I'm not sure why but my mother goes from extremely hot to freezing in a matter of moments. So she'll call me to either come turn the ceiling fan on or off depending.
"I can't imagine how I can be about to smother half to death one minute and then absolutely freezing the next," she says at least seven times a day. Ack.
Here are my responses, depending on my mood:
a. No, you have to do each week.
b. Yes! Just suck it up and get through today.
c. We can talk about it with the doctor
In the end, he always remembers he has to keep going, so why does he ask so often?
This was a code that may mean she needed repositioning, but it also sometimes just meant she needed something else she couldn't articulate - most of the gals at the nursing home never did figure that out. Writing about it still makes me shudder.
Repeat at least 10 x each hour.
Then I say, please wear your hearing aid in. Then she finally does!
"People are always telling me I'm so well put together all the time" Ok, you go out twice a week and own more clothes than God, yet you're walking around here in a sleeveless 20 year old housedress and dragging your full catheter bag behind you.
"My doctor says all my numbers are great, I'll probably live 10 more years"
Have you heard from [brother]?
People are horrible.
I thought you'd be cross with me [excuse for not using her call button]
- and thinking I wouldn't mind hearing any of them again, now. Don't it always seem to go...
and;
”I have a TERRIBLE headache.” as she was smiling while eating a chocolate chip cookie.
Both these statements were said multiple times per day (30+) for over 5 years. 😱
What you need to do...
What you aught to do...
What you should be doing...
Ad nauseam, about everything. From the comfort of his know it all chair. Right down to how I should run the vacuum, never saw him touch one in all my life. Ugh!
https://www.agingcare.com/local/in-home-care/amarillo-tx
Speaking of food. If my mom gets constipated she will say, “Don’t give me any more cheese! I can’t use the bathroom!” Or if she gets diarrhea she will say, “Oh, no more fruit and vegetables because I had the runs!” Oh gosh, it’s always my fault because of what I feed her. Geeeez! Sometimes I want to tell her to cook herself. I know that she can’t. She’s 93! But I feel like telling her that. Haha.
“ my fingers are numb “ a hundred times a day
“ my nose is as cold as a witches titty “
“This room has everything but a Harley and a VCR and I don’t need those “
i wont put you through her one big fishing story but we hear it multiple times .
“ if you want to catch a fish you got to think like a fish “
about her dog - “ she never eats or she eats like a bird or I don’t have anything to feed her “ all day long
“ I hate this hole, guess I’ll just die here”
“ you ought to be ashamed of yourself for putting your mother in this dungeon “
” it’s ok , for a prison “
for the longest time she wanted to put her cold hands up my shirt no matter where we are - store , car ect
I could go on and on .....
and for the record before anyone comes back with how ideally I should be reacting - I let her speak , I
never tell her she just said that or keep your hands off me . I spend time with her and take her places and try to distract her and get her mind off her negativity when I’m with her . She’s at a great AL close to me and when I’m not around she has a great time playing corn hole , outings and sitting with her friends there and no offense to any witches with cold titties !
before the AL I was losing my mind and my patience with her . Now I can relax with her and actually kind of enjoy spending time with her even through her negativity with me . I’ve even taken her on a short overnight trip and survived !
She's got a few more, I just (blessedly) can't remember them this morning ;) There's one I always threaten to put on her tombstone she says it so much, lol.
She also talks about the devil a lot - "That old Devil is my best friend, he's going to come take me" I shake my head and think to myself, "Honey, if I were as close to the end as you, I would SO not be joking about the devil!!"
Another favorite, when you catch her not wearing her alert pendant (ALL the time!) she tells you "Oh I don't need that, I'm not going to fall" - um, sure. I don't think she has ever had it on when she fell *sigh*.
My all time favorite though "I don't need hearing aids" -- the woman has been hard of hearing since I came on the scene, dating her son, 32 years ago!!
"Did you start your diet yet?"
That's what she says when I go to visit and sit down to talk with her ---- she looks me up and down and asked me about dieting, and, yes, I have gained weight, but it's hurtful to be asked.
"I'm so sick, sicker than I've ever been before. Come immediately and hold my hand. Nobody is helping me. You're my daughter. I need you. Now."
[she is not dying, and she calls and says this 3-4 times a week, always between 9 and 11:30 am, and she is always better a few hours later, and the nurses all tell me that they will let me know asap if she is in medical distress, and I live 45 minutes away ---- yes, I know, don't answer the phone.....but just answering the question from the OP:)]
Thanks for the giggle!
That is hysterical!