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Who are you caring for?
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How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
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My sister told me I was targeted and groomed to be a servant because I was the “ soft one “. ( out of 5 ). I don’t think that being weak is the same as being sparkling or great. But thanks for trying .
Total nightmare, if they were/are a narcissist. We caregivers all deserve trophies, medals, heaven, whatever else we want.
But don't let their narcissism change you. Continue being the sparkling, great person you are. That's why you were targeted in the first place. That's why mud was thrown at you. Get up, get cleaned up, get up again and again. They want you down on your knees, broken. Depressed.
Don't let them ever change you.
And if possible, subtract, eliminate certain people/things from your life.
Yeah, Anxietynacy! Getting rid of those people, creates lots of room for GOOD things to happen. Sometimes, it's all about subtracting: eliminating people/things from one's life.
If I could go back in time, I'd also tell myself: Eliminate, subtract. And watch what GOOD things start blooming in your life. If you don't see any blooming, you haven't subtracted enough.
If I could go back in time, I'd tell myself: Not everyone who appears to be your friend, is your friend. Some are even enemies. Some are even in your family.
Since caregiving is very tough, you'll discover quickly along the way, who your friends are, and who aren't. But be happy about it, Ventingisback. The earlier you discover people's true nature, the earlier you can spend time with people who really matter! See it as luck!
Cut ties when necessary. Enemies aren't just unfriendly. They're dangerous to keep in your life. Really. Dangerous for your peace, your self-confidence, your everything.
If u r the empathetic person within the dynamics of your family especially if u have siblings that u notice r selfish growing up...it only gets worse. Do NOT UNDER any circumstances do more then any of them. If they move to another state then u move to another state. If they lift a dish u lift a dish. If they only visit on holidays u only visit your parents on holidays. If u r single get a pretend family.
Listen to Clark Howard, and if your own parent has not purchased Long Term Care by the time they are 60 years old: Purchase it for him/her, yes, out of your own pocket.
You will join a new caste: the invisible army of caregivers and do the hardest job our society has to offer, without any compensation or appreciation. Most people do not like to be reminded of frailty, decline and death, and look the other way while ignoring or minimizing your experience.
You will find out that is up to you ALONE to value who you are and what you are doing. You will lose friendships, siblings and your social life. These were the most lonely years of my existence. After my LOs passed away I find re-adapting to "normal life" is a huge challenge.
That it changes you. Your a different person now. Now that I'm in this forum and have so much better information, and support, I can see how it's changed me, but now I am focusing on the positive changes.
I think in the long run its made me a better person
Understand that it never gets better. It will consume more of your time and will affect your life more and your mental well being. I took care of my mother when I was in my teens until she died. Took care of dad in my 30's until he passed. It eats you inside and robs you of your personal life. There should be some kind of course people should take before assuming care giver, if you can choose how to deal with your loved one. One thing people don't realize there may come a time where you become resentful of the one you are caring for. This will affect your loved one negatively AND will affect you even more and your ability to provide the care they need. In the facility I am in many of the residents came when their families became exhausted from care giving. I have talked to many family members on visiting days and many say they wish they sent them to AL or nursing home sooner.
You'll need to set boundaries with the person you're caring for, and also with non-primary "co-caregivers"/back seat drivers. More than OK to step back if you're not appreciated and respected.
Have a good contractor. Have a good appliance repair guy. Have a good yard guy. Have a good seasonal yard girl (flowers/shrubs). Make sure everyone makes you laugh.
When it comes to dementia of any kind, Google sucks, ya gotta look alot deeper than just a simple one page article on any form of dementia. There is so much more involved, that I never new.
-PREP BEFORE you get deeply ENTRENCHED Look at Options, Best/Worst case scenarios, Other People's Experiences. Because your parents May Not have Planned Ahead for any of the inevitable. What's the WORST you've seen your parents act? That (and worse), may become the person you're caring for 24/7 daily. Although they might seem OK, Logic an Reason may no longer work with them. Keep all this in your back pocket for future reference.
PROTECT and Conserve Your Resources EARLY ON -Time, energy, finances etc. You may help your LO over a hurdle, but they'll Keep Declining and you'll become tapped out more and more. And Please Protect your Health! Caregiving CAN HURT YOU also
I'm playing a bit of Catch-up lol. But getting there now
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Great = warm-hearted
I bet you were/are the kindest, most warm-hearted. Narcissists target these people.
My sister told me I was targeted and groomed to be a servant because I was the “ soft one “. ( out of 5 ).
I don’t think that being weak is the same as being sparkling or great. But thanks for trying .
But don't let their narcissism change you. Continue being the sparkling, great person you are. That's why you were targeted in the first place. That's why mud was thrown at you. Get up, get cleaned up, get up again and again. They want you down on your knees, broken. Depressed.
Don't let them ever change you.
And if possible, subtract, eliminate certain people/things from your life.
If I could go back in time, I'd also tell myself:
Eliminate, subtract. And watch what GOOD things start blooming in your life. If you don't see any blooming, you haven't subtracted enough.
Not everyone who appears to be your friend, is your friend. Some are even enemies. Some are even in your family.
Since caregiving is very tough, you'll discover quickly along the way, who your friends are, and who aren't. But be happy about it, Ventingisback. The earlier you discover people's true nature, the earlier you can spend time with people who really matter! See it as luck!
Cut ties when necessary. Enemies aren't just unfriendly. They're dangerous to keep in your life. Really. Dangerous for your peace, your self-confidence, your everything.
Take care of yourself first, cause you’re no good to mom, hubby & child if you don’t.
You’ll be a caretaker to mom solo. Your older siblings lied!! 🤣 Reach out for resources & contact agencies early!
What I would definitely tell myself is don't take it home! Leave the problems there and behind you. Don't bring it home to your family
Not only are we dealing with the loneliness of caregiving,
I feel like, post covid and political division has enhanced the the caregivers loneliness
You will find out that is up to you ALONE to value who you are and what you are doing. You will lose friendships, siblings and your social life. These were the most lonely years of my existence. After my LOs passed away I find re-adapting to "normal life" is a huge challenge.
I thank the universe for this forum!
I think in the long run its made me a better person
Definitely much more knowledgeable
My father quit when my mother died, and now he thinks I made up everything he did.
You don't owe your parents, our society and culture owes them a viable chance to continue living gracefully if they can.
Research in advance!
-PREP BEFORE you get deeply ENTRENCHED
Look at Options, Best/Worst case scenarios, Other People's Experiences. Because your parents May Not have Planned Ahead for any of the inevitable. What's the WORST you've seen your parents act? That (and worse), may become the person you're caring for 24/7 daily. Although they might seem OK, Logic an Reason may no longer work with them. Keep all this in your back pocket for future reference.
PROTECT and Conserve Your Resources EARLY ON
-Time, energy, finances etc. You may help your LO over a hurdle, but they'll Keep Declining and you'll become tapped out more and more. And Please Protect your Health! Caregiving CAN HURT YOU also
I'm playing a bit of Catch-up lol. But getting there now