It is just really hard when your wonderful parent isn't happy.
My Mom moved into a very nice AL facility a month ago. She is just not happy there. I don't know that time will make a difference. She was living with my sister and was unhappy there, and looked forward to getting into her own place. As my brother says, her unhappiness is because her brain and body aren't working right and that is going to be true wherever she is. I don't know that I'm looking for advice so much as to just vent and share my unhappiness that my dear mother (who is very sweet and nice) is unhappy and likely to remain so.
For years Mom lived in a MIL apartment by me, and then more recently spent a couple months with my brother and then my sister. The reason for the move out of the MIL apartment was that she developed dementia rather quickly over a few months, and I wasn't able to deal with her increased needs. We are still working through the diagnostics for her (with a top notch Memory and Brain Wellness center at our University), but the preliminary thoughts are that it is vascular dementia. She forgets a lot, and has real trouble planning. But she still is able to understand complex information and discussions. Her dementia has been pretty stable over the last few months (which would match the vascular dementia diagnosis), although she has gotten much more wobbly.
Mom is very private, and it bugs her having people come into her apartment to give her meds, etc. She is also not leaving her apartment to participate in any activities. One downside at this AL is that there are many people who are less "with it" than Mom, so that bothers her. Her thyroid is also low and that could be impacting her mood, cognitive ability and willingness to do things. We are also going to ask her doctor about anti-depressants.
We realize things MIGHT get better with more time. And before considering any changes we need to complete the whole diagnostic part so we have as much information as to diagnosis, prognosis, etc.
She would like to move back in with my sister, in which case we would have to hire full time caretakers while my sister is at work. Mom can mostly be okay by herself, she hasn't shown any tendency to wander. But she does get confused and worried when she is by herself, which seems to increase her dementia, so it is best that somebody be with her most of the time. My sister and husband might consider it, but they haven't discussed it thoroughly. My mom really isn't demanding. But she still might not be happy.
I know from reading this forum a lot, that moving back in with my sister might be a very bad idea. I really want to protect my sister and make sure that if that is an option that is being considered that she have lots of support and help. If it were up to me I would probably say that Mom should stay in AL, and if not this one, then maybe another one.
But mainly I am needing to learn how to live with my mother being unhappy. I like to solve problems, and I think this may be a problem that may not be solvable. She wants life like it was 5 years ago. Even 2 years ago. And that isn't going to happen.
