You just have to laugh sometimes.....
Some of my recent favourites are:
"I had a terrible night last night. I had to stay awake .. until I went to sleep" (said several times over, with greater emphasis each time, because of course if you repeat it, then it must make sense.)
"drinking water causes gas, so no water, and no salt, cause salt makes you drink water"
"the toothpaste took all the enamel off my teeth in just 3 days!"
The chaplain asked her where she had gone to church. She replied "Church of Christ". She could tell by his reaction that her answer was incorrect. She gave it another try and immediately said, "I meant First Baptist". Still wrong by his expression. She tossed her head and said dismissively, "I change churches a lot".
"why am I here, you know I don't like this, I'll get you for this, etc."
So luckily with my experience the first thing I did was greet her with a huge smile and told her that I was going to make her beautiful, so just relax and enjoy this it is your time, were going to have fun. Luckily I hit her good side and she was very pleasant to me. I colored her hair,waxed her facial hair, cut and styled her hair... she was with me for about 2 hours. Her husband got his haircut by another operator when he was waiting with the aide and the other woman I chatted with them for a bit because they seemed concerned that the wife was going to give me a hard time, I picked up on the fact that the hubby had dementia as well. I winked and said she;s fine I can handle it. I said to him I'm making your wife beautiful for you , he said "she looks better today than the day we married" I told the wife what he said, she rolled her eyes. It was cute.
Most of my co workers can't deal with people that have Dementia, can't imagine why? LOL ....
So we get all done, she looked great I said to the wife you need to go on a date with your husband you both are looking so good! She say's "With him, rolled her eyes again." Time to pay the bill ...he asked my boss at the register how much (my boss doesn't get the situation at all) he say's the price the hubby almost had a heart attack say's "WHAT????" "I can't afford that,"
The Wife say's ":THAT IS YOUR PROBLEM !!!" It was quite hysterical... we all busted a gut laughing. He was obviously thinking it was the 50's and she had no trouble telling him pay up buddy, I am worth it!
I wish I had a video camera .
In retrospect, all she really knows is how to be a wife and a mother. So I don't blame her. I told my grandkids to go sit on her lap for a while to quench her motherly instincts.
"Yeah Right...HELLO!!!" then giggled. I knew at her comment she was thinking the same thing I did about him... looking like a nerd... but she thought the girl was calling him a sweetheart. I really wish I could video this stuff it's much better in an eye witness view.
When i was applying for Medicaid for Mom she had an accordion folder with all of her information init...labeled A to Z.
I was looking for her Social Security card and couldn't find it.
After all, if you were looking for a Social Security card, wouldn't you look under the "S" folder? [punch line coming]
When I told her it wasn't there she took the folder from me and immediately found it...under the "I" folder.
I asked her why the "S"ocial Security card was under the "I" folder.
Her answer...drum roll please...
Because it was "I"mportant!!!
Under that logic shouldn't the entire accordion folder have been labeled important?
G: Hey GrMa, what are you trying to do?
GrMa: Push the button. {doorbell button so we know she wants something = "call button"}
Me: Well, mom we are all right here. You can just say "Hey J" and then tell me what you need.
GrMa: O.K...... Hey, J! Will you come over here and push this button.
Once my grandmother, a minister's wife, was in the hospital for a lung infection. Because she had really bad dementia at that time, they ended up putting her in a lock down floor to keep her from wandering out of the hospital. We went to see her and she was telling us that she was at a women's church convention. Because it does no good to try to convince them otherwise, we just went along with it. A few minutes later she wanted to walk down the hall to the TV room. We all went out into the hall and walking in front of us was a woman with a hospital gown on. Her rear was out for the whole world to see. Mom never blinked an eye. It struck me as really funny that my grandmother thought she was at a church women's convention, but that the sight of this woman's rear never even registered with her.