Hi AC Forum,
I feel like I run the gamut of emotions on a weekly basis. I think that is a difficult side of this caregiving. Not being able to fully satisfy - or not being able to satisfy for what should be a normnal period of time. And on the same token know that each day you go down this path you just running to the finish line.
It's the craziest and horrible life as I am not able to live my life, yet I have a hard time thinking of my mom living with less. Also not being the face of which she says to at first seeing her and asking her how she is, "Better now that I see you!" Knowing that you are the comfort in their sight. Yet what it takes from one feels enormous - emotionally, monetarily, physically.
How are you doing?
LastOne
My Bishop was talking one day about we have a choice of having peace & joy. My first thought was that easy for him (my bishop) to say because he wasn't dealing with what I was dealing with.
But here is the thing: whether you believe in God or not we do have a choice on how we perceive our situation. We can look at it through eyes of resentment, disappointment, and hopelessness, or we can choose to say to ourselves, yes this sucks, but I am going to take back my life. Was it hard, yes! But I am choosing to let go of the resentment a little bit everyday and disappointment because it doesn't hurt my mother but it was killing me! I also choose to have hope that some how this will work for my good. I decide to have joy and peace everyday even if it is for 2 minutes a day. And when I started doing this my peace and joy started lasting longer. Does it work every day "no", but I try everyday. I refuses to live a life that is running over me! I refuse to give up on my goals and dreams. I have no idea how I am going to do it, I'll I know if I give up on myself I'll be the one paying the price.
Just last week I was given a big blow to my life that made me feel so deflated & disheartened. And I still have not figure out a solution. But I am working on it, alwhile trying to keep my peace and joy. How? I do things I love to do like watching a great movie, reading, cooking a great meal, playing with one of my cats, writing, or talking to friend about the crazy things our pets do, and therapy helps. Joy and peace sometime comes in the little things we do!
I really hope this helps you find your way to have some peace and joy that you deserve, that we all deserve for giving up so much.
May God open your heart and lets you find His peace, joy, and His love into your heart in Jesus' name. Amen
I hope that truth shines bright enough to bring light, consolation and peace to your heart.
I’m sure she is very grateful and very proud John. May she Rest In Peace!
Hang in there. This too shall pass, even though it feels so often like this is all I'll ever be.
I do like CharK60's suggestion about headphones. I often have one ear bud in (in the ear furthest from Mom) and that lets me listen to music, or watch my own movie on my phone while sitting beside her "watching" her movie. Having only one ear bud in means I can still hear and respond to my Mom - even to changes in her breathing.
His mercies are new every morning....
I have realized it is better for me to keep quiet when I am running out of patience. If Mom asks me why I am being so quiet ... I tell her that I am feeling tired and need to take a rest pretty soon. She understands tired. Sometimes I go in the bathroom and close the door and sit there...I learned this at a caregivers workshop,,,the teacher told us to make use of the "Rest" Room...just to take a few minutes when we needed to.
I have been remembering how it was being a new mother decades ago- how I felt myself being stretched almost - in - two - as a parent.
Mom had an insight one day that really helped me a lot. She told me that when she would say WE need to do such and such,
that she had felt we were doing things together ---but then she realized I am really the only one who is doing things .... My dear mother, I love her so much.
I have a large family but they are all busy. Two of my sisters live close so we help each other out. It is hard though when I pretty much have to do everything, inside and out. We have been struggling with the riding mower this afternoon and I am beat.
I'm thinking you were born in 1953 and so was I. I am active at church and my husband tries to come on Sundays. If you can get your hands on a copy of Mature Living it has some really good articles in the October edition. It comes from Lifeway and our church gets them for us.
Grace and mercy to you as you continue your journey.
I have to recall that his short term memory is not there.
But at least he is pleasant about it, unless of course I forget and ask him "Don't you remember what I told you?"
That is the hardest thing for me now. He is more pleasant but they of course couldn't fix the brain. But it is going a bit better.
I still feel like trips to town are short breaths of fresh air and feel a bit guilty for scheduling fun stuff for me to do.
But I always offer to bring him with.
Still struggling with my MIL and trying to get things straightened out with her. Hubby gets jealous when I go spend time with his mom.
I find that a bit weird.
She has ALZ and is under the care of a Guardian now since my husband was her DPOA and couldn't do it due to his Vascular Dementia.
Oh what a wicked world we live in.
Mom has depression and is too feeble to take a mood elevator. She has gone from not good eyesight to almost complete blindness at times in the last 2 years. She's very hard of hearing so there is a lot of repetition. I've been here 21 months now. I took 4 days off a year ago last April.
Yes, I think about wishing the present time away, and how it will end. I wouldn't want to live like she does. Constant negativity.
"The only constant is change."
Have you given any thought to having your husband admitted to a skilled nursing facility - specifically one with a Memory Care Unit? MC units are for AD patients with mid to advanced stages of the disease. He would have round the clock care from professionals and you would be able to visit him and then go back to your home for nice long respites between visits. I have not read all of the posts here but I'm sure someone else has suggested this already.
There HAS to be a light at the end of the tunnel for you. There HAS to be some form of relief for you. If not, then I think you should lock yourself in the bathroom or your car as often as you need to throughout the day.
I believe you when you say he works at catching you at something and at sneaking something but does that mean he’s lucid at those times?
It doesn't Matter if he is lucid sometimes because you already know he can’t be reasoned with.
Surely, you don’t have to remain captive if he gets physically abusive. If you become afraid for your life there’s got to be somewhere to report him. Or if you fear what you might do in anger and frustration, also.
Whatever else you do, keep on top of your legal problems so you have that done and prepare for the next hurdle.
In the meantime, try to anticipate what might happen next so you can be ready for it. And try to get some rest in the daytime too.
I know, it’s all too much to keep up with.
This will sound silly, I know, but can you get some headphones to play music for just you? It can help to keep in a cocoon of your own. Just look at any teenager and see how they’re not here with the living sometimes. My thoughts are with you-if I could I would swoop down to save you. No one should have to go thru this and be made to feel this way.
Charlotte