This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Love to you,
Jam
Kisses and hugs
Love ya,
Jam
It has been a busy time for my mother and I. It has been difficult and even I have had a hard time speaking of the trials and tribulations of caregiving in which has turned out to be the final few weeks.
Grandma has chosen her time to give up her spirit to God. She is now slipping from us and making her way closer to her husband, parents, sisters, brothers and friends who have gone before us. She had an unrecoverable set back and began her transition from this plane of existence last night. We are at her bedside and helping her set down her burdens and soar with the angels.
We appreciate your thoughts, prayers and intentions at this time.
For all of you who have traveled this path before me, know that I now am walking that last mile in your shoes. I carry the memories of our treasured conversations and shared sorrow as I now stand vigil beside my grandmothers bedside. It is our final privilige to share in my grandmothers joy at her long awaited reunion with her husband. She has received her last rights and is ready to experience the passion of her communion with God.
We know what to expect. We are meeting the road as it rises before us. We are at peace.
I think I may end up keeping the cowbell.
Love,
HB
Watching Under the Tuscan Sun.....have never seen it....makes me want to move to Tuscany.....if that is real scenery they used, it's beautiful. I envy you Rossella...:)
ASG.....how is Aunt today? Being a good girl I hope.....:)
I will get caught up tomorrow on everyone's posts and get to know our new friends. Hope it's a good evening for all...
Love and Hugz,
Jam
Deef...hope you are having fun with Rip.....very pretty country there.
Ladee....try to remember what it was like to be with humans.....LOL
Jam what can I say? Enjoy the rest, remember no electricity on the fence....one of these days I'll tell you about my experience with the electric fence and my 2 dogs.....
I finally figured out today that Burned is on the west side of AZ and the fires are East, so I hope she read this and realizes we still think of her......
Car 54, where are you? When I saw that name, 54j, that old show was the first thing I thought of............OK.....don't TELL me no one else remembers!!!
rj.....having a restful evening? Sure hope you are....
Well, thought I had a foot fungus......glad I don't....but if I had any sense, I would have told doc to write a scrip for me to give hubby that said I needed to have a pedicure at least once a week..........damn.......I blame no caffiene for that one. Appt was at 9 and I don't wake up till 10, no matter what time I get up.
Help comes in 20 min. I am going to soak in the tub and rest these weary bones. If you don't hear from me again, I fell asleep.................glub, glub, glub...........
Night all...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Guess a certain amount of guilt goes with the territory of elder care. And I think as much I am grateful she is at peace, I still miss her. Seems more everyday... just part of the grief process, I know..
Good to hear from you, take care and hugs to you....
It will take time for the break to be back to normal. It has been nearly a year and my boyfriend still has swelling and pain by the end of the work day. And the fact we aren't spring chickens anymore it take some time for the body to adjust. It sounds like you are in a good situation with Sonny & Mrs. M. Mom loves to watch the birds too. I have a feeder and a bird and butterfly garden that they love. I also have a small pond which all the wildlife seem to like too. I read one of your post feeling guilty about Ruth. You did everything within your control so don't feel guilty. You gave Ruth love which no one else seemed to be able to give. Rest the leg and take care of yourself. Now I have to read up on all the posts I have missed on both GO and here!
Hope everyone had a day, if not a good day... Sonny and Ms. M are settling in to me being in the house. Ms. M is smiling a lot more, seemed very tired today, but the blood disease she has just takes all her energy. They have so many nice friends, people that really care about them, some of her lady friends are always there to take her to the Dr., to the beauty shop, bring her little snacks for her and Sonny. And I get introduced to everyone... I do not have to hide in the pantry and be quite as a mouse... One of the men Sonny used to work with brought a bird bath today!!! Set it up in the yard where they could both see it from inside. They both enjoy watching the birds and that was so sweet I almost cried...I have been blessed with the company of these two elders.
Yes, Sonny and I will have to start going to different neighborhoods once he gets this one all spic and span. He's like Johnny Appletwig, he doesn't leave anything, but takes things away.. Guess we will have to start carrying a little trash bag with us, so his hands aren't full when we get back to the house...
The only problem I am having in my life at all, is this leg!!! I am not as young as I used to be and it has only been a few months since the break and apparently I am not 100% yet.. I am one hurting lady by the time I get home... such a whiny girl I am.. couldn't be more blessed than I am now, and still have to find something to complain about..
Hope everyone checks in, let's us know how their day went. hugs to everyone..
well that sucks in not meeting ted .... he could have let ya know a head oftime to say he s not able to make it . but at least u and hubby got to get away from home and enjoy the meals . bet u kept lookin for that purtty cat but didnt see him . damn it ! good thing we all didnt load up and go out there to meet him and phhtt no cal no show .
oh i love ur neighbor already ! damn i wish i had a nieghbor like that ! im lookin at my braided rug it has mulberry stains all over it , daughter and 3 kids came here while i took hubby to hospital last fri , ohhh crap them kids didnt take off thier shoes and all the mullberries were on the bottom of thier shoes . grrrr . kids will be kids , love em all anyways . lucky my furntiure is not white whew ! theyre dark colors . i learned do that when u have kids ,
seems like pa knows when im nappin cuz he hollars . i just shut my bdrm door and turn fan on . of course he cant get up anymore so i dont worry about him fallin out of bed . ok for him to sleep all day but when it comes to me , ohhhh helppp me i gotta go peeeeeeeeeeeeeee . phhht he s already wet and freakin out ,.
im waiting for hubby to get home from doc visit , maybe he decide to bring home supper , oh that would be wonderful . new bp meds he s takin is makin him feel blah . damn i worry about him .
meow soon xoxox
Ted didn't show up yesterday for lunch....for whatever reason.....but that didn't stop hubby and me from having a WONDERFUL lunch at the rest. We both had their seafood bisque. I loved the names of the meals. Hubby had a bowl, and I had a High Tide ....combined a bowl with half a sand. from the Low Tide menu. It was crowded, had to park around the side street. Sat across from a couple and toddler going for a boat ride up the intercoastal waterway. Beautiful day, but after lunch we headed back home to reality. Got home at 3:30 in time to get a urine sample from to take to the dr. before they closed at 4, and 3 hrs. later they called to say a prescrip. was at the pharm. Amen.
What a caregiver/friend I have in my neighbor......while we were gone, she did my laundry, vaccuumed, swept the kitchen floor to get mom's lunch up off it, shampooed the carpet in mom's room on her hands and knees with some canned cleaner from her house, and got her mother to come over and they all sat outside and talked. Then she collected the sample. And got pissed to think I would pay her extra for the cleaning...but of course I will !!! The rest of this week I will help her fix platters for a wedding shower she is hosting for son and soon to be bride. I can provide all the platters, got lots of glassware.....
Got mom in bed now, can't decide if I want to try to nap or not............
hope u ll get some much need rest today dear . xoxox
Just wanted to run by and say hello and welcome to our new friends......I read that you have already received warm welcomes from the others and I'm not ignoring anything, I'm on a run right now. Today is hubby's birthday and he is impatiently waiting for me to get off the computer and into the shower. Having lunch at his favorite bbq place......Bryant's BBQ......KC's finest, then going shopping at the City Market in KC and then to visit his mother in the hospital. She is in the behavioral unit getting a tune-up after a little melt-down last Friday.
I hope everyone has a good day.....gets a little nap in here and there and I will get caught up tonight.
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
But, hopeful that things will change for the better soon.
Rg, it is part of the disease. I learned I had to sleep when she did.. to her it is the what her body is telling her to do, maybe it will turn around, maybe it won't...but you have to get rest yourself, so hope you find a solution that works..
seeme, I got some sleep last night, maybe it is from my time with Ruth, and going thru what Rg, is. My body still doesn't know I can sleep all night. I has been less than a month since Ruth died and maybe I am still adjusting,,, who knows...
Starri, so happy to see you posting and getting to know everyone..you are doing the best you can under the circumstances...I don't know why as caregivers, even when we are so exhausted we can't think, we worry that we might upset someone... I finally became more interested in whether or not they were going to upset ME...I was in a bizarre live in situation where the daughter wanted NO hands on with her mom, yet was always coming in, sucking all the air out of the room telling me this that or the other, when I had been up with her mom for days and nights... sometimes you just have to do what you feel is best and deal with the noise that comes from others.. That is how I started looking at it... it was just noise, didn't change what needed to be done, and it is not my calling in life to make everyone on earth happy all the time...
Sometimes care giving makes us or breaks us..at times it felt like I was caught up in this whirlwind of doing, doing, doing, no rest, too many people pushing my buttons, and then I would just get on here and have a "moment" and we could laugh and others would support me, give me suggestions, and off I'd go again... Thank God for AC and so many wonderful loving people. Guess the thing I love most is we can take what we need and leave the rest, no one is RIGHT all the time, different circumstances, different stages of what ever we are dealing with... so we get all these wonderful people, giving us input and suggestions, and we get to choose what is right for our circumstances...
Alrighty then.... I have had a good nights sleep and my got my "motor runnin" and can't shut up.
ASG, you are such a bright light on this thread...it makes me happy when I see you have posted and can't wait to read which one of your kids is running from Auntie this time.... does the old lady have any flying monkeys in her room that you don't know about??? Does she have sort of a green tint to her skin and refer to your kids as "little one"? She reminds me more and more of the witch on the Wizard of OZ...look in her closet and see if she has any ruby slippers stashed somewhere....
My heart tells me you are giving this lady something she never got in her life that has made her this way... Don't know if you can teach that old dog new tricks, but I do admire you for the crap you put up with...but glad it is you and not me... she would be in the kennel and the cat would have free run of the house....(no elder was harmed in the making of that statement!!)
So, need to get going and go see if Sonny got out last night and cleaned up one of the neighbors yards...
Love ya'll and keep posting to keep from going postal... hugs across the miles..