I need some advice! My mom has lived with my husband and myself for the last 2 1/2 years. We both agreed to have her come live with us since she was so unhappy in the nursing home. How to I tell her I don't want her to live with us anymore? It would mean a nursing home for her and that would probably just about kill her. She DID NOT adjust well the last time she was in a nursing home. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
We are stuck in the subprime crap and also need to sell our home that we would have been able to keep had this woman not moved in with us! The SS case worker states that we are able to charge her rent but not care. What a load of crap! Where does this system get off thinking that we are supposed to care for our elders and NOT be untitled to compensation for it. what the hell are we supposed to live on??? I am thinking that if they want a record, fine, I will state that we charged her $5,000 in rent per month! That is exactly what a nursing home in this area charges. Does anyone else have any experience with this situation? It's time for mumsy to go! My husband and I need to get back to work before we loose everything we own!
Carol
So if you gusy are in any of these situation, please get help, you can't be a slave, your gonna suffer, your father or mother will suffer, your marriage can suffer, yoru financial wallet can suffer and it can just be a really really bad experience.
Ok I have had my father out of my home for one month now and I try not to feel guilty but my God I need a life too. I keep telling myself that it is not my fault just like everyone else it is not our fault that they made no friends in life or that our siblings live out of state. I have three sisters out of state but you know what? If they realized how much they had to do for their parents they would move farther away. Because this is hell on earth--not our fault and I just am feeling horrible today because my dads apartment is not going to be ready for another week or two and he took off from his brothers and is staying at a hotel again.
I brought him some clothes today and I feel so guilty I cannot stand it. Why do we feel this way? Because we love our parents and find it difficult to say no. Well I found out that their are places that will help and if your parents have money they can have someone help them. And the more we do for them the more dependent they become so we have to stop and know that we deserve to live our lives just like they did. I never knew of my parents to take care of their parents so why do they make themselves our responsibility? Because we let them--if their sick they need assisted living--I found out the courts can do that if they will not themselves.
It is so hard but if dad becomes to sick he has to go to assisted living for my sake and his saftey. We cannot handle this responsibility ourselves.
Take care and keep writing it helps.
She sits all day and has no life. Not my fault, don't feel guilty you do more then enough, and the more you do the worse she will get.
Please do for you and your family first and pick your head up and be proud of all that you have done for her but keep yourself and the things you like to do first. What was she doing at your age? I'm sure not what you are doing Cheer up friend, Decor
None of this would be so bad if she wasn't so mentally abusive towards me. She constantly talks about my brother having it so bad. I would gladly exchange lives with him! She never has anything good to say to me. I am damned if I do, and damned if I don't.
Today she verbally attacked me in Wendy's. I had to go outside, because she had me bawling. I don't know how much more of it I can take! I try to do everything to please her, and it never happens. I'm 48, and she makes my life a living hell.
I could never stand to have her live with me. The only sanity I have is the few hours I get to see my husband every evening.
What will I do when she becomes unable to care for herself? She does not want to go to a nursing home. I can't afford to hire somebody, but she can. The problem is that she is showing signs of dementia, and will never admit it.
I love her, and want to do the right thing, but I am wasting my life away in misery! My brother is trying to get all of her money, and I don't care, but he lied and told her I wanted to have her put in a home. He is sickening. He stayed home until he was 35, and I got married and left home at 18. Why would he do his only sibling this way? He knows I am burdened with her, but he just goes about his life as if she doesn't exist, unless he needs something. Sometimes I feel like I should leave the country! But I have 3 1/2 grandchildren, I would like to enjoy.
Ok, I'm done venting now.
Now I feel guilty about this!! I must be crazy
I am going to discuss this with my sister and see if we can work something out.
Rose Broyles
I agree with your idea to talk to our politicians to we are blue in the face--but I know what I am going to do when the time comes--actually my husband and I have made provisions because we have no children and if we did we would not want to burden them with our illnesses or our grief. We have many friends and now we are getting our lives back without dad and his unhappy non-drinking self. He is a dry drunk because he can't drink because it gets him very sick. So I just realize (after 7 years) that he did this to himself not me....no one else is around him and its no wonder why--I hear he already called my sisters who all said that he could not come to them.....
Thanks for letting me vent
I am glad I could at lease write my feelings down and help someone I hope. It will never stop if you keep doing everything and you feel more and more hate and regret then you ever will know by keeping up something you don't want to do. Live your life not theirs--they have other choices too not just you.
I know exactly how you feel. My parents moved in 2-1/2 years ago too. My Dad just passed away last Tuesday. My Mom is in very good health.
There is no easy way to ask a mother to leave. May I suggest you get her involved with a local senior center? At least she would have some activity and socializing during the day.
Can she do for herself? If not, there are agencies that will assist with personal care each day. Call your town hall and find out what's available to you. At least you would have some help. Good luck.
Sha
Having the same trouble. My mom and dad both live with me since Hurricane Katrina and cannot find a way to ask them to leave.
If you get any suggestions, let me know.
Marylynne