You just have to laugh sometimes.....
Some of my recent favourites are:
"I had a terrible night last night. I had to stay awake .. until I went to sleep" (said several times over, with greater emphasis each time, because of course if you repeat it, then it must make sense.)
"drinking water causes gas, so no water, and no salt, cause salt makes you drink water"
"the toothpaste took all the enamel off my teeth in just 3 days!"
I quite often get these (or Cuties) for my mom, who doesn't have a lot of strength in her hands. But I don't buy them, exclusively.
The other day, Mom actually got so aggravated by peeling an ordinary honey tangerine that I couldn't help think "when I don't have Halos, she doesn't have a Halo!"
After they left, my dad said, "V has a very good singing voice. She can sing the high notes."
I texted sis his praise of her.
She texted back, "Oh really. Thank you. hehe, but N said he is just deaf."
My mom sometimes says things that seem out of context or confusing, or she mixes up words to cause funny statements. She asked me to take her to Michael's and, on the way out the door, said, "I hate Michael's." I stopped dead in my tracks and said, "But you asked me to take you." She admitted she did and kept walking. I persisted in asking why she hates it.
The light bulb went on for her and she tried to figure out what she was trying to say. Finally, she just said, "I don't know what I was trying to say, let's just go."
I wish I could put puppy pads on the floor in front of mom's bed. She routinely waits too long to go to the bathroom, and if I don't remind her, she'll lay down to sleep without going, and then when she gets up, it's like a dam bursting and there's a puddle on the floor. I did buy a new bathroom rug the other day...I guess I'll try that - but she has such a tendency to trip on things that I worry about rugs. But I've got to do something - I'm constantly wiping urine off the floor. I fear one day I'll take the finish right off the hardwood floor with all this wiping and cleaning!
He complained, "They didn't come today because it's a holiday. They didn't come last Friday."
I said softly, teasing him, "Eew! You stinky!"
He laughed so hard, at the same time trying to say it's not his fault.
I put my hands on my hips, stared at the floor, and said loudly, "The floor is wet! Who spilled on the floor?!"
He gave this guilty laugh, replied, "I don't know. Someone is doing it!"
Every day at mealtime, lately, my mother has seemed distracted. Finally, she asked me to pick-up a card that I had on my place mat. It was the instructions for a Drive brand walker. I handed it to her.
"Wow, what a relief," she says. "Every day I've been looking at that [upside down] and thought it was 'D-n-v-e' and couldn't figure out what kind of word that was!" If you look at the Drive logo, the "r" and "i" together do look like an "n" especially from upside down, but it took her days to ask to see it right side up.
It was kind of cute, actually, and I'm glad she felt so relieved.
The Holly Bibble. (not a typo, say it out loud, H.O.L.L.Y. B.I. B.B.L.E.)
Yesterday, as usual, she wasn't using it, but I asked if she wanted to practice with it and she said she would. She walked around the house with it, keeping her body in the middle and her posture good. Eventually, she got to me and asked if she could stop. I told her that was a good practice session, for now, and to go ahead and stop.
So, she left the walker in the middle of the room and walked back to the other room to sit and watch TV. Kind of defeated the purpose...
I mentioned to dad about the 4 ants biting me today and yet he has no ants on him. I concluded teasingly, "The ants only bite ME because I'm Sweet to them."
He thinks about it. Then says, "No. The ants that bit you are MEN, not women."