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doggiemum - ((((((hugs))))) it wasn't you divorcing him that killed him. It was the medical conditions that he had that finished him, You haven't done anything wrong. It is normal to have all kinds of emotions at this time. Please recognize that they are part of the grieving process. The anger and guilt and "if only's" are a normal part of grief. Many of us have felt them. When my youngest son was killed I had a lot of "if only's". But I came to understand that I was in no way responsible for what happened to him. I think many of us have regrets when someone passes. Again that is normal grief.

Absolutely you deserve a good life. But I understand how you feel. When we lose someone, our self esteem suffers for a while. That too is part of the grief process. It will take some time for you to grieve and be able to focus on what lies ahead. Sometimes it's one hour or one day at a time - even one minute at a time. But you will get through it and you can come out of it stronger even though you don't feel that way now.

At some point when you are ready, grief counselling and/or a grief group could help you a lot. It did for me, Know there are many here who care and who are praying for you.
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Doggiemom, I don't know yours and marks whole story, but I've read bits and pieces. From everything I've read, I have no doubt that, you did everything in your power.

So please try to let that thought go!
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DoggieMom,
So sorry for your lost.
But please no guilt. No caregiver should ever feel guilty.
Feel anger, relief, sadness and grief, all necessary and appropriate for however long it takes you.
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Most people deserve happiness. I say most because obviously not those who are evil and inflict pain on others. It is hard when one passes to not relive moments we wish we might have reacted differently but we should also try to relive the times we tried very hard in difficult situations.

I mourn your loss and hope time brings you relief. I too recommend grief groups. I did these after the passing of both of my parents and inevitably insights are brought up that can help us adjust. Wishing you strength and eventual closure.
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I'm sorry you've been through so much. I believe no one leaves this Earth unless it was their time to go. So, please let go of any guilt feelings whatsoever! My Husband passed away last year - so I had a lot to take care of - possibly, so will you - I'm not sure how it's handled when a person dies while in process of divorce - who handles his affairs? You? If so, just know, You will get through this all! You do what needs to be done and then get on with your life! Time for you to find yourself again and begin to live life! My Very Best Wishes to You! Take care.
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DoggieMom
I am sorry for your loss. May you find peace and remember the good times you shared. Wishing you and your little dogs all the best.
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I joined a support group that meets for three months. I really have been grieving for two years before the death. I am dealing with a lot of guilt. I am also dealing with anger right now. It's very odd and a lot of being numb.
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Good, DoggieMom. You are right, you were dealing with a whole lot of grief a long time ago. As far as guilt I want you to remember that guilt requires causation and a refusal to fix something.
You didn't cause this.
This wasn't fixable.
Not your fault and not yours to cure.
You are a fallible human being just like all the rest of us and it is hubris to think you have godlike powers to change things.
You made survival decisions for yourself and gave best guidance and advice you could to someone you cared for. He is at rest. See to it that you do not waste time insisting on staying in the realm of a kingdom that is now gone.

I am glad you're in a support group. You need and deserve that. Just remember to celebrate the times that were good, the times you shared, and remember there comes a time for you to concentrate not on the past but on your own future and you present.
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Doggiemom, you will get through this, I'm glad you're seeking help. I'm sure your pups will help you though too.

Alva, what an interesting thought, when we take on missed placed guilt, we are kind of thinking we have some superpower that we are not using to fix are aging loved ones. Almost God like.
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My condolences.
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Things have been slow going on this end. I did a memorial and obituary for Mark. The funeral home in Edinburg is backed up for some reason and Marks nephew does not want to give me any of Mark's ashes. I only asked for enough for a memorial urn. His nephew is not happy I am reporting Marks death to Social Security, but fraud is a big deal. Anyway, going to a grief group to sort out these emotions.
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(((((hugs))))) doggiemom Thanks for updating us

Good for you for reporting Marks death to Social Security. I agree - fraud is a big deal. I'm glad you did the obituary and memorial service for Mark. We need these rituals to move forward with our grief, I trust the grief group will be helpful. I know they have been for me.

I am sure your emotions are all over the place. That's normal. They need to be expressed and the grief group can help with that. Journaling helps many too. Learning about grief helped me to understand what I was going through. It's very much a physical thing as well as an emotional thing. You may be quite tired at times. Grieving is hard work. Please take extra rest when you need it and be sure to eat properly and stay hydrated. I'm sure your dogs are a comfort now and have been in the past.

Prayers for your issues at home to get resolved and the roller coaster ride to slow down.
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