First, the good news: Chuck is doing very well with his liver transplant. April 29 will mark the one year anniversary of his transplant at the Mayo Clinic. He's showing no signs of rejection, is off 80% of his medications, and his follow up tests and visits show him to be a super star. He's back to photographing birds every morning with my son, even in minus 5 degree weather, so that pretty much says it all. My avatar pics are of his birds.
Now for the bad news: I've mentioned before having a surface melanoma on my arm removed in October of 2021. An "in situ" mole of no consequence where all the melanoma 'was removed successfully'. This was a result of having a dozen beauty marks on both arms blow up like balloons after the 2nd Covid shot, grow scabs on them, and when the scab fell off, the beauty mark disappeared entirely. Except for the one. And all of it was not successfully removed after all, as a few cells must've escaped into my body and caused metastatic stage 4 cancer in my lymph nodes, liver, and bones. I went to the ER 3 weeks ago for excruciating pain in my left side where a CT scan with contrast was ordered. The cancer was discovered at that time, and I've spent the last 2 weeks in testing. The cancer is not in my brain, thank God.
The Oncologist told me there is immunotherapy available now for malignant melanoma. 2 types at once, administered via IV (no port) every 3 weeks x4. That's the goal. To turn on my immune system to kill off this cancer. 50% of immunotherapy patients are alive 2 years later. Idk what the percentage is at the 5 year mark. I've avoided doing research bc I'm overwhelmed enough already.
I'm having tremendous pain in my spine, ribs and liver, where the cancer is the worst. The Oncologist gave me some heavy duty pain meds and told me to wait it out until the IV starts kicking in to relieve my pain. He said I would live less than 2 months without treatment so my first treatment is tomorrow morning. The side effects can be gnarly and these infusions WILL kick my butt, he said. I'm ready, I think. Ain't no beauty mark gonna take ME down at 65! 😑
I'm useless at home, so Chuck is doing everything. Laundry, cooking, grocery shopping, driving to appointments. I have a housekeeper coming in to do the heavy cleaning and my stepson and his wife are cooking 7 dinners for us and bringing them by on Saturday. I have to make sure HE'S not overworked during this treatment process to where he gets sick. He's already overcome with worry and shock over all this as it is. I'll ask my stepson to repeat that meal making plan, too...they want to help & we need help.
We've had a lot to deal with the past year, and now my issues, which were there all along, just not apparent until recently. We wouldn't have been able to handle TWO of us sick at once anyway, so this is how it had to play out, I suppose.
The one bright spot I hold onto here is the dime I found on the floor of the ER room I'd been in ALL DAY where there was no dime on the floor. And when the gal was wheeling me back into the room from the CT scan, there it was. I kicked it across the floor to Chuck and he said, "what's that?" I said, "it's a dime from dad, telling me everything will be alright." He was speechless. Dad used to send me dimes all the time after he died in 2015, but stopped the past few years. I have a whole piggy bank full of them.
We can use all the prayers we can get right now, friends. I believe in prayers, in miracles and in signs from our deceased loved ones that they are with us in tough times. If you do too, please send up some prayers for Chuck and I right now.
Many thanks.
I've never heard of chicken cacciatore in the oven. God knows WHAT his mom and grandma made in the oven, but it wasn't cacciatore! Lol. Your dh is a real pip. I'm hoping your Christmas festivities aren't a real nightmare.....maybe you can put dh downstairs with Basement Son and they can watch tv all day? 😁
So if basement-son wound up having a baby with jersey-girl, maybe he'll move OUT of your basement and IN with the gf to take on his responsibility as a new father! At 42, it's time, right?
Im glad your DD reached out to you and has gotten help for herself, thank God. I hope the visit is lovely and she can avoid her dad as much as possible. Fingers crossed for a beautiful holiday for you.
Ty, struffoli are always great at Christmas and better to wait on line than make them 😣
Hugs to you Llama
Lea, your Christmas plans sound lovely. My husband recently accused me of never making chicken cacciatori for him even though I made it many times -- in the crockpot. He said that his grandma and mom made it on the stovetop and in the oven and if I didn't do that work, then it wasn't chicken cacciatori.
My Christmas plans: I've baked lots of cookies this year to give away but we still have plenty left. (I have gained ten pounds since Christmas, let's not talk about that!) Fortunately there will be football on TV Christmas Day to give my husband something to do. The 42yo-basement-son will pass through for coffee and probably mumble Merry Christmas. The son that lives thirty minutes away said he will try to stop by with his wife and two kids. On the 26th, one of our KY daughters is coming with her four kids (the other KY daughter will not be here, they visited in November because they knew they might not make it in December). The one that is coming cut off all communication and relationship after last Christmas. She reached out to me last month and said she was sorry, she's been through counseling and is on meds now, she misses me, and hopes that we can be close again. She also asked me to not have any expectations of relationship with her father, that she is still angry at him for all he stole (figurative) from our family. I understand. He doesn't, because in his mind, any wrong he did has been forgiven by God, and that everyone else has to come to him and beg for HIS forgiveness for their reactions to the revelation of the things he did. I expect this to be a very tearful visit. On the 27th, everyone (including our basement-son's son in WV) will be here for a family gathering.
I have a very bad feeling about this day. I think basement-son is going to spring something on us (if he doesn't beforehand). I already have a niggle in my heart about what it is. Should I tell you here? Then it is in writing and I can come back and say whether I was right or wrong. He took up with a woman in NJ about this time last year, spending weeks at a time with her. Then suddenly in late spring, he wanted nothing to do with her. Now, for the last two months, he's been visiting her again. I think she's had a baby and he's the father. There, I said it.
It is so sad . What were our mothers thinking ? Did they think that they were going to get their kids to be more successful by making them compete against each other ? Idk , but over the years when some of us were only doing partial contact and some did not come to holidays on and off , my mother would have her crying fits over how she has “rotten kids “ and why did she bother having kids if this is how her family was going to turn out .
Mom created the messy drama , but maintained being the victim!
2 of my sisters have green eyes like my mother , my other sister has blue . I have sh*t brown eyes like my father . I often wonder if that’s how I got to be the chosen slave .
My daughter has my mother’s green eyes only even a nicer cat eye shape . My mother used to tell me that my daughter looked more like her daughter than mine !!! She actually was right .
My mother was a very pretty woman . Prettier than any of her daughters .
Hothouse, how terribly sad about your twin sisters and that they no longer speak. Shame on your mother for sowing such discord between you. Comparing siblings is the worst thing a parent can do bc someone always comes up short.
Nothing like a year of illness to really soul search and figure out what's important in life, huh? My white eyelashes and eyebrows are much cause for pity among people I run into. I want to burst out laughing, to tell you the truth. After the sh*t I've been through the past year, that is the least of my concerns! Whether I'll be able to walk today is. Whether my legs will give out due to back issues is. Or if the back brace will help me stand upright longer w/o as much pain. And what about my pet scan on the 9th and the new lump I found, is it a tumor? Yeah, my white facial hair is a joke although I'm sure mom wouldn't think so. I hope this new year brings us peace within OURSELVES to BE ourselves with no apologies. Amen.
I have one brother and 3 sisters.
My mother called me “ her plain Jane daughter “. I was also called Cinderella at times . My mother was also all about appearances . My mother was constantly redecorating . My mother thought my home was too plain as well . I’m not big on a lot of Knick knacks , nor did I hang enough things on the wall in her opinion .
She once introduced me to her new neighbor as “ This is my daughter with the bare boards house .”
I've done a whole lot of soul searching in 2023. I've been sick with one thing or another the whole year almost. My foot, then a kidney infection, then covid. I realize now what's important. I always knew instinctively but there's nothing like being ill to force you to really look at yourself and others. I know you know this in spades Lea so I'm not preaching to the choir here.
I always cared too much about my appearance and I think it was due to my childhood too. Now that I'm 62 and things are starting to go south it's almost refreshing to say hell it, I'm not how I look. I never was but am just beginning to recognize it.
After this nightmare with our parents is over don’t think any of us will be keeping in touch. We’ve moved on.
This is ONE reason out of 1000 I always felt under extreme pressure during family functions, and hated them. And knowing no matter how good I looked, it wasn't quite good enough or thin enough for my mother.
🙄 I'm truly glad I no longer feel compelled to clean like a maniac or dress up and do my hair and face like a glamour queen or "hold my stomach in" as I was taught since 5 years old. Those days are over and now what you see is what you get. I'm just grateful to have made it to SEE Christmas this year!
Mine was due to my mother pitting one child against the other . And some of my siblings are very competitive as well , comparing our children etc. I would never play those games. I never cared what they did . It bothered them that I did not envy them .
I guess it is pretty common for some competitiveness in families. I don’t get it really . I don’t see the point in trying to put another person down. I don’t understand why that makes them feel better .
Your family sounds like mine . I don’t do holidays with 3 out of 4 siblings . We for the most part went our seperate ways since my parents both died .
Anyway , I resorted to playing the wall flower most of the time , or busied myself in the kitchen if the holidays were at my house, which was most of the time ( to please my mother ).
Just saying............
Honestly though, I've always felt like my family don't talk to each other. More like at each other. Like I said, it's been a few years now. We're all getting older. My glam sister is getting long in the tooth, as am I. Maybe she's mellowed. I'll try to go into the evening not expecting the worst but I won't hope for the best either cause that's where I always get myself into trouble, and end up depressed for days afterward.
Watch and learn. I'll think of you Barb while I'm doing so. :)
Gershun, this is your family that makes fun of your being "sensitive"?
Can you go and pretend you're "an anthropologist on Mars"? (That's a quote from an Oliver Sacks piece on Temple Grandin)
Don't engage; watch, take in their behavior towards each other and you. You might get some insight.
enjoy your Christmas Lea!!
Our son and his wife and DD and her fiance are coming with cat and dog in tow .
Turkey and trimmings since we weren’t altogether Thanksgiving this year .
This has been a long standing thing. Since childhood actually. I never put two and two together until I became an adult. I always thought it was my own insecurities at play and there is that. But since I don't feel this way around everybody then there is that too.
Not to go on too much but I've always thought my family were mean spirited. I always feel scrutinized around them. Never a pleasant feeling. I plan on dressing casual, minimal makeup and they can accept me as I am. In the past I always panicked cause my sis is really high on appearances. But I'd rather err on the side of looking neat and clean. Not looking like I don't give a sh*t but also not looking like I care too much. Ya know what I mean.
If you go to Christmas and feel upset at all, put Plan B into action and vamoose OUT of there with a headache or the symptom nobody ever wants details on: diarrhea 🤣😂😁
Thank you NHWM and cwillie 😍
We are going to sis's this year for Christmas. It will be first time getting together with fam since before covid. My family brings up a lot of bad feelings for me so I am approaching this with great trepidation. I'm only going cause I think it's the right thing to do. Facing my fears and all that psycho babble. I hope I'm not making a mistake. We shall see.
I've always wondered when I feel a certain kind of way around certain people is it their fault or weakness on my part? A bit of both I'd wager. Anyway............
Happy for you Lea!
We're having my DD and her fiance over on Sunday for Fra Diavolo (shellfish with spaghetti in spicy spaghetti sauce). Then the family on Christmas Day afternoon for chicken cacciatore in the crockpot I can throw together easy peasy. All the decorations are up and now the gifts need wrapping.
What's everyone's plans for the holidays?