You have been through the pain of caregiving a loved one and they have passed. So as not to relive the recent pain of caregiving those last days, THIS THREAD IS FOR YOU. To express yourself; be supported by others who have lost their parent, spouse, friend, loved one. A caregiver's grieving and recovering post. If ever you just want to sign in without saying something, put three xxx or three ..., then click post, someone will know you were here, on your special thread, it's yours to say whatever you want. You can even honor your Mom's memory by posting about her.
Love, from Send
I feel your Love,but I don't see you and I miss your sweet,little face So much.I'd give anything for one more day with You.Give Dad a big hug from me.
It is still too raw for me to write about her and so, I shall leave that for another visit to this thread.
Thank you.
The adoring Love We all shared with Our beautiful Parents Who became Our best Friends, and Who We Cared for in the last years of their long and wonderful Lives. Since my Father died 29 years before Mom, Mother became Mom & Dad to me. She was the One I'd always turn to for consul, and Who had such great wisdom, and had a very balanced view of Life. As We grew closer We became best Friends. We were really like Husband & Wife as We were always together socially, and We always went on holidays together. Mom was beautiful company and I miss Her sense of humour, and loud Hearhy Laugh, She was great fun. I never knew any Person Who could match their code of dress better than Mom, although Mother always drew my at tension to Ricki Fowler the American Golfer when We watched the golf on Tv, and Mom would say " look at Ricki Fowler the beautiful matching colour as the peak of His cap would be purple, also His belt and the souls of His shoes, as Mother would have said " He's georgous. We could sit in Our conservatory together for an hour or more and not talk yet feel so comfortable, as Mom might be knitting a cardigan for Her GrandDaughter while I would be reading the News Paper, and how often I remember saying " do You know Mother I was just thinking of ( SOME PERSON ) and Mother would have said " well fancy that " wasn't I just thinking of Him Myself just now. Even though it is almost 8-months since Mother passed on, I miss Her more than words can express and I feel an emptiness inside me. I know that I will never meet any one Who will even resemble Mom. She was beautiful, but I feel Blessed to have had Mom for my Mother and for sharing Our Lives for 56- years. Caring for Mom at home for the last three years of Her Life was never a chore or a sacrifice for me, no it was an honour because I Loved My Mother. The home We shared is just a house now, since it has lost its Soul. Yes Mom was the Heart beat of Our Family, and the pulse of Our Lived. There is an eery silence about the house now, and I can even hear the kitchen wall clock ticking as I script this post, that's a sound I never heard before. But I do feel Blessed, because Mom's greatest gift to me is my Faith as I talk to Mother every night through my Prayers, and I believe if I Lead a good and Holy Life, I will meet Mother again on the other Side.
Daughterof1930, hey I am too, a daughter of a 1930! I have some of those baby daffodils, coming up in my garden. They were a flower gift, gift, given at my Dad's funeral, and every year they come up, I sigh of relief! They remind me so much of him, and all the wonderful memories I have of him.
Isn't it a wonder, the many triggers we have of our LO's?
I also have in my garden, loads of the cacti, CHICKEN AND HENS, that were originally in my Grandpa's garden, then cuttings went to my parents rockery, then to my first home, and now in the garden of my second home, for all of these 20 odd years now! Those things never die, but one year, drought, cold, and the squirrels had gotten them down to only 2 crowns, only to have flourished the very next year, and now we've got loads of them, scattered allover the yard! Life and plants ar amazingly resilient, waxing and waning over the years, but should we ever leave this house of ours, those are the two plants that we would bring with us to our new place, those and the Easter Lily, my husband gave to his Mother when he was a boy, and has survived all the years too! Once white, now blooms in a bright Yellow! Must be the Ph of the soil, or a miracle to say, "don't forget me"!
#1 I lost my father when he was only 50 on Good Friday, which was March 24, 1967.
#2 My maternal grandmother's birthday was Independence Day.
#3 My mother's birthday was Halloween.
My deepest condolences and sympathies on the passing of your mother. I'm so sorry. Your father is so lucky to have you in his life. Its always so hard to be the strong one. Us daughters go through so much caring for our parents. Like you said it would be nice if someone else would be able to carry us once in a while. I hope you can get some respite care for you dad. Try to be as kind and gentle with yourself during this time.
My dad passed four months ago. I'm still struggling with my new normal. Hard to wrap my head around that my father is gone. And that the only place I can visit him is the cemetery. I know death is a part of everyone's life but I had hope to put it off till my dad was 100. Because I was his primary caregiver, I feel like I didn't do enough to save him. If only I did this or that, then maybe he would still be here. I guess I will keep giving myself time to process what happened.
Hi Dad
I think I can make things right,wouldnt that be great?
I felt you with me i think.
I cannot miss you because that would mean what i cannot accept... maybe thats why my heart hurts... anyways here's some chocolate, I love you
Its been 10 months since that awful day. After I fed you lunch, I should have taken more time to sit with you, but you were so tired. I never thought that would be our last today together. Never. I miss so much buying you coffee and all your favorite foods. Miss having you in the house. Sorry for all the anger and impatience. I hope you know much I tried and wanted you to be happy. Want to you know we're all OK. Doing our best every day to make you proud if we can. Please know we love you and miss you every day.
I am not ready to post, but I really need to.
Thank you for your kind words, it is deeply appreciated. Writing those words made me tearful because I wish so badly I could go back in time. I want to put a memoriam in the paper in October for the one anniversary. I've been thinking a lot about what I would want my dad to know. Thank you for your reply.
I'm ok with that.
I'm here too. It's been 11 months and there are still hard days. Talking to the counselor and she says there is no fixed timeline but sometimes around 18 to 24 months things start to ease a little.
Grief is exhausting in its own way. Less drawn out exhaustion than caregiving's exhaustion, but certainly quite intense at times.
I think grief can be a long and lonely journey sometimes. I hear that too, that the second year is tougher than the first. The reality of our loss starts to set in. I am trying to prepare myself but realize sometimes I cannot avoid my grief attacks.
Dear Gershun,
As always thank you for your kind and supportive words. I am still looking for that peace but I do hope it will emerge soon.
I will never forget how you rented a moving truck and drove all that way to save me from my (ex)husband. You packed me up and unpacked me at your ex's house.
I didnt ask you to do this, you just jumped up and came. Thank you and bless you wherever you are .....
I wish you were here to do it again for me now :'''(
I just miss my mom so much. She was the one who kept the family together. I just sometimes find it hard to accept that she is gone. We had our moments, but for the most part, we got along and she made the caregiving easier.
So I don't really know where I am going with this. Just that it has been a really hard week and I guess I just needed to vent. Yeah, I know I will make it through...I have up to now in my 62 years on this earth. I never realized, though, how hard it would be to lose one of the people who was so precious to me.
Thanks for listening and best wishes to all who are going through the same ordeal.
Shelli60, you are in a horrible situation: grieving and still caregiving. I don't know if your mother or father had or have dementia, but you might want to consider calling the Alzheimer's Association's 24 hour support number. From their site: "The Alzheimer's Association 24/7 Helpline provides reliable information and support to all those who need assistance. Call us toll-free anytime day or night at 1.800.272.3900"
Ask for a counselor. Another thing to try is a calling a local non-profit hospice and asking if they have a bereavement department. If so, they can help sometimes. Find support groups. Sometimes you just have to ask. Do you have any family that could be supportive?
Hugs! You are doing the very best you can. But please also don't get burnt out.
to support and pray for each of you.
Love,
from Sendhelp.