I need some advice! My mom has lived with my husband and myself for the last 2 1/2 years. We both agreed to have her come live with us since she was so unhappy in the nursing home. How to I tell her I don't want her to live with us anymore? It would mean a nursing home for her and that would probably just about kill her. She DID NOT adjust well the last time she was in a nursing home. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
Is your mother eligible for Medicaid? She would have to have less than $2000 in the bank. Depending on the level of care needed you should be able to get in home caregiver support. I was able to get 40 hours per week while I waited for her to get on the waiver program. It was helpful but I did have difficulty finding caregivers who were willing to work for such a low amount and my husband was not happy with outsiders in the home.
My mom had dimentia and alzheimers so she was up during the night and I was worried. Finally we put a door in the hallway so she had one bedroom to sleep in, one that was a sitting room where I left the TV on and a bathroom. I also would leave a snack tray and a small fridge with snacks so she had everything she needed and I did not have to worry about her wandering outside while I slept.
When they live with you they will demand everthing. When they go to a home they will be grateful for your visits. One option is to find out if you can get respite care and take her to a home for a weekend. Just say you are going out of town. That is what I did to get a break sometimes.
It is very hard and I was dealing with the Guardianship Courts and legal nightmares as the same time. Still not fully recuperated.
The Good new is that they are going to pass the Community Choice Act and that should help. You do not owe your life to you parents. So take care of number 1. It took years of my life when I didn't.
Hope this helps a little and I did not ramble too much.
Latifa
My sister in law is really very good with my mom. If it weren't for her, we would never see my brother. However, she does defend him when I get upset. I needed to go to the hospital to sit by my husbands bedside at night to make sure he got the care he needed. My brother would not come and stay with mom because he said it was too dangerous!!!!!! He was afraid he might hit a deer at night!!!!!!! So, I never ask a thing of him. If you don't ask, you can't be disappointed. That comes from the ancient Eastern religion course I took in school. It has its merits. My brother is the result of my mom babying him and he is the oldest. I tell her" you reap what you sow" Thanks to you all. Just name the time and place. It would be very nice to meet and talk as a group. I feel we are all over the country though. Have a good day. It has finally stopped raining and I am going to plant some flowers.
Linda
Acceptance is often the only way to peace. We don't have to like what is going on, but we can learn to accept it as fact and then move on. Good advice, Neon.
Carol
Carol
lovingdaughter
lovingdaughter
I have a cat actually three, when they are down on the floor rubbing against my leg I liken it to us being little as they are and us being to them so large as God is and trying to get Gods attention not knowing we already have it.
On your side note how devastating for those that lost their home last night, please know I will pray for them and ask God to comfort them and it is so encouraging to know that people still come together no matter what time of day or night to help those in need. All we see on the news is doom and gloom and those that commit such awful crimes. It is so good to know that there are still a lot of people who will come to the aid of others.
I will not complain either let us start a NON COMPLAIN CHAIN. Look to the beauty that God has put around us especially this time of year with so much pain and pressure that people are feeling. Everyone post something wonderous that you have seen this week or today.
Today I walked outside, It is warm and humid and everything is blooming or going to bloom OH such wonder that God has put here for our enjoyment.
I am not alone I have all of you, I have my church family that I can go to at anytime, only the ones in my family are into themselves, but that is okay I know I have a future after this is over and I am not so sure they do. I try to show by example but am not getting very far. I am planting seeds God will do the rest. I cannot control how someone else feels or acts and I am okay with that. But I find that more and more I am becoming a solitary person. Doing what I am expected to do with a smile even tho inside it hurts sometimes and doing what I can for others that I don't even know. I need to go I have some things to do to encourage others and make a difference. When I leave this world there will have been hearts I have touched that will remember some will be unconsolable because they will know they did not do their best while I was here. They will have to deal with that. I live my life so my conscience is clear and my heart is full for anyone who needs a part of it. God Bless all of you today and don't forget our Chain. Smile at someone who just looks through dead eyes maybe they will see you and you will make a difference.
Side note: sorry to post it here, but can't help it. My neighbors lost their beautiful historic Adult Foster Care home last night. All 8 people 2 dogs made it out safely. Thank God for sparing lives. They woke us at 3am to call 911. The whole neighborhood came to be of help.
I spend my share of time talking about, and complaining about, and worrying about my Mom. Today, I have a case of grateful. Thank God my Mom was not in that house, or my husband or son. Today, I don't think I'll complain. Please pray for comfort for Pat and Marcia, and 6 displaced residents. And thank God for what you have today, even in difficult circumstances.
We who take care of our elders are blessed that God told us what to do He never said take care of your parents only if they have been good to you. Its easy to love someone who loves you . Boy I wish I could have seen that post to.
I am so sorry for your loss pkpurs but every thing has its season. Now it is time for you. You will feel a gamit of feelings, when you think you are over it a memory or someone will remind you of Mom or something she did or say. We all have to live through those days. While there might be those in our own family who selfishly think only of themselves, hurt our feelings, just by not being there to talk to or touch so full of their own life they will get there some day. I am dealing with that on many different levels I feel so all alone but I am not I have God guiding me and Jesus walking next to me.
I suppose I need to send this to my home email so I don't miss anything in the future. I will protect and defend you with all of my heart all of you who have trials and frustration, laughter and pain on this site. I am woman hear me ROAR!
I was gone a couple days, and missed the drama, but it saddened me to read all the comments about what occured here. Kind of makes one wonder, because it seems that post was erased. What's really sad is that it's made many people here become very defensive, like they have to explain themselves, and justify their words, and actions. The thought police obviously don't believe in freedom of speech, and want to control it. That's certainly happening in the news and politics. Either that, or someone is feeling convicted about their own thoughts, or angry at themselves or someone else for something, perhaps. Why would one post infuriorate so many people? I know I talked about God on one thread, and got jumped for it. Many people came behind to lift me back up, but once it happens, it does something to you. Made me want to go away and not come back. But it also made me want to defend my position. So instead of venting and feeling relief, I was fighting someone's opinion. It makes people cynical and want to withdraw.
Where do we find "The Wooden Bowl"?
So sorry to hear about your mom. It is never easy, but you will have no regrets. You did what needed to be done, took care of her, loved her and put your life on hold. Now it is your turn to grieve, and then take the next step in your life. We will continue to be here for you.
linda
I have been trying to write this for days. My mom passed a few weeks ago so I am really having some trouble when I think about it, which is most of the time. Not everybody knows how much this site helps us caregivers. If you don't like what we say, then you should go elsewhere!! I took care of my mom for the last 5 years 24/7. I vented and complained and cried and laughed and every other emotion I can think of on here and you all excepted it and even gave me support and love and hugs!! I could not have made it thru it if it weren't for you all. I was not able to even leave the house for the last 8 months of so. I also have a mentally challenged child who didn't understand what happen to her grandma. She didn't know her anymore and was cruel to her. You all listen to me and didn't critsize. I have cried with you all. I have laughed with you all. You have been my support when family was no where to be found!! You gave me ideas about handleing different things that you all had been thru. For someone to come on here and critisize ..........it infuriates me. I don't even remember who the person was but they know!!! Just go elsewhere. It is really simple to log off. OK, I've nhad my say........keep smilin..........If you all haven't already read the "The Wooden Bowl",mdo so. It really makes you see why we do what we do even tho we complain. We love our loved ones and will do anythjing for them but ya gotta vent!!!
lovingdaughter
Please stay in touch and let us know how things are going,
Carol