Follow
Share
Read More
Find Care & Housing
I honest to God felt like I was somehow responsible for my parents entertainment, happiness, etc. and so I never got to have the life I dreamed of...never had kids, never got married, because it snowballed into feeling responsible for absolutely everything my parents wanted and needed...while my brother got a free pass and got to do whatever, whenever he wanted......I feel like a bitter hateful old shell of a person now....I don't think anything could save me at this point.
(1)
Report

Glad....sooo true! what happened that summer, as ridiculous as it may sound, set the course for my never feeling like I belonged ANYWHERE....I didn't get to participate in what was considered a rite of passage with kids in my town...I was always looked at as a weirdo and oddball after that...called names...even bullied...I felt so left out...and I 'm telling you, I still resent it to this day. I know my Mama loved and loves me...as did my Dad but I wanted and NEEDED to do things with the other kids my age..participate in the things that kids do, so I could feel like a kid...I honestly feel like I had my childhood taken away from me and I have never "fit in" anywhere I go.... I hope it helps someone else....because it sure still gnaws at me...
(0)
Report

Linda22, I know exactly how you feel regarding trying to get some vacation time. When my parents were my age [late 60's] they were traveling all over the place, going to stock broker meetings [they do know how to have fun :], go to the movies, eat out, tour the White House, yada, yada, yada. And they never needed to care for their own parents.

I've been away once in the past 5 years for a two day get-away with my significant other... but could I enjoy being away?... of course not, as I was worried sick because my parents were all alone in their single family house. I am all they have as other relatives live out of state and are much older than I. And Mom wouldn't allow a stranger to come in the house if I had hired a Caregiver for those two days.

Are we having fun yet?
(1)
Report

My wine for the day. Now our internet is from Dish everytime it rains it goes out. supposed to save us money. What's the cost of frustration?
(1)
Report

All of you stop it already. Of course it has to do with caregiving that's why you are whining about it.
Susan can you get Skype or something and see your son when you talk to him
Freqflyer you have won half the battle, the rest will follow.
Tex you knew Mom would take advantage some hoe that's what sociopaths do when your guard is down.
Kaz good riddance to bad rubbish he was two timing you anyway
Hope, all I can say is this was pretty mean of Mom. I guess she thought she was helping you and maybe it did.
Glad some people would really envy your trip of a life time.
My Mum used to take me on bus tours with 29 other old ladies, then stand by the road every two hours for the rest of the year because the tour guide drove a regular bus in the winter.
(0)
Report

Mini whine - I finally was able to get away for a couple days with my husband to visit a relative. We both really needed a little down time and we can't travel far (health reasons). Mom seemed ok on Thursday about my going (without taking her this time). But she had the weekend to stew and I got the ice treatment last night- among other infractions, I apparently came home too late (7pm), which indicated I had even MORE fun than originally planned. Normally I keep it in perspective (she was in Europe for 3 weeks when she was exactly my age) but I'm getting tired of her being peevish or snotty when I do things with my husband. No partial credit for taking the morning off work to be at her eye appointment this week....sigh....
(3)
Report

Kaz, and Hope, I think our posts may be helpful to Susan. Those high school summers are very important to kids as they are rapidly growing up and learning with friends. Some of it is good, some not so good but all are important lessons.
(3)
Report

Once a week my S/O or I get my parents mail from their post office box at the local post office and deliver it to my parents.... this box has been a thorn in our side for the past 5 years because it is totally unnecessary as my parents can get their mail, like everyone in their subdivision including myself, at the mailbox at the end of their driveway.

Last year I finally got my parents to switch getting their prescription medicine delivered to the post office box to being delivered to their home.... we were going daily to the PO to see if the pills came in, sometimes twice a day.... ENOUGH already.... it wasn't easy but they did switch to home delivery for the pills. And so far the mailman hasn't stolen their meds :0
(1)
Report

Yeh mum dragged me away for a week and my boyfriend went off with a HO! Looking back now she was putting out and i wasnt he was 19 i was 16!! I still see her she looks like a hag now! Yeh he broke my heart for about 2 weeks!!! LOL
(0)
Report

wow, glad....I remember my worst summer....back "in the day" it was considered somewhat of a right of passage to get old enough to work at the local Dairy Queen...back then it was the hip place, in fact, the ONLY place that the young kids could go and hang out and be cool...back then being cool meant nothing more than putting on some nice shorts and a tshirt and tennis shoes and driving your just washed car or truck down to hang out with friends in the parking lot....I couldn't wait...I was going to work at the Dairy Queen...I had "arrived"...so I thought...My Mama, unknown to me, had been talked into offering me up to babysit for my next door neighbor, a spoiled brat four years my junior and she was going to be staying with us from 5:00AM until her parents got home (which got later and later as the summer progressed) she ate three meals a day with us...and I got a pathetic 15.00 a week for giving up my last summer home before leaving for college to babysit this whiney, clingy kid....ruined my summer...and looking back now seemed to set the course for a life that would turn into an over giving always there for everyone else but myself person.....I still have a LOT of resentment over it....sorry, I guess this had little to do with anything..your post just reminded me of a painful and aggravating memory
(1)
Report

The absolutely worst summer of my life, I was 16, the summer before my senior year in high school, friends, and boyfriends, activities, a job, etc. Wanted to spend the summer terrorizing the town, no not really, just spend the summer here with my friends. And what the heck did Mom do?! She booked a seven week trip for my two sisters, Mom and me to go to Europe! Mom could have booked a three week trip with the same group. I was willing to go for three weeks, but SEVEN?! My whole blasted summer! Hated every minute except when we were in Norway visiting relatives. And what happened while I was gone? My best friend stole my boyfriend. I can look back on that now, and just kind of laugh, but it was traumatic at the time!

Who at the age of 16, wants to be cooped up with two sisters and their Mother, for two months of the summer, with no friends to talk to? Not me, that is for sure.
(2)
Report

Hugs, Susan! Your son sounds like a really good kid. These things really do work out fine -- it's just so upsetting when they happen.
(1)
Report

I appreciate everyone being caring and supportive - I know this isn't caregiver-related, but I appreciate the support, just the same.
(1)
Report

Thanks Kaz and Ash - I'm just so broken up . Talked to youngest son just now on the phone and just dissolved into tears. I just couldn't help it. I want to see him so badly. He says he's ok with me not coming this summer but maybe coming for a long weekend later in the year...but I don't know if he's truly ok with it. He's such a sweetheart. He said "everyone makes mistakes Mom" regarding the date screw up .

Kaz - mom is not ready for a home at this point. If I even tried that, the siblings would string me up. She's still very mentally "all there", other than her memory issues, and her mobility.
(0)
Report

Susan please don't beat yourself up. As someone else said, teenagers would rather hang out with their friends than with their parents - "old folks" in their eyes :) It's an age when they want to do all sorts of young, energetic things and we just don't fit in Don't take it personally!
(3)
Report

Susan i know its hard but do you not feel that it may be time for a home? all this falling i know she could fall in the home but not as likely as at home? Once this happens with mum and its started we will have no choice. I cannot be here 24/7 its crazy to even think id cope noone can without going "nutty" ourselves.

I was going to the shops this morning to get cigarettes as dont talk to me if i havnt had my morning ciggy!

I noticed im starting to talk to myself while im walking usually in anger about something? lucky i stopped myself but this is what it does to you! Gosh thankgod neighbours were not around to hear me?
(1)
Report

Thanks, Glad. I'm just so upset and depressed over this right now - there's no way I can make the trip any sooner, and if I *am* able to find some way to go next month, I will have to find someone to watch over Mom and I will only see my son for a couple of days.

Feeling pretty low right at this point. But, not much can be solved by continuing to rehash it, so I'm done.
(1)
Report

Susan, you are right, do not attempt it. First it is terribly disorienting for them, and extremely stressful for us! I don't know how some do it! And 1300 miles in the summer heat? Be happy and grateful that you just had the shorter trip and the adventure, that you will always remember of being stuck.
(1)
Report

Thanks Kaz - Not sure what I'm going to do at this point. I've totally screwed things up by looking at the wrong calendar, and taking mom on a trip there just isn't really possible any longer. It seems she's getting worse and worse - 5 accidents yesterday that required clothing changes and chair pad changes/sheet changes - plus the near fall at breakfast - I can't see taking her on a 1300-mile round trip with those issues. I don't know too many caregivers that would attempt it. I'm hoping that *maybe* I can get a sibling to watch over her for a long weekend so I can at least see my son for a few days.
(0)
Report

Tex am confused about your post? Is your mum going through your mail? My mum is getting up earlierr now and getting the post and throwing away letters from docs and appointments. I was thinking maybe i should get a post box? gosh what next. ive told her countless times to leave my stuff alone but they dont listen its very annoying and stressful.
Just calm down you need to look after yourself now any stress could mess up your recovery.

there should be respite for carers after surgery i know i can get my mum into a NH if im not well BUT she wont go?

Chin up things will get better one day!
(1)
Report

Well susan i know its hard but when i was sixteen id rather be with my friends than mum or dad!! Could you not go and stay near him just to see him!

Hugs ive so much crap going on here with mum i couldnt imagine other stuff i just wouldnt be able to cope my cat getting attacked was enough for me this week i dont know how some people juggle kids and a dementia parent?
(1)
Report

She went thru my mail! I knew it. I guess it was the pain meds made me trust her. What a manipulative b*tch. I am so disappointed in her. It's just my fantasy that we would be friends that is unrealistic. She opened my therapy bill , which I wouldn't be having therapy if it wasn't for her. I actually bragged on her on how she was helping me. The official name of my surgery is anterior cervical discectomy with allofgraft fusion and instrumentation. level 4-5 and 5-6. New rule now is the mail is not to be shown to her until I have gone thru it. Some things never change. I should have know when she was being so nice and helpful.Even the devil was a charming angel. All she cares about is the her servant,me,gets better as soon as possible. She likes to hold the therapy over m y head Like I am crazy, but it is the only way I can stand to have her in the house and take care of someone who was emotionally abusive to me as a child and I have to look at her everyday. In her mind she is the perfect mother.She couldn't even stand her own mother.Put her in a nursing home as soon as she could. 0630 am and I am already pissed off. I feel so stupid for trusting her, had to be the lortab and valium.Once a snake, always a snake.
(3)
Report

Glad....it's funny you said that...I fretted and stewed for about an hour before I headed to bed....then I thought about the possibility of a long weekend. I'll have to think about it more tomorrow.
(1)
Report

Susan, I am sure I look at the calendar wrong myself. Since it appears this isn't going to work this time, plan a trip there over a long weekend that will work, and get it planned!
(0)
Report

Glad - no, it's not easy at all. And as he gets older and withdraws further and further away from me, it gets worse. This is the first time he didn't jump at the chance to come see me.

Tonight, things got a whole lot more complicated and confusing. Somewhere along the line, I looked at the wrong school calendar for my son's school (checked it online) and planned my vacation dates around the start of his school year - but I had it wrong by almost a week, which now pretty much cancels all of my plans, because I can't change my vacation dates now. I have already given these dates to my clients, and they have made their own vacation plans around that - I have to be here to cover things for my clients when they're gone. So for me to change my dates would screw up theirs. It's a huge mess.

Ugh. I'm so frustrated. I can't believe I was looking at the WRONG school calendar and planned my dates around that. So now I have no one to be ticked off at but myself, because the screw up was my fault. I feel like absolute crap.

Sorry to everyone having to read my rants and whines over the past week - it's been a rough one. Tonight was kind of the straw that broke the camel's back. Now I can't make the trip even if I wanted to.
(2)
Report

Ash, a new kitty?! We will be looking forward to seeing him, her?

Susan, it must be very difficult to have your son so far away! I was so fortunate with my divorce, my kids, youngest was 12 all decided they wanted to stay in the house. So, I was the one to leave, got an apartment, otherwise the house would have had to be sold. I suppose I could have asked for more maintenance, or child support, but just wanted out. The kids were old enough to decide whether they wanted to be with dad and friends for a weekend or spend time with me. With the settlement I was able to get a house where each had their own rooms. Seems like eons ago, my youngest turns 30 next week. So very hard to believe!
(1)
Report

CountryMouse - hee...yes, I'm only half-kidding about the bubble wrap, but some days...

Ashlynne - a kitty! I wish we could share pics here. We could have a pets only thread and share all our pet stuff.

Discussed the trip situation w/my ex again, and now he says youngest doesn't *want* to come here because he has a girlfriend there. Um...I'm only asking for one week! I didn't quite believe him, so I asked to talk to youngest himself to get it directly from him. Unfortunately....ex is right. :-( So now I'm not having problems with ex over it...I'm having to convince my own son to come see me. He's 16...it's the age, I guess. Sucks.
(0)
Report

Oh dear ashlynne you will have to show us a photo of that lucky kitten. Gosh when i get my own place ill take them all in!
(1)
Report

Ash you are wonderful I know you will love your new baby when is she comming. When we had the horse farm all my animals were discards. I agreed to the dogs but the cats were self service
(0)
Report

Ashly~what an angel you are in rescuing the little babe. The last several cats I have had are rescues found on the streets. Currently I have a cat my daughter rescued while at college...he was abandoned in the apartment complex.My dog is my mother's dog which she can no longer take care of due to Alz but she has visitation rights,LOL!! The dog is a small miniature poodle (13 lbs) who was only socialized with my mom and us visiting her. She barks at my husband every time he moves...she is also my diabetic informant, when ever hubby gets himself a treat such as a candy or cookies (he puts the wrappers on the coffee table), the dogs gets the wrappers and brings them to me, LOL!!! I don't police my hubby with his diabetes, we just make a joke that she is watching him and tattling on him.
(2)
Report

Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter