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You have gotten some great advice on this forum. What is that saying "....until you walk in their shoes...". Between my brother, SIL, hubby & me we have 3 parents to help with ages 88-92. They are in relatively good health, are in IL & there are still challenges. I can't imagine what others go thru that I don't have to deal with...yet. Bland non-committal responses seem the best way to go. Check into this forum for support.
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cwillie: Wow...that person was ignorant. Anyone who has macular degeneration (myself included) knows that there is no operation to fix it.
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my family sent golf balls for xmas to my elderly LO who is on dialysis and has lung cancer. seems a stark and insensitive reminder of something he can no longer do. i felt like calling them and giving them a piece of my mind, but like you, am a calm person and couldn't really envision myself doing that. it wouldn't do any good anyway. i chose to let it go and have been trying very hard especially during lent not to focus on such idiocy. this is an important labor of love that you're doing. good luck.
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I can no longer visit my dad in th NH because he blames me, threatens to disown me and is verbally abusive. People,say well you need to go to be sure they’re doing everything right. No I don’t! I take care of his needs and finances from afar but I am not going to visit him. And if some,tells me that Then i know they don’t know what they’re talking about.
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Isthisrealyreal - S.O.S. (stuck on stupid) that's the funniest thing I've read in quite awhile. Thanks for the laugh.
My mom just had a stroke and the amount of unsolicited advice I've received in the last two weeks has been astounding. I've decided it's just better to not mention it - even if it's staggeringly depressing for me to deal with this on my own. Better that than listen to people who have no clue.
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I nodded my head when I read that part of your post where people considered you a freeloader. While I always paid my own way, I never really climbed the corporate ladder or pursued a higher degree. Simply put, I always wanted to be available for my Mom, should she need me. Even before dementia struck and the debilitating issues of old age hit, I always felt that my Mom needed me more than a great career did. My Dad died when I was very young and I always felt that my calling in life was to look out for my Mom. So that's what I did.

My older sister actually had the nerve to say to me one day: "maybe it's good you never did anything with your life, cause then you wouldn't have been there for Mom"
Hmph.......I think I did the best thing I could do in my life which was to take care of Mom. Sad it took Mom dying for people in the family to finally realize what I had been doing.
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suzeeQ: Oh, I am so sorry that someone was that insensitive to your LO. I, too, have had enough idiocy today when a local person thought that I shouldn't have let the proper authorities know that I witnessed an elderly woman crossing a 6-lane highway AT NIGHT, IN DARK CLOTHING, ON A CANE AND NOT ON A CROSSWALK! Sheesh!
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I'm a little overwhelmed but THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!

Reading through all your comments has been amazing (as well as an odd mix of sad and motivating). I really appreciate each of you taking the time to write your experiences and thoughts out for me, I'm hoping to get some time to respond individually soon!
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