My mom died in March 2017, and I seem to be more aware of my grief as the days pass. And lately I feel almost traumatized. I really feel the trauma I went through and am going through. I wonder if it is Post Traumatic Stress? I really feel like my life has been crushed. I seem to be functioning quite well, yet in the background I feel this trauma of the whole experience. And cannot believe that my mother has passed. Although, yes, I know she has died, but that it actually happened is very much of a shock, I had hope she would have lived a few more years. I have a therapist, and so I know I just have to plough through this part of my life and work it out, etc., but its feeling almost overwhelming now, even though I go through my day functioning fine, having moments of enjoying my life, yet I miss my mother so much. There's no family left except my estranged sister who doesn't care. So I am going through this alone and really feel alone. Any advice is appreciated. Thanks.
In my case, I did everything for my mom that she'd let me do for her. Or initiate for her. Or organize for her.
Mothers and daughters are so entangled. And there is another truth: You can only live one life -- your own.
We adult daughters frequently feel pressured to function as a magic charm, a genie, a spare organ. It's simply not possible. But cultural norms continue to push this message of non-hope. No wonder we feel like sh*t after it's all over!
Bloomschool, hang in there. Be gentle with yourself. March was not very long ago.
And you know what? Maybe you won't be the same again. Own it! Life is all about change. In most cases, change that we did not ask for. So we find ways to forge on.
You will feel like a whole person again. The timetable....eh, to each their own. Keep coming back to AC Forum for support. You're in good company here.
Mother died just over two years ago. Some of the time I'm fine. Some of the time I'm weepy. Sometimes I find myself trying to work out ways of improving her care to prolong her high quality life.
This is grief, and mourning. In my case I suspect it also reflects a degree of enmeshment that I didn't at the time think of in those terms; and perhaps that's true for you too. The more closely bound you are to a person, the harder it is to separate. Of course.
You need a lot more time. A lot.
We always think of the could have, would have and should have but your mother fought the good fight and it is over for her. Now you the daughter gets to carry on. But it's not that easy because a mother and daughter bond is one of the strongest there is.
When my mom passed I was not really shocked that she passed away as physically she had several TIA/CVA's and I knew she was tired.
We daughters just try to get through each day. The shock of her passing dissipates and we are left with the reality.
It took me years to be sure in my heart that we did everything we could, we were together through her illness (my brother, myself & mom) and supported each other & I felt my mother too was satisfied (from wheverever she is) even though our earthly bonds had been severed.
She passed two weeks before Mother's Day.
The first Mother's Day without her was terribly sad.
It'll take years Bloom. And you will still wonder. Time will guide you through. But your mom wouldn't want you to dwell so much on the negative but get on with living. It'll happen, but no time guidelines apply.
I know some of us go through the "what ifs" when a love one dies. I didn't with my Mom [98] as she was so stubborn about not wanting outside help and refused to leave their house with my Dad.
On the other hand, I did go through the "what ifs" with my Dad [94], as he was always comical even up to final week, and was so easy going. His caregivers loved him. How I wanted him to live for a couple more years. But that wasn't in the plans.
Your Mother's passing is still so fresh in your mind, my gosh just this past March. For myself I found doing a family tree very interesting, quite rewarding, and it gave me a better aspect of the whole family in general as I am an only child with no Aunts/Uncles left. The work on the family tree helps me feel not alone. And finding photographs of great-great aunts and uncles, cousins, etc. is like winning the Lottery.
The loss is very new, grief takes time, give your self time. I takes awhile.