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I'm posting this for those of us who are "elders" ourselves. Right now I'm doing just fine in a condo. We moved here several years ago to be closer to family when my husband was diagnosed with Parkinson's. He passed away two years ago. Right now I'm comfortable, healthy, and totally independent: driving, all my ADLs and IADLs, exercising, doing a lot of volunteer work, etc. At almost 82, I know all this could change unexpectedly. At the urging of my kids, I did put myself on wait lists for a couple of nearby "continuing care" communities that have independent living cottages and apartments, assisted living, memory care, and in one case also a SNF. They do take people in directly from the community to their AL, SNF, and memory care, though priority guarantee is given to people who are already living there. Obviously if I became physically or mentally unable to be alone and needed 24 hour care or assistance, moving to AL, SNF, or memory care would be an easy decision. (I do have POA all set up in case I can't make the decision myself, and though I don't have LTC insurance I am fortunate to have the financial wherewithal in to be able to sustain such a move. )


What I'm wrestling with is under what circumstances would I, or any of you, decide to move to an IL apartment or cottage in a senior community with meals, transportation, activities, etc.? I'm thinking that one factor for me would be if I can no longer drive. Another would be if I feel I need ready access to someone in case of an emergency (these ILs in continuing care places have pull cords or emergency call systems, and there is always someone on duty.) Of course if I remain in my condo there is the option of having groceries delivered, taking taxi or Uber to appointments, online classes or exercise classes, and so on. But I think it might be lonely and isolating not to have the ability to be out and about, so having the built-in social opportunities in a senior community might be attractive--not to mention transportation for appointments and events, meals, and so on.


One of my strongest wishes is to remain as independent as possible and not burden my kids. They would be more than willing to drive me if I could no longer drive, assist with house chores, etc., but I don't want them to have to on a routine basis.


So, under what circumstances would you consider moving?

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My mom sold her townhouse and moved to an IL apartment about a year and a half ago. She had just turned 85. My observation of the factors prompting the decision is:
1. Difficulty maintaining her home. She’s not really physically capable of doing the cleaning and maintenance chores, and rising costs and turnover of cleaning services was a factor. She also started to get frustrated with unexpected HOA assessments and things needing repair.
2. her vision is poor and I think she saw the day coming when she would have to give up driving. Indeed, a year later she relinquished her license and sold her car. Although my brother and I are happy to take her to any appointments or shopping she needs to do, she seems to prefer not having to ask. She’s a regular user of the facility’s transportation service.
3. She has had two serious falls followed by hospitalization and rehab. Her last rehab was in the facility where she decided to move (I guess she felt comfortable there). They also have assisted living if she needs it in the future.
4. The social aspects. It can be isolating living alone compared to an apartment where there are always people around, at meals, etc. Even her cat seems to like socializing with the other people and pets (well, maybe not the dogs).
You’ll probably know when you don’t enjoy your living situation anymore and are ready for an easier life.
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It would take a lot of stress of your family if they knew that when that something happens you have help at the ready. I would consider moving while you still have your faculties and then when you don’t you will be familiar with the place and that will mean a lot.
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This is a HUGE question for us! My husband will be 95 in a few days. He gets around pretty well with a cane but has had several minor falls this year (a first and thank goodness they were minor and non-injury!). He has lost a few marbles but is still 90% ADL-functional, a bit less with IADLs. I know; we are lucky.

I will turn 88 in January and have back issues that definitely impact what I can do. So far, I am able to maintain the household (with the help of a great housecleaner every 2 weeks), shop for groceries, run errands, do laundry, cat care, etc. But I cannot be sure what the future holds for me physically. Except for misplacing my glasses, keys or a word occasionally, I think I'm functioning pretty well mentally. Our legal paperwork is in place.

As is likely true for many moderate-income elders, the cost of a CCC (continuing care community) is out of reach for us. That is the case even with long-term care insurance, for which the premiums just increased AGAIN. They now cost the equivalent of what was once a down payment on a house! Only the truly wealthy can afford a "5-star" facility and care. The possibility of outliving our resources is a MAJOR concern for me. Is that true for some of you, fellow elders?? If we ultimately need facility care, we simply could not afford to live much longer (yes, I know Medicaid can help at the end).

We need to conserve our limited capital which means staying in our current residence as long as it is at all manageable. We moved to a single-level manufactured home in a 55+ community 11 years ago. The space rent is less than we would pay in our area for market rent and MUCH less than the cost of a care facility even when utilities, maintenance and upkeep are factored in.

I've stated many times that we do NOT wish or intend to become a care albatross to our adult children, who are now at or near retirement age. They have earned their freedom in retirement. When to move to a care facility? Simple answer: I don't know. Like AlvaDeer, we sincerely hope to leave our home feet first, but I do understand that may not happen. Independence is important to us, but we realize that it has its limitations (e.g., my husband voluntarily stopped driving 7 years ago, and I drive with self-imposed restrictions). We are introverts so the socialization factor of an IL or ALF isn't a factor for us.
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There has been a big story here about gouging in ‘retirement villages’, which is the Australian term for senior/ independent living facilities. Expensive to get in, to live in, and even more expensive to get out. Some of it is about different rules between states, but some might be interesting to read. You could start with this link: https://www.abc.net.au/news/2024-10-09/calls-for-tougher-regulation-of-retirement-village/104452294

The Australian ABC is completely different from the US ABC, so you can search for more if you get the main OZ site up.
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You can begin to prepare while you are in your current apartment by decluttering, getting all of your papers and legal documents in order (will, living will with your advance medical directives, Powers of Attorney (POA) for medical and financial matters), going paperless for your bills and accounts, and setting up automatic payments on your bills if you haven't already done this. When you move to a senior residence or assisted living, you would not want to have personal and financial papers lying around. Make lists, with contact information, of your accounts, doctors and medications, and indicate if they are set up for automatic payment. Discuss what you've done with your POAs. Your POAs also have to be on file with Medicare/Social Security and your financial institutions, including insurances. Don't move to a senior residence too soon. Wait until you want the extra services, such as having meals prepared for you, housekeeping, having a nurse on staff, having someone else take care of repairs and organize activities, etc. Also, if you are feeling isolated and want more social interactions with people your age in a community setting, you might consider moving. The downside is that you have to do things on their schedule, and won't have as much freedom as when you are preparing your own meals in your own apartment, for example. My mother's continuous care facility had an option when signing on, like an insurance policy, that kept the monthly payments relatively stable when moving to the higher care units. This worked well for her, as she did not have long term care insurance and she ended up spending 6 years in the memory care unit, which was much more expensive. All the best to you!
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My Mom moved to Assisted Living at age 87 when she had difficulty with mobility and could no longer drive or do steps safely, but was mentally competent). And although it was her decision, the move itself was traumatic, which none of us including her expected. Downsizing (what to take, what to do with what she was not taking, what to do with the house) was concerning for her, then the move itself was kind of traumatizing for her and she cried and wanted to go home. She eventually got used to it and then really enjoyed it.
I'm explaining this because I think that by the time you need AL the move process may be overwhelming. Move to an IL facility sooner than later while you can manage the move more easily.
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newbiewife: Who was I if I had said anything about my sister in law moving to a senior living community BEFORE the age of 62? Not my call, but a personal decision as is each individual's.

I am sorry for your loss of your husband and send sympathies.
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Good question for a lot of us. My own situation is much like yours (I am also 81) although I have no children to burden or not burden, so that does not figure
into my decision-making. I would not move to an AL or a CCRC for social reasons b/c I am not very "social" as it is. I do not activiely look for social situations, but I do participate willingly when I find myself with other people so I'm sure I benefit from social interaction more than I realize.

I have thought I would increase hired in-home ADL or health care as needed, If I became too non-functional for home health care to manage, my medical POA would move me to a Nursing or Hospice facility. That mayor not be a realistic plan.

It's a dilemma, isn't it?

. . . .and whatever we plan for may not be what happens after all.
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Good question. Having had to make the decisions for my mom, I do think about how I to plan to make them for myself, as I do not want to have my sons needing to step in to make them for me. I'm 76, in fairly good health, and my husband is 79, also in good health. We walk and socialize a bit less than just a few years ago and notice our physical strength is on the decline. I paint, go over to the senior center for Tai Chi classes, have exhibitions of my work, and attend gallery and museum shows, and garden. He goes to our mountain home to hang out with life long friends, where they all have outdoor work to keep them busy and strong, but also who are dying one by one. I'm cleaning out my studio and storage to give my sons a little less to deal with, talking with people about some sort of archival system for my paintings, like a book maybe, then making it okay for it all to go in the trash after family and friends take what they want after I die. But I'm still hoping for that one big hurrah of a retrospective. Then I can be done and live in a smaller place with a smaller studio and smaller garden. He is giving away his much loved tools that he can no longer pick up, let alone use. And he talks about selling the mountain home. I actually hope he never has to do that. I hope we have enough savings for him to keep it for the rest of his life, but having watched my mom's savings disappear over the years and knowing our health insurance is not even close to what she had, we will most likely have to sell the mountain house. And if we go into care, I suppose both houses will need to be sold. However, I try to look on the bright side mostly and live these final years as comfortably and as simply as possible.
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Newbywife, you seem to be doing well at the current time! Beatty wrote a good list of "Reasons for Moving" to where there is more help, and I think you could probably add a couple of your own to that list. Would you consider purchasing an Apple Watch with "fall detection"? Pull cords are helpful only if you can get TO THEM. An unconscious person could NOT get to a pull cord. I think you are doing very well right there on your own, but the "fall detection" would be backup assurance that were you to trip and be knocked out: the phone would call 911 and would call a "list" such as your children. You have identified that "not being able to be out and about with driving oneself" would be a deciding factor for you. In the meantime, enjoy your condo, stay on "Wait Lists" (you can make a decision when they call you or you can tell them "not ready yet, put me back at the end of the line), and take One Day at a Time. I do think that Smart Watch would give you peace of mind. Keep your independent self going until one of the major decision factors presents itself.
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Alva, I know what you mean about cost. I'm not exactly a loner, but not really a social butterfly either, which is another reason to hesitate. Even if you have decent assets and sell a home, you are tying up sometimes $600,000 or more, at least in the area where I live, as an "entrance fee" for an IL apartment in one of these communities. Monthly fee of over $4,000, granted that would include all utilities, taxes, parking, trash removal, housekeeping, a varying amount of meals (depending on the meal plan selected), activities, entertainment, gym, some transportation, etc. It's entirely possible a person might spend that much per month living at home and paying for a comparable "basket" of expenses, especially if they had a mortgage and high taxes. In the type of places where I've been looking, the "entrance fee" is 90-100% refundable to one's estate, or refundable to you if you need to move to another level of care or just move somewhere else. If you kept that $600,000 invested conservatively, say earning 4%, that would be $24,000 per year you would give up by buying in. But of course the decision isn't just financial.
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Zippy, I think money is mostly and most often the problem. Entering care too early can mean an expenditure that quickly soaks up the savings. And after that it is off to the nursing home on Medicaid. So it's a fine balance.

Independent living places do charge a lot and to tell the truth, if my SIL's mom is any example her once wonderful facilities are now looking sad. In her case she actually had to "buy in" in order to avail herself of the progressive care packaging (and now that isn't even possible at her place). Things are allowed to deteriorate, and prices going way up. Sprinkler system outside in fact dangerous and tripped her while walking dog, not working, not fixed. Even minimal care after a fall that caused a small bleed, minimal checking in by the facility "visiting nurse" so highly touted. Just not what it once was a food costing more, giving less so that now she microwaves dinners because she says she doesn't eat that much. I think she enjoys some social programs. For me they would be the downside; I stay very much to myself and it's how I like it. Those who go out to eat in the facility are expected to "dress" in that no jeans. Really? That's what I live in! So I am thinking I wouldn't much like this at all.

There are so few good answers to all of this. Unless you are quite enormously wealthy, and I am talking way more than a 1M in savings, you are likely (and often sadly I think) going to outlive your funds. At that point even the minimal care just disappears.
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How much would your life really change if you moved into one of those Independent Living cottages you describe? You’d still have just as much freedom to do whatever you wanted, come and go as you please, etc but with an extra layer of “just in case” security. You wouldn’t be forced to eat their meals or participate in their activities if you didn’t want to.

Unless it’s a money issue or you are just really attached to your home I don’t see any downsides.

Big kudos on being so proactive about your future by the way.
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I know as I age I am looking at this as well and I've already decided if I can afford it, I will most certainly get an IL apartment that can graduate to AL all the way down to the SNF if needed. I know the small AL here in the town I am currently in doesn't require you to stay there all day. The patients that are able to drive can come and go as they please. They basically rent a room/apt inside and have meals in the dining room or their own room if they want. So they have a lot of freedom and flexibility. I think if it were me, I'd start shopping now for that perfect place that offers the steps you like and the amenities you want.
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I guess when the cons start outweighing the pros.

Reasons I've been told for the move include;
#1 Health. A medical situation needing daily monitoring or on-call help.
#2 Frailty/Falls. Needing more assistance with ADLs.
#3 Fears. Getting overwhelmed by home tasks, home maintenance or financial matters.
#4. Housebound/Getting lonely. Maybe friends in similar situation, no longer driving or getting out much.

When the home all feels too much. When the idea of a downsize starts to appeal.
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I think this is absolutely as individual as your own thumbprint, Newbie. I am 82, as well. I have a partner who's 84. Right now we are busy, active. He still drives and drives well! As you say, we are aware and well aware that this could change at any time. We would be able to afford in home care for some period of time until we arranged for something other in the event we need to. I would move more quickly were I alone, I do believe, but while I am still walking miles daily, gardening, shopping, carrying groceries, have great transit, going to museums, and etc. this would not be the time.
So for us it is a day to day wait and see. You have done the paperwork. You have explored. You may be comfortable to age 92. Who knows. My SIL who is 70 has a Mother who is in 90s as is her Beau. While they are in a IL community they honestly get little help I can see other than a bit of garden help, a bit of housekeeping available. They even pay extra for meals, which they can use or not, and which they use seldom as they are both slender and eat like birds.
So good luck. Today isn't the day for me. About all I can be certain of at this point. I haven't a clue.
Recently my 62 year old daughter said "So you two; what's your plans and N. laughed and said "feet first out the door". We had a good discussion after as we have had BEFORE, but it didn't make any changes. We ALL wish for feet first out the door, and of course it so seldom happens!
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I would move if and when I started needing help with showers or things like that, or when I felt the need to socialize more. Or when cooking became a pita.
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