This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Thanks johnny....I am enjoying every minute. How's Betty feeling today?
Welcome karmic......happy to see you here and to know we have another insane friend! You just vent to your heart's content darlin'.....we like hearing the stories.....gives us someone else to make fun of besides ladee........love ya!
Hubby cooked dinner and I feel so sleepy......must have been all that EXERCISE I got today.........:)
Love and Hugz,
Jam
WE HAVE A PART-TIME CARE GIVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can already feel the relief. Then my son calls to tell me that his Dad's brother was taken to the hospital today because he hasn't been feeling well....CT shows he is full of cancer. More than likely it started in the pancreas and has now metastasized to his liver and kidneys. If it's that advanced he probably only has about a month. Never had a problem with him......just couldn't stand his brother...:)
Hope everyone has had a good day and gotten some rest....I know I'm enjoying this respite I'm on!
Love and Hugz,
Jam
I'll try to get back on later.
My name was inspired by a saying by the Buddha, a verse of which is:
But if you cannot find
Friend or master to go with you,
Travel on alone–
Like a king who has given away his kingdom,
Like an elephant in the forest.
And that little bit of encouragement helps get me through each difficult day. I have almost no support from family when it comes to taking care of my mother and I am the only Buddhist (and also the only vegetarian) in a Christian family, but I "travel on alone".
And I'm sure I will visit here often...I have LOTS to vent about! LOL!
And you HAVE to explain your name to me !!!
She was gradually introduced to Namenda over an 8 week period, to full dosage. Within the first week we noticed an improvement and daycare was thrilled that she got some of her old personality back. It has definitely made a difference in her. The dementia is still very bad, but she now smiles more and interacts with people better. She is also less agitated and nasty. This is just my experience, but you might want to talk to her doctors about trying her on Namenda. Like I said, we saw a difference within days, and Mom has advanced dementia.
Starri, definitely try to get some help! You can't keep up with this pace.
Seeme, Does your mom take anything to help her sleep? Mom has 1 seroquel (25mg) at night, and sleeps through the night.
As for diapers, I found a brand that keeps the bed from being wet every morning. It's Abena premium night time pullups and I order them a case at a time from XPMedical. I also bought her some plastic pants to wear over them and have much less laundry. For daytime I get her Tranquility pullups that are also better than what you can buy at the local drug store. If you order them by the case, it is much cheaper.
One more day in Seattle! I'm not looking forward to going back home!
Love and Hugz,
Jam
Ona, as jam said good suggestions, and we all have back problems, none of us listen ...
Jam, I want to come play Bingo with the col in the compound when she gets home... can I ? can I ? Huh?
Seeme, sure hope you get some sleep and rest today... Mom won't wear depends ???? Maybe she would let you use the bedpan at night or are you already doing that??? I have been where you are with no sleep... just felt brain dead... slipped into
cyborg caregiver, did things automatically...
Love to everyone,, catch up more later
Hope everyone had a good night's sleep.......we know starri did after the sleeping pill kicked in. Bless your brother.....big-hearted and full of love for his momma.......and I hope you will get hospice in soon for more help.
onacliff.....very good suggestions.....and yes remember to NOT use your back. Difficult to do, because the tendency is to always use it, I told myself that every day I worked and now I'm retired with a back injury. Didn't listen very well, did I?
Visited with the col yesterday, not coming home yet. Her memory is non-existent until you tell her something and then it's oh yes I know that. She was playing Bingo and got up to show us to her room, just like she was ushering us into her parlor! She likes to show us the star on her door with her name in it. She doesn't have a clue that it means "falling star".....she's a fall risk. Since they have had her playing games I am going to buy a Yahtzee and Bingo game....maybe I can continue the habit. She will not be allowed to just sit and watch CNN all day.....I may put that channel on parental lock. Her coffee consumption has also been cut way back and I finally convinced hubby yesterday, that with trying to "settle her down" why are we giving her back a stimulant of a 12-cup pot of coffee? So she now has a new 5-cup Mr. Coffee. The new keyed dead bolt will go in this weekend....praying for no rain on Monday so the fence can be finished. They are starting her on Depakote, we'll see how she does on that. We said no to Zyprexa, which she had been on all last year and didn't seem to do anything for her. The doc didn't mention the Exelon patch, so my thinking is that they aren't going to be concerned with memory because it's gone and there is nothing that is going to bring it back. I can deal with that.
Hope everyone has a beautiful day.................
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
Johnny, Here is a BIG HUG just for you {{{HUG}}}
ASG...missed a story yesterday. Guess you were busy. Tell me to get a life instead of living yours, I know. But you have such interestsing things going on and I just sit here.
8 am and I am about to get a shower myself and start working on a veggie platter for the wedding shower next door. Think I will ask to keep her little dog here, only way I can get some dog lovin. One day...I will be complaining about my two Old English Sheepdogs getting into everything, but not for a while.......
Mom was up 12 times from 8pm to 7am this morning. I got 1 hr 45 min of sleep at one time. That was the most. Next was 1 and a half hrs. and I couldn't even get to sleep until midnight. Already have a headache this morning.
Mom is up, so I am done for quite a while. Will come back later.............
Maybe I can sweet talk the hubby into picking up at least a couple of days shifts per week for now, that can be worked into my brother getting a whole day off and me as well. Feels like the sleeping pill is finally trying to kick in..
She has disc's that are out in her back, causes severe pain if we have to get her on her back for something. She's nothing but skin pulled over bone now. Just trying to move her at all causes her pain.
Will wait and see if I get a call out of those two, and if I do will call hospice then, otherwise it's a call in the morning to see about someone coming out, sounds like we have a bad storm coming in.
Talk with you ladies later this afternoon, thank you for all your help.
For the lady asking about what to feed the cat? on the bag/can of food they have the recommended amounts to feed them based I believe on their weight. Most cats mine included look like they haven't eaten in days... I personally just keep a bowl of cat food out, and she eats when she wants.. She is a serious little piggie, she will be home, have her treats and eat cat food, and it isn't 20 minutes later she's over at Mom's eating again.
On the nails? if she/he is a indoor cat all the time, go ahead and clip them, will save the furniture, but if she/he goes outside at all, then I would leave them, they need those for self defense.
Take care all...sleepy time for me.