Nothing exciting to post, just wanted to touch base with people who know and understand the dementia journey. Friend of 30 yrs in MC.

5 mos ago, transitioned dear friend, 86, from her home where she lived with 4 dogs and live in CG (3 yrs) to MC near me in my state. No fam to care for her. She needed a higher level of care and CG was burned out. First 2 1/2 mos ROUGH. Not sleeping, wandering, texting me, calling me multiple times to get her OUT. She would say, "I don't belong here with these old people." Actually turned her back on a resident at the dining table. Anosognosia? Has never talked abt dementia, asked questions even yrs ago. Mixed dementia (vascular/Alz)
I tried to duplicate how things were at her home. had tv installed in room (at home, had tv on all day, low volume figured comforted by familiar voices). Remote quickly disappeared, she couldn't figure out how to use it. Recently found it under clothes in the back of the closet. Hmm. She wandered at night, distressed, terribly confused; placed on calming meds, helped a lot.
I have 2 of her 4 dogs, brought one to visit her a couple times, she didn't recognize, or know name, seemed awkward. Might take back when weather cools. Other 2 dogs: found a wonderful woman who adopted both of them and they are doing fantastic! So grateful to her.
I took her out of the facility once, 2 months into being in MC, just for a ride in the car, thinking a good idea to get her out to see different scenery & a milkshake! What could go wrong? 1hour. OH BOY, BAD IDEA. Got back and she was in sheer panic. Totally lost. I felt terrible, will not do that again.
When I visit now, she sees me and always says, "how did you know I needed to see you today!" It's so sweet. Then she is in a loop abt travel. Retired school teacher traveled extensively in the past. She and I used to take road trips. The loop starts with, "I'm retired, I can do anything, we should be traveling, don't you want to travel, I shouldn't be here, I do nothing." "I can drive my car. But I won't because my eye is blurry." I get right in the loop with her. I would love to travel! Where should we go? Doesn't remember any places she traveled. I talk abt towns we saw, bakeries, lakes, scenery etc. To break up the loop, I put on her fav music, file her nails, put lotion on her hands, brush her hair, she loves that. Or say, let's take a little walk. It breaks up the loop..for a few min, then right back to the loop.
Last week she said her parents must feel so guilty for putting her in "whatever place this is." Other times, its HER house and what are all these ppl doing in her house? She's walking with cane/walker, doesn't remember to take it with her. Put bright yellow tape on both, didn't help. She can't find her room. 2 falls since April, one fall to her knees and one pushing herself back from dining table, hit her head, but ok. Getting PT/OT.
Voice is weaker. She's lost a little weight. Last 2 lunchtimes, didn't eat anything from her plate and went right for the cake! I can relate, ha ha. Has no short term memory. Doesn't participate in communal activities but went to visit one day, saw her out on the patio, sitting in the sun, 4-5 residents around. I saw her laugh, smile and looking relaxed. I left her be. Mostly she is up slowly walking the hallways. Some days looks pale, very tired, other days, color good, smiling. For the 1st time, I heard her use the F word!! lol
In the last 5 mo, I've learned there are up and down days. I cannot cure her dementia or make things like they used to be. Sitting with her, holding her hand, brushing her hair, putting lotion gently on her hands, listening, getting in the loop with her makes her feel heard and emotionally safe. I know the moment I leave, she will not remember I was there. When she sees me now, she thinks its been months instead of days that she has seen me. When I leave, I hug her, kiss her cheek, tell her I love her but now I don't look back. Better for her and me. So grateful for this forum and ppl sharing their journey, I appreciate you and you have helped me immensely. And made me laugh!