I was speaking to an elder care lawyer about some of the hardest issues families with an aging parent face, and she spoke about families dealing with the constant care of an elderly parent whose life extends far beyond their being able to enjoy it. Especially with advances in medicine, it is possible to keep seniors alive, even if they are bedridden or vegetative. Are any of you struggling to cope with the long term care needs of an aged parent who is dependent to the point where they have a poor quality of life, but they still receive flu shots or have a pacemaker that is extending their life? Is this difficult? Is it an issue that you wrestle with, knowing what the right thing for an elderly parent is? Do any of you have custodial issues with other siblings or a government guardian as a result?
She is in pain from compressed vertebrae and arthritis
She takes a BP pill a blood sugar pill and now an anti- psychotic
Since her move to memory care 9 months ago she's had at least a half dozen UTIs
Mention going out to dinner though and she's still raring to go
Many years ago she wrote that she did not want to be kept on a machine if brain dead - that's an easy decision - it will be all the other ones that will be gut wrenching
My parents did volunteer work at a regional hospital up into their late 80's and early 90's... they stopped once my Dad could no longer drive. But they were happy being very elderly, as long as they could enjoy Sunday football, Masters Golf, NASCAR, they were happy campers. But on the other side of the coin, I was the one who was exhausted, stressed out, sleepless nights, as my parents continued to live by themselves. "We can manage" was their main answer.
My Mom had a serious fall which gave her last stage dementia, thus she lived for 3 months in long-term-care before passing. So sad. Her mind was so befuddled, example her brain thought she could walk, but she couldn't so she fell all the time. I hated seeing this once active woman of 97 be this way. Three months was three months too long for her since we knew no one would repair this damage.
My Dad was just starting his journey with dementia, mainly with sundowning. It was so hard for me to wrap my brain around how confused this once brilliant man was... it took me awhile to learn to play along... then he passed way too quickly. Or maybe not, he knew his mind was playing tricks on him.
At this point, this is the extent of her advanced medical directive to me (verbal only)
She has mild dementia and refuses to focus on difficult issues (not a new behavior). While we don't have any big medical crisis right now, she does battle frequent UTI's and is on about15-20 maintenance medications.
What I am having trouble dealing with is her complete lack of ability to show pleasure. She does nothing all day. She naps as often as we let her. Is in bed by 9 and has to be woken up or she would sleep the day away. She will not take up any of her old hobbies or any new ones. She never wants to bother doing anything that gets her out of the house. If we could find a way to accomplish her bathrooms needs she would likely be just as happy never getting out of her recliner again.
What is the quality of life? I would not want this life. I have told my husband that if anything ever happens to me and I can no longer experience joy or happiness or find humor in anything, plug me into something and then pull the plug.
Sadly, Mom refuses to revisit the issue of an advanced directive and if I could talk her into talking about it, she would probably choose heroic measures.
"live beyond their minds" - I like that. Its a good way of putting it. I'm going to steal it.
My cousin made her feelings known about issues like this long ago, so I don't struggle. I know what she wanted. She has always been clear about it.
I have had no inquiry about my cousin by other family or friends for years. It's sad how many people cannot deal with dementia. In their minds, it seems she's already gone.