You just have to laugh sometimes.....
Some of my recent favourites are:
"I had a terrible night last night. I had to stay awake .. until I went to sleep" (said several times over, with greater emphasis each time, because of course if you repeat it, then it must make sense.)
"drinking water causes gas, so no water, and no salt, cause salt makes you drink water"
"the toothpaste took all the enamel off my teeth in just 3 days!"
When the home care nurse was here in this past weekend, my dad said that's his daughter. Now, let me tell you this, Aunty N does Not look younger than her age. So, the nurse looks at the wall, has this puzzled look on his face - as my dad continues to talk about his daughter Catarina.
Finally, the nurse couldn't keep it in. He turns to me, and whispers, "Is that your sister?"
I chuckled, and replied, "No, that's HIS sister!"
I recently asked dad for my aunt's address so I could send her a Christmas card. He started reading it to me from is address book. I guess he was trying to be current and he read it this way:
Aunt Jenny and Uncle John
1123 hashbrown 158 Highway
Camedon, NC
It's actually 1123 #158 Highway. Oh daddy. He cracks me up. Hashbrown...hashtag....what's the difference? lol
I started to laugh. Daddy asked why and I said it was just something I saw online that morning.
(I know he loved mother, but she did drive him crazy).
After a while, dad said angrily, "I don't want to listen to men sing! I want to hear women singing!"
I was just about to say 'Goodnight' back to him. When he said again, "Goodnight, Irene!"
I replied, "I'm not Irene."
He continued without pause, singing, "Good Night, Irene. Good night, Irene. I will see you in my dream...."
{eyes rolling} And here I thought he was saying goodnight to me!
Just before going to sleep for the night, I asked him if he wanted the cap on.
He replied, "No, it will cover my head and make me bald."
He answered, "No, I'm perfect."
I'm watching dad stuff napkins into his front pamper. He wears a catheter.
I asked him,"What are you doing?"
He replied, "The napkins to hold the pee."
I responded, "You don't need the napkins to hold the pee, that's what the pamper is for."
He said, "The pamper is not holding the pee."
I replied, "The reason the pamper is not holding the pee - is because you pulled down the pamper. It's no longer covering you up."
He replied, "I know what I'm doing!"
Yep, he knows what he's doing. He now has a large lump of paper napkins on his lower belly, below the 'bikini line'.
Guess I woke up a bit philosophical this morning. Better go back to sleep.
We all had a good laugh. My Mom didn't know what we were laughing about but it was cute and funny.
I got a call from the Medical Transport about his appointment this Saturday. They needed directions to our house. Appointment? I had to call the Home Care office to find out that they have set up an appointment with the podiatrist. You see, for years, he's been complaining about his toenails and painful toes. He enjoys complaining to the home care nurses about his pain, and how Incompetent they are for not helping to relieve it. All weekend, he was lambasting them for not fixing his toes. I kept telling him that he needs to go to clinic for that.
So, they finally made the appointment with the podiatrist - without telling any of us. Whoopee. I get to be the one to break the bad news to him as soon as I got home, at 7:00pm.
After much going around about why there's an appointment for a foot specialist, there was silence.
He finally said, "My toes are not hurting anymore. It's fixed."
I asked suspiciously, "How was it fixed?"
He replied, "J cut the hole bigger on the shoe's toes (cloth zippered slipper). Now my toe is sticking out. See, no more pain. I will call tomorrow to tell them that my toes are okay and I don't need to go to the clinic."
Tonight, he just sneezed one time. He waited for a while. Then he muttered, "Why limited?" Just a few seconds after saying it, he sneezed hard the 2nd time. He cheered after that.
Then she said, "The bath was so nice! And everything just floats!" (This said while indicating the area of her chest....) ;-)
He's slowly forgetting words. I know it's not funny (to him) but his favorite cuss word (thank goodness it's not the F-word!) is 'bastard.' Except he's forgotten the correct way of saying that word. So, despite his getting so angry and cussing me out, I can't help giggling every time he says it (which pisses him more because while he's getting mad at me, I'm giggling because it's so cute!)
So.... "Behave! You Bastid!"
Mom: "Yes, I'm ready, but I'll need a wipe job"
CNA: "Well hop up and gimme that booty!"
Both Mom and I laughed *so* hard....it was just the way she said it. LOL
An aide told me after about 5 times she had undone the belt and sent her running to keep her in the chair, the aide said to her "you are wearing me out, every time you take the belt off". Mom simply said "Oh, it was an accident". Dementia and all, the "lie excuse" is still in operation. Yep, that's definitely Mom still in there.