Everytime I try to talk to husband he gets angry. Complications with property taxes due in two months on moms house. Brother has deed now. But is on SSI. Trust is not supposed to pay this expense. Husband angry through whole conversation. Don't have any friends to talk to. Feel like crying right now. So much stress and problems.
I couldn't agree more a) that it is unfair and unkind for this difficult responsibility to be foisted on Barbara and b) that Brother would be better served, in any case, by a professional who can steer him through this specialist territory.
Barbara had agreed, under some duress, to be the executor of the estate and to manage the trust. It seems to me very unfair to expect Barbara to do these things.
That Brother was declared Disabled and is collecting SSI convinces me that he isn't able to support himself. I've seen several of these claims processed and it can be a very challenging status to acquire. Barbara doesn't seem particularly sympathetic to his plight or even especially believing of his disabilities. That is OK. She has her own handicaps. I think it would be better for both Brother and Barbara if a professional took over managing whatever of his affairs Brother can't manage on his own. His mother did the best she could to provide for him, but dragging Barbara into it was a huge stress for Barbara and really not fair. Brother and sister were/are not close.
Just as there are attorneys specialize in Elder Law, there are those who specialize in Disability Issues. I think someone like that should be handling this whole mess, including managing the trust. Poor Barbara should not have that responsibility on her plate.
But the house belongs to Brother. It is not part of the estate Barbara has to shepherd through probate. If it is sold, he gets 100% of the proceeds (after expenses, of course). That boat has sailed.
The SSI and strict rules bit...
Are you and brother thinking that if he has been left a sizeable legacy he will no longer be able to claim SSI?
But that on the income he has from these allowances, he cannot afford the upkeep of his house?
I don't know what to say about that, if that's so. Other than to recommend you find a good financial planning adviser for someone in your brother's position.
You're not intending to conceal the inheritance or mislead any authorities, are you? Just to be absolutely clear.
You haven't - you don't have to, of course - been very clear about the nature of your brother's disability. If he's in receipt of SSI, then it is fair to assume it's substantial. But does it in fact prevent him from doing things like understand money and bills, or be able to calculate budgets?
You either are in charge of your brother and able to make decisions for him, or you are not and your responsibility is solely to see he gets whatever money and assets it has been left to you to administer. It seems to be the latter.
Assist him with the property tax issue - I still wouldn't pay them for him, I'd find him the right numbers to call and tell him what to do about it - deal with the estate, and thereafter take a kindly but distant interest in his wellbeing.
Seriously. Otherwise you will make yourself ill.
So I don't understand any of this talk of "spliting" the proceeds or "buying it for $1" or brother "probably" getting most of the money from the house if it is sold.
Brother will get ALL of the money from the house. It is his house. He will have to pay taxes and other creditors. But the house is his. I do not understand any talk to the contrary. He is mentally handicapped. Even if you don't want to be the one to help him, for heaven sakes, you would not stoop or allow your husband to stoop to cheating this man, would you?
Your brother needs to pay this year's property taxes on HIS house, and to register for the discount, exemption, whatever for next year. If you can loan him the money for this year and get repaid out of the estate that would be wonderfully helpful. Awesome.
Beyond that, try to bow out as quickly as you can. Being your brother's keeper is not a good role for you. Set up a meeting for you, Brother, and Case Worker. Explain that you do not want to have an ongoing role in managing your brother's affairs. Perhaps the state should appoint someone to do that. When the estate is settled, you are outta there!
Meanwhile, from everything you have told us, the house belongs to your brother. Help him out on a one-time basis this year, for your mother's sake, if you can work up enough generosity to do that. But that house is not yours, not partially yours, not in any way shape or form yours. It was your mother's. Now it is your brother's. End of that story.
You must know exactly how much cash your mother left, and exactly in what proportions her estate was to be divided between you and your brother (assuming there are no other beneficiaries).
It remains only to add up, and see whether or not the money left to him will allow your brother to live in and maintain the house, taking into account his likely outgoings - property taxes, but also utilities, groceries, the normal expenses of daily living - and whether or not his legacy and his income together will cover them.
If they will, then fine: you tell your brother what to do to ensure that he does not incur unnecessary penalties through late payment of bills, you hand him his legacy as soon as you've got the will through probate, and that's you done. Anything else is his problem.
If they won't, then as executor you have the power to enforce sale of the house at market value: the sale proceeds are then divided as your mother instructed, and your brother can use his share of the resulting capital to buy or rent accommodation that he will be able to afford. So you see to the sale, you divide the estate, and again that's you done.
Avoid overcomplicating your life from now on by involving yourself in impractical and improbable projects. I expect your husband's intention with his dollar purchase idea is that you and he then own the house and allow your brother to rent it from you? That is charitable of your husband, but it will leave the two of you as landlords to your brother - and a resulting lifetime of chasing him for rent and trying to help him to manage his budget while he resists you, passively, every step of the way.
Does your brother have a caseworker or other support team? If not, are you going to find him one?
into my brain. I'm starting to think I must get brother as much money as possible.
Taking on my mothers perspective and fears in my unconscious.
What do you mean, the majority of the money from the home sale will *probably* go to your brother? Don't you know? Are you not your mother's executor, then?
go to brother.
To check: Handnuff? Would you agree that those comments are fair? I am happy to stand corrected if you don't.
Your mother left him the house. She also left him money which it will take a little time to remit to him for his use. She left you an undefined commitment to "take care of him won't you."
Well. I think you'd better define for yourself what you're prepared to do to help your brother. And I wouldn't start with loaning him money. And I'd make very sure that it's a level of commitment that a) you can cope with, given your own needs; b) is therefore not going to drive your husband to drink; and c) is workable given your brother's dislike of interference.
Why is your husband so keen on acquiring the house? It surely can't be for sentimental reasons?
I suggested the split of money. But niw husband is saying we can pay taxes for one year and brother has to sell house if he cant come up with way to pay taxes after that. Believe me, husband won't pay for more than one year. And will want money back from estate.
Whether your husband likes it or not, your mother made her choices about what to do with her estate. I wish he would leave you alone about it. It is not your fault your mother made the decisions she did.
But I think the sooner you get out of this stressful role, the better it will be for your mental health.
If you are not careful, you will end up in the same position of having responsibility without power as regards your brother as you endured for so long with your mother. It is pointless, it helps nobody, and it costs you dear. I'm not surprised your husband is at the end of his rope. This time, listen to your husband.
This is a question for your mom's attorney. No, you DON"T use your money to pay for the taxes. If brother can't pay the taxes on his own, then he needs to sell the house, take the profit and get himself someplace affordable to live.
Why can't the money in the trust be used to pay the taxes?
Does brother have a case worker?
You are not helping your brother by paying his house bill. You are enabling him. Can you help him find a realtor to look at the house and give you an estimate for how much it would sell for?
If you can sell the house, you can use the bulk of the proceeds for your mother's future care and set aside some in a trust for your brother through which he would get an allowance.
Does any of this sound feasible given your situation?
What are your legal responsibilities towards your brother? Do you have any?
Can you get us up to date... why did your Mom give your brother the house? Is Mom on Medicaid? How is the nursing home being paid? Will Mom need the equity from the house to help pay for the nursing home?
Um. Could you call whoever will bill you for the property taxes and ask who is liable for them? If it's your brother, could be he'll have to sell the house if he can't afford to pay its expenses, do you think? But anyway, someone is liable for the tax bill - at least this is a question with a cut-and-dried answer.