I need some advice! My mom has lived with my husband and myself for the last 2 1/2 years. We both agreed to have her come live with us since she was so unhappy in the nursing home. How to I tell her I don't want her to live with us anymore? It would mean a nursing home for her and that would probably just about kill her. She DID NOT adjust well the last time she was in a nursing home. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
Loving Daughter
I had surgery an came home 2 days later mom fell on the ice, I know it wasnt her fault but so much for me getting rest and healing! Now I go back to work Monday YIPPIIIEEE!!! I am so glad!
take care
You be a good girl and do what the dr. says. The long term affects of you not taking care of your back is not worth it. Who is going to help with your husband if you have the surgery? They can help out with things later also. You take care of yourself and do what is necessary.I'm praying for you to have the courage and strength to follow thru as you need to. Let us know what is going on.
I had the day with my husband today, I did not go to dads all day but you know he is very bored all by himself. To know that someone is counting on you to be their only social activity day after day is such a huge burden. He is doing 100% better so I don't feel bad any more about staying home.
I cannot believe your dog ate a flashlight--how was that possible? He's just a little thing is he not? I want to get myself a dog one day when I have no other pressing matters like dad. You know I told dad he should get himself a pet because they are very good buddies. I should buy him one as a birthday gift. That's it--if he is doing good still on him birthday I am going to have my sister go in a a dog for him. I think that will be good for him.
Hope everybody is doing good today. Have a good one and take care.
Alice
Isabella is a 8 month old Shih-Poo, and the love of my life. My grown daughter is very jealous!! She threw up some of the flashlight fragments this morning is at the vets. They are waiting for her to pass the rest. Fun day!!! Mom's physical therapist came today and is sending an occupational therapist to help us get her in and out of bed easier. The transferring from chair to shower to bed is the big issue. Hope your mom is OK. They can treat the aneurysm if they know that it exists. So that is a good things. Good luck and keep writing to us!!
We had a good night, found out mom has an Abdominal aortic aneurysm , we have to go get an MRI of it and her head (where she fell on the ice) Doc said the aneurysm is small and they wont even operate on her till its bigger, if mom is a canidate for surgery. Which I think she will be since she got the oka for hip reconstruction. Was interesting reading about the Abdominal aortic aneurysm but very scary, if it was to rupture she would bleed out, that is very unlikely at the size is it is now. If they hadnt done the Xray they never would have caught the aneurysm, which would not have been a good thing, so the fall was a blessing , go figure...
I told my dad yesterday that my husband is making me go to marriage counseling because of all this and he said well maybe the guy will say you should get divorced. I said maybe he will tell me I should not give you any time at all and my husband is right. I hate this situation that I am in--I have to be a nervous reck all the time because while wanting to help my dad my husband is going crazy because he knows as well as I do that my dad uses these things to get his way. But then again sometimes he does need my help and my husband thinks I should just walk away and not see him ever again. How can I do that? I don't know how, maybe the marriage counselor will tell me to do that I don't know anymore.
At least I know I am not the only one who is going through this situation. I am hoping for a smooth day today and hopefully it will turn out that way.
Everyone else take care--I hope your days go good also.
Alice
but she wont change her tune,,90% of the time im very calm dont raise my voice never lose my temper, in fact i really HATE the way i act around her sometimes. I am amazed how much i hvae changed and sometimes i feel like the life, my soul is being crushed right out of me.. I hate it!
My brother use to tel my Mom "Ali's just a free spirit mom" id like to get that "spirit" back , but I am afraid its gone at least hiding somewhere!
Have you told your mom to do it herself if your work isn't up to her standards. If my mom complains, I tell her to show me how she would like it done. Imagine that, she can't. Then I say to her, well then it just has to be done my way and if she doesn't like it, she knows where the door is. She stops because she knows I mean it. Be tough, don't yell, get very quiet. She may change her tune. Good luck,
i just got in touch with Central Ohio Area Agency on Aging I dont know if they can help or not but I feel better knowing there there and I am going to call them. Im sure there is an agency in your area call, it cant hurt , it may help!
Seems like most of yaall on here are dealing with way more than I am.
huggs
Love,
Marylynne
Last night was interesting! I went to the post office an took my pup with me an went for about a 45min/ hour walk. When I came home mom was up (since she fell she hasnt really gotten up,her hip hurts has a Doc appt today) an started right in! Huffing about how dirty the house is, what a mess yipyip (house isnt dirty just not done the way she wants it done) I was like wow.... oka, so I fed my pup an went into my room. When I came out she had thrown the coffee filter w/grounds! "she said they "fell" Okaaaaa Then she just yipyipyipyip, id had enough and told her "look Im making your meals my meals doing laundry cleaning the house taking care of your dog an mine and hellooo! I just had surgery too! So if the house isnt "pristine" OH WELL!" I figured she was feeling well enough to get up and pick up she could pick up her mess too!! (I came back later and finished cleaning it up)
My God ! why are they soo... why are they like that!!
Its not even that I want to live away from her, i just cant do that, but shit a little emphathy would help!
Someone said to me the other day, " When it is no longer safe for you or your loved one , then it is time to go to a facility that can make things safe for both of you." I never thought of it that way. Taking in our elders can make us feel that we are doing the right thing. But sometimes, it isn't the best for both of us. My mom fell on Christmas Eve, and though she was alright, I realized that the day is coming when she will be too much for me to handle. Unfortunately, our health system is not designed to help the caregiver. Most times it is only good for the HMO and whoever is lining their pockets!!! My Dr. said that the only way I can get her into a facility for the therapy she needs( Parkinson systems), is for her to break a leg or hit her head and be unresponsive. Just being weak is not a reason!!! How many times does she have to fall before she really hurts herself?
Yes , you are right, the elderly are really only focused on themselves. I hope I remember all this if I live to her age, 87!! Hang is there Alice, you are in our prayers and thoughts.