You just have to laugh sometimes.....
Some of my recent favourites are:
"I had a terrible night last night. I had to stay awake .. until I went to sleep" (said several times over, with greater emphasis each time, because of course if you repeat it, then it must make sense.)
"drinking water causes gas, so no water, and no salt, cause salt makes you drink water"
"the toothpaste took all the enamel off my teeth in just 3 days!"
Tonight, as usual, my dad tells me his day. He was saying that Jimmy shaved him. Dad only paid him $10.00 (whereas the last time he paid Jimmy $40.00, before that was $20.00). My dad loves sun glasses. He must have commented to Jimmy about his eye glass because Jimmy offered his sun glasses to dad.
Dad said, "I said no because I know that guy! If I say yes, he's going to say to me, 'It's ONLY $10.00.' ONLY." I burst out laughing because despite my dad's decline mentally, he's still sharp when it comes to his money!
Second, if she is that smart to have a plan of escape, let her outta there!
He replied, "Change my pamper? That's a lot of work!"
Oh, really??? Hmmm... I recall I'm doing most of the pulling, pushing, holding him in place with one hand while the other is cleaning because Someone Forgets to hold on to the railing while on his side... lower back pain...
Of course, I will give him credit because when he turns without my assistance he looks like an overturned turtle with his legs/arms swinging in the air trying to turn. So, maybe from his viewpoint, it Is a lot of work!
I had given him the pre op instruction list weeks ago, and went over them again with him yesterday. Shower with antibacterial wash, no food/liquid after midnight, wear PJs/robe, leave watch and wallet at home, etc.
I knew there would be some non-compliance based on previous experience, so I gave him a hard look but didn't say much when he insisted on wearing: PJs, shirt and jeans over that, a fisherman's vest full of his assorted junk, an overcoat with pockets filled up with yet more stuff. He wore his fanny pack that holds checkbooks and other junk, and carried a small suitcase with who-knows-what in it. I'm not exaggerating at all. That's what my father wanted to wear to surgery, despite my attempts to get him to comply, despite having my mother call to encourage him to comply. So. It is what it is. I told him this morning to remember to bring picture ID and insurance card.
We get to the hospital. I explain to the sympathetic, understanding staff that I attempted to get my dad to comply, but it's a comfort thing for him to bring all his stuff, and thanked them for their understanding. I asked my dad to get out his insurance card. He said "I didn't bring my wallet because it said 'no wallet'."
They still admitted him. Thankfully.
"There's this guy at "work" (aka the Adult Day Center) that can't remember S***! He will ask the same question over and over again..."
(wait five minutes)
"There's this guy at "work" (aka the Adult Day Center) that can't remember S***! He will ask the same question over and over again..."
(repeat ad nauseum)
I get up and say: Mom, since we just saw this one, I am going to play with my computer for a while.............
We just saw this one????????
When???????????
I knew it would be useless, so I said exactly what was going to happen in the next minute, and it did!!!
She said.........oh, it did happen!!!
I see you in 1 hour mom.............my hour is up.
M88
"People are so surprise when they find out that I'm a federal agent." .. Really? A federal agent?
So, I asked him, "Do you know who I am?" He looked at me with a confused look and shook his head. I asked, "You really don't know who I am? I'm K." He gave me this very blank look.
Then he said after a long pause and apologetically, "I'm very forgetful." He kept saying it over and over but I can tell from his eyes that he still couldn't connect me to the person K. Oh well, I took this as a compliment and it sure made my day! Especially since he never tells it to me in my face that he likes me and appreciates what I've been doing for him.
Oops.... he just looked at me and said, "I need a shave. Can you shave me? You, who are you?" I guess, he still doesn't remember me - from 2 hours ago....
I took her blood sugar, and she thought I was trying to give her insulin. When I gave her the insulin needle, she got mad because she thought that I'd just given her insulin, and she jammed the needle down onto the table and bent it down. I fixed it for her and gave it to her, and she put it in the little container we throw away the used needles in. By now of course, she thought she'd taken her insulin instead of throwing away a full needle. I finally got her to take it. Then I gave her her pills. She said she didn't trust me, and that she wasn't taking them.
I said, "Fine, you're not hurting anyone but yourself." I looked away for a second and then looked back and saw that she had them hidden in her fist. I said, "Did you take them?"
She said, "Yes."
I said, "Show me your hands."
Here's where it gets funny/pathetic. She opened the hand that didn't have the pills (her left hand). I said, "Show me your other hand."
She hastily tried to transfer the pills to her left hand, but one dropped out. It was just so ridiculous and childish ... gahhh. After that she took the pills, but boy ... we have a routine, I don't know why in the world she acts like this.
It's not like I changed up the routine or did something out of the ordinary. Ugh.
Joan wafer thin and quite hard of hearing finds following a conversation a bit difficult
Mum not so thin and also cannot follow a conversation
Mum- HELLO ITS NICE TO SEE YOU
You’ve put on weight
SHES ON A DIET (LAUGHS)
No You you have put on weight
OH IM NOT ON A DIET JUST JUDITH
I Have Oak meals
DO YOU GET YOUR MEALS DELIVERED?
oh no the carer gets me a pint every other day
NO NO THE MEALS DO YOU GET YOUR MEALS DELIVERED
The carer gets my milk not my meals
BUT YOUR MEALS ARE THEY DELIVERED
Yes every week
ARE THEY FROZEN OR CHILLED?
No
Are they fresh?
Yes I have skimmed
So I quickly put on his sunglasses and took his photo- several ones. Then I chose the best looking one and showed it to him while complimenting how handsome he looks with his sunglasses. It took a while but he finally agreed he looked "sharp". I've learned since then to be very careful of what photos to show him.
I've reread your post and still got a chuckle from it.
Really? Really??
So tonight we get to the doctor, I told the doctor what I had done and why so I then sat away from them behind a curtain while the doc spoke to Mum. This was not a good time I felt like poo until I heard this:
How did you feel when your daughter called you names?
I wanted a number 2
So your daughter upset you when she called you names?
My daughter calls me Mum
Yes but today when she was angry?...
Oh she's always angry...but don't blame her its my fault.....
Why do you say its your fault?
Well I never wanted to adopt her ...I hate girls...and I don't like you either
Why don't you like me?
Well girls shouldn't be doctors - you should know your place
So getting back to earlier today what happened?
I had soup
Erm I meant when you were having a shower
I never had a shower we have a bath you talk rubbish can we go home now officer?
At that point I know that whatever I said never penetrated
Phoenix, every family should have one of your Mum. Lol.
From now on, just tell yourself you need this funny material for the successful book you are going to write, and make a zillion copies on the best seller list.!!
Humor and grammar gaffes are beyond her now, so I hid my smile and replied simply "you're right, Mom. You're right."
Yesterday, I was helping her with Christmas ideas (!) but I am doing all hers, so I want to get a jump on it. I REALLY wanted to clean, but she won't let me do that anymore, so her place is a disaster.
While we were talking, I was just staring off into space, but she thought I was looking at her countertops, which are filthy and covered in junk. She said "You KNOW that I am leaving this mess behind so you can come in and curse at me for leaving so much junk behind." I laughed and said "Mom, I will clean your place out in an hour. Don't try to hoard more junk on my account."
As I was leaving, mailman pulls up--she "races" to the door to see him (he graciously hands her the mail, although this is a rural type mail service and she is supposed to get mail in the street box) She hands this poor, sweet man 2 Hersheys kisses and says "Here's your kisses for the day". She's positively simpering over this man. He's so kind....and I have witnessed this so often I am not even embarrassed by it.
I exclaimed, "I'm hungry!"
Dad asked seriously, "You're hungry?"
I replied, "yes."
Dad asked seriously, "When did you change your name?"
I paused...huh?... Ohhhhh. He got me again!