When I first started full time care for my mum I brought in and paid for carers to give her a bath but they did such a shoddy job I stopped them coming - no point in having a dog and barking yourself is there. HOWEVER I found it incredibly difficult to physically touch my mum - its not something we ever did I had never been kissed by her in my living memory and I found that awful too. So you can imagine (or not if you're the insensitive sort) how distasteful I found it to have to clean her nether regions or lift her breasts up to wash and dry under them. Made worse because it was almost as though she sensed my disgust and wanted me to cream her lower groin area or put petroleum jelly around the anal area. I gritted my teeth, donned the obligatory surgical gloves, did it and went up and vomited - I couldn't help it. At one point I wanted to commit suicide rather than do this and when she got an impacted bowel and doctors would not come out (I live in UK so things are slightly different here) I had to manually disimpact her and that was gross. Time marches on though and now 2 years on I can manage to do it without disgust; the feelings of hopelessness have gone but I am known to my family as the mutterer for when it all gets a bit much I mutter terrible obscenities as I walk out the door. Mum doesn't know and I feel so much better for the mutterings. I won't ever say them out loud and they are unprintable here but suffice it to say ffs happens to be the most likely one.
Do i feel guilty? I used to ... now I accept that it is my way of coping and I though I ought to share it on here. Don't get me wrong I love my mum I just don't like her but then we have never liked each other and when I was little she always said she wished my brother had lived and I had died. Odd how 58 years on I would so love to remind her of those words but of course I won't.
Then today through her grumpiness and vile temper she said to me noone else could care for me like you do...So I made a joke and said am I that bad? No she said you are just like the daughter I always wanted not like the one I got. That will teach me to fish for compliments!!!!
I look forward to hearing if the UTI's really respond to the cream treatment, as mom has had 4 or 5 over the past 6 months and her orthopedic surgeon is concerned about possible infection in her hip replacement. Apparently it is not uncommon for seniors who get frequent UTIs to develop infections around their artificial joints even without running high temps. (Mom has had two boughts of septic infections - first one lead to replacing the hip for the third time and 2 months of IV antibiotics). So one more item to check...is the hip pain really just nerve stuff from the past surgeries or is there any tenderness developing that might be an infection starting up...
I had to do the crème with the plunger for my mom in-law and I had to often leave the room to gain control so as not to burst out laughing cuz she'd make comments that would burn the ears off a sailor! She would slyly smile at me but I learned quickly not to laugh or she'd get upset thinking I was "poking" fun at her. It is those light moments that make it easier to keep going I think.
But ohmygod you should have seen what came out of mother's belly button this morning - ! I took cotton buds to it because she's got a proper "innie" and I wasn't happy I'd dried it thoroughly enough - eeuw eeuw eeuw God knows when that job was last done!!! I thought it was only men who gathered Lowestoft?
The article was interesting about the estrogen cream. I do think that doctors who prescribe things should be required to apply those items to someone. (no nurse involved, just the doctor) I think they would be less apt to prescribe the patches and creams applied to various parts! It is hard enough to get the right pills in at the correct times. What is it is just applied to the incontinence pad and hope that some of it will get into the correct spot...Can there be problems using it externally?
Thankfully we have someone who comes in and gives mom a shower 2 X's a week so the personal care goes to her. Mom is happier with that too.
My best to all of my fellow caregivers! Good to know there are others out there who find caregiving YUKKY sometimes!
In this order:
1. Saliva tops my list (that goes for teeth, spit, vomit)
2. Toenails (and fungus etc etc)
3. Poop & pee
so I did a little google search and apparently, the doctor could insert an estrogen "ring" instead of the cream. now THAT would be a vast improvement.
If approval has been given for the home carer to administer of any other formulation (e.g. suppositories, pessaries) he/she must be given a practical demonstration of administration provided by a Community Nurse.
Now I dont know what you call a community nurse in the USA but in the UK they are sent out by the doctors to support. That is when I said I wont do this - I did unblock Mum's impacted bowel and it was gross and yes I vomited afterwards. It was only later I was told you mustn't do it - it has to be donme by a professional or by someone who has been trained. Leave the box in the cabinet hun
Talk about something I don't want anything to do with!!! she come up to me in any room, drops her depends and asks if this looks "alright"
*runs screaming from room*
I really can't stand my mother and to address the elephant in the room, you all know the day I'm preying for? If not then you aren't dealing with dementia, j/s.
I wonder if you can get disposable applicators, like you can disposable syringes - maybe ask your pharmacist? Although for me, frankly, cleaning a bit of plastic afterwards would be a walk in the park - that's not the bit I'd be worrying about :P
Mom insist on having a mammogram because her sister died of breast cancer.... but that was 40 years ago. No surgeon is going to touch Mom, and no Oncologist will give her chemo. So why even bother. If a doctor said that I didn't need to have a mammogram, I would be shouting with glee from the roof tops :0
I don't know what Mom would have done if her only child was a son instead of a daughter.