The Caregiver... How are YOU doing today?

54j can you contact his doctors office and tell them about his behavior there are some medicines that could help that. This job is hard enough without being physically abused. And you really could wind up seriously injured or worse. Thinking about ya.

Sandraann, hey not at all. That's a good attitude. What's pd? Is it parkinsons disease? If you don't feel she needs a home don't put her in one until you heart tells you to. This is a long hard road. And st some point if you have to don't feel guilty. You will know. Come cry here anytime.

Good Morning today im so tired MOm was sick last night so up on and off thru night just found out she has advanced pd and dementia they all say home put her in home i just cannot feel like i can put her in home yet omg just stare at wall shake my head cry going to try new thing for us both change our attitudes dont talk about pd all the time i told her yesterday lets try to live life little im not dead neither is she so lets try am i wrong to say or think like this

My dad also explained to me last night that the dr. Did say my mother would likely get dementia at some point. She does have some sort of brain injury/ disease in the back part of her brain. My mother mentioned it to me before, then retracted her statment saying she really didn't understand what it was she had but he told her not to worry about it for 20 or 30 years. She said she will be dead by then anyways from her smoking! Nice mom. Anyways here latly when I talk to her she will say, now you will take care of you won't you after I lose my mind? Don't let me live with your brother he will yell at me, and your sister would probably slap me. So its kinda turned into a joke between us, that I will take care of her and won't mind if she pees on my couch! Lol. After talking to dad he says she tries to make it sound funny but she's really worried about it. I think I could handle my mom though, even if she was like aunt I think I have an open enough relationship with her to tell her how it will be. I think I will also have the support of my siblings and thed daughter in law. And feel comfortable enough doing what needs to be done. She loves her grand kids. The more noise the better. Although I will say aunt says its to quite when the kids are gone. She says it makes her feel lonley.

Any ways that's her fix for the financial end of it. I think the lady is honest and wouldn't take from her. I'm just not so sure she won't. Take sides of the other realitives if it comes to it and refuse to do what she hads asked, unless she is put in a home. To be real honest the way thngs have gone, lord I hate to say it but at point if she didn't know what was going on the way things have gone I might let em. I should get those poa papers out and look at em.

Jam lmao, shartifact, I love it!!! I did get her to sign a poa, its only medical, but dosnt go into effect until two doctors declare her incompotant. She didn't do a dnr. She said that's what she signed the poa paper for. So if her heart stops don't. Do cpr. I couldn't get her to understand. She got the paper work from her doctors office and we had it noterized at the bank. She had put another lady on her bank account right after her stroke before she decided to come live with us cause she couldn't write her name. She dosnt want to go back and mess with having it taken off. She said if she cant sign checks anymore then we are to have this lady, sighn 10 or twenty or a whole book of them at atime so we can get what she needs. This lady stays on contact with the realitives that wanted to put her in a nursing home. So I'm. Not sure how that will work.

Hey Im still here, had a bad Wed. Day. He got mad for no reason...duhh and said he was going to kill me. well I thought just go ahead and put us both out of our misery. Oh well guess you know how that ended he went to sleep and i am still here to tell the tale. I just love everyone on this site I can just vent and no one judges!! Thanks

Starri that's a good idea. Rosella, id be afraid to get social services involved. I don't know about the department that handles the elderly, but I know in our area the childrens division is either corrupt or lacking good managment. You here stories all the time about unfair situations in our county where either a child was removed from the home and shouldn't have been, or children need to be removed but they don't. My sister and her husband who are wonderful parents were awoke at midnight one night and forced to take two of their children to the emergency room to have their children checked out, because of an ex husbands mother getting mad over visitation schedule and falsly reporting my sister. They found nothing but continued to harass my sister until hired an attourney and it imediatly stopped. The attourney wanted to sue social services but my sister just wanted it to stop. He said it they ever showed up again, refuse to let them in and contact him asap. The ex mother in law, takes drugs in the home, was letting another grand child who lives with her to be molested and other physical and severe emotional abuses and has been reported many many times by various school officials and neighbors and that child has been left in the home for all those years. The ex mother in law is friends with many of the social workers, and is sue happy enough they don't mess with her. Its sad. This is just one situation there ae many others. Lots of the people they harass are to poor to fight back. So I don't know, that is a good idea. If were had a good social services program. I would consider it.

HB.......I thought this was supposed to be a busy time, but a fun one as you planned a baby shower. I am ssssooooooo sorry that this is not the case. Yes, the cowbell will be something to laugh and cry over later, and I hope it will bring comfort to you in the future. My sympathies to you and your family...............

Shartifact............I LOVE IT !!!!!!!!!

Good Morning Posse!

ASG....Cow Patty.....Yippee for you! I swear the col and Auntie could be twins. I thank my lucky stars that my and hubby's careers have given us such an open door with other medical personnel. And of course having the POA helps too. Sweetie, your stress rope is going to snap if you can't stop from being pulled like a rubber band. I know the feeling, believe me! And I feel like I know you well enough that when it does snap, you are going to beat yourself crazy with feelings of guilt. How well do you know Auntie's doctor? You might get something done if you called his nurse. Talk to her and tell her you have concerns about her possible dementia, how well she hides it, they already know all those behaviors if they are worth 2 cents!!! Make them aware that they should evaluate her for that when she comes in the next time. Get them on your side and it should be smoother sailing. Tell them up front that you understand HIPPA and are not asking for information, you just want them to be aware of what is happening. Maybe her doctor can get her on board about signing a POA. And the next time Auntie is in a receptive mood talk to her about a POA, telling her that it would only be in place if something should happen to her and she is not able to answer for herself. Just something to think about...as if you need something else...and you will remember this from working in nh's. Your loved one is living in your home, and maybe at some point you have talked about dying and what they would like to have happen. Most of them say, when it's my time, it's my time, so let me go. Well without any type of paperwork that says otherwise, and that includes an ORIGINAL DNR, medical personnel are obligated by law to attempt resuscitation. That's what I want.....some idiot beating on my chest and sticking tubes down my throat.....I'm having DO NOT RESUSCITATE tattooed on my chest.......The POA that we have for the col addresses everything, from medical care to her finances, that includes investments, real estate, you name it. Once a month I show her all bank statements and even though they are beyond her thought process she seems to be satisfied. We may see a headline soon..."Elderly woman found in car, with engine running, no identification, does anyone recognize this face or the walker shoved up her.... uh behind?" Just kidding.....I feel for you!

starri......sure wish you can get some sleep. Get those meds today.

Hi johnny......haven't seen you in a while. How is your wife doing? Glad to see you posting here.

ladee.....maybe you need to wear the brace since you are doing so much walking. I'm sure your knee is not used to that yet. You can put Sonny on a bus and send him to me.....our lower yard needs the sticks picked up.

seeme........SLEEP.......SLEEP........SLEEP.........I'm sending you 3 hours of uninterrupted nap time. I sure hope I can find an angel like Kathy to help around here. Haven't heard back from my friend, so will have to start looking elsewhere for help...dammit! I have had offers from several nurses to sit with her when needed but not on a permanent basis.

Well, crap why does my day have to start like this? As you know we are taking care of col's dog. He just jumped up on the bed to say hi......now I see a spot of blood on my comforter...:( his butt must be bleeding again. And I have not fed him one single ounce of people food....in fact I think I actually felt a rib through all the fat yesterday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We have been allowing him to run the yard and get his exercise, something she won't allow.

Time to strip the bed, shave the dog's butt again, finish cleaning col's house, watch the fence posts going in today, and make some phone calls for help.

Hubby coined a new phrase yesterday........SHARTIFACT.......what you find in a wet Depends when you change it. Don't ask me..............the BHU must have rubbed off on him...:)

Love and Hugz to All,
Jam

Hey johnny, how's it goin? Did you ever figure out anything about your wifes medicine? I've thought about your situation, that stuffs so expensive its hard knowing what do do. Morning everyone! I'm waking up today and not letting anything bother me. Gonna give a bath in a bit, and start on house work. I'm gonna fold my mound of laundry in my bathroom and be real quite when she coms through and not awnser her if she hollars. Then I will go make sure she's well when I'm done. Maybe I can get it done that way. Haven't got all my laundry done up and folded in about 2 weeks.

Good to see you here Johnny. How is your wife doing?? Are you taking care of yourself? Hope things are going good for your wife and you... hugs to you...

Dear Burn out,This is the place to come. I thought that I was in bad company until I found this place I call home. After reading a few post and comments by caregivers ,I knew I found my place in the sun,thank you all,johnnycares

HB, you and your family are in my prayers today... love ya
Just wanted to check in and tell everyone good morning... Jam, will put the brace on today and see if that helps. I do go for those walks with Sonny so maybe that will help... Why wasn't I born rich so that I didn't have to work.....Oh, and tell Target I am making that list now... but he does need to give me a price range as I can get carried away..
Seeme, try to stay out of trouble today, ok? Thanks for yesterday, love ya..
Starri, girl you have to sleep sometime... hope you get to the Dr. today..
And everyone else, will get caught up this afternoon when I get home...
Sonny wants to know if anyone needs their yard cleaned???? Such a busy little sweet man... and hopefully Ms. M got some good rest last night.. I worry about her being so tired and trying to keep Sonny in the house...
And yes seeme, it is very nice to be working with "humans" this time... AND the daughter does not interfere, Ms. M is very capable of telling me what she needs or wants...and how she wants things done... so later, and love to all hugs..

I started just going in with mom to her office visits, will the aunt let you? hopefully she will. Mom threatened to disown me I don't know how many times for me telling her doctor the truth about what was going on with her.

I know without her permission the doctor can not talk with you about her care ( hippa law), but there is nothing against the law about you talking to him/her with your concerns, is her doctor friendly? if so, let them know what is going on, long before I had mom's permission (?) to have her doctor discuss her health issues with me, I was talking to him.

She's one of those people who thinks that the doctor doesn't need to know everything that is going on, and then turns right around and fusses because he isn't "curing" her of whatever is going on.

Good Luck...it can be very frustrating,

ASG, what about going to a social service and explain that you need to treat your aunt for an early dementia, but she doesn't let you talk to the doctors? they could give you some advice. I understand you. When my mother was at that early stage, my brother and I felt we had our hands tied up. My mother refused everything. You have to find a way... My mother lived alone, at that time. She has lived with me for 2.5 years, now. When I took her, she was already much more manageable. You can't live like this!!!

Can hubby fib on Saturdays? tell her that you went out early somewhere? as long as she can't get into your room, she can't find you there... hopefully she won't forget that hubby told her you were gone and start banging on your door.

In my own home, a mobile home, there is only one door in the whole house, and that is the bathroom, so I have a curtain up over the "doorway" in the bedroom, everyone knows the rules, if the curtain is up, it's safe to come in, if it is down, you might want to turn around and leave the house..rofl.. it hasn't been up in several days.

It's hard to lie to our loved ones, but sometimes for our sanity and theirs, it's best that we do. Try to rest if you can, I hear mom moaning again, it's time for another dose of pain pills, will have to give them to her.

Yeeah I read somwhere that eledtronics are the worse thing to do at bedtime. Maybe that's my problem. Mania? I need some of that I think lol.

Starri, its like I can't wind down anymore at night. I'm sure lack of sleep dosnt help me. I'm lucky I don't have to help her to the bathroom yet. She is up all hrs. Of the night. I used to be able to stay up late all week, sleep in on sat. And catch kt up while hubby watched the kids for me. On the days he was home. It was so nice. Aunt has decided I shouldn't sleep in past 9 EVER, I know its late to most people. But its just one day a week. To catch up on lost sleep through the week. On that day id stay up with hubby late the night before, We would talk, watch a movie or drink coffe and set outside. Till wee hours. Then id sleep in as much as I could on sat. Now not so much.I miss those days.

my only problem with the adrenalin is the fact that it kicks in my mania and if it is going good, I might be three days or more without sleep, that is one of the meds I have to get tomorrow, as I call them the "shut up the brain" meds... head starts racing and you can forget sleeping, kinda like a thousand people in there screaming.

I'm very grateful to have found this site and this thread, it reminds me of another topic in a group that I belong too, it's a anything goes thread. Think that I might take your suggestion and try and lay down for a little bit, hopefully she stays asleep.

Starri, you are doing good. Remember we are all here for you. I hope you can rest. Even if you can't somehow our addrenalin gets to going and we keep on keepen on. :o)

Hi, ASG, what are you doing up at this hour? just got mom up to pee, gave her the increase in the amitripyline that the nurse approved for her. Friday mom's cna comes, have to try and figure out a way that she'll let her help with a bath, she's refused for the past three days, I can give her one, but I want her to get use to having a nurse do it, if she has to go into the hospice house, that is what is going to happen, in the hospital, the nurses dreaded coming in for bath time, she wasn't all that friendly.

She's back in bed, and the poor baby is so confused, she asks me which way she's to turn for getting back in. It's midnight here on the east coast, not tired yet, guess that six hours sleep, broken or not helped.

Got to have my brother come over in the morning so that I can go to town, see my shrink, get new prescriptions for my medications, get them picked up and then back here to meet up with her nurse, can't count on my brother remembering what is going on. Think I might bring in my husband tomorrow for sitting with her for a while... so that I can get some sleep and my brother can stay tomorrow night. Don't really know if it is a good idea for him to stay, she is worse at night.

Oh, well, will figure out something, he's got to be gone to Columbia, that is where the main VA hospital is on the 14th, I've got a doctors appointment on the 14th as well, but I might be able to cancel that one if I can slip into see the shrink tomorrow and get the scripts, anyway, mom is a pack rat, trying my best to clean up some of the junk without her knowing too much, don't want to stress her out.

Take care.

Jam, she does tell me she appreciaates me somtimes. She will thank me. She will say oh honey your so busy to be dealing with an old woman. She can be very nice, very respectful. She just isn't always. I am thankful for the times she is. They are becoming fewer as these moods worsen. That's the craziest hardest thing about it. Just when I think, maybe I'm wrong, maybe she's not losing it, maybe she's just a tired old lady, things like this happen that make me change my mind. I spoke with my dad about it this eve. His grandmother died of alzhiemers when I was a little girl. He still laughs about how she grabbed ahold of me one time and shook the shit outta me like 2 days before she died. I will tell that story tommarrow. Anyways, my dad said he thought aunt was just an old b***h until they were at my house last time the kids had a birthday party, we had grilled before the party for supper, it was just family and one set of friends. We had told everyone to come eat supper with us f they wanted, we grilled some hamburgers, hot dogs, and little patio steaks. Anyways, we had made plenty just in case.the friends came and ate with us. So when my parents, came there was all this food left. I told them to please eat some of it, as I had so much. So mom got her a little spoon of potato salad, and a hot dog. Dad didn't eat he was visiting with my fil and hubby. I guess aunt goes up to my dad and says, did you guys not eat supper before you came? My dad says yeah we ate earlier, she says oh ya did, well its a good thing we ate already or there might not be anything left for us! He said huh? She said well you were eating wernt ya? He said I don't recall eating anything in the first place. I have a very southern family, we will feed anybody who comes through the door anything we have. If its here its yours to as far as food and drink go. I'm just astonished that she would be so rude to anyone esspecially my dad! Dad is one of those good hardworking give you the shirt off their back, you be nice to people kind of guys . I guess he understands. At the same time this same day, she was smiling at everybody, eating cake with them. So idk. Thanjs for your support jam. It means so much to know I'm not alone, and not horrible when this stuff gets to me.

Not sleeping yet Starri, sorry to hear you are not getting any sleep for awhile...glad you went ahead and uped the meds. Hospice is usually very ok with that.. They were with Ruth.... I am so sorry you are going thru this... such a hard time. But know you are prayed for and thought of everyday... we are so grateful you are here and not alone... hugs to you, and at least try to rest if you can.. hugs across the miles to you...

Oh hb I'm so sorry, I thought maybe somthing was up. So glad you can be there with her. You have done well my friend. Prayers to you.

Seemer,yes she did get her day, I sat with her in her room for a whole 30 min(sarcasm) cause she wanted to go through these plastic boxes AGAIN! She had been carrying a torn off piece of paper sround with her with some of the items inside these boxes written on it. She was going to look through each one, see what was in em, write it on the paper, ttape it to the boxes so she would know what was in them. So the first box, literally just flipped everything in it. What was on top went on the bottom, the blankets on the bottom went on top. Then went through the other 3 plastic tubs, she took out 1 purse to trow away and did manage to take 2 half boxes and put them into one. It was kinda strange how she has always been a perfectionist, yet there was no real ryme or reason behind how she arrange some of the items. Like half of one set of curtains went into one box, the other haof into another. She never did label them. She wrote some stuff on this one little piece of paper, I said are you gonna cut that or somthing to label the boxes, she said oh, kinda mumble somthing I don't know what, then we finished whatever it was we were doing and she put the paper back in her basket and said the kitty was crying and wanted her back in there so that was enough. She didn't want a shower. So I talked her today into taking one tommarrow before she goes to beauty shop. She's gonna have to take those more often now, due to her incontinence.

Everyone else is sleeping I hope or at least resting, I am sitting here next to Mom's bed, hoping that she sleeps through the evening, had to call her hospice nurse this evening and see about upping the medications, her pain levels have been between 8 and 9 today, of course, baby brother could not call me and let me know, would have taken care of it earlier..don't know who was to blame for that one, her or him.. she was hurting last night and didn't want me to call the nurse, I went ahead on my own and moved up her pain med dose by a hour. It helped and she rested the rest of the night.

Will be seeing her regular hospice nurse tomorrow, so looks like another sleepless 36 hours or so.. Got to remember to call my own mental health doctor, out of my depression meds and this is not a good time for that to happen.

Hope all are resting.

She. Startd into her room almost tripping again, and says hell I wouldn't go wiith ya if you asked me!!! Cussing, saying inaudible things, crying. I calmly said please don't be mad, its so hot out. Oh no I'm not mad, I just don't understand why in the hell the lord leaves me here(living)! I just want to go be with my husband(heaven). I felt so sorrybfor her, I was so stressed at the same time. I called hubby he's like well use dads car, leave it running. I'm like for an hour? Thants nuts. I said fine then when she strokes out cause its so hot, and is misrable cause its so hot. You can deal with it. Then at that point I went from being stressed to pissed off. And was of coarse now running late, I went down and got fils keys and car andcame back up, and said ok come on. We will take bills car and leave it running. By that time she wasn't upset anymore, her face had changed and she's like oh honey its to hot. I don't really want to go.!!!!! Arrggghhh. I'm glad she didn't. She would have been hot, then cold cause of the air conditioner, then hot, then yelling at the kids for blinking. Then pissed off cause we left her outside, then cying cause she can't get in. It would have been hell. I've already been there with her. Then I was late after all of that, didn't get my shower, again! I told hubby later that no way in hell was I gonna leave a 85 year old woman in a car with it 90+ degrees outside ever. Esspecially with the meds she is on where she is supposed to not get to hot. I was crying mad, cause its not her fault. She needs to be medicated for these kind of behaviors, but until she just completley looses her mind she will lie to dr. And not tell him about her problems.

HB, I do not know you, but I am sending my thoughts and prayers, it's hard to have someone leave us, but there is comfort in the knowledge that they are with loved ones who went before and are no longer suffering.