Many people come to this forum when they are desperately in need of help. It would be wonderful if people could prepare for caring for the elderly and would avoid most of the confusion and frustration that most people feel when they are overwhelmed by caregiving.
There are tons of books on self help, relationships, parenting, etc. There aren’t nearly as many books on preparing for how to plan out caring for the elderly. Would the public read books on aging? I don’t know if I would have earlier in my life so I would have been better prepared for caregiving. Wouldn’t it be nice if adult children knew that facility care is necessary for many of our elders?
Some are speaking out. Rob Lowe spoke about caring for his mom with cancer. I was surprised to see a float dedicated to caregivers at the Rose Parade. But for the most part, it isn’t a topic that is addressed on a regular basis.
Do we not want to know about the elderly when we are younger because it reminds us of our own mortality and is depressing?
What about the single person who has no spouse or children, is there anything to help them prepare for growing old alone? I feel for them.
Does anyone have any thoughts or suggestions on this? I think about it from time to time and wish that somehow more people would speak about what is involved in caregiving to the elderly.
So many people are living very long lives. My mom lived until the age of 95. I cared for her for 15 years in my home. My husband’s great grandmother lived to be just shy of 102!
Look at how many independent living, assisted living/memory care facilities and nursing homes are in our world today. It seems like there should be more education than there is on aging, or in particular, ‘caregiving’ for the elderly.
So, I just googled ‘caring for the elderly’ and it’s interesting what popped up. Still, I wonder if we should be prepared sooner in life. I have already told my children that I do not wish to burden them with caring for me. Some children are taught from young that they are responsible for their parents. How sad!
You are a kind person to act in such a responsible way. I wonder if people avoid planning for their future because it’s too disturbing for them to think about their own mortality.
Thanks for the info on the PBS documentary. I plan on looking at it.
Everyone thinks their parents are going to age gracefully and not require real care.
No one thinks dementia, incontinence-whatever the issue will happen. Even the oldies themselves think nothing will happen or that family will be waiting and eager to step up and lend a hand. I thought my sibling would be around to help.
No one wants to come to terms that they might spend their retirement years caregiving. If I had really understood what POA meant I wouldn't sign the dotted line today. Also there seems be to a lot of not so great parents out there who think that even though they failed in their duties and responsibilities of parenthood they are entitled to everything from their kids.
Any attempt I make at trying to answer this question right now will turn into the ravings of a mad woman because things have gone from bad to worse to unimaginable here with my mother, but one thing I would tell them is that no matter what they promised, no matte how much they meant it at the time, the day will come when they may have to break that promise. Nursing homes are filled with people whose children had to break that very same "never" promise. We make it without understanding what it means, and for the most part, they don't understand what they are asking for either.
I guess a good answer for the question you asked would be to google "caregiver stress" and also to find and take whatever help they can get.
I'm new here. This is my first comment. This site is part of the reason I am not dead or in jail.
crazyincaroline - you made me laugh. 🤣🤣🤣
Hahaha, I don’t think that you are crazy! In fact, I think your feelings are completely normal.
Not only that, you’re absolutely correct! Things can change in a heartbeat when it comes to caregiving. We should know that the situation always gets more difficult, never easier.
Wishing you peace during this difficult time in your life.