My Elderly Mother is Driving Me Crazy

Neon she will be 94 next month. i do not have a hospital bed, her bed is remote control,but it has no rails. we do have a wheel chair, she says it uncomfortable even with a memory foam pillow.i really do try. she does not walk, she quit in November. she said she was scared even with me there. The home health nurse and doc told her she needs to get in the bed. she will probably get sores on her if she move around. This woman is determined right or wrong to have her way. its her way or no way

try this website to see if you can find some answers dare or anyone for that matter we need all the education we can get

sleeping in the chair is not good for her hips thats how come dad broke his slept in his recliner wouldn't get into the bed. Do you have a hospital bed? Could you bring that in and put some of the chairs in storage? Legs are probably swollen because she isn't walking right? I am sure you have discussed this with her doctor! what about putting her in a wheel chair and moving her from room to room a couple of times a day is that too confusing for her. Sounds like she's kinda given up sad to say! I know this is very frustrating for you. Let me google what to do when someone sits in chair all the time see what we can find. How old is she?

Neon, Anne ,
Thank yall so much. Granny sleeps in the chair. Her legs and ankles are so swollen everyone tries to tell her to get in the bed, but she refuses. she says all of her stuff is in the living room, even her potty (we use plastic bags with pinesol water) i just don't know which way to turn, she is scared of the bed and every chair has a problem too low too high too puffy she comes up with all kinds of problems she has 8 different chairs in her suite. we tried the straight chair with the foot stool she hated that. Any other advice please somebody help me.

Oh boy snow, I love snow and you're all probably sick of it, I hail from MD which gets quite a bit of its own not as much as michigan tho. But now I live in Ga and snow is either hit or miss, I love walking in the snow, snow always brings me happy memories of sledding with my sons and making stupid snowmen and igloos and tunnels thru the yard and cooking. yes dementia is a terrible thing I am glad you can cry I am learning to again, I cried so many tears when my son disappeared and they found him 23 days later dead I thought I'd never cry again but am starting to. self preservation builds walls. Hot chocolate with whipped cream ooh lala. send us some snow anne I am sure my husky/shephard would love some to. thanks for sharing

It's snowing here in Northern Michigan, but I keep looking for something popping up. Unfortunately, lately it seems to keep being some crisis with my family. The decline through dementia and Alzheimer's is incredible. I laugh when possible, but can't help crying at times, too. I'm so grateful for this site, and others, and the ones God put into our lives to bring a little joy and encouragement along the way. Hope it works that way with all of you as well. Many prayers and blessings on your day! :)

Hi Anne, I try but know I fall short everyday. I pray for guidance hourly. It seems the closer you are to the situation the harder it is. Thats why this site is so helpful to me. I try differnet things , don't try too many especially if the old folks get confused but one thing I have learned after taking care of mother in law dad and now mom is try to make them feel part of things even when they don't want to and make things as normal as possible, All the new fangled stuff they put on the market for elders is confusing and if they have to leave their home making their things a part of your home is a pain sometimes but makes them feel more comfortable and wanted. We all want to feel wanted. Thats just common sense. Of course, when you are dealing with a controller thats a whole new ball game I've had two of them. But have to say this is my home you are welcome here and I will share most everything I have but when you get down to it they need to be warm, they need decent meals and they need comfort and some form of entertainment. They also need to know that we are close by and a pet helps I have noticed with my mother she seems to like animals more than people and thats okay, I just pay attention and do a little spying which unfortunately you have to do like having kids so you know what to tell their docs especially if they are like my mom and everything is fine when she sees the doc until we get home and its complain complain complain so I make notes get sneaky this time I told him to ask her for a urine specimen so we could talk he said he would I just give the facts just like Dragnet LOL and listen to what he has to say he knows she does not follow his orders and thats that. I am so greatful for this site to know that there is a whole colony of us and growing by the day. I wonder what will happen to us baby boomers? My son says he will always be there for me he is such a good son but I don't want him putting his life on hold for me just come see me and make me laugh thats the best medicine, fortunately I can laugh at myself others cannot they take themselves too seriously and once they get into themselves and their health declines thats where they stay. Well guess I've said enough I am always open to new information for me education is power whether for me mom or someone else. Love to you all and keep up the good work, don't forget take a soaky bath light a candle, take a walk around the house see if anything has popped up out of the ground make up some hummingbird juice anything that makes you happy if you take small doses of happiness eventually they add up to a great big pot of happiness. Neon

Dear neonwocky, I love your heart of compassion and tenderness for others. What a treasure and joy you are. That touched my heart and lightened my day. What great advice, as you're a pretty wise lady, too.

Dear Dare, my heart goes out to you. Hang in there, I pray it gets easier for you, and that God comforts you in the meantimes. Blessings to you.

And blessings to all. You ladies are heroes!

dare, put her in a straight chair give her a pillow to rest her feet on and keep a potty chair close by, it is much easier to either throw the pillow away or wash it and she'll fall asleep anyway, I know a potting in the living room is not the best decoration but it will be easier on you and anyone who knows what you are going thru will not mind as long as it is emptied , keep some water in it with a little dawn or something and there shouldn't be any smell. Make life as easy for you as possible this is not forever. Believe me I bought my dad this beautiful Queen annes chair before he died and he had his hip replaced put back in place three times and than eventually removed and every morning he was anxious tohave his fresh brewed coffee, his morning news and sit in his beautiful normal chair and look out the window at the new day. Wish my mom was that easy to please seem men are somewhat easier to please when you baby them a little, woman well woman are woman. Granny is probably scared and unsure so try that bring home a catalogue and let her pick out the chair I know my mom has just blown up two microwaves and my stove is computerized and she is confused when using them and they are so easy for us but older people just can't seem to wrap their minds around things they aren't used to. Good luck and much love and prayers to you neon

hey everybody i am here to complain again, i bought granny a remote control chair 2 weeks ago. she couldn't put the leg rest down with her old manual leaver. she would put it up and couldn't get it down. i would have to do it about 20 times a day. well this new chair only has 2 buttons up and down. the other day she woke up in the chair and had to use the potty, tried to get out of the chair with the leg rest up and the chair flipped up she did not fall out but was at a 90 degree angle that scared her now she is so confused about the chair she hates it. i told her all she has to do is put the leg rest down. i am back to square 1 she calls me to come every time when she needs to potty. i go she puts it down and back up a down and back up. i tell her its down you can get up then she pushes the button again. she really is driving me crazy. gota go see if she finished eating.

Up the creek- my son is a police officer and in the city where he works the cops get involved if they notice a driver- an eldery one driving weired. Could you arange for the moter vehical dept. give her a road test. My friend had a Mother who was having accidents and would call her son in Fla instead of her daughter who lived in a town near her in the northeast when she had an accident, the daughter called someone in her state and they road tested her and in 2 weeks her license was taken away-it is a big problem and I feel sorry for you to have to face it because noone wants to lose their independence esp. if there are no bus lines where they live. Some towns have volenteers who will drive people who need it. As for adult protective services I had experience with this one of the home care nurses reported me to ADS when my husband had come home from the hospital and we had one of two medicare home care agenicies in our county - she was upset because I would insist my husband do what he could do for himself and what he was able to do in the hospital and rehab. The nurse called ADS and the next day a car pulled up and two women got out-I was working in my gardens I thought they were social workers and tried to give them some background they did not want to hear anything when they saw me unlick the door one yelled loudly YOU LOCKED HIM IN THE HOUSE - I said no I always lock the door when I am in the back yard because we have had break-ins in our county. From then on it went down hill -the one doing the talking wanted me out uf the picture and to hire 24/7 care for him and asked who our lawyer was what bank we used and other things and that I was abusing him when I asked him to do the things he could do- when she left I was shaking- I called my daughter who works for the dept. pf social service in another county in our state and she talked to APS people where works and this women was out of line- I later found out she was not a social worker but only a case worker. I called her the next day -the case worker- and told her to come around during the day-later in the day and see him outside using a chain saw on a long pole and him lifting up flag stones and doing cement work which he usually does alone. A social worker did call and come by- he had been to see us before to help us find what help he could get for us- he said there is no abuse at all and that was the end of it. When a man running for office in the county came a few months later I told him this story and he had worked in the social service dept and he made ut a report on this women and did follow up on it. APS is there to help families-at least in my state- who are caregivers not to cause problems.

Great advice, Nauseated! Great advice all! I love you people. - you are just so smart and compasionate at the same time.
Carol

Another hug and prayer to you! It is much easier to sit and worry than to do something about it, but it is certainly much more draning, than doing something about it. When you do something about it little by little things do get accomplished. And then you feel so much better about yourself and everyone else too. I oughta know, I had to convince my Dad to come out of state with me for a vacation, in order to move him. It was trickery I know, and it happened fast, My husband and I just showed up with our pickup truck, or pickup trick I should say. Chuckle! Just quickly packed up all his most important papers, family photos, only the best clothes that he could fit into, and a bed and dresser, I explained that the guest room we had, had no bed or dresser in it. Fortunately I have a friend that goes to check, and maintain his house till we decide what to do with it, since he is close to possibly losing it. Im slowly taking care of other things, like his banking, etc. Long Story, sorry I'm rambling. But the point is, you just gotta suck it up, and dig in sometimes. You must remove the car keys, and disable the car. Did you hear in the news about a person who was on alzheimer's meds, that was still driving and ended up killing someone? They are now locking up this poor old 75 year old person. Do you want all that on your conscience? Good Luck!

i love this website... thanks to all for being here...

Thanks everybody, and hang in there breakdown. I'm lucky. I'm 3 days away from my two week vacation away from mom. Sister thinks nothing makes me happy? Well, she should see how happy I will be to drive away on Wednesday, not to return for over two weeks. When I had my meltdown back in December and left home with my tent and cat and froze my butt off in the desert, I was happy then too, in a lonely, cold sort of way. Anybody who has put in a couple of years caretaking, whether just with somebody like my mother who mostly needs a housekeeper and cook, or somebody dealing with the horrible sadness of seeing a parent sink into dementia, we KNOW about depression, we recognize it, we grab our bits of happiness where we can, and YES, we can get in a cycle of not seeing the good things in life, but when I can get away from the physical reality of being in the same house with my mother day in and day out, my sense of fun and wonder comes bouncing right back. It's not gone, just hiding because it has trouble holding its own against the daily anger and resentment and frustration. I'm just getting tired of having to leave my poor, long-suffering husband to deal with the day to day stuff while working at the same time because the only way I can stay sane is to keep running away. I've never been so happy about extended unemployment than I am now. In the future, mom will need more care, and I will likely have a job again. Until then, I'm counting the hours until I get to run away again.

i agree... take care of yourself... three months ago... i started, i even informed my family to prepare them... they dismissed me like always... now that i am doing it... my sis is telling me I am changing... HELLO i told them i was getting burned out... so i imagine she will disown me.. as usual... she doesn't like something she doesn't go around it... that is ok today... maybe next month i will be more concerned about dads health as she truely is not up to date on caring for people... funny how one year ago... i gave out all the websites... information on his health for all 6 siblings to get an idea on what to expect... not one... even the proxys read up on the disease... they get around him and when he gets confused or makes an incorrect statement they correct him... then by the third time he does it... they get mad... Dad gets frustrated or anxious... not good for his health... but i must say he chose them for the proxy... i can not change that... just love him now... i truely hope they get him in the VA assisted care... at least i know he will be fed properly and meds monitored... much more than what my family does now that they have taken me out of the picture... please remember someone is watching and loves you we will all get through this...

Wow! At least you are taking care of yourself - or trying to. Blocking your email was good. Give yourself a break. Do what you can to try to get the family to do something - anything! - but then let it go. You did your best.

Your mom is depressed, and part of that is that she is alive and living a life without much quality, when she thought it would be all over with. This may sound strange to some, but it's entirely understandable. You understand it. You are magnificient.

Please keep trying to take care of yourself first, then deal with all of these issue the best you can, knowing it won't be perfect. Get outside help in any way that you can. And keep writing. At least you have an audience that understands.
Carol

breakdown09, what a treasure. That email made me cry. Your daughter is a blessing!

Breakdown, I'm so glad you have a loving daughter. It helps to have somebody who believes in you. I kind of blew it with the only supporting member of my family (little sister) (hubby's support goes without saying). I sent sis a link about traveling with oxygen, as I keep trying to get something going about moving my mom along toward going to Alaska for a couple of months without waiting until the very last moment and then having her back out. Mom refuses to bring up the subject and I was so traumatized the last time I brought it up that I won't bring it up either (can we all say dysfunctional passive agressive family here?). So sis writes back that she had seen that stuff before when they were talking about the europe trip, but that she had brought up the Alaska trip to mom on the phone the other day and mom had told her she didn't want to talk about it or logistics until she is feeling better. Well, I just don't know what she means by feeling better. She's back to having her friends visit. She's back to going out with her friends. She's back to sneaking cigarettes outside. Yes, she's up to one whole bottle of oxygen every day, plus the concentrator in the evenings and overnight, but she seems to have some of her energy back (she's also back to emailing people), so what exactly is she waiting for? We're talking about just talking about it, not dragging her out the door and shoving her on a plane. You can't plan a trip with a severe COPD person without some advance planning. And hubby and I have to just put any possible plans we might want to make on hold until she feels like discussing the issue.
So anyway, I emailed sister back, kind of annoyed, and said WHEN is she ever going do decide that she feels good enough to JUST talk about it? When hell freezes over?. Sister (who is kind of emotionally sensitive like me and doesn't deal well with being yelled at any more than I do) immediately shot back a snippy email about how I'm never happy about ANYTHING and NOTHING will ever please me, and that she thinks I'm depressed). Well, that set me off. I sent back an email saying OF COURSE I'M EFFING DEPRESSED. YOU WOULD BE TOO IF IT HAD BEEN YOU HERE FOR THE LAST TWO YEARS. Then I went on to say that she and other sister are ignoring the bigger elephant than MY depression (which I have been working on and keeping under control) is that MOM is depressed and nobody is admitting it or dealing with it. Mom is also in denial. She thought she was going to die a few years ago (two rounds of cancer then COPD) and now she finds herself still alive but unable to do much. OF COURSE SHE'S DEPRESSED. She just sits around doing crossword puzzles and waiting for spring so that she can poke around in the garden a bit (I do all the real work now, she mostly just deadheads some flowers and brings home more stuff for me to plant). Anyway, I went on to rant at my sister, HOW DARE you make this about ME when what's going on is that nobody is admitting that mom is putting off this whole travel thing because she just can't face anything anymore and won't get any help to deal with it, and the sisters just tiptoe around it and buy into here 'when I'm feeling better" routine. I yelled (email style) that mom is refusing to admit that she may NOT feel much better than she is now, because her disease has progressed too far. Yes, spring will perk her up a bit like it always does, but it will also give her more warm days to go outside and smoke a cigarette and put herself back into her vicious cycle that will result in respiratory arrest. I said that if anything might actually REALLY make mom feel better, it might be a change of scene away from sitting on her ass doing crossword puzzles and occasionally going out with a friend for an hour. And it is her last chance to see her last two sisters and her two other daughters before she really CAN'T travel anymore. Then I blocked my email and put in a vacation response and started crying over the whole thing. Hubby tried to calm me down but then I got all upset about HIS father, because my in-laws are moving up here soon and my father in law is losing his memory and it is making me really really sad because he is the father my father never was and I don't want to lose him and don't want him to lose his mind.

Dear Sister, Breakdown09, what a blessing! God has given you a treasure in her. "Strength and honor are her clothing

OK, all... just had to share something with you... my daughter 24 years old wrote me this email and sent to all the family... thank you god for giving me such a wonderful person in my life...
MOM,
Thank you so much for taking the time to keep us updated. Thank you for being such a strong , selfless person through this. You are truly appreciated and respected for all of the things you do in this difficult process. You always go above and beyond to keep everyone updated and informed on all the important things that happen with our family.
You are strong independent woman, and highly respected. You have always put grandpa and others needs before your own. I know that we don't know even HALF of the things you do for this family. Most of it probably goes un-noticed by most and only appreciated by some, and regardless- you continue to press on and continue doing what needs to be done. Without praise. A huge task was entrusted to you and you handled it with grace, tolerance, maturity and understanding. I just wanted to let you and everyone else know that You're AMAZING!
I sincerely hope that this event with grandpa is a wake up call for all of us and that everyone in the family will step up and do the right thing and what's best for grandpa. I know everyone loves him - and now- it's time to put him first. He has been an ever-present being in all of our lives and none of us would be who we are with out him. His health and well-being is a all of our responsibilities and we all should pitch in and help and be an active part of his life.
I love you, and thank you for being you.

Breakdown, The sadness of being considered "too sensitive" to your father's situation must be overwhelming. Your family's attitude is sadly too common. I know the feeling of wanting to run away from it all, even though you have it worse than I did, by far.

Keep coming here for support, anyway. We understand, even if we can't change your life.
Carol

Breakdown, I think we all are!! don't give up the ship! read above post. when I was doing all of my Dads care I just called my siblings who hadn't seen him in 5 and 10 years respectivily and I understand why, I just said if you want to see your father one more time before he dies you better make arrangements and get here. Once he was in the hospital I kept them informed. They did come, three weeks later they had to come back for his funeral. You do what is right in your heart. They are responsible for their decisions. You cannot make anyone think what they don't want to think. Later they will sit back on their laurels and run things thru their heads and you can better believe there will be some things that they wish they had done differently. If not well how shallow. Anyway you are not alone there are so many of us on this site with the same issues. You have been taking care of your father, I would stand my ground, tell it like it is in a calm low voice that gets to them better than yelling. and let them know this is how it "IS" going to be. You are entitled to your life to Yes, you cannot do everyhting you want to do but thats okay. You are reaping rewards not earthly but heavenly and although we cannot even phathom those rewards they are much better than the ones we could / should have here. Stick by your guns. Let them know this is how it is going to be and with your dad my guess is he is nearing the end. I really don't know much about the dying process except by what I have seen with myown eyes and each person is different. But I would guess in 30 days or so this will be done. Get some outside help have everyone give you x number of dollars for this care I know easier said than done but try don't get frustrated if you can't If you attend church most churches ours does anyway has a benevolance budget and will help if you are like me you hate to ask for help but sometimes you just have to. I know in the past I have helped friends with a loved one with cancer or some other disease and cooked meals, just visited. cut toe nails, soaked feet, held them and let them cry I did what ever as a friend that I could do if you don't have any friends like that I am sorry they aren't really friends. we will meet lots of people inour lifetime most of them just want something from you because they are too lazy to do it themselves. I helped one "friend" I thought she was my friend with her dad all she could say is I love to sit here and watch you work, I could have slapped her from here to wisconsin. Turned out later she was just a user. I learned a lesson. But we are here for you we understand we are all going thru the same issues some a bit different. I don't know what I would do without my church family, my husband and son who both love me but hate my mother are no help whatsoever not even emotionally so I feel I carry the world on my shoulders, at work I have one woman whose mother died a few years ago, she let her sister handle it so it wouldn't upset her life, she is always saying Smile next time she does I am going to scowl and say I am whats the matter with you LOL

Well, I had another breakdown yesterday... Wednesday night I recieved a call from my dads neighbor... he was non respondant... had to rush him to the ER... they couldn't find anything neurologically wrong... but his dementia has gotten worse really rapid, since Sunday he has been having moments of clarity instead of moments of memory loss... he seems to live in the past more... Doc says not to leave him alone... and here I am by myself dealing with this...so i notify the family... apparently that was a big mistake... everyone seems to dismis all the remarks I make to them about his condition... and I have been informed I am just to senitive... I am so sick of doing all the work and being dismissed as I am stupid... funny how I am so ignorant... but capable of being the primary care taker... even funnier is now his proxy is here to assess the situtation... so I dismiss myself from the care and then no one wants me to leave, now I am to accompany them to the doctors office for the full workup... what the H3ll... I was told I wasn't alone in this... well where were you guys for the past three years... I really tried to be understanding and compasionate to thier situation... but I can't... I find myself resenting them and telling them off (in my mind) lol... but now my DAD is like well you can't go home stay here with us and aren't you going to the doctors with us... no good deed goes unpunished... LOL What now...? any suggestions... they want control...but I still have to be there... even better now everyone has time to come to dads aide... again where are they on a everyday basis... so tired i can't see straight... I want to bail... run away...
Even had plans to go out of town next week... beginning to wonder if all of this is being played up by dad cause I am doing more for myself this year... really beginning to hate my family and my life... which is not me... and it scares me that i am disliking everyone and everything... no where to turn but here... thank God for this support site...

Anoter from another friend.This was so neat I got these right after we were talking about making choices.

Wednesday, February 11

Ocean Liner

A man's heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.
Proverbs 16:9

Recommended Reading
James 4:13-15


Someone once described the sovereignty of God as being like an ocean liner bound for port. While it is resolutely moving toward that destination, there are passengers aboard who are free to move about as they will. They are not in chains. In fact, they eat, sleep, play games, read, and talk as they please. All the while, the liner is still headed toward its predetermined port. It is a picture of both freedom and sovereignty harmoniously taking place at the same time.

As children of God, each of us has the Sovereign God as ruler in our hearts. This means that no matter what happens in life and whatever decisions we make, God resides in our hearts, steering us toward an ever-fixed mark. This is a comforting truth because as humans, we don't know what's best for our lives; and though we try to make good decisions, sometimes we just make the wrong ones. It's wonderful to know that while we're busy living and learning, God is at the helm of our life working all things together for good (Romans 8:28).

In the total expanse of human life, there is not a single square inch of which the Christ, who alone is sovereign, does not declare, "That is mine!"
Abraham Kuyper

Read-Thru-the-Bible
Numbers 6:1 - 7:59

He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake.
Psalm 23; 3

All I Really Can Say Is Thank You


Daily we choose and daily we have a choice. No matter what is neither that which causes us to choose nor why we choose to perform in the way we do. Truth still reveals that this was my choice. Now the funny thing about the way we choose to act in any particular matter will also reveal the deepest part of our inner soul. This truth we can not run away from, only at best can we ignore it.

We may feel bitter; we may feel cold, angry or even justified. If our choice or intentions were of that motivated of love, then we may receive that warm feeling regardless of its cost. But regardless, no soul should go without restorations if thy would humble yourself and call on Christ.

You see, to restore anything, you are proclaiming that you not only have the power to mend that which is broken, but as well make it new once more. And not only that, but you are willing and able to take that which is now mended and lead it in the pathway of surety, care and joy. As a matter of fact, you are willing to put your name on the line. (FOR HIS NAME SAKE)

Seeing that you can not do anything but only to believe to receive this promise, all you really can say is thank you

Be Encouraged

KB

wow, you life sounds like mine. Mom could care less for my son also and she dotes on her grand daughter. Makes me sick.
Arrgggghhh!!! My son gets so mad and he only 15 . One day he asked me are you going to be like her and throw me out of the house.I told him I get that way just put me in a home at leastI know I be half way taken care and you don't have to worry about me being crazy to you. I really felt hurt he had to see that side of my mother when she kicked us both out or threaten to get out of her house all together. Control freak. When I left I told her she owuldn't hear from me anymore and she hasn't in almost three weeks. A person can only take so much abuse and
I have had enough in my life time already been given up twice and I am not going to let it happen again.


Here is some inspiration to think about . This from a friend in Haiti Mission. It hits on control and funny it came to me Tuesday. God moves in mysterious ways.

He restores my soul

I agree with mitzi, you cannot control all situations some of them you just have to let slide. My mother is a controller gives her great pleasure to push my buttons, its taken me a few months to figure this out duh but now I just call her out on it, she hates my son why I do not know but he doesn't like her either she's never been a grandmother to him, he stops by yesterday she hugs his girlfriend whom she does not know, hugs her two kids, whom she does not know and tells me she had to throw my cucumbers away they were rotten, I said so you hug people you don't know and ignore your grandson?? she goes Oh I just wanted you to know about your cucumbers lets get real folks which is more important? so she says I am going to hug him He says no you aren't I don't want a hug from you I said Oh the feeling is mutual I see. Well she went to her room and stayed there the entire night. Sound cruel , well maybe so but you have to know this woman and from now on she isn't getting away with her little games, I've put up with them for 60 years now and enough is enough she thinks she has everyone fooled all sunshine and light what a great woman, guess what no she isn't I take care of her because there is no one else wonder why that is. you reap what you sew and she is reaping how sad, but she made her choices now she has to live with them. I don't want to control her I let her do all the things she wants to do her doctor knows about it as well she does what she wants, tells him she does what he tells her and he knows she's lying Let it go folks provide a warm home, good meals transportation maybe even a conversation if you can have one thats all you can do and be there if there is an emergency otherwise you will be all used up

I have to agree with Anne on this one. You can't force anyone to do what you think. That is an area of control. Sometimes if you are able to take steps to fix something, you do what you can.

My mother made some bad decisions in her life. She let their "best friends" idea become a reality when she chose to take their advice. The advice: just tell your husband when to stop and when to turn on the road. That way you can still get out of the house and do your errands.

Now mind you, mom has never driven and dad was told he could not by the doctors after his stroke. I was able to intervene do to a divine God-cidence and I stopped that mess. But you cannot force a person to do or take care of themselves. If you do not have the legal say so, all you can do is notify the doctor's of your concerns and pray for the best.

I used to think of ways to take away my dad's keys, but mom would have no part of that so I ended up having to pray asking God, "If they are going to go out on the road Lord, please do not let them hurt anyone. They can wrap themselves around a tree, but please Lord don't let them hurt a person."

Don't make yourself sick trying to control a situation. Sometimes watching things happen can be worse, but at least you know that you've done all you can possibly do. The rest is up to them.

Breakdown, your attitute is saving you, and your generosity of spirit is a blessing to us all. Thank you for being part of this group.
Carol