't stop the cancer, sorry. Morphine helps with the breathing, and relieves the agony of your ribs breaking one by one. Yes my friend had liver cancer and at the end the liver was hard, swelling and breaking her ribs. Morphine was absolutely needed then.

My mother's death was a cover-up for malpractice as her left thumb was gong to have to be amputated due to cutting off circulation with a oxygen monitor for her left thumb.

They give them the morphine to labor their respiratory system until they actually die of respiratory failure that was on my mother's death certificate IMO.

Get a malpractice attorney Pamala1989. Too much was right that went wrong behind closed doors IMO. My poor angelic mother suffered the same ironic fate of appearing to recover and becoming terminal within the hospital .

Pamala, about 90% of elders who goes into the hospital have what is called "delirium"... about 30% of young people have the same thing after they have surgery.... this is all very common. Patients tend to get confused where they are, why they are there, etc.

My Mother, after having a serious head trauma fall at home, while in the hospital went into delirium and it was so difficult to watch, we were trying to hold down her legs and arms because she was kicking with her legs and with her arms trying to reach up. A doctor come in and gave her something to calm her down.

So, unless your Dad was heavily sedated, chances were high he would go through delirium.

On July 28th 2016 my dad was taken by ambulance to the hospital. He was in severe pain and fell. He could not get up, but refused to let us call the ambulance. After about a half hour he finally agreed to go tho the hospital. They ran some test and put him on morphine for the pain. The morphine did not seem to ease any pain or make him sleepy. By the end of the third day at the hospital, my dad was very confused and angry and kept trying to get out of bed and go home. One minute he knew where he was and the next he would be saying and doing things that made no sense. He was seeing people that were not there. He was trying to eat anything he could reach for. He was reaching for things that were not there. He was seeing lights that were not on. He managed to get his wedding ring off and swallowed it. This then caused him to have a minor surgery to remove it. The thing is he was mentally okay when he went in to the hospital. By the fourth day he was still trying to get home and still very confused and very angry and still in severe pain. At this point we decided to take him home, and decided to get home care health. August 1st 2016 we were making the arrangements to take him home. We got a phone call the morning of August 2nd 2016 from the hospital. He had passed away around 5:30am. Tests showed that my dad did have cancer. His rib bones were starting to crumble. The cancer was eating away at his ribs. The ex ray from 10 months before did not show this. My concern is when he went into the hospital, he did have cancer and he was in severe pain, but he was mentally okay. The morphine did not relax him, but did the complete opposite. The doctors suggested radiation, but we were so upset by his actions, we decided to bring him home. The doctors did not seem too concerned about his actions which I thought was unusual. They never said whether he only had days to live. So we do not know whether the cancer took his life, or was it the out of control behavior. My father died very confused, angry and in much pain at the age of 84. He was at the hospital without any family around. I feel the doctors should have suggested taking him home if they felt he only had days to live. Maybe if were had got him home earlier and into his own bed where he felt comfortable, he would of calmed down and died peacefully at home. We will never know.

Rosie, I also feel your pain. My Dad was diagnosed with 2 liver tumors a few weeks before his death. I have 3 half siblings and this was my biological father. My mother and her son decided against me for the biopsy because their belief was it will make the cancer spread. Well, it would have gave concrete evidence of many things--it would have given us a time length of living, told us if it was primary liver cancer or if he had it elsewhere and important for me as his only child to see if it was something I have too watch out for. Two years ago he had fallen and I wanted to take him to Mayo, but mom wouldn't have it. So we continued on unknowingly for two years wondering why he was falling, getting up in the night thinking it is morning. Also, noticed he stopped conversing and joking. December of 2015 I took away the statin drug because he looked into my eyes and said very clearly "I ache all over". He was sleeping more and eating less. Took him to neurologist for his bent neck that appeared after the fall and thought it strange he took 5vials of blood said he wanted to check his liver. Still no mention in January about cancer. As March approached the pain in his right rib must have been excruciating and still after a doctor visit and few weeks later an emergency visit they tell us a bruised rib. Yep, it will take six weeks to heal they said. I felt so bad for my dad when they told him mid April he had a tumor. I was always by myself during these appointments and it was the coldest feeling. My Dad just replied well that's it. I wonder if he understood because he didn't say anymore about it--no questions--nothing. Because of pain he was admitted to the hospital for 3 days and they wanted us to admit him to the nursing home. This all happened so fast and I had still no idea how long he had. I wanted to take Dad home once more because I felt he did not have a chance to say goodbye to a wonderful home he provided for all of us the last 54 years. I could only manage 6 days of care. The Meds (fetanol and morphine) scared me to administer. The fetanol patch alone made him unable to swallow. He could not take much for nutrition and other complications. Mom said she promised he wouldn't go to a nursing home. She is in a wheelchair and her other children were unable to do around the clock care so it was up to me. From the Tuesday I brought him home to Sunday was a steady decline even before the heavy pain killers. The family was all there when I declared we have to make a decision today because hospice only had 1 room available in the vicinity where family could be with him around the clock. I was greatful that Dad was never alone--as the whole thing was breaking me apart--I was tired and stressed and caring for mom who is disabled.
Dad lasted from the Sunday we took him to hospice care to the following Saturday. I woke up on Saturday morning at 7 am and prayed to who ever would listen to let my Dad go. By 7:14 am he was released.
Tomorrow it will be only 3 months since his passing. Yesterday mom blamed me for his death because I took him to hospice care even though the whole family was there. So this is what I meant when I feel your pain. Her son (the golden child) who never does anything wrong wanted to take my Dad out of hospice to his home. Mom thinks he would be alive today. Her rational part of thinking is gone. Even though I could not get the biopsy I did get the afp test that was 6000 highly elevated and from what I have read a positive indicator of cancer. The tumors were sticking up through his gown and very hard--how can you argue that he would still be alive if he went to her son's house? There is only a 17% chance of survival with liver cancer and we have no idea if it was primary. The home health nurse said she thought it strange she had a lot of patients in the area and since then a nearby small village in the last 2 years has had 6 cancer deaths 3 that were pancrease in just 2 years and all were different in ages and some did not smoke. Village of about 20 people.
Mom as others have claimed hospice dehydrates, starves and over medicates, but it is the process for most. The feeding and fluids prolong and make worse the agony--it is the living that have to quit being so selfish because they are left behind. My mom wanted to go with him. They say grieving brings anger and then the blaming of others. We are the battering rams. It makes it hard on me because her golden son is alienating me now and getting my mom the same way-- hard because I am the POA and caregiver and how do I do that if the client is not communicating. Now I have to deal with a toxic family that some are only looking out for financial gain and that makes a person sick.

Dogbone, not all hospice places are good or bad. People who don't feel comfortable about what happened and the way it happened have a right to say they are uncomfortable. No one should have absolute power over life and death without being open to questioning. If another of my loved ones end up going into it, I will be asking for clear expectations and purpose. I will never let embarassment or the desire not to be a troublemaker get between my concern for what's happening to my loved one and my speaking or asking questions. It's hospice, not God.

Ditto for NY. Good/bad hospices? And Lifeline, I think your thinking on this is 100% right. We should not put our loved on in hospice unless they are in excruciating pain or at death's door. I've had 3 loved ones in hospice. In all cases, they didn't last a week. They Ativan and morphine-d them into a coma, provided no IV for fluids, and then put a sign on the wall that said "unable to eat or drink." Unable?! Yeah, it's kind of hard to eat and drink when they drug you into a coma....

Thanks PCVS for responding. Was smart of you to mention "Avoid Vitas" because we all need which ones to avoid as which ones are good. I live in New Jersey so if any one knows of good and bad in NJ please post. Did not realize that some were profit vs. Non profit. also good advice that you gave. We used Grace when my Dad died on Nov. 2, 2015 and I do believe that he might be alive today if we used some other hospice or not let the doctors convince me to put him in hospice. Somehow they put him in a coma and I still have nightmares.
So I think that we are going on the right foot by looking and screening them out or in. Thanks again!!

126Cher, I am using The Connecticut Hospice. They are non-profit and the first hospice in the USA. Their main address is in Branford CT. I could be wrong, but I think they are just here in CT. Yes, they do work in facilities. There is also hospice from Masonicare and the Fransiscan order that I have heard good things about. Not having used them, I don't know anything first hand.

Avoid Vitas. I did not like how the interacted with me. They are for profit and I have heard unhappy reviews.

LifelineWV, i live with the guilt everyday for not doing just what you did. Luckly, you will avoid the hell that I am living. God bless you.

Hi PCVS, we get the best doctors, plumbers and everything else it seems by word of mouth. So could you give us the name of your in house hospice? What is the town for their main address etc. ,etc.. will they also work in a facility? Just like you need the best roofer for your house we can start helping each other by identifying the best hospice facility.

Like everything else, not all hospice is the same. I am having at home hospice for my mother. Rather than hallucinating she is sleeping and dreaming. Last February I admitted her to the hospice facility for five days for Respite. Because they could not or would not give her the naturopathic and homeopathic remedies I give her, she returned with more decline than I expected. Thankfully, she returned almost to her baseline. About to where I'd expect her to be given her consistant but slow decline. They can't or won't give patients anything not in their formulary.

Her home based care is superb, however.

Lifeline, mom does not have to sell her house for dad to go into a nursing home. Please consult an eldercare attorney who routinely does Medicaid work.

We just put my father in hospice. He has advanced Parkinson's, has no short term memory, and hallucinates. He requires round the clock assistance. The doctors at the hospital recommended hospice and hospice evaluated him and admitted him. He is in his 90's. He went in still able to eat and talk in full sentences. Maybe he went to hospice too soon, but if we had not intervened for him he would be dead today. The stated hospice intent is to "make the patient comfortable." Routinely, they give patients Ativan and in large doses to "make them comfortable". What it made my father was comatose, unable to eat or even open his eyes. He lost a lot of weight in one to two days. Dad does yell at night for Mom and as a result of the hallucinations. The night nurse seemed much more interested in keeping him quiet; thus they drugged him. We notified hospice with a letter that they were not to drug him that way any more. Dad now is eating and carrying on a conversation again. We suggested other, less strong anti-anxiety meds, but the doctor was indignant that we would even suggest something else. I called all the hospice facilities in the area and they confirmed the same protocol. That is fine if the patient is in extreme pain or already at death's doorstep. But in my father's case, I am sure hospice would have killed him if nothing more than the loss of food intake. We are moving him out to a nursing facility. The nursing facility will try to get him up and moving again if nothing else to reach the bathroom. Mom will go bankrupt, sell her house, and move in with one of us. (She does not want to live alone.) We (you and I) will all pay for Dad's keep with Medicaid and VA. I truly expect him to last another nine months to a year. There are no good options. However, I am convinced that hospice would have hastened Dad's death if we had not pulled him out. This may not be the case for everyone. I know hospice provides a valuable service, but they don't deviate from that service for patients that may need something a little different.

Dear Mom lover as yet I haven't insulted you YET but I do have some questions how could your mother be under hospice care if it was not terminal for hospice care is for terminally ill people and their families not for just anyone. ICU is not for people who are anywhere near OK

You continue to have your 'IMO' and you can have that - just as you did with the forged POA (although the courts disagreed) just as you did with the nursing home (although that appears to have not been vindicated) , of course you can but how does that help anyone who loved ones are terminally ill and who have been recommended to use the hospice? I find it insulting in the extreme that the story changes so regularly and yet newcomers will not recognise the small nuance of changes that do occur in your rhetoric. Are you now saying that the HOSPITAL killed your mother or that they made her terminally ill so she had to go on hospice?

I actually can only find one person who is wrong here and because I have not insulted you I wouldn't dream of saying that that person is you. Others may disagree. Out of her because you have never listened in the past and I don't think you will now unless we tell you something you want to hear.

Momlover IS making progress. She now says "they hastened my mother's death" instead of they killed her. It's a small step toward acceptance, but a very important move toward finding inner peace.

When people are recovering fine they are removed from ICU, which is a place of treatment so intensive (the clue's in the name) that patients commonly require treatment for PTSD afterwards. No patient who is 'recovering fine' is in ICU.

I have read your posts with concern for many months now, and I am tired. I am very sorry for your loss.

Momlover123, we are trying to figure out what had happened to your Mother and this is all very confusing. You wrote that Hospice didn't give your mother any pain medicine... that is strange, I am wondering if Hospice was even called in at all because Hospice's goal is to make the patient comfortable.

Are you sure your Mother wasn't terminal? In other postings elsewhere on the forums you mentioned that your Mother's colon had burst, well that is a very dangerous situation, especially for someone who is quite elderly. She didn't have surgery to repair the damaged colon, correct?

If I remember correctly, your Mother's Power of Attorney wasn't allowing you to visit your Mother. Were you able to visit her while in ICU?

Right JesseeBelle everything was in a vacuum as my mother was not terminal, but recovering fine in ICU, then killed under the guise of hospice. Phoenixdsghter you make s lot of comments without an eyewitness account. Nursing home neglect and malpractice are under investigation . Please stop the rhetoric. My mother deserves justice like any other non suspecting non-terminal patient. IMO the hospital cut off the circulation to her left thumb and killed her on hospice in 2 days to cover up for a malpractice , suit , even she was recovering from 4/4/16 - 4/20/16 with strong vitals, etc., non-terminal. Please stop insulting me on this post. I am here for help and advice, not insults PhoenixDaughter. The POA put a DNR on her hoping she didn't survive the ventilator, then POA rushed her on hospice the next day and she died in pain, not comfort .

One thing I dislike in this thread is talking about hospice as if it was an entity to itself. We have about 20 of them around here, some with good reputations, others not so good. The not-so-good ones get their reputation by not being available enough, not because they snuff people.

Hospices don't operate in a vacuum. They work with the family members. I agree with what phoenix said about dealing with issues you don't like and changing them, stead of looking for someone to blame after the fact.

Mom lover you leave yourself wide open to charges of libel writing such inflammatory things on here:

I do feel hospice hastened my mother's death .


The hospice could sue you for libel

She had strong vitals and she was very alert.

But that does not mean she was going to get well

They kept a ventilator on her for a prolonged 2-3 wks while the nose cannula was working just fine.

White blood cell count was lowering, so she was recovering from a colostomy at 89,

One does not follow the other low white cell counts indicate viruses/cancers/bone marrow disorders or a mixture of these


but the POA other daughter continued to rush her death along with a co-chair of my church council who knew the hospital staff in ICU as my mother was killed in a few days after recovering well in ICU without any arrangements made for hospice as she was deprived of everything including pain meds and tortured in pain to death IMO

You are honestly trying to tell us that a church council member and your sister conspired with hospital staff and the hospice to kill your mother?

You know what I actually hope they read your post and do sue you. Your attitude and the continuing negative comments about hospices must be striking fear into the hearts of people whose loved ones are terminally ill when this site is designed to support them.

I am by no means saying all hospices are fantastic they aren't but neither are they torture chambers. My advice would be look around find one that you feel comfortable with and monitor it and DEAL WITH ANY ISSUES immediately in writing. Don't sit and grieve after the event when you didn't work hard enough to deal with it during the event.

Right let me define the word hospice for all of you who seem to be unable or unwilling to understand what hospice means.

Care designed to give supportive care to people in the final phase of a terminal illness and focus on comfort and quality of life, rather than cure. The goal is to enable patients to be comfortable and free of pain, so that they live each day as fully as possible.

Now if you don't want your loved one to be comfortable and free of pain then fine go ahead and whinge about hospices. You have no idea of the pain your loved one might be in nor of the rationale behind the doctors prescription.

Finally put a business head on....just for once.... two businesses both hospices both caring for terminally ill. One has a business where people are brought in live about 4-6 months then die free of pain. One has a business where people are brought in and live about a week then die free of pain (or not). Now which one is likely to be making the money? For sure it aint the one where they die after a week. the deep clean, the form filling plus everything else they have to do would be so time consuming that they would go out of business let alone the loss of reputation (or the gaining of a bad one)

In the final stages of life the roller coaster becomes deeper and more irregular than ever. The change from fine to critical can happen in minutes and there is no way you could expect 24/7 care and even if it was there sometimes there is little they can do except relieve pain. THERE IS NO CURE TO TERMINAL ILLNESS - the big clue is in the word TERMINAL.

So can we let this rest please? If you have a gripe you should have reported it to the police and it would have been investigated. If it was investigated and nothing was found - accept it the police are not in cahoots neither are the investigators

Yes. I do feel hospice hastened my mother's death . She had strong vitals and she was very alert. They kept a ventilator on her for a prolonged 2-3 wks while the nose cannula was working just fine. White blood cell count was lowering, so she was recovering from a colostomy at 89, but the POA other daughter continued to rush her death along with a co-chair of my church council who knew the hospital staff in ICU as my mother was killed in a few days after recovering well in ICU without any arrangements made for hospice as she was deprived of everything including pain meds and tortured in pain to death IMO.

my mom was in hospice 60 hrs and she was gone.they also gave her ativan and morphine,but she was septsis and ready to leave us.she had been sick 6 mnths and missed her better life,the intake hospice worker knew she would be gone in 2 days he was 12 hrs off......hopefully mom is at peace,