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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Joan Collins or Dolly Parton......hmmm. Either would do. In the ten-year follow-up story, the surviving Caring Daughter, now living in a cardboard box under a bridge, will give her name as Ginderella, claiming she was driven to alcoholism by GlamGran and her sad decline only TEN FEET AWAY IN HER ONCE ADORABLE TINY HOUSE. (ADU.) And not one of her ungrateful siblings would help change GlamGran's Glittery Depends.
Fawnby , burnt . I would rather blend into the wall than be all glittery . I wouldn’t wear one of those mother of the groom glittery gowns to my son’s wedding either . I wore a nice classic navy blue long dress .
It's a matter of personal taste and age with the glittering mother of the bride or groom dresses.
If my son gets married in the next few years and he just might to his girlfriend I could very easily wear a glittering, strapless mother-of-the-groom dress. I'm still hot with a nice body. So why not? I wouldn't do it when I'm 70 or something.
@Fawnby
I was cracking up about the Caring Daughter who now lives in a cardboard box. I was more or less thinking she now lives in a giant orthopedic shoe. I hope that cardboard box at least has some glitter on it so she can be living her best life as a member of the homeless community.
Go for it ! Of course we each do what we are comfortable with . I’m sure you will look great too! I admire glitter on others , just doesn’t look right on everyone, including me. My step mother in law wore strapless all over glitter for her son’s second marriage . By then she looked ridiculous in it at her age but that’s just my opinion . I’ve also always been trying not to get noticed anyway . My DH says I’ve been” trying to go through life anonymously “ since he met me . Lol. He says it’s my moms fault . He said she made me her servant . My mother even used to call me Cinderella sometimes because it’s close to my real name . 🙄 I asked my DH where his castle is .
I totally understand what you're saying. People should always be in good taste. When something does not look good anymore that's when it's time to try a different style.
My personal taste is that I always dressed tastefully. Nothing overdone or showing too much skin. That's just not me. I was never an attention seeker myself, but attention always found me. I hear you about mothers who try to make their daughters servants. Don't I know it. My mother has been jealous of me since about the day I was born. She was always mean and cruel about it too.
I've told her many times that I can't help that I got my father's looks. That if she wanted to reduce the risk of having gorgeous kids she should have had them with a less attractive man.
There are as many reasons for this as there are different family dynamics which a caregiver (who did not grow up with that parent) has not seen. It seems very sad of course when children don't have much time for their aging parents, and as an aging parent myself I miss my own children a lot, I get sad because don't get to see them enough so I get it. I do feel fortunate that my kids are loving and doing ok, but their jobs have moved them far away, they have families of their own, in-laws, etc and I understand what all that was like when my kids were little.
However, there are a few other reasons which come to mind in answer to your question of "Why children of older adults aren't as readily available for parents":
The older adult was/is abusive emotionally or physically toward their child and the child, for their own mental health cannot be around the parent. A subset of that is the older adult who was/is narcissistic and has always expected family members to wait on them, and to maintain their own sanity the family is now not willing to do that. This sadly seems to be very common.
Another possibility (depending on the family's culture) is of an American culture which encouraged and expected independence from family members. Parents expected their 18 year old children to move out of the home, take care of themselves and not ask for any help. In the last few decades that has become more difficult and many of those children are still struggling to make it, are exhausted already so don't have much time for anyone. Not everyone is financially able and having time for others can be a luxury. I speak from personal knowledge and experience - this is the culture I was raised in.
However, adults being in the "sandwich generation" may be the most common reason: these adult children are "sandwiched" between a multitude of commitments - meeting the needs of their own children, grandchildren, work and partner and any other commitment they have. It's not that the elderly loved one is less important, it is that the adult child is juggling so much they honestly don't have time and may even be neglecting their own personal health or needs. If you add any of the other factors like abusiveness or narcissistic behavior, the adult child is even less likely to want to have time. If they had a good relationship with their parent, they may make time to see them but it will still be somewhat limited. Many adult children have to work to age 70 or beyond, are not able to retire.
In addition, some adult children (like mine) may not live nearby and may be dealing with all of the previously mentioned factors that complicate visiting with their parent.
There was local man (95 or so) that just drove off in his classic car, into thick forrest, not found for about a week. Maybe not intentional so maybe upsetting for family.. Just him & his beloved car, in a natural setting - sounded ok to me.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I'm picturing Joan Collins when I think of a GlamGram.
Both styles tacky in their own ways .
It's a matter of personal taste and age with the glittering mother of the bride or groom dresses.
If my son gets married in the next few years and he just might to his girlfriend I could very easily wear a glittering, strapless mother-of-the-groom dress. I'm still hot with a nice body. So why not?
I wouldn't do it when I'm 70 or something.
@Fawnby
I was cracking up about the Caring Daughter who now lives in a cardboard box. I was more or less thinking she now lives in a giant orthopedic shoe.
I hope that cardboard box at least has some glitter on it so she can be living her best life as a member of the homeless community.
Go for it ! Of course we each do what we are comfortable with . I’m sure you will look great too! I admire glitter on others , just doesn’t look right on everyone, including me. My step mother in law wore strapless all over glitter for her son’s second marriage . By then she looked ridiculous in it at her age but that’s just my opinion . I’ve also always been trying not to get noticed anyway . My DH says I’ve been” trying to go through life anonymously “ since he met me . Lol. He says it’s my moms fault . He said she made me her servant . My mother even used to call me Cinderella sometimes because it’s close to my real name . 🙄 I asked my DH where his castle is .
I totally understand what you're saying. People should always be in good taste. When something does not look good anymore that's when it's time to try a different style.
My personal taste is that I always dressed tastefully. Nothing overdone or showing too much skin. That's just not me. I was never an attention seeker myself, but attention always found me.
I hear you about mothers who try to make their daughters servants. Don't I know it.
My mother has been jealous of me since about the day I was born. She was always mean and cruel about it too.
I've told her many times that I can't help that I got my father's looks. That if she wanted to reduce the risk of having gorgeous kids she should have had them with a less attractive man.
However, there are a few other reasons which come to mind in answer to your question of "Why children of older adults aren't as readily available for parents":
The older adult was/is abusive emotionally or physically toward their child and the child, for their own mental health cannot be around the parent. A subset of that is the older adult who was/is narcissistic and has always expected family members to wait on them, and to maintain their own sanity the family is now not willing to do that. This sadly seems to be very common.
Another possibility (depending on the family's culture) is of an American culture which encouraged and expected independence from family members. Parents expected their 18 year old children to move out of the home, take care of themselves and not ask for any help. In the last few decades that has become more difficult and many of those children are still struggling to make it, are exhausted already so don't have much time for anyone. Not everyone is financially able and having time for others can be a luxury. I speak from personal knowledge and experience - this is the culture I was raised in.
However, adults being in the "sandwich generation" may be the most common reason: these adult children are "sandwiched" between a multitude of commitments - meeting the needs of their own children, grandchildren, work and partner and any other commitment they have. It's not that the elderly loved one is less important, it is that the adult child is juggling so much they honestly don't have time and may even be neglecting their own personal health or needs. If you add any of the other factors like abusiveness or narcissistic behavior, the adult child is even less likely to want to have time. If they had a good relationship with their parent, they may make time to see them but it will still be somewhat limited. Many adult children have to work to age 70 or beyond, are not able to retire.
In addition, some adult children (like mine) may not live nearby and may be dealing with all of the previously mentioned factors that complicate visiting with their parent.
Mountains & whiskey.. fatal allergens!
There was local man (95 or so) that just drove off in his classic car, into thick forrest, not found for about a week. Maybe not intentional so maybe upsetting for family.. Just him & his beloved car, in a natural setting - sounded ok to me.
I like the classic car story . My son loves old cars .
My DH’s grandfather , ate a big Sunday dinner , then sat down in his recliner, smoked his favorite cigar and , fell asleep and that was that .