Moving Mom to assisted living.
We finally have a room in a wonderful assisted living facility for Mom. It is so nice, and it appears she will get loving attention and assistance. At 100, with increasing dementia, she has needed this for the past two years but refused to go. Now she is skipping meals and living on soup broth, Ensure and yogurt and getting weaker. She is very very difficult, refuses to accept she needs help, but we are both seniors ourselves and completely worn out after 8 years of making trips to IL and doing it all for her. IL wants her moved as they don't provide the attention she needs and she is getting paranoid, blaming them for stealing (which of course is in her head). We can't be there 24/7 and know she must have more oversight. She lost one of her hearing aids for the 4th time in 2 years! We are moving her this week, but she doesn't know. Its going to be a nightmare. She will stay with Sis while I move all the essentials, then we tell her. She will throw a fit, we'll probably have to force her in the car and carry her in, but we have no choice. She can't live with either of us, we have health issues. She complain and has never been happy wherever she is anyway. This is the only choice, best for her, and we will have the burden of care and worry lifted. We pray she will grow to appreciate the attention and might thrive with better care, but with her negative attitude we don't know. She dumps on us, but it appears she does not do that as much to others, so maybe it will work out. We are getting her a new doctor who we hope will take more interest in her and prescribe something to help her depression and appetite. Fortunately she does not need any other medication, good thing because she can't be trusted to take them. She would never let anyone in her apartment including an aide. We're praying this will go off smoothly.
Mom has been there two months. She complains, but she complains wherever she is. We got her new hearing aids and now she can hear, but they are different than the others and she hates them. I'm not sure if she is taking them out, or taking the batteries out, or turned the phone ringer off, but I've tried to reach her for days and she doesn't answer the phone. I called the staff several times and they tell me she is fine. She is uncooperative and won't let people help her with showers (which she still refuses to take, but they say as long as she doesn't smell.......) They do control her incontinence program, thank goodness. The doctor put her on Zoloft a few weeks ago because her obsessions were getting so bad and she is getting very confrontational and verbally aggressive with my sister and me. But she saves it all for family because they tell me she does fine there, eats with friends, etc. Its a good thing we moved her when we did as my sister's husband is ill and she can't see her much and I had been carrying most of the responsibility. I broke my ankle last week and now can't walk or drive - so there is great peace of mind that she is where someone is looking after her. Good luck with you father. It appeared to me that most of the residents where Mom is were quite content. Mom has never been content anywhere so I didn't expect she would ever say she liked it!
With the people who work at the Assisted Living facilities, they get to have a good night sleep, all ready and refreshed the next morning. The workers I have heard about have a great sense of humor to get them through their shift. Where I tend to lie awake through the night wondering about my parents future, and my sense of humor has been missing in action.
When one's parents live *independently* why are we the ones who is so worn out?