My FIL should not drive anymore. Unfortunately, he's passed special examinations from the DMV - twice - and the last test was about a month ago. So he's sure he's a fine driver. Frankly, he has the legal backup to "prove" it. My MIL says if the DMV says he's OK, he's OK (but she's nervous). They have to make a long trip to a military base each month to pick up meds and do inexpensive shopping. These trips wear them out, so now I must go with them. Since it's on base, I can't simply run these errands for them. (My husband's slightly disabled, and there's no one else within hundreds of miles.) My FIL, of course, insists on driving - and on taking their car - and MIL backs him up. This is really getting scary, but I see no way out, and I resent being in this precarious position. Guess this is just a vent.
1) The passenger may not have previously known the driver was hazardous. Or,
2) The passenger may have followed a professional recommendation that this driver needs someone to accompany them (I've actually seen this advice come from doctors and eldercare experts).
At some point, I may need to ride with my FIL in order to assess and document, so I have some chance of making a strong case that both his doctors and the DMV will finally act upon appropriately.
I firmly stand in my views and I won't budge. When I was talking about not covering people who caused wrecks, When I was speaking of passengers, I wasn't speaking of those who didn't know the driver was dangerous but those who DO know the driver is dangerous and still knowingly get in the car with that driver anyway
When I posted the OP, I actually felt I was morally obligated to get in the car with him, no matter what, but that prospect scared the **** out of me. Now, thanks to the group, I've made it clear that this is NOT gonna happen.
Stopping his driving altogether, however, will not happen instantly, but not because of lack of effort on my part. As of now, I have no legal standing to make it happen (and my incarceration would not improve matters) ... but I am working on it.
I for one strongly agree with starting with a local newspaper article. If your clever with words, You can incorporate the car's description into the article and kind of hint by describing the person behind the wheel of that car. If you're clever enough, you can find a way to incorporate the license plate number, and it'll take a smart person to read between the lines to figure it out.
For instance, regular Ohio license plates have six digits. Let's say you take that license plate number and turn it into a sentence for your article.
* You start by first writing down the license plate number and the car's description. Now, try to come up with a sentence relevant to what your article is about. You can be very clever about turning the license plate number into a sentence, but try to keep the number in order as it appears on the license plate so others know who to watch out for once they figure out what you're saying and it's details. If the dangerous driver is going to continue driving, that means you must level the playing field and play dirty! If you're clever enough to know how to be creative with words, you can get away with directly exposing the person.
If your article is rejected:
Remember, you always have social media, you can always plug up the public timeline and expose the person directly without all the clever creativeness. You can come right out and say it straight up on public social media, even exposing the person's name, car description and license plate number without getting creative as I described before.
Under the circumstances, if I were to go ahead and do it anyway, I'd be committing a crime. The car would only be returned to service. I might even end up incarcerated, which doesn't help anybody.
Blasting our IDs on social media or local news will not help the situation at all. We do not have police records, so it would be an act of harassment. I would also lose the trust I'm building with my MIL.
If I am successful, I will post a new thread.
Thank you all for our comments.
Confounded, I feel for you. But by this point I would be looking on my FIL qua driver, rather than qua FIL, and my attitude would be severe.
Aside - the lane changing business particularly got to me. My FIL swerved without looking or signalling across two lanes of the Marylebone Road, very nearly took out a motorbike, and THEN said "bloody motorbikes!" He was the WORST driver I have ever seen in action. But this was back when he was younger and comparatively able bodied; the truth of it was that he was just a terrible driver. There's a lot of it about, and taking their licences off them is truly not that simple. If only the various governments would make it much harder to pass your test in the first place, insist on re-licensing every ten years, ban proven offenders permanently...
Well, actually, what would happen is that there'd be a lot more totally illegal drivers with no insurance on the roads. In the short term, anyway.
Confounded, I hope this mental exercise might help - when thinking and talking about this, strongly visualise your FIL as a cab driver who has turned up to be your chauffeur, rather than a much loved person whom you like and respect. It may help you find the words to say "you are a menace. Get out from behind the wheel NOW" - and show him you mean it. It's a question of being prepared for him not to like you.
And stop being nice to MIL when she backs him up. She's making excuses, and it won't do.