What "running away from home" taught me. A burned-out caregivers journey.

I posted back in 2014 about the dilemma and struggles that happen when your siblings wont help and think that you living in a 10x10 bedroom and caring for an aging parent is "the good life." My sister went to Cancun and spent summers at the lake while I kept her mom alive. The first thing that happens is your friends drift away because you cannot go with them... anywhere. Then your siblings want to make accusations that you are not doing it right but they will never lift a finger to help. After 12 years of taking care of mom, last September, I had finally had it. I had read about a wonderful place in Mexico where lots of Americans retire on just their SS check. I planned a 9 day vacation, paid all of my flights on SW to Mexico, booked my airbnb and told my sisters that I was going on vacation. The first thing they did was laugh at me. They said "And who do you think is going to go with you, you have no friends?" Answer. "I am going all by myself and I have already made friends on FB groups in that town, as a matter of fact I am having lunch the 2nd day with 30 other women my age" They did not believe me but I was... and I DID. Next they said "okay who is gonna watch mom" I said "you are both able to care for her". One is single and has a 2 bedroom place, doesn't work or could move in here for 9 days and the other is married and has an empty 5 bedroom house and has not worked in 20 years (it's nice to have a 300K a year hubby). So I told them I am going on that plane and nothing is going to stop me. I did. Just days before my flight was to take off they both picked a fight with me and then said "we're mad at you so we are not taking care of mom and you will just have to lose all that money you paid on stupid plans" I refused to back down and said "fine I'll just stay 2 months or maybe I'll move there" and I got on that plane. The point is that there are families who pitch together and help each other and families who pile all of the responsibility on someone else and walk away until it is time to read the will. That is my family. I took 100% of the care of a mom who chainsmokes 2 packs a day, has severe crohn's and now has pulmonary cachexia. It was her lifestyle choice. In my case I had to pay to live here... (10 years worth of utlilities, all of the food costs and all of the cooking cleaning and yardwork) and care for our mom and my siblings know that but it sounds so much better to say "you got to live there for free" When I got to Ajijic, I was lucky I happened to meet another person my age who was flying to Ajijic on the exact same day AND was a caregiver to HER mother. We became each others wingman and had someone to go everywhere with. It gave me an idea. Because caregivers want to go somewhere but have no one to go with I decided that in the near future I am going to start a caregivers retreat in Mexico. I am going to host people in my home and take them to dozens of fun things to do in Ajijic. I found a wonderful village in Mexico filled with retired Americans who do something every single day and go to their casitas tired and happy every night. While I was there I went to a hot thermal spa and got a body massage ( $30 for the whole day) I learned to salsa, I sang at open mic night and butchered "Friends in low places" but no one could tell because they were all standing and singing along. I hiked a waterfall and took boatrides on the lake. Sometime the expats take over a restuarant after lunch for team trivia games or tables full of mexican train dominoes. I came home to see my daughter whom they had roped into taking my old job as house slave but for pay and now I am waiting for the borders to reopen so I can go home to Mexico. Remember that Reba McIntire song.. "Is there life out there"" Well I can tell you that THERE IS, just don't be afraid to grab or demand it. As for mom she is still hanging in there and is now 89 and still smoking.