Support Group for Caregivers:

SUPPORT
Sometimes one must just take action on one's own behalf.
Go to the laundromat, get gas for the car, pay the bills, change the sheets, cash in those recyclables, get bottled water on hand, stop to get coffee creamer on the way home.... all done by 10:00 a.m........Yay!

Uh oh, I forgot to get orange juice.

Send-thanks.  Your comment reminded me of a few actions I need to take before mid morning.  Transplant something from the pot before it dies, and change the sheets.  Maybe I should wait till DH wakes up first.

On the news, a young man in a movie theater came to the aid of a girl having a panic attack from the earthquake. He asked her to count backwards from 10.
He said it is common for a person to not be able to hear you or concentrate, so he jumped over some seats to get near her, and repeated to count with him.

A great diversion technique. Maybe it would help someone elderly if one can interrupt their train of thought.

Seeing that I have PTSD from earthquakes (in general, all of them), my new therapist cost only $10 co-payment, going once a month. So now I have the support I need. Everything fell into place and got easier with the new Medicare Advantage Plan.

There is a whole lot of shaking goin' on, even when we do not feel it.

Another good thing about this SUPPORT GROUP FOR CAREGIVERS, it has been 7 days since the sheets were changed! I love to deal in facts, not guessing. It tells me, just a few posts down from this one.

What is pure torture......waking up several times, the digital clock minutes are ticking away, but I cannot see the hour, so I don't know what time it is! Seems something is moved, placed in front of the clock, on an ongoing basis.....(not by me).
In the middle of the night, I don't want to get up to see the clock. So many small irritations can add up......

Pure torture for me Send is being so tired and waking up to have to use the bathroom and then seeing the time. And only 30 more minutes before alarm goes off. Stay awake or try and squeeze in that 30 minutes of more sleep. If only the body would cooperate with the clock.

Glad your advantage plan is working out for you.

Speaking of diversion techniques. I do not have to do that with Mom. She does it to herself. And to me. :)

Things are so much better now with the digital clock. Reminding dH, kindly,
to stop putting things in front of the clock, hiding the minutes! Last night, I could no longer see the hour! Yeah but, I could see those minutes ticking away.

Does anyone have some support tips or updates on Fibromyalgia?
After the EQ I over exerted over a few days getting EQ supplies ready, and fell.
The stress, the over exertion, (could not stop to rest),and the pain of fibromyalgia were worse than the sprained ankle. Since falling in 2013 and again in 2014 (breaking same ankle),
I really slowed down, was so careful!

My therapist had pointed to the fibromyalgia symptoms, (saying no, not crazy,
no not dementia), in passing, so it did not connect with my mind that this is what having fibromyalgia is like.

I am sorry that you are in pain Send. Because you over did it have you tried a warm bath or shower? Mediation maybe? Relaxing is a big thing with fibromyalgia as you know. Are you on medication for it? Maybe an over the counter pain pills, not for the fibromyalgia, but just for the sore muscles. My line of thinking is resolve what cause your fibromyalgia to become inflame.

I really hope someone will have better ideas and that you feel better soon.😢

Ditto to what Shell said Send

Be on the mend Send! Cause you are a good friend.

Thank you Shell.
Under the brain fog, even the simplest reminders are helpful. Working on that bathtub right away.

Thank you Gershun,
Resting has helped, and my dH found the liquid Tumeric in the fridge. Something you had recommended long ago.

Feel better Send.
We all love you!

Thank you Smeshque!

Even the simplest self care can help, if we do it and don't give up.

Soaking in epsom salts helped.

Stand up, walk away from whatever you are doing. Then come back in 5 minutes and tell us how that felt.

I stood up and walked away, came back and thought Send is a special lady. :)

Watching someones mind going, one just hopes they are not aware of it.
Mom has been getting more and more forgetful, and I see sometimes deer in the headlights, look on her face. I have learned it is better not to call attention to the forgetfullness, or misinformation, but to just keep going and trying to direct to things for certain she knows. I realize I am her security blanket, and that allows me to handle with better care.
She has complete trust and confidence in me and knows that I will not steer her the wrong way. That is huge. To be trusted so completely. In understanding her and knowing her I have learned that I have a huge impact on her confidence. It scares me when I see she is not confident. Because she has always been confident and able. Now I find I have to instruct her more and more, she asks more and more questions about how to do something, or if she is doing something right. But she keeps on keepin on. And I just try to understand more each day my role in her keepin on, securely. I just love her so much and it breaks my heart when she has a bad day.

Smeshque,
One of my greatest challenges is to not freak out when my hubs cannot perform the simplest chore, is forgetful, gives misinformation, and needs detailed, patient instructions. Mostly because he is not always that way and it surprises me, catches me off guard.

I will try not calling it to his attention, see how that works.

Thanks!

Send....Both you and smeshque have the patience of Jobe and I admire you so much~
Patience is something I really need to work on,especially with my dH .

This is kind of silly. I care for my husband with dementia. I think humor is my best thing. Sometimes I just crazy dance for him. It makes him laugh and I get a kick out of myself.

Luckylu,
There are many kudos, just for staying with a difficult person, imo.
There is no lack of patience on your part. It is just that the challenges are great.

Eloise,
Thank you for your insight and contribution, and I agree.
Humor and dancing does work to take the edge off of exasperating circumstances.

Thank you Luckylu for your nice words. And I agree with Send, you are not lacking in patience.
It is a struggle for us all, we are just human.

I used to try to make my mom laugh too. It wasn't hard. She was a real laughing machine. Just like me. I have a tendency to laugh at inappropriate things and in inappropriate situations but that's just me. It's never going to change.

For instance the Strata meeting a couple of weeks ago. I truly had to jam my fist into my face to stop myself. Plus I pee a bit when I laugh now. I think there are Depends in my future. Perish the thought!

Laughter is good medicine. Try and make my Mom laugh by telling her a couple of jokes each day. My Dad was the greatest joke teller. I not so much, mostly mess them up. 😊
She laughs at anything. It takes a lot to make me laugh. Jokes don't so much get me, but real life situations do.
I think the older we get Gershun, peeing come with laughing and sneezing, coughing,. 😀

Psychiatrist vs. Bartender

EVER SINCE I WAS A CHILD, I'VE ALWAYS HAD A FEAR OF SOMEONE UNDER MY BED AT NIGHT. SO I WENT TO A SHRINK AND TOLD HIM:

'I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.'

'Just put yourself in my hands for one year,' said the shrink. 'Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.'

'How much do you charge?'

'Eighty dollars per visit,' replied the doctor.

'I'll sleep on it,' I said.

Six months later the doctor met me on the street. 'Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?' he asked.

'Well, Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup!'

'Is that so!' With a bit of an attitude he said, 'and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?'

'He told me to cut the legs off the bed! Ain't nobody under there now!'

OOPS, this isn't the jokes thread?

Lol Send- just told Mom that one, thanks, she gotta good laugh at it.

Its your thread you can tell jokes if you want.😀

Smeshque,
Not my thread at all! Started for others. I am not possessive of a thread, just because I started it. Wishing other supportive caregivers would take charge of this one. I had forgotten how time consuming it would be to be a "hostess"
for a question, and how many posters would direct their comments at me, just because I started it. Still, I am not really complaining.

Sometimes, I just do not feel my best, and do not have answers to
e v e y t h i n g. But I really enjoyed looking up all those bible verses for another thread.....

Luckylu,
Patience is really scarce in my own bag of caregiver tricks.
To be listed among the patient people here, feels much like a false accusation does.
However, knowing that has made me more wanting to be patient.
And people have been patient with me too.

More of a good thing I hope.

Came across this, thought I would share.

How do you know when you're being impatient? You will probably experience one of more of the following symptoms:
Shallow breathing (short breaths).
Muscle tension.
Hand clenching/tightening.
Jiggling/restless feet.
Irritability/anger.
Anxiety/nervousness.
Rushing.
Snap/quick decisions.


If you experience the symptoms of impatience, your next step is to discover the true cause. Many of us have "triggers." These could be people, phrases, or specific situations (like rush-hour traffic) that regularly cause us to enter an impatient frame of mind.
Make a list of things that cause you to become impatient. If you're having trouble identifying your triggers, use these tips:
Stop and think about the last time you were impatient. What caused it? You can narrow this down to the root cause by using the 5 Whys  technique.
Ask your family, friends, and co-workers about your impatience. Chances are that they know what gets you "wound up".
Many people become impatient due to physical factors such as hunger, dehydration, or fatigue. Analyze your body the next time you start to feel impatient. A simple remedy might be a snack and a glass of water!
Keep a journal with you to record when you start to feel impatient. Write down what the situation is, and why you're getting frustrated.
Identifying your triggers helps because it forces you to examine your actions and uncover why you're doing what you're doing. This knowledge also helps you devise strategies to avoid becoming impatient.
Of course, it would be great if you could avoid the triggers that make you impatient. But for most of us, that's just not possible. So you have to learn to manage impatience instead.


When you feel impatient, it's important to get out of this frame of mind as quickly as possible. Try these strategies:
Take deep, slow breaths, and count to 10. Doing this helps slow your heart rate, relaxes your body, and distances you emotionally from the situation. If you're feeling really impatient, you might need to do a longer count, or do this several times.
Impatience can cause you to tense your muscles involuntarily. So, consciously focus on relaxing your body . Again, take slow, deep breaths. Relax your muscles, from your toes up to the top of your head.
Learn to manage your emotions . Remember, you have a choice in how you react in every situation. You can choose to be patient, or choose not to be: it's all up to you.
Force yourself to slow down. Make yourself speak and move more slowly. It will appear to others as if you're calm – and, by "acting" patient, you can often "feel" more patient.
Practice active listening  and empathic listening. Make sure you give other people your full attention, and patiently plan your response to what they say.
Remind yourself that your impatience rarely gets others to move faster – in fact, it can interfere with other people's ability to perform complex or highly-skilled work. All you're doing is creating more stress, which is completely unproductive.
Try to talk yourself out of your impatient frame of mind. Remind yourself how silly it is that you're reacting this way. People often don't mind if a meeting is delayed, just as long as you let them know that you're running late in advance.
If your impatience causes you to react in anger toward others, use anger management techniques  to calm down.
Some people become impatient because they're perfectionists. However, in addition to causing impatience, perfectionism can actually slow productivity and increase stress. Learn how to stop being a perfectionist with our Coaching Clinic I'm a Perfectionist!
Remember that, although many people are naturally patient, the rest of us need to practice patience for it to become a habit. Becoming more patient won't happen overnight, but do persist – it's so important!

https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newTCS_78.htm

Smeshque, Do you think some people are born without patience? I came into this world 2 wks early and really I don't have any patience. My mother use to say, "God asked you if you (me) wanted patience and you (me) said no thank I don't need them." I do have patience for animals and cooking but that is it! And now taking care of my mother it just gotten worse! I will try these techniques.

Shell- that is cute what your Mom said.
I do think some people are born with the ability to be more patient. My mom is one of the most patient people I know, has been all her life. In most things especially with people.
I know patience is a fruit of the Spirit. So maybe the more we learn and grow spiritually the more we will be equiped with patience.
IMO
I liken it to how patient God is with us who are imperfect people. I try to use that as a reminder for myself to be patient with others. IMO and experience I have learned that my patience goes hand in hand with perfectionism. Then I remind myself of my own flaws and who am I to try to make all around me do things as I want them to. Trying to acknowledge my own flaws has allowed me to be long-suffering with the flaws of others. Less judgemental I think equals more patience and understanding. Because it is not our standards we should be living up to, but our Creator's.
🌸

Smeshque, I like your answer. I don't even patient with myself! But yet, God is patient with me.

Thank you for giving me a different way at looking at my mother and myself.