Hi AC Forum,
I feel like I run the gamut of emotions on a weekly basis. I think that is a difficult side of this caregiving. Not being able to fully satisfy - or not being able to satisfy for what should be a normnal period of time. And on the same token know that each day you go down this path you just running to the finish line.
It's the craziest and horrible life as I am not able to live my life, yet I have a hard time thinking of my mom living with less. Also not being the face of which she says to at first seeing her and asking her how she is, "Better now that I see you!" Knowing that you are the comfort in their sight. Yet what it takes from one feels enormous - emotionally, monetarily, physically.
How are you doing?
LastOne
You might to try it. It has helped us a lot.
He wants to be independent and doesn't know his memory is not there.
My MIL is like that too. She doesn't understand the fuss over her memory issues as she doesn't see that she has any.
I hope you can find time for yourself.
Take care.
We keep someone here at all times to watch over my DH while I get to go riding, hiking, and doing some pre dawn photography!
My Gang also, weeds my garden, mows yard, fixes fences, and helps out with any chores that need doing.
Then we stay up late at night and watch the stars and enjoy life.
I look forward to seeing them and their crazy fun kids and dog. It even distracts my DH for a bit as the father of the gang will sit and talk welding, tractors, and fun stuff with my husband. My hubby may not visit long but he will be included as much as possible.
The nicest part about this? I don't have to explain a thing to my Gang. They already know how to handle our situation.
Have a great weekend, if you can. This is what I've needed for a while!
I wanted to share the best bit of advice somebody on here shared. Don't struggle to do the best you can all the time because that isn't sustainable. Do what you can for as long as you can. I've lived that advice since I heard it & I believe it's what has kept me sane, healthy & still able to smile. When I first started caring for mom I was going to be a physical therapist, nutritionist, germ erradicator, psychologist & best friend, can you imagine the quick burn out? Now im
her daughter, loving her & taking care of her as well as I can. It's not perfect her meals aren't balanced, some days her movement is from her bed to the table & the couch, repeat, but I'm here & she's still home. Everyday that's a win. Wishing you the best, I can't imagine 3.
I tried that once with my DIL. She didn't last 2 hours before she was on the cell phone asking me to come back from my 'day' hike away [that was during his throat cancer treatments 3 yrs ago.]
You need time away to regroup and find yourself.
Hugs to you.
So how do I cope? I am sad and frustrated, sometimes I am angry and short with him.
So I have found that I need to find other things to do besides trying to get him to get out of bed. He stays there most of the day.
I take care of the farm and check on him nearly hourly.
But then I make arrangements to get off the farm and do something for myself. I mentor 4H'rs in photography and some animals projects, so while hubby is still healthy enough to get safely to the bathroom by himself, I get away from the house and farm for bits of time to engage with other people.
Hubby's psychologist asked me how was I doing this week. I just gave her 'the look' as if to say...how should I be doing?
Struggling.
Val
Lead, follow, or get out of the way has saved much grief on this journey.
I will be adding, “I do not have to make them understand” to my sanity anchor mantras.
Thank you for sharing your heart and reaching out. You have found a safe harbor. You are heard and understood. Praying for you.
Remember how we cannot "fix others" ? We also cannot MAKE others understand. ( I am a nurse, also, and am on a week vacation right now... my daughter is watching over my mom. Do NOT feel bad about yourself. Just do it. Take the time you need.
Your beautiful experience, wisdom, and loving perspective has filled my heart, tears of joy are welling. I so needed this gift today. Many blessings and much peace to you and your dear ones❤️
I just felt compelled to reply to say, you are not alone! And of course you need help! You took on the challenge of your life! Bless your heart. You need you time. Most of us care for 1 person, you are a hero. One thing I can mention, find the funny in all you can. Even just a forced smile to yourself can really change your aggravation. I have to do this daily. ( caregiving to my mom, as I am now menopausal!!!). I smile, but at times I want to snarl.
Have you checked to see what your state offers? Here in Florida, we have what's called " respite care " Medicaid or Medicare sends someone qualified to come and stay with mom so we can do dates, or a weekend getaway. ...something worth checking on.
Linda