Always is when I go away for the weekend with my family...
You can guarantee when I come back he's "been ill". EVERY TIME. So I phoned him - first sentence "I've been ill". Like its my fault because I went away!
STILL not taking all his medication that the GP gave him so I offer ZERO sympathy. Basically, wants me to tell him how he can feel better - "Take the meds the GP has given you Dad, if that fails then go an see you're GP but I'm not a doctor."
His words - "I desperately need you to visit the weekend." "I've got no food in the house" (Brother lives literally 5 mins drive from him - I live 35-40 mins. Brother is probably laying low). Anyway, he knows my car is in the garage so I'm struggling for transport and he knows my wife works weekends so may need our other car. So I tell him I can't promise. Anyone would have thought I'd told him I'd murdered the family next door.
Apparently, I'm "letting him down" and "need to arrange something", and "wife needs to understand". Of course the standby offer of home delivery groceries is not good enough - he doesn't want to spend the £30 minimum - they have to be hand delivered by me!
I've tried setting boundaries, I've said no can do, I've tried ignoring, I've tried just not doing. Give him his due he's relentless in his quest to get me to do what he wants!
This went two ways. To protect her from us + to protect us! We have kids at school jobs, shopping - they have aides visiting the house, out & about at appointments/shops etc.
I do not visit another relative at all as she has mobility/hygiene problems & has still been going out. I do not feel safe to do so.
Do what YOU feel comfortable doing. If you go inside his flat, make a big point of washing YOUR hands straight away. Can bet he's not doing this.
Visit from a distance still and while wishing him a Happy Father's Day, sprinkle it with coughing into your sleeve...
Hi Dad, <cough>, how's it <cough cough> going? Hap <cough> Happy Father's <cough cough cough> Day! Sorry <cough>, must've been exposed to <cough> someone who is <cough cough> ill. Nice to see you <cough>, I'd better <cough cough> run before I <cough> infect you!!! ;-)
Although numbers are down in many places, they are rising in others. The virus isn't going away - the whole point to maintaining distance was to reduce the effect on medical services, ensuring they weren't overwhelming like in NYC and other places, so that people who did become ill could likely get treatment!
Watching data on a website, one can see it is getting worse in some less densely populated places. Until it spreads everywhere and we either develop immunity or have a vaccine, it will continue to spread, just as most viruses do!
You dad won't understand that. All he will register is that the restrictions are being removed or are gone.
Its fathers day soon - end of june. If rules chance, I'd better go and visit him that day.
Wish me luck!
Can't wait. Apologies in advance. I reckon 5 minutes before he winds me up!
Thats him to a tee - would never have paid anyone of course.
Dads always been the same. If there an easier way he won't even consider it, if it costs then he definitely wont consider it lol.
Thing is childcare aint cheap but brother could well afford it.
Its like Dads other thing - "taxis are not for people like us". Eh???
"Dads idea was "how can he do that hes got work?"."
Ummm, so how exactly did HE do it? He had 2 of you and had to work.... Definitely a strange mindset, if you can compartmentalize this!
(P.S. I also raised 2 kids, beginning at ages 3 and 5, on one income while working. Pittance for child support, the $50/week covered day care for ONE, and nothing else - the rest I had to take care of myself!)
"...2m distance so how on earth does he think getting someone to cut his hair is ok?"
I've been saying the same thing about the protesters (virus only) who complained about needing a hair cut, nails done, etc... like who's going to see you? Why is this a priority? HOW do you perform these tasks while maintaining distance???
For the various states that opened up these venues first, along with bowling and a few other random fairly small businesses - do they REALLY think these are the ones that support the economy? Sure, they all contribute, but are these getting the most bang for your buck? If you're going to open up and expose people, at least focus on the places that are less risky, are more "profitable" (aka help bring back the economy faster) and employ more people!!!
Something I have been saying for years is that people, in general, are getting stupider by the year.... Hardship? Yes, for many, but not nearly as much as people have had to deal with years ago, with war, depression, pestilence, etc. Too many people don't know what hardship really is, myself included. I had to cut back often, but kids first, and even worked 2 jobs at one point. Certainly nothing like my grandparents, parents and previous ancestors had to deal with, but more than many spoiled, entitled, pompous people around today. If things got worse, I would figure out how to deal with it, if possible.
As for focus on hair but not on whether your brother or his wife might expose him to the virus, another common mindset for too many - oh, it won't happen to me!!!
https://www.nzherald.co.nz/bay-of-plenty-times/video/news/video.cfm?c_id=1503351&gal_cid=1503351&gallery_id=219664
If the link doesn't work, try YouTube: Go Local hair salon makes film
Like I said, all for people taking the risk if they've thought about it. I understand some old people its a lot to be on their own. Government have said you can only travel 5 miles and see people in their garden. A LOT of people have been going into houses - my wife has with her MIL (who lives 10 miles away). BUT she sat other side of room been really careful etc.
Dad has just thought "need a haircut" and then had no 2nd thoughts at all. Completely oblivious. I mean, its on TV every day about 2m distance so how on earth does he think getting someone to cut his hair is ok?
Yeah, welcome to the real world dad. Worked in a full time career for 45 years myself, sometimes under extreme adversity with bad bosses, but I stuck it out.
Brother and wife (the chosen ones) have been around cleaning his house. And worse, cutting his hair.
Although I dread to think how filthy his house is - hes not the cleanest. He normally has a cleaner.
BUT cutting his hair. Really? How do u have a 2m gap cutting someones hair then......
Honestly, its up to them both but hes oblivious. I had to explain, brothers been out, to the supermarket, to where ever, he might not know hes got it, he might now pass it to you, you are very high risk.
Now I'm all for people doing what they want, its choice but Dad just said "Oh didn't think it worked like that". Arrggghhhhhh! Informed choice not exactly. More like stupidity and didnt think about it.
Honestly, I have no words... Why on earth do you think everyones been locked down for months!!!!!
Brothers been doing his shopping so hes been OK. Can be Dad will want to equalise things when its all back to normal. i.e. it'll my turn for months.
Proves he doesnt NEED much at all to be honest. Its all WANTS.
Bit gutted today but, alledgedly brother starts a new job monday. Never know if its true or not lol.
Remember when brother was asked to take custody of his daughter and he refused? (mother had issues). Dads idea was "how can he do that hes got work?".
Ummm Dad theres school then you PAY for childcare after school. No way says Dad that costs money! WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD!
I'm just wondering, since this is working better for Paul... a few phone calls... this could be the new future? With maybe a once a month visit added. But goodbye forever to twice weekly visits?
Dad knew about this. But hes the golden child. Dad offered to pay his debt for him but I told him to stuff it."
Fool me once.... you know the rest! This happens all too often. We who might care and be generous can be taken advantage of once, but it ends there! Been there, done that. Funny that mindset - back in the feudal days only the first born son inherited, the rest were on their own!
Benefits of standing your ground have been manifold! You get to let his/their rants roll off (sure, you can still grumble about it, but not with them or in their presence!) and also have a better relationship at home! Win-win all around!
As far as the flat, your choice if/when the time comes. Many people think inheritance is their right, but often there never was or at some point there is nothing to inherit. While we live in a money-based economy, it does tend to become the root of many evils! Money isn't the end-all. Having sufficient money/income to have a nice life style is/should be the goal. Hoarding it doesn't guarantee happiness, that comes from within. All too often I wonder about people who buy/hoard gold - why? Can you eat it? Nope. Will it keep you warm and safe? Nope. Will it cure what ails you? Nope. Sure, it might help pay for some of these needs, but having a large pile of gold, money, whatever, isn't going to take the place of being responsible for yourself and loved ones, and working to ensure you all have what you need! YOU are on the right side of this issue!
In your "inheritance" case you'll have to decide what's important to you - unless bro gets dad to change things. If it remains half each for the flat and any funds, you would certainly get your share of the funds. The flat will be an issue - if the will remains as is, even if he moves in, you still would own half of it. More than likely he would not give you his share of the liquid assets to cover part of the cost, but he would have no legal way to change the deed to his name only. By the time it might need to be sold (given his poor financial skills, he may end up defaulting on taxes and/or upkeep), it couldn't be sold without your signature, so you *might* still get something for it, down the road, assuming he doesn't trash it in the meantime.
Now I think, stuff him, you're not getting you're way. I still have a rant but my wife is happy to listen now - before it would get her wound up.
She knows shes out of it and doesnt have to deal with him ever. Sure he doesn't think this and thinks its all "happy families" with him though.
Fully expect he'll kick off one xmas soon and wonder why hes not invited to spend the day with us.
Dads got a thing too about professional fees. Accountants have years of training and cost money - yet dad thinks £20 is a fair fee for anything.
I remember him once asking me about childcare club daughter went to. £35 a day. Its not cheap but its good. Dads comment was £35 a weeks ok - no its per day.
Who on earth will look after your kids for less than a £1 an hour ????
I've even mentioned to Dad that maybe he needs to consider something like this but he refuses to listen.
Dad will pass, brother will grab his stuff and move into the flat quickly. Even if I manage to get him to see that he does not own it all and, in fact, would have to pay me off he may offer to do so.
But of course, he cant get a loan or mortgage so I'd never get the money.
It would maybe then have to go legal. I'm ready for that. Know full well then it'd be all over facebook how his evil brother is evicting him and making him homeless.
Never ever mention it! Surprise! One day the Agent is hammering in the For Sale sign so it can be sold & split. He will be left ranting & raving but no-one will be listening.
Or, a bad surprise for you... he pulls a swifty & gets Dad to sign a new will at the last minute. (Hopefully some internet paper that's nowhere near legal). But if legal, you will have to decide to contest it or just walk away.
Regardless, you will be fine relying on your own means.
I met someone who wrote into their will that their principal place of residence was to be sold & split to avoid any such cr@p. Especially of the "I did more so I should get more" bull.
Thank God I now live in the USA.
Yours, Margaret (!)
I know Dad has left us half house and half savings. His half savings doesnt cover buying me out of the house.
You can see it coming.