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Lea, holding you in my thoughts and prayers. At 3 am or any am/pm you feel lonely and scared, write to us here if you can and in your FB support group too, as someone is bound to be awake at the time to keep you company, give you support, and virtual (((hugs))).

What you wrote about Fat and Slim chances leaving was really funny. It made me laugh. Some doctors can be so arrogant, their egos so big they can barely see anything else. That's when you have to give them a jolt and remind them that they are dealing with a person with dignity and name, and not an object with a room number attached.
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My bookmark. Just checking in. ((HUGS))💞
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Oh Lea I am so sorry about your recent problems on top of other problems and to witness the sad plight of the young girl in what I guess you said is your group. You are so strong. It is always evident in your messages to so many myself included.

I came across this scripture. It was Christ speaking. "I came that they might have life, and might have it abundantly" (that it.might be full and meaningful). It is from John 10:10.

Stay strong. We all need you so.
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LL, to clarify your statement that the room was "upside down"... is this different than spinning? I ask because this is something called Reversal of Vision Metamorphopsia. My 103-yr Aunt woke up with this when she had a systemic infection from a cat bite. The floor was the ceiling and the ceiling was the floor. 180 degree reversal. It is transient (temporary) but could be a sign of something else going on in your body... as if you need another circus act going on in there! If this is what you are experiencing, make sure you describe it to your doctor, that it is not "spinney" vertigo but something different (or it's in addition to the vertigo that was already present).

I'm happy to continue posting scripture, I just wanted to make sure you want me to keep posting it xoxo
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Scripture du jour:

"But He knows the way that I take;
    when He has tested me, I will come forth as gold."

- Job 23:10

From a commentary:

"Job challenged God’s justice, and God responded that Job doesn’t have sufficient knowledge about our complex universe to make such a claim. Job demanded a full explanation from God, and what God asks Job for is trust in his wisdom and character. "

source: https://bibleproject.com/blog/gods-gives-job-tour-wise-world

LL, keep on trusting Him and come out golden!
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Lea, I was up at 3am last nite - so you could have communicated with me! Ever since my having Covid, my sleep patterns are skewed - I'll just fall asleep watching TV really early around 8ish...and will then wake up around 2am wide awake - and of course, thinking of things to worry about - and at that hour, everything feels tougher. So, I found an "Everyone Loves Raymond" marathon on TV and tried to just focus on that for an hour before attempting to go back to sleep.

I remain having very positive thoughts for you and your outcome....and I'm wishing you easier days..lots of comfort..continued strength..and always love.

by the way, what a gorgeous couple you and Chuck make - your picture is fantastic. And now we all know that what comes along with your fabulous personality and great wit and brilliance also is combined with your beauty - inside and out!!
Wishing you a peaceful weekend.
XO
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Lealonnie, others are sending Biblical quotes, so I'll post something different. This is from Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius (161-180 AD), a Stoic whose writings sometimes sustain me:

"Forget everything else. Keep hold of this alone and remember it: Each one of us lives only now, this brief instant. The rest has been lived already, or is impossible to see."

Sending hugs, too.
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Continuing my prayers for you and your loved ones. I hope you feel better soon.
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Holding you up in prayer.

I don’t know if this will help or not, but if they haven’t mentioned it… if they are giving you cortisol, it can really mess with your head/mood/cause anger, etc. Just in case the flying brick burritos that Alva and I are going to stack next to your bed don’t feel like enough ammunition, lol.

You are in such a hard spot. The trade off of treatment seems like such a crapshoot. It’s weird, the thought of the actual moment of death seems easier to deal with sometimes than all of the potential crap/pain/debilitation leading up to that moment.

Thinking all of this through and the constant pivoting with new problems has got to be beyond exhausting. Hugs.
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And…

I just realized that Alva is probably confused now. Last night, when I checked in, I was going to post a whole silly note in which Alva and I would storm your room and pile an arsenal of the brick burritos by your bed so you could throw them at anyone who pissed you off, lol.

I never wrote the post. 🤪
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Hope, only one dose of cortisol was given to me and my levels have normalized TG. If I had to tolerate cortisol on TOP of the rest of it all, I'd be the first one throwing burrito bricks 🤣😃 Thanks for saying something SO sweet again it made me cry. In a good way.

Fawnby, love the Marcus Aurelius quote!

Geaton idk wth that upside down feeling was but I pray to never feel it again. My vertigo is dizziness with a feeling like my head is swimming which intensifies when I turn my head or look down.

RD and HHF, thanks for your kind words.

Today I had another milder version of the shivering w subsequent fever episodes, this time at 2pm 🙄 In the grand scheme of things, a great day 😁
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Lea: Vertigo is no fun for sure. Prayers and virtual hugs sent.
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Lea,

Hoping that you will be able to get some rest tonight. Sending lots of love and many hugs your way.
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Scripture du jour:

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God."

- 2 Corinthians 1:3

LL, as we struggle to comfort and support you, you are the comforter and supporter of many. May your day be blessed!
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I read this scripture this morning during my devotion time and couldn't help but think of you.
"O God, be not far from me! O my God, make haste to help me!" Psalm 71:12 KJV
That is my prayer for you this morning that God will make His presence known to you in a mighty way and that He will help you through whatever the day brings.
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Lea, I am glad these numbers are "normalizing". It's always good to be considered "normal". Anyone remember that silly Young Frankenstein movie, where Gene Wilder realized he got, from his assistant, a pretty faulty brain, and he tells him, "Just tell me the truth..... I won't be mad...... Are you sure the brain you got was NORMAL"; and his assistant tells him "Absolutely sure. Normal. Abby Normal was the name on the jar".
I have considered myself Abby Normal ever since.

I awakened to our site's new Mascot, the "Whoops Kitten" who has shut down any feed and private messages. It's almost a RELIEF, ha ha. Nothing left but our OPs, and you, Lea. If you should EVER need to private message I believe you have my private email for years now, but you can always get me through JoAnn if you need to.
Otherwise I don't do discussions anymore other than this thread, which I have come to love.

HopeFloats, I go to bed too early to get confused at night, but love your burritos story. I personally was thinking of bringing in the chain saw! Good for so many things other than burritos.

Lea, I now leave computer on later so I can check on you twice a day. I hope this day is better, and I hope these are side effects of that tough-to-take treatment, and that they continue to abate. I know we ALL carry you with us ALL THE TIME, every day, as we go about our days. YOU, my love, are my daily meditation.
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LL, it's so amazing that you changed your profile pic, to what (I assume) is you and Chuck... because I was thinking just yesterday that it'd be cool to see the "real" you. Nice pic! Now you are also a mind-reader! scary...
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Praying today has been a better day. Such a beautiful picture of the two of you. It’s very apparent how much the two of you love each other.
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I had vertigo once. I was in NC on my GFs farm. They had a pecan grove. She gave me a bag as big as a white med trashcan bag and said "fill it". Now, they had these little cages at the end of a pole for picking them up but it was hard to use in the sand. So I bent over to pick them up. Next morning I woke up with the room spinning and nothing I did stopped it. We were going home that day and I got in the car, put my seat almost flat and we drove straight home, only stopping for gas. Seven hours. It took till the rest of the day and into the next for it to stop. I hope it never happens again. I so feel for you.

Well, we picked up our taxes today and...we owe the IRS $23. I would think under a hundred they would forget it. My daughter owes $4. 😆

Again, just checking in. Have a good night.
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I'm still lingering in the hospital bc my lungs are getting worse daily. The doc heard it on her stethoscope this morning and I'm short of breath and coughing up phlegm. 😑 God give me strength. Some cough meds and an xray were done, outcome unknown. May be fluid I'm retaining from that calcium overload they were trying to flush out of me. I do have some neuropathy in my arms to fingertips that feels like a shock running quickly thru. Very weird. Feet till too swollen to determine if they're tingly too. Can we all pray for NO MORE SIDE EFFECTS AND NO MORE WHACK-A-MOLE FINDINGS FROM ALL THESE BLOOD TESTS?

Thank you.

Other than that, (don't say it Alva) I'm feeling pretty ok w no fevers and the vertigo is more stable w the regularly scheduled meclizine. Walked quite a ways w the super PT I had today who gave me tips on what to do at home to get rid of it. Epley maneuver a no go bc of tumors in my neck, the doc won't risk the PT turning my head quickly and forcefully to one side. She must've said "this wreck of a woman can't go an hour w/o an issue, the Epley maneuver will probably break her neck"....sigh. 🙄

A bad friend came by last night, said the yellow gown is NOT MY COLOR, then proceeded to show me her lumpectomy scar to say what GREAT tits she has. I wanted to say yes, the doctor doing the breast lift was excellent. 68 yrs old and no need for a bra.....who are you kidding Becky? 😂 She then took a 25 min phone call while sitting bedside, lost the call and called BACK ! Then it was late and she had to leave, praise the lord. Who does things like this????

Today a good friend came by and there was no flashing of boobage for oooohs and ahs, just 2 hrs of great laughs and serious conversation. Her 16 yo son tried to overdose on Tylenol and was throwing up blood, but he's ok TG. Turns out 2 of his teachers are singling him out to bully, which was brought to her attention by the Spanish teacher! How on earth is such a thing handled? Our society is continuing to crumble before our eyes which greatly saddens me.

HHF, ty! Geaton yes, that is Chuck and I, he wearing his Scottish Douglass clan kilt, in the mountains of Colo at my son's wedding a few years ago. My favorite picture of all time.

Alva my profile has been working all along w no restrictions. I can't seem to get ahead of all these side effects. When I quit talking or typing, it's really making me depressed. My ex got thru 12 rounds of chemo and a year of maintenance chemo with no cancer pain and no trips to the hospital at all. He's left with some neuropathy in his feet after 7 years.
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Praying for those lungs to improve tonight, Lea. May our Lord bless you with good visitors, good rest, good food (you must miss those gourmet meals at home), and good test results.
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Bandy, ty for such a heartfelt post. I feel kind of raw these days, tbh. All of this has been such a whirlwind since mid January. It feel like I must be in a bad movie or something where one day I'll wake up and have choices again over my life. Those were stripped away when I had to agree to immunotherapy immediately if I wanted a chance to live. Now w no choice over the side effects, sitting in the hospital w DD asking the doc if an echo cardiogram is warranted to look for CHF.

Tonight I'll just eat my chicken Ceasar salad and watch schlock tv to stay distracted. Along w a Tiramisu because hey, life is short. I may just eat the dessert first.
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“Who does things like this???”

Well, LOL 🤣! Your bad friend story beats mine, but mine’s close.

I’d made a dear new friend some years ago, let’s call her “Linda.” (We’re still dear friends.) She invited me to go somewhere one afternoon with her and her other friend “Tracy.” When Linda dropped me off at my house afterward, I invited them in and we sat down in the living room to chat. Whereupon Tracy started talking about her mastectomy and how the doctor had botched the scar. She then proceeded to take off her blouse and bra to show us, complete with detailed description of surgery and complications.

Finally she put her clothes back on, and Linda and I tried to steer the conversation back to normal. But then Tracy started telling me that my furniture placement was all wrong and got up and started walking around to view it better.

That’s when Linda said she needed to get home and began guiding Tracy toward the door.

Afterward Linda called and apologized, saying that Tracy had become a little strange lately.

Tracy didn’t get a chance to become my bad friend, and I didn’t change the furniture, either! 😀

Lealonnie, I hope you get a good rest tonight!
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Behahaha! The Bad friend! Sorry she was so weird and awful, but she sure did make for a funny story!

I’m praying for you tonight. That those dang flood waters would pretty please recede already! Especially the ones in your lungs! Lord, please make it so!

You are treasured here!
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Oh, wow, Lea. With all the side effects and all the EVERYthing, the woman with the boobs is simply too much icing on a very bad cake. Thank heaven there is tiramisu!
I can't believe it. YOU are so much sweeter than I am (or you simply don't have the strength to deal with her right now, because I know you CAN crack a strong whip) but I couldn't tolerate her. I would be there with "You ARE kidding me, RIGHT?? You are KIDDING me, right?"

You just want to say to her "so I guess this being about me right now is too much. How about we make it about YOU. Show me your breasts!"

Even with all the side effects you are up walking with PT. Afraid I agree about no sudden movements of the neck (or anything ELSE right now).
So, they did xray. Assuming if you had a pneumonia type thing, a pneumonitis, from too much forced bedrest, that would have shown up. I think DD has a right idea with the echo, because wondering if these so toxic meds are creating some cardiac side effects.

I can well imagine that once the distractions are away it is tough. Once folks go home and there's nothing to divert from all the "stuff". And from the pain. I am very glad of the tiramisu. I hope there's good stuff on TV. Then take the heavy duty meds and get some rest.
My love to you woman. Gather strength and sleep well. And yeah, I will pray those side effects go away. Someone asked me (someone kind and dear) that if I as an atheist say a prayer, who do I pray to. Well, to Lea's god of course! Who else?
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Lea, I had a mental picture of a wagon filled with heavy lumber which represented the unpleasant side effects. Then half of the lumber just fell off the wagon making much lighter and bearable. I pray this will come true for you.
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Oh man… whipping out boobage for the friend fighting for her life in a hospital bed. I just keep going back and forth between laughing and all kinds of swearing.

She is a 10 burrito brick idiot, for sure.

Praying that your lungs clear and for lots of light distractions right now.
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Xray shows no sign of pneumonia, thank God. Breathing MUCH easier tonight due to rescue inhaler x2, Tessalon Pearls and Robitussin x2. Coughed up a lot of gunk. We'll see what doc says tomorrow. Fluid issue has to be addressed now too.

Doc insists Ativan helps a LOT w vertigo, so I said a quick prayer and took one 1 hr ago. I feel nicely relaxed right now. I had what I thought was a bad reaction to that drug not long ago......but it could easily have been something else at play. Gotta try bc tbh, this vertigo SUCKS EGGS AND SO DOES USING A WALKER.

Alva, you pray to a higher power, as explained to AA members who are atheists. We all know there is a power greater than ourselves out there, whatever it may be, that we are but small beings in a tremendous galaxy. Many atheists began praying to nature, or a tree,and wound up finding recovery thru open mindedness. I know more than a few who were able TO find their Higher Power thru need and willingness to recover.

I'm not sweet at all and I was ready to kick that woman's fat ass out the door. Her surgically altered "tits" are nice enough, i suppose, but her ass looks like the broad side of a barn 🤣 She CALLED me tonight and I swiped right SO FAST! Call went to vm, I listened to it, she was calling to check in. Dense! 😂😁 My phone will be out of order for the next few months!

PB, love the vision and will share it with you.

Hope, since it made for a good story I guess it was worth suffering thru her nonsense.

Colleen, I'm looking forward to that window serenade...I haven't forgotten. You can sing me Benny & the Jets 😁😎

Oh the Tiramisu was a TRAVESTY and a sick joke, as I'd expected. A piece of yellow cake in the bottom of a cupcake cup, with whipped cream on top!!! My relatives are all rolling in their graves right now!😀😁😂🤣

Overall the food here is pretty good. The starter shrimp cocktail I thought OH YEAH RIGHT, which turns out to be 3 extra large boiled fresh shrimp on a bed of lettuce w lemon wedge and cocktail sauce. Perfection. So I order one w a chef or Ceasar chicken salad and it's great. Chicken quesadilla is exceptional too. I can even order Sobe Life waters. And all for the bargain price of $4k a night or whatever! Deal.

Fawnby, it always amazes me when people want to show their scars or believe we want them to do their version of feng shui in OUR HOMES😑 However, Chuck wants eeverrybody to see his awesome Mercedes scar AND the hideous photos of his before and after liver. 😨. The new liver photo is of the surgeon holding chucks belly open, wearing a blue glove, right after it was plunked down. The old photo is of an overcooked and shriveled piece of meat 🙄. He has a very large and LOUD personality and people love him for it. As in wearing a kilt to a wedding which I had to put my foot down on in the case of OURS. Down boy! Ha. A little Chuck goes a looong way. I've seen him pull out those photos on his phone to show women and they look mortified and run off. Can't take cues that only women in the medical field will appreciate such a thing? Shock factor means a better laugh for him.
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I am picturing the ocean. Each wave gently rolling in has clean clear water - each wave rolling out takes away any un-clean water, particles, gunk. These get sent far out to sea.

New crystal clear health coming in & up - sickness going down & out.

My thoughts of waves of health are being sent to you Lea.
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Lea, my hubs had his gall bladder removed a few years ago and I was mortified when the handyman came over and he pulled up his shirt to show him the aftermath. Ye Gads!

I was doing my Bible reading just now and you came to mind. It was about how David played his lyre to calm Saul. David would take up his lyre and play. Then relief would come to Saul. 1 Samuel 16:14-23

Is there some soothing music you could listen to that would lend you some relief? I hope so.

Still praying for you always.
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