Finding out the truth about a will/trust...kinda angry, very hurt.
Mother has always stored her "papers" in a safe in her bedroom. She has freely told all of us we are welcome to read the trust and know what's in it. I've never had any desire to do so, but today while I was cleaning, I saw it and thought "what the heck? I really SHOULD know what her "last wishes" are, since I am a daughter and my sis and I will be handling all that stuff, eventually and I don't even know what she wants to be dressed in...
Wow.
First off, no surprise, mother has basically no savings, no investments, one whole life policy worth a few thousand bucks....BUT she had made addendums to the will saying that I "owe" the trust $1500 (I have NO idea why!) My brother owes it $6000 (She lives with him and he is her go to guy for everything and is not paid a cent..I know he doesn't know of this "debt"). AND my sister to whom my parents loaned a large sum of money was "forgiven" the remaining debt of $60,000. AND she is reinstated to receive her "portion" of the estate. My deceased brother took well over $100,000 from mother and dad, never paid them back, but his 4 kids will be inheriting his 1/6th portion. They have not seen mother in years and have no contact with her.
Now, I have no problem with inheriting next to nothing, but I'll be D#MU^& if I have to first fork over $1500 for something I don't even remember asking for nor receiving? The only thing I can think of is my mother wants me to pay her back for my orthodontic work from the 70's. I know that amount is almost exactly what it cost.
Has anyone ever encountered this? It was SO bizarre to me. And my brother who is at Mother's beck and call every second of everyday has to find $6000??
Probably serves me right for looking, but I wasn't snooping, I was trying to figure out what mother wanted as her "last wishes". Wow, just wow. Once again, the "favorites" come up smelling like roses and even if she ever dies, she'll still get her digs in at me. (FYI--this was fairly recently updated, but the "debt to the trust" dates back to 1996.)
Well, if nothing else, as my hubby and I start really pulling together our trust we will be sure to be 100% fair and equable, which we have tried so hard to be with our 5 kids.
I'm just venting, but wow, I feel like I've been punched in the guts.
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I called my brother who will be mother's executor and shared this lovely "tidbit" with him, ASSUMING he had seen it and all.
He was appalled--No, the copy of the will HE has which is the most up to date and doesn't include the slap in the face codicil. He was actually really upset for a minute. Then I asked him if he wanted the money in check or cash and he started laughing. Both of us felt that the brother who "owes" the trust $6000 should NEVER find out about it. What a horrible last thing to read from the mother you cared for 18 years?? He has fetched, toted, bathed and babied her to pieces. And it's going to get MUCH worse before she dies. If anything, he should receive the lion's share of anything she has left. He has literally ruined his health over the stress of having the parents there for so long. (18 years, daddy died 12 years ago).
In short, I told executor brother where to find said "document" and said "You shouldn't destroy it, it obviously was meant to be found, but as executor, I know you'll make the right decision". He's going to get the paper, put it in a sealed envelope and shred it the day mother dies. Brother will never know.
I am glad I called him, this wasn't bothering ME, but I thought and thought about how hurtful this would have been to the brother who has given up his LIFE to care for mother--and how he'd probably never recover emotionally from such a hurtful thing.
Lesson learned. Leave only kindness behind in your "final wishes". Take any anger you have towards your progeny and let it be buried with you.
It never ceases to amaze me how people like to use a will to control, reward, punish etc. It's a final slap from the grave that is impossible to respond to.
Recently something similar happened to me and my brothers. Middle brother had taken moms computer months ago. Just recently he discovered a file with an autobiography. Mom wrote it in her late seventies when she was still in her "right mind". In it mom takes a swipe at all three of her children. Some things were out and out untrue and other things were so distorted you could barely recognize the situation.
The worst part of this is I am 100% sure it was my mothers intention for this little nugget to be discovered. Nice, huh?
The bottom line for my take away in my situation is frustrating. Lately I've been making a huge effort to let go of my bitterness and anger towards my mother - with her being dead and all, the only person still twisting is me. But how can I let it go when the hits just keep on coming?
Yeah, mom goes rogue now and then and it's often me who gets the flak. I did find her papers about her funeral plans which was what I was looking for, I actually knew she was "leaving us" very, very little. It's just that $1500 "bill" for something I know nothing about really hurts.
Told my hubby and he frankly DOES NOT CARE. He is so sick of my mother's antics, all he said was "The executor will execute the will, You have to trust your brother. She can't "bill you" for something w/o some kind of bill or invoice or anything!" Then told me to get over it. (He's awesome, what can I say? It would be nice to have NO emotions at all :)
I AM glad I read this now and didn't find out about it after she dies. That would have been so bitter. Now I can process this and let it go long before she dies.
I just don't understand why my mother dislikes me so very, very much. That just is what I take away from this. Not the money, but the "bill". Love of heaven, what kind of person DOES this to their child?? She made this out 21 years ago--has she been that mad for that long??
And not all attorneys are familiar with Trusts. It's very specific and if you don't work with them a lot, you don't likely know what the requirements are.
When asked where he wanted to be buried...he replied "surprise me"
My husband, who has been the only constant child in the equationall these years, has been screwed out of so much, as originally, they intended to bequeath him their lake front home, but then ended up selling it, because their daughter had run up 68 thousand dollars on 4 different Credit card bills, forging her Mother's name on them. They found out, and realized that their home was about to have Lein's put against it. After the house was sold, they made deals with the CC companies, and paid off the majority of the debt, but we're forgiven part of it. Just some of the nasty things their other 2 kids did, to Bilk money out of them.
Now that my MIL has passed, my FIL has been able to keep his will maintained, with no changes, so clearly, my MIL was large and in charge, when it came to their finances, and allowing those 2 to get away with screwing them out of loads of money. Oh well, you can't take it with ya! Now, my FIL, will probably end up spending the rest on ASSISTED LIVING expenditures, and that's just fine by me! I never expected to inherit anything in the first place, but I'm pretty sure my husband, who has housed and cared for his Dad for the past 13 years, sure did. I say freedom and peace of mind, are a much better way to go.
So sorry you were upset by seeing her will, but at least now, you know what to expect. It's still tough, as I'm sure your feelings were hurt.
This will/trust was prepared years ago, with addendums being added as needed (when daddy died, for one). It was prepared by an attorney. It was witnessed and signed. Mother and Dad were competent at the time, in fact, one sad thing was seeing how quickly my dad's perfect handwriting went downhill over the year it took to put this thing together. (Parkinson's)
My son is a lawyer, so I texted him with some questions. He said the addendum being put in AFTER the original signing, and being done with no witnesses and being done in my mother's handwriting--well, the thing's a hot mess. He said to fax him a copy, which I am not going to do. His expertise is not wills/trusts. And it's not really his problem.
He said that the executor will make the final "disbursement" and not to worry. He agreed with me that my mom is just making a final stab at a couple of us....and once again favoring her "favorites". What has bothered me is that she has been ADAMANT that my younger had long since received her "part" and that my deceased brother and his children had been written out. I don't appreciate the lies. IF she had said "You owe me $1500 for such and such", I'd write her a check, pronto. Actually, I technically owe 3 of my sibs $400 and my 4 nieces and nephews $75.
Crazy, No?
Will talk to son later and get a laugh out of this. It will hurt for a while and then stop, I guess. Thanks to all who responded.
Was this document a Will or a Revocable Trust Agreement? There is a big difference between the two. Trusts are complex, you would need an Elder Law Attorney to walk you through it.
When I had an Elder Law Attorney prepare a Revocable Trust Agreement for me, plus other legal documents such as a Living Will, Power of Attorney, yada, yada, yada, it came in a 3-ring binder it was that many pages long.
Did you ever find out Mom's final wishes regarding her funeral? Such items are mentioned in a Trust. I remember when I asked Dad where does he and my Mom want to be buried, he said Iowa... oh great, thanks for narrowing that down :P I finally found the answer in his Trust.
Don't worry about reading over your Mom's Will. Boy I was glad I read my parents. Turned out it was older than dirt and half the people mentioned in it had died many years ago. The word "heirs" was mention but was that immediate heirs or a whole family tree load of heirs?
When was the Will dated? If a few years ago, maybe it is time for your Mom to have the Will updated as long as Mom is still sharp. Make her an appointment with an Elder Law Attorney and make sure she give him/her the old Will to read over. If she bulks at going, tell her State laws change over the years. I told my Dad that the State would get half of his estate if he didn't update it, that makes Dad's ears stand to attention.
For me, it is not about the money rather how it shows how she feels about me.
I sympathize and wish you the best in navigating through these feelings.
Hey, even if you did...I am sure that 1996... 21 years is LONG past the status of limitations on that.
That is a truely bizarre trust. Is that filed properly? Had to imagine any lawyer getting involved in that nonsense.
Because this sounds to me like serious time slippage - like she's lost track of what was going on when with whom and has just been stabbing at it.
Also... trusts I don't know about, more than vaguely. But I am pret-ty certain that a will cannot demand a payment from someone. Not even a repayment. Ha! A minus bequest. That's a good one!
It's true that debts do become repayable on the decease of the creditor. But that doesn't go in the will - that would be on the loan agreement that you and she jointly signed. Or not. As the case may be..?
Most of the time there are hurt feelings at the death of a parent over property issues. At least, you can adjust and get it over now, so you won't be in for some big shocker when the time comes. I can't imagine your brother's reaction.
Of course, you can always see an attorney about having it overturned due to some technicality. And yes, get a legal opinion to see if what she's trying to do is legal. Did an attorney prepare it?
Don't get me started on how the inheritance will go with my family. Some siblings already received a considerable amount already, but, they are still set to receive their equal share along with me, despite that. Not fair, but, I guess, I'll have to wait on my jewels to come in heaven. lol Go figure.