Dealing with bad decisions and tantrum-like behavior from my Father Age 86, threats of never talking to us again, telling the family etc. I travel for my job and my wife and I cared for my Mother for 3 years, she went into a nursing home early this year and we planned to move out. BUT now my father (87) is essentially demanding we care for him, do not travel, do not go out at night, do not leave him alone or he will leave everything to relatives and tell the family we have neglected him etc. He is on the phone and based on treatment we are getting from relatives it appears we are telling them we are leaching off him etc. He is okay as long as everything he wants is done. I feel absolutely trapped, the potential loss of the property is not an issue, I am succesful etc. it is the guilt and threat of shaming etc.
Thanks! The more I read of people basically dealing with similar issues over and over again pluse pleading for help, the seemly older and bolder I get. If I'm right, I think I am older than you? My heart cries out for people stuck in the F.O.G. which I was once totally captivated by in areas of my life that we have both already shared.
I do hope someone is listtening. I realize that my statements of encouragement are walking the razors edge, but I think I know where that line is so that I don't step over the line.
I was just being silly about the age thing. May 15.
You are right about being season with grace which is the razor's edge I was talking about not trying to cross over, but I am either getting manic or in a codependent rescue mode when I do which is wrong. Have a good weekend and thanks for the wise input.
Yes we are relaxed, but I find it very hard some times to pull myself away from all this. I've even forgotten to take my moring or night times meds until past my regular time. As you can tell, my mind loves analyzing things, but I don't really have that much that challenges my mind lately that also interests me, supports me, and validates my efforts to help others as being here does. with the exception of course my wife. :)! Have a good weekend, and while I'm not doing a yard sale like Pam tomorrow or free to go to Catilena or going to a fancy hotel where I can swing from the chandeleers, I do plan to have some time out from here and some fun.
Crowe...about the mean thing...I think they know when they are declining and they lash out or cling to whomever they feel closest to.
Some time when you and your mom are alone, ask her a few questions.
When she and your dad were younger, did they ever talk about what to do if one of them declined mentally? (I don't think most people even go there when they're young, but I'd still ask her.)
Secondly, if your wife were treating you the same way your father is treating her, what would she tell you to do?
If mom tells you that she would tell you to stick it out no matter what, then at least you know her mind set on this. If on the other hand she tells you to put your wife in a 'home', then that's being hypocritical and I'd wonder why. (misplaced guilt perhaps?) don't know.
Anyway, just a thought...
I've said this before and I'll say it again: from the moment we have children WE owe them, not the other way around. We shouldn't bring children to the world and then charge them for it by expecting them to take care of us, blackmail them, and put them through guilt trips as if they were meant to be some sort of investment, insurance, or retirement account. It makes me sad and it makes me sick when I hear offspring being psychologically abused by their parents. Anyway, let me shut up before I say something I might regret.
I sure did.
-- ED
we are the reason to be a caregiver and our parents are the reason to stay home with one ofthier children . there is 6 of us and pa chose me . thats fine with me . THERES A REASON FOR EVERYTHING ., so i dont think we owe our children anything . once they turn into a adult theyre on thier own . unless they come around and help parents or need help and stay close bonded with parents then thats good . but i do not believe that we owe tthem anything .. the man upstairs owes the childrens ... the children will be greatly reward by the man upstairs .
Look it up...... works like a charm for those who need it, i. e. My 86 y/0 Alzheimers Mom who now co-operates.