This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Not to sound perky, but do you do any volunteer work? There have been times in my life when I've been in the slough of depression. If I call to moan at our Rabbi, he always suggests a specific volunteer thing, and I always feel better.
It can be something like a soup kitchen ( ongoing) or helping out with a one time relief effort.
I'm sorry that you're feeling down.
Cruise is still on. My sister and her daughters are determined to go. Since yesterday, my guts told me to check my airline reservation. I ignored it. Again tonight, my guts prompted me to check my flights. Sis and I checked our apps. Yep, just only My seats from Dallas to San Fran to Honolulu was unseated. I was on free aisle seats across from sis. I went online. All the complimentary aisle seats are taken. I now have window to San Fran... n between 2 people to Honolulu. Don’t think negative thoughts ... At least I caught it in time?
Send, I’m trying to see a half full cup. It’s difficult...
You are stronger than you seem,
Braver than you believe, and
Smarter than you think you are.
And all of that probably because you grew up in a dysfunctional family. But here's the secret: Every single family has dysfunction; it's just a matter of degree.
You are strong because you grew despite dysfunction.
You are brave because you overcame dysfunction.
And you are smart because you learned from dysfunction.
My secret at buffets is to take from underneath the middle of the pan and try to take only from fresh pans.
You are doing what many caregivers cannot, and hope to do.
Is your cruise still on?
I am looking forward to hearing more about your travels.
Did you know that in Texas, everything is really big?
Look again for the full moon. It is probably so big that it covers the entire sky!
You can ask all the Texans. (a joke). My mother grew up in Texas.
You can change your thoughts! Some good things are happening!
Imagine this:
my older brother in Texas ended up in the hospital last Thursday. He has been diagnosed with a rare heart condition. Heart rate working at 13% (normal is 55%). Cardiologist said that he should have came to him at the beginning where he had a better chance of prolonging his life.
Today:
We arrived safely in Texas. Good news, my brother was released from the hospital today.
Think of the good things. Think less, enjoy more. Let the full moon pass.
You will feel better, imo.
I think most people have bad things happen throughout their lives. It's just life. Very few come out of it unscathed. But, you keep looking ahead and up and that's about all any of us can do. God never promised us we wouldn't have bad things happen to us and the ones we love but he did promise to help us through it.
I'm sorry you think you are cursed but I don't think you were just like I don't think I was. Don't believe that. It's not true. Take your power back by not believing that.
Since my brother, I just cannot help review my life. I'm never really going to get a break from bad karma, am I? No matter how I try to be good - since my early 20's, it's not working out for me. My 7 siblings did whatever they wanted, verbally blasted people - and they're happy. They're married, have children, grands - and now close to retirement.
I'm feeling very down because I went to check-in for my flight. The agent had a very difficult time checking me in. She had to basically undo my current reservation, rebook it, and then undo what she did. She released all my original carefully chosen Aisle seats. She did not give me options but just assigned the seats. I only found out when I came home, went online to check what she did. I'm now seats at the last and the 2nd to the last row of the plane - near the bathroom. From seats up front - to now in the back. She was not able to reassign me back to my original seats. Basically I have a total of 9 hour flights in front of the bathrooms.... Oh, she also assigned me a window seat - even though there was an aisle empty beside it. If she had looked into the history, she would have seen I preferred aisle. It's too late - because that was my checking in , boarding pass. The flights are full flights.
The running theme in my head since yesterday is: "If I was one of those people who believe that how you live your life now, will decide what you will be reincarnated on your next life. Since I've been having a sucky life since childhood (asking God why He made me be born), I'm truly beginning to believe I was a very bad person on my previous life. Karma getting back at me."
Travel insurance would allow you to cancel or reschedule the cruise? I had to cancel a flight when L was in the process of dying. Drove there instead. A doctor at the nursing home completed a form for me. It was easy. Are you sure you want to go on the cruise? Mind you, I am one of those that has absolutely no desire to cruise ever. I enjoy my space too much and just would not care to be trapped on a boat with a bunch of people with no escape. Where is the cruise going and for how long? Hope you have a great time.
I texted bro this morning "Thinking of you. Cyber phone hug to you. (Tacky, I know)…" He must have mentioned receiving my text to baby sister. He told me that she told him to call me. We kept it short because he had lots of visitors. 2 hours later, he collapsed while exiting the bathroom. They couldn't wake him up. He's now in the ICU. Just that short walk, with his low blood pressure, made him collapse. He's not talking but does make slight movements in response. So, that was the decision maker. I spoke to my bosses and told them that I was leaving Wednesday (it's Monday here.) My family were driving me crazy all morning, text messages, etc... finally I told the ones here in frustration that I need to do my work and complete everything (GRT tax) before we fly out Wednesday. I'll book their flights tonight, at the house. Ugh!!! It's 9pm. Taking a break to eat dinner. I still need to pack (for the cruise). I will fly from Texas to Hawaii to catch the ship. I'm so stressed out, I cannot eat. Been feeling woozy all day today with a headache.
I was able to change my Honolulu ticket date to depart to Wednesday. I bought a new ticket Honolulu-Texas-Honolulu … expensive ticket...grumbling.. but no regrets because when I found out he collapsed, I realized that I really do need to see bro again. .. Anyway, that's what credit cards are for - to get into debt. {{rolling eyes}}
Yes, I asked my niece to please get us the travel insurance. She wasn't go to. So I sent her some YouTube links of why it's important to get the insurance. Thanks for checking. Gosh, the livingroom is weaving. sigh... time to pack DOWN. I got too many "must bring" junk....
so sorry for the news - I can't remember if you took travel insurance for your cruise if you opt out
A purple flower, just for you.
The prognosis for your brother is not good, but when all the organs have been shutting down, I know people (and their brothers) who survived for years. I hope he is going to be one of the survivors.
Anyway, my older brother in Texas ended up in the hospital last Thursday. He has been diagnosed with a rare heart condition. Heart rate working at 13% (normal is 55%). Cardiologist said that he should have came to him at the beginning where he had a better chance of prolonging his life. Brother had his heart rate irregular in 2012. Throughout the years, his regular doctor would note things about his heart (like enlargement) but said it was okay, here's meds for it.... Finally, his doctor told him to go to hospital ASAP. Area around his heart has fluid, and clots... Cardiologist wants to know who is my brother's doctor. There's nothing they can do for bro. No cure. No meds to help raise that 13% heart rate... The latest news is that heart transplant is not an option because his heart is fine. It's the connector to the heart...whatever that means. Doctor says all my bro can do is change his diet.... Nurse niece here on island said diet is not going to do anything. He has limited time to live because his heart is not pumping enough for his internal organs... So I've just spent hours on the laptop trying to find ways to fit in a visit to bro before or after the cruise. It's not working.... I will be spending $2300-$2600 for only 4 days in Dallas. Not an option!!
I basically need to come back home from Hawaii. And then buy a whole new ticket from here to Dallas and back. Airfare is $1800.00. And I can spend 7 days with bro.. if he can live long enough for me to visit around June 20th....
Older sis and the girls are still doing the cruise. Older sis said that her being with Texas brother right now - is her obligated visit in case he dies. No guilt if he does while we're on the cruise. Whereas I'm....
I got a travel insurance (sucks! it only covers $50/day hospital stay). I told fave sis that if anything happens, she's my beneficiary. She only has a 1 month window to claim the $100,000 coverage.... So.. 2 weeks goes by … Then out of the blue, I received an email from fave sis asking me what kind of funeral do I want. Viewing? Open casket? Bury the next day?... Huh???? So I replied that I'd much rather not have an open casket but since they all need closure, OK to open casket. Viewing and then burial. No need to spend for large expensive obituary since nobody knows me. All I want is purple flowers - even if it's purple weeds.... I thought that was a very strange email from fave sis. I woke up the next morning and made the connection of the travel insurance beneficiary comment to her. OMG!! Does she know something that I don't know? But sis is Not the one who gets premonition. If anything, that's me - who tends to ignore my guts and rely heavily on logic. I know I'm stressing, dreading this cruise. It's only because I have this deep fear of water. I get a panic attack when water reaches my ankle when I shower... I have been doing my best to Not think of that tiny cruise ship surrounded with endless ocean water. Surrounded by water. I will Not hide in my room like those YouTube people who were told that they can overcome their fear of water by taking a cruise. Not! Heck, I spent so much of my emergency money for the cruise, I Will Not Stay in my room hiding! Ahem, I can always hide in the ship's library...
Caretaker67, I know where you’re coming from. I have 7 siblings – 3 here on island and 4 in the mainland. I did the caregiving for Our parents. I try not to be bitter against them because like you – I used get so very angry when they didn’t help out at all. They'll visit but … I found this website and it helped me a lot. The most important thing that I learned at the time – was that I chose to be our parents’ caregiver. I could have walked away and let the govt take over. I chose this road. My siblings chose not to – their prerogative. I learned to accept it – like you – that they won’t help out as they ought to. I still think it sucks!!! I still struggle to not ask Karma to visit them. sigh.. work in progress...
I am one of the lucky ones - my mom was a great mom and she continued to be a great person thru her long 14 year journey. and we have been fast friends the whole way and now I just have to watch her go thru the final indignities of this disease and I am heartbroken! Just want to curl up in a ball and escape but i cant...